Courage (Blackstone Book 4)

by J. L. Drake

  “Savi said she dropped Tripper off this morning. Said he missed you.” I opened my door, only to hear him mutter.

  “You mean he missed you.” I laughed, and he scowled at me. “You stole my dog, Sloane. He was a guy’s dog until you puss-a-fied him.”

  That made me laugh harder as I grabbed my bag from the back seat.

  “Don’t blame me for being the one who’s always at the house. Maybe you shouldn’t leave so much.”

  My face fell at my own comment, but right before I forced my smile back, he caught it.

  “Welcome home, John.” Kelly grabbed her son and wrapped him in a hug as she kissed his cheek. “You’re looking good.”

  “Of course I am,” he joked and reached for my hand after Kelly granted me a hug too. “Where’s Dad and Ellie?”

  “Dad’s in the field. He thought you were coming a little later on, and Ellie’s in her room. We’ll give her a bit before we tell her you’re here.”

  “Okay, just let me drop my stuff, and I’ll go help Dad.”

  “No,” Kelly and I both said at the same time.

  He lifted a sexy eyebrow with a smirk. “Just because I’m under house arrest doesn’t mean I can’t do anything.”

  “That’s exactly what it does mean,” I shot back. “Don’t forget I have Cole’s number. It just takes one text, and your ass will be back in the hospital or under Savannah’s eagle eye at Shadows.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  I had taken the liberty of talking with Cole about where John would go to recuperate. It took some time, but I convinced Cole that he would be better off at his parents’ than at Shadows. I still wasn’t sure how John felt about it. He had said very little but had listened as I explained how important it would be for his parents and sister to have him close after what had happened. I knew that would reach him more than anything. I watched as Tripper started to lick John’s face. It was obvious it had been a good decision to bring the pup here. John was happy. I leaned down and mauled the fur ball a bit, glad he was here for John.

  “Wouldn’t I?” I eyed him over Tripper’s head as I began to tickle his ears, and he positively swooned and his tongue fell out of his mouth in delight. “Hell-wo, big boy. Who’s my little fluffer puppy?” His tail wagged so hard he could barely stand up as he leaned into me. John tried to pull him back to him, and he growled a little with jealousy, fighting for more of my touch.

  “You’re a she-devil,” he hissed.

  “Remember that before you try to do too much.”

  “That’s right, John. You listen to what Sloane is saying. She knows what’s she talking about.” Kelly’s face positively glowed as she looked up at me. “Now I’m going to make you a nice healthy snack.”

  John groaned at me. It was obvious I was delighted that I had his mother’s support.

  After we got settled and I made sure John’s medication was ready for the week, I took a quick shower and changed into some warmer clothes.

  He insisted he could unpack and look after himself. So, needing something to do, I eyed my laptop and wondered if I could dive back into my work for a bit. Before I did that, I decided to check things out downstairs first.

  At the top of the stairs, I heard Ellie in her bedroom.

  “Knock, knock,” I called gently, and she twisted on her bed to see who it was. “Hi, Ellie, I’m a friend of John’s. I just wanted to say hi.”

  “Hi,” she said quietly.

  “I’ll be staying at the house for a little bit. Your mother will need some help, so I thought I would let you know.”

  “Okay.”

  I looked around her room and noticed all the magazine pictures on her walls. “I really like your room. Are these pictures of all your favorite things?”

  “Yes, ah, thanks.” She smiled hesitantly then looked down at the magazine she had open on her bed.

  With a wave, I left her and headed down to the living room. I heard noises in the kitchen, so I popped my head in.

  “Hey, Kelly,” I stepped forward, “can I help with anything?”

  “Oh, my gosh, yes, please.” She handed me a knife. “Could you chop this up fairly fine?” She rushed on, “My sister called, and now I’m behind schedule. I was supposed to drop her package off this morning.” I could tell she was stressed over something.

  I started to chop the onion and waited a moment to see if she would say anything further. When she didn’t speak up, I did what I did best. I got her talking.

