When My Soul Met A Thug

by Jessica N Watkins

  I clung to her as I cried on her shoulder.

  Her little voice consoled, “It’s okay, Mommy.” I cried even harder for her.

  ANGEL

  ♫Your hands on my hips pull me right back to you

  I catch that thrust, give it right back to you

  You're in so deep, I'm breathing for you

  You grab my braids, arch my back high for you

  You're diesel engine, I'm squirting mad oil

  Down on the floor 'til my speaker starts to boil

  I flip s***, quick slip, hip dip and I'm twisted

  In your hands and your lips and your tongue tricks

  And you're so thick and you're so thick and you're so

  Crown royal on ice, crown royal on ice

  Crown royal on ice, crown royal on ice♫

  I bobbed my head slowly to Jill Scott’s angelic voice as I swallowed the mixture of Don Julio and lemonade. I allowed it to slide down my throat slowly, enjoying the burn and how it instantly eased my mind. I smiled and looked towards Russell. “Thank you. I needed this.”

  Finally, after two months, I had taken Russell up on his invitation for a night out. But, instead, after today’s drama, I had opted for a night with him in his house. As soon as I walked into his three-thousand-square-foot home, I felt comfortable and safe. It was a brick, two-story, four-bedroom, two-bathroom home in on a quiet block in Matteson, Illinois. I felt right at home as soon as I walked into the warm voluminous foyer, which was adjacent to the formal dining room. A casual breakfast-dining area divided the kitchen from the open layout of the family room where we were sitting at his bar. From what I could see from where I sat, his home was decorated with a mid-century modern feel; refined lines, minimalist silhouettes, and natural shapes. His furniture and décor were clean, sophisticated and inclusive.

  “It’s nice to see you.” Russell wore a charming grin as he looked down on me. “I’m glad you finally took me up on my offer.”

  Suddenly, I felt anxious under his intense gaze. I had managed to age gracefully, so I didn’t feel as if I didn’t deserve the praise his eyes were giving me. Plus, to feel like more of a woman than I had felt as of late, I had put on some makeup and a form-fitting maxi dress. I didn’t have many curves. Worrying and sadness had left me without an appetite most days. But I had enough of a figure to catch a man’s attention.

  However, Russell made me nervous. He wasn’t like the strangers I had allowed to court me while knowing full well that they would never get as much as a kiss from me. Russell knew me. He had lived in the Gardens back in the day, and he so happened also to have been an associate of my late husband, Darnell.

  Blushing, I nervously played with my hair. “Thanks.”

  “Honestly, Angel, I’ve had my eye on you for quite some time, but I didn’t know how to approach you.”

  I stared at him blankly. I was truly caught off guard. I had known Russell for over twenty years, and he had never even blinked an eye at me. But considering that Darnell would have killed him, I wasn’t surprised that he hadn’t spoken of his attraction to me until now.

  “Had your eyes on me?” I quizzed.

  “You know what I mean. I’m attracted to you. I’d love for the chance to get to you know.”

  The way he licked his lips made me press my thighs together tightly. While Darnell was alive, I had been so committed to him that I had never even considered another man. But as I saw Russell at events and in passing back in the day, I could not deny how attractive he was. He was the textbook definition of tall, dark, and handsome. His build was slim, but he had packed some tone and definition on it over the years while doing a few bids here and there in prison. His chiseled jawline was draped with the signature, thick beard that many men were wearing nowadays. He had a set of deep dimples that beautified his otherwise rough appearance. Tattoos decorated his dark skin, some old and amateur because he had gotten them at such a young age. The others were decorative and pure artistry. There were specks of grey in his beard and curly-top fade, but not enough to age him. And his brown eyes were so lively and bright that I could not even guess his age if I needed too.

  “I haven’t seriously dated anyone since Darnell,” I warned him.

  He shrugged as he sipped slowly from his cognac. “I’m open to just seeing where it goes.”

  I raised an eyebrow, saying, “I also haven’t had sex since Darnell.” After that revelation, I waited for his response.

  “I said I wanted to get to know you, not have sex with you.”

  His dominance made me blush and squirm like an inexperienced virgin. He smiled at the way I hid my blushing behind the back of my hand.

  He took that same hand and kissed the back of it softly. “Angel… a.k.a the Angel of The Streets.”

  Instantly, I pulled my hand away from him. “Don’t call me that.”

  Lifting his hand in surrender, he smiled, “Aye, that was your name. You were a G. You were the best at moving cocaine.”

  I cringed. I hadn’t had anyone bring that up in years.

  Darnell had worked for Metra, but he had also sold weight up until his death. I had kept that part of our lives deeply hidden from True because I was ashamed about the things I had done and the results my actions had caused.

  “Can we talk about something else?” I asked.

  Russell studied my sudden discomfort and sadness. “Aye, look at me.”

  I couldn’t. I turned away from him, but he softly grabbed my chin and brought my eyes to his.