  “Where does your sister live?”

  “Sulema lives just outside town. She owns her own business, and I was supposed to pick up her order and drop it off, but Ellie had a hard morning, and once that happens, it’s like my entire day just falls apart. I forgot to pick it up for her.”

  I glanced around the kitchen and spotted a cookbook flipped open to a recipe for spaghetti.

  “Here’s a thought. Why don’t I make my mother’s recipe for spaghetti since I know it by heart, and you go drop off your sister’s package?”

  Her hands stopped what they were doing, and she placed one on the counter almost as if to ground herself.

  “You know, Sloane,” she kept her head turned away, “I keep telling myself that the next day will be a little easier, but it never happens.” She sighed. “Today, I was so happy that John was coming, I just wanted to prepare for him, make him a nice meal, enjoy having him home. You know?” I looked at her and nodded to show I understood but didn’t speak. “I wanted so much to do one simple thing for my sister, to allow myself to be normal, but with Ellie, well, now I’ve let her down. I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever be normal again.” She turned back to the counter and lifted her apron to wipe at her face. I reached over and gave her a hug.

  “Kelly, please let me do this for you. I’d really like to help. Ellie will be fine. I’ll keep a close eye on her, and John is here.”

  She stood straight and wiped her hands on her apron then removed it and placed it on the counter. “You are such a good person, Sloane. You show up here like a breath of fresh air, and now you make such a lovely offer.” Her hand moved to cover mine. “Yes, you know what, I would really appreciate your help.”

  “I’m happy to be able to.” I watched as she cleared her throat and her shoulders straightened again. I had to give Kelly props. She was doing a much better job at holding herself together now that she was attending the meetings. I wasn’t sure how often she actually went, but accepting help was progress, and it was nice to see.

  She hesitated as she went to leave, but I assured her again that Ellie would be fine. She was still in her room, and I would call Oliver or John if she needed something.

  Once I got all my ingredients in place, I hooked my phone up to the speaker and quietly played my favorite playlist. It was a crazy mix of Chris Stapleton, Justin Timberlake, Billie Eilish, Hudson Rainer, and Kaleo. I’d always loved music, but I could never find one genre that called to me. I dabbled in them all. There was no reason to limit yourself, after all.

  Once the pasta water started to boil and the sauce was well on its way, I spent time chopping the pancetta before I tossed it in the cast iron frying pan.

  “You’re cooking?” Ellie was standing in the doorway of the living room holding a book.

  “I am.” I chopped up another onion and wondered how long she had been standing there before she said anything. “Would you like to help?”

  She hesitated and looked out the window as John walked into sight, and we both watched as he joined his father near the barn. She nodded.

  “Can you wash your hands?” She headed over to the sink, and when she was finished, she waited for her next instruction. “Here,” I unrolled the dough for the French bread, “watch me.” I pulled at the side of the dough and folded it into the middle over and over. “Now you try.”

  Slowly, she started to knead the dough, and after a few tries she became more confident and picked up the pace.

  “If it feels a little sticky, just do this.” I hel
d my hand over the dough ball and let the flour slip through my fingers.

  “Ellie, do you remember my name?”

  Her lips pressed together as though she was attempting to pull it from her foggy memories. “S-S-So,” she tried.

  “Sloane.” I helped her out. “Do you have a flip book?”

  “No, I don’t think so.” She folded the dough again.

  “We should make you one.”

  “Like a craft?”

  “Exactly.”

  “I love crafts.” Her face lit up.

  “Me too.”

  I wiped my hands and pulled my phone free. I opened the camera and flipped the camera to face the two of us.

  “Ellie, will you smile at the camera?” To my surprise, she came up and smiled over my shoulder. I snapped a photo of us and one of her kneading the bread.

  Oliver stomped dirt from his boots before he came into the kitchen. He stopped short with surprise when he saw Ellie helping me.

  “Kelly needed to run to her sister’s,” I kept my voice light, “so I offered to help out. Ellie is making the bread, and I’m just finishing up the sauce for the pasta.”

  His smile grew about three sizes as he shrugged out of his jacket and hung it on the peg inside the door.

  “I’m starving.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in through his nose.

  “Good,” Ellie chimed in. “Wash your hands, Dad.”

  “Yes, dear.” He scuffled a laugh and did what his daughter ordered.

  Once the table was set and the sauce prepared, I eased the pasta into water. I grated some fresh parmesan and put it on the lazy susan in the middle of the table. I glanced out the window at John, who was now under his father’s truck.

  “Seriously?” I grumbled under my breath and snapped a photo of him not doing what he promised.

  “You didn’t actually think he was going to listen, did you?” Oliver laughed behind me. “John does what John wants. He knows his limits and will calculate the risk of whatever it is he’s about to do.”

  I eased into a chair with a huff and watched Ellie as she concentrated on her task, ignoring us. When she finished, I helped her put the bread in the pan.

  “Thank you, Ellie, for all your help. Now, why don’t you look at your book while we wait for dinner?”

  After she went into the living room, I turned to Oliver.

  “Between you and me, Oliver, do you know what John actually does for a living in the Army?”

  He poured me a glass of red wine before he opened his beer.

  “If someone was to ask me, I’d just say he’s in the Army, but I know better.” He took a draw from his beer. “You don’t get broken bones, staples, and fractures from working in an office. I know what he does is dangerous. I can see it on his face when he comes home after disappearing for weeks on end.”

  “Does it not bother you?”

  He shrugged with a sigh. “When Ellie wasn’t around, John was independent, always wanted to be alone with his thoughts and do his own thing. He’s strong as an ox and is very disciplined. So, when he joined the Army, I wasn’t surprised. In fact, I was waiting for it.”

  “Did he ever share any of it with you?”

  “Oh, yeah, at first he did.” He nodded. “He lived and breathed the military life. He wasn’t born to be a farmer’s son. He was born to lead and fight. But the stories of his wild adventures and friendships stopped when he tried out for Delta. That’s when he came back, explaining he got a position in an office. We both knew it was what he needed to say, and I knew it was for all of us, for our protection.” He pulled back the curtain a little more and saw John cleaning off his hands. “I hate what his sister’s accident did to this family.” He turned to me. “It was as if a bomb went off, and we all got shot off in different directions. It’s only now that we are beginning to find our way back.”

  “Time has a funny way of redirecting life back on course after something tragic has happened.”

  The door opened, and John came in, dusting some dirt off his coat. Oliver looked at me and smiled. “Yeah, it sure does.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  John

  I lost track of Sloane, who had become quiet during dinner. She’d slipped out just after the kitchen was cleaned. Ellie happily bragged about her bread-making skills at dinner, and I still couldn’t believe she’d helped. Normally, she would have just stood back and watched us go about the process of everyday living. I’d noticed Mom was a lot calmer when Sloane was around, and even my father seemed to smile more easily. There was no denying that she was good for them as well as for me. I certainly knew she was good for Ellie, but I knew I needed to make sure my family didn’t rely on her too much. That wouldn’t be fair, and I wouldn’t want to run the risk of smothering her either.

  “I’m going outside for a bit.” I kissed Mom on the cheek, and her face twisted into a smile.

  “Dad said she was outside by the horses.”

  I laughed. Even with the chaos of our lives, my mother could still read me like an open book.

  I stepped outside where, to my surprise, Tripper was still on the porch.

  “Hey, boy.” I patted his head and rubbed his ears the way he loved. “Where’s our girl?” His ears perked up, and he let out a whine.

  Darkness draped across the yard and cast deep shadows around the farm equipment. There was a time when I would spend hours hidden away, invisible to the naked eye, pretending I was running from the enemy. My mission was to get across the field without our dog spotting me. Apparently, I was training for Blackstone at seven.

  Tripper growled and poked my hand with his nose to get my attention. I followed his line of sight and spotted Sloane up in the loft.

  “Good job.” I gave him another pat. “Stay,” I ordered as I made my way across the driveway toward the barn.

  The cool air dipped into my jacket and made me shiver. The promise of snow could be felt in the air, and according to the weather report, we were in for a storm.

  Doug stood above me and pecked at the ladder for me to come up. In a few strides, I brought myself to his level and twisted to stand then flipped on the twinkle lights and the warming lamp. A calming hum filled the space as I scooped up my beloved rooster and gave him a pat. “How are the hens, Dougie?” I kept my voice quiet so as not to startle Sloane.

  She snapped out of her daydream and looked back at us as I came up behind her.

  “Oh,” she quickly dried her cheeks, “I didn’t hear you come up.”

  “Tripper outed you.” I tried to make her smile, but something was clearly bothering her. I shrugged out of my coat and tossed it aside. I often ran hot.

  “Yeah,” she sniffed, “he wasn’t happy when I told him to stay.”

  Sitting across from her on the ledge, I balanced Doug on my thigh and saw she must have been upset for a while.

  “What’s going on?”

  Her head dropped forward, and to my surprise, she smiled. It wasn’t necessarily a happy smile, but still. She ran a hand through her hair and let out a long breath.

  “Something just hit me, and I’m still trying to process it.”

  “Like?”

  “Like something personal.” She drew her legs up and rested her chin on her knees.

  “Well,” I looked out over the property, “Doug, here, is who I talk to when things get personal.” I held Doug up as an offering. He clucked, annoyed to have been moved from his warm spot on my leg.

  “Thanks, but I’ll stick to Tripper.” She eyed my buddy and held up her hands, not wanting to accept my feathered pal. Then she laughed softly in an apology, and we fell back into silence. I hated that something was bothering her. I normally wouldn’t pry, especially into a woman’s head, but this was different. Whatever was bothering her was now bothering me.

  “Hey,” I shook her foot, “come on.”

  She sniffed again and closed her eyes then physically shook herself as if to shed the feeling.

  “I grew up in an
Army household. My father spent lots of time away. There was always a piece of me that left with him, and I never felt complete until he came home.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “I know how hard it was on me as a child, a child who thankfully didn’t know the awful dangers. Only now I can imagine what it must have been like for my mom.” She rubbed her arms. “It’s very different. You know? How a child misses and worries about their father versus how the mother must have felt.”

  “Sure.” I was curious where she was going with this.

  She looked up and dried her cheeks again then seemed to have made a decision.

  “When I went back to get my phone at the hospital, I overheard something I know wasn’t meant for me, but the situation was what it was.”

  “What situation?”

  “Wasn’t meant for me to hear, so it wasn’t meant for me to repeat.” I could see she wasn’t going to share.

  “I respect that.” I waved for her to go on.

  “I heard a little of what went down on your Blackhawk, before it crashed.”

  Shit. A heavy pit landed in the center of my stomach.

  “I guess,” she sniffed, “something inside me realizes how the tables have turned. I’m not the child sitting on the front step waiting for her dad to come home anymore. I’m the woman in the living room hearing that your chopper went down and knowing that you’re okay, but you still need to get out of that place.”

  “Sloane, I know it’s scary—”

  “Oh, but you don’t,” she shot back and jumped to her feet. “You don’t, John.”

  I moved to stand, setting Doug on the floor. She held up a hand to stop me when I took a step toward her.

  “You’re the one leaving, and I’m the one watching you go.”

  My shoulders sagged with a familiar heaviness. “Yeah, that’s true. It’s why we don’t like to date, why we don’t like to fall in love. But, Sloane,” I pulled her to me, “try understanding what it’s like being the one who walks away. The one who has to turn their back on those we love. We have to go and play the game of life and death with ruthless killers. But I know how important the work we do is. I know that, but I also know how important it is coming home to you, to someone I love.” I brushed a tear away from her cheek with the back of my finger as my words sank in. “When the chopper was going down, your sweet face was in my head, and when we finally hit the ground and I still had a heartbeat, it was you I thought of. Getting back to you.”