  “Look at me,” he demanded again in such a sweet, sultry voice that my eyes obeyed against my will. “You didn’t kill him.”

  My eyes lowered in embarrassment. “Yes, I did.”

  I felt his arms around me. Needing the hug, I hid inside of his embrace.

  I had not only been Darnell’s Bonnie, I was also his partner and his right hand. I was supposed to have been there to have his back, but I wasn’t. And because of me, he had lost his life four years ago.

  We had been selling weight successfully for twenty years. We had never been on the radar of the Feds or thieving niggas in the streets. Many people had no idea that Darnell was the man behind a lot of the cocaine floating around the city because he kept a low profile and he continued to work his nine-to-five. The only people who knew about his position in the drug game were a few friends, Russell and his other buyers, and of course, me.

  Darnell had been successful in his position until he met me.

  He had asked me not to go out that night. But being a woman, I sassed him and refused, wanting to spend a night out with my girls. I had slipped, not paying attention to my surroundings on the way home from the club and led two niggas right to my front door. They bombarded me as I let myself into the house. They held me at gunpoint while they awakened Darnell from his sleep. After robbing us blind, they shot him right in front of me.

  I had protected True from our lifestyle when she was a child. I continued to, even though she was now an adult. Darnell was my hero. He had rescued me from the projects and showed me a life that only queens lived. He had accepted the father role for a child that wasn’t even his blood, loving her unconditionally.

  I had lost of the love of my life. And now, I was losing another.

  10

  Remi

  -Three months later -

  I had been told so many times that it would get better. Everyone had said to just get over it. Many had suggested that I find a new man to mask the pain. None of that bullshit inspiration had worked. I was truly depressed. A week after Banks had ignored my calls and text messages, he had moved out of our home while I was at work. The motherfucker hadn’t even had the decency to face me.

  Not only had I lost my mind, but the entire city had witnessed him wife a smaller, more modelesque woman than me. I was a laughing stock. She paraded their engagement and pregnancy on Facebook like it was the second coming of Jesus.

  I had finally managed to lose some weight, however. Since I had no appetite, I h
ad lost about fifteen pounds.

  I had never felt this low in my life. I had distanced myself from everyone, including my friends and especially, my mother and sister. I couldn’t stomach their judgmental stares or their constant I-told-you-so chants. I buried myself in my house, only coming out to work because I couldn’t bear to lose my job on top of losing my man.

  Currently, I was lying wide awake in the bed that my patient’s family had given me in their spare bedroom. This particular patient was dying from Melanoma. I had switched to the third shift. That way, I was able to sleep during the day when most of the bullshit occurred that reminded me of my heartbreak. But during the wee hours of the morning when I couldn’t sleep, I found myself browsing social media, the source of most of my pain.

  “What the hell?” I sat straight up as I stared wide-eyed at the picture on my Facebook timeline. Tears pooled in my eyes as I clicked on it to zoom in. Banks was pictured in a white Louie Vuitton tux. His sandy brown eyes were the happiest I had ever seen them. The light in them was undeniable. His colorful tattoos creeped out of the collar of the suit jacket, causing a great colorful contrast to the all-white suit. His big smile shot through his gleaming beard like a beam of light. His tall frame towered over Iyana and Niyah, who were in the picture with him dressed in their Sunday’s best.

  My heart started beating so fast that I felt faint. I had blocked Banks and his bitch of a fiancée on Facebook, but Iyana and Niyah had been tagged in these pictures, so I was able to see them. I clicked on the person’s page that had tagged them and instantly felt a rush of fire soar through my body. I was both mad and devastated, sad yet full of rage. These pictures were of Banks and Brandi’s wedding. They hadn’t gotten married the day before on a beautiful, sunny, Saturday morning in a wonderfully decorated church. The theme was romantic with soft hues of cream and pink, delicate lighting, and an array of flowers.

  I couldn’t stomach looking at the pictures, but just like a woman, I continued to. I kept scrolling and investigating, until I found more people with more pictures. I saw Brandi and Banks holding hands at the altar. I saw how beautiful she was in her strapless, lace wedding gown and pregnant belly. There were even videos of their vows and first dance.

  I was sick to my stomach. My mouth watered because of the oncoming vomiting, but I kept looking, signing my own death certificate.

  “Remi?”

  I jumped and quickly wiped my face free of tears as Mr. Holmes’ daughter peered into the room, causing a beam of light to peer in. I quickly looked at the time to see if I had missed the alarm to check my patient’s vitals.

  I hadn’t.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked, trying to maintain some professionalism.

  “I…I think it’s time.” Her voice croaked. “His breathing is really shallow, and his hands are cold.”

  “Oh… Okay.” I jumped out of bed, grateful to have someone else’s grief to focus on, yet ashamed for feeling relieved. “I’m coming.”

  COOP

  “You Jurassic Park-mouth, motherfucka,” I barked out of the window. “Take that thick-ass jogging suit off, Bill Cosby.”

  Henry, a hype from the hood, sucked the few teeth he still had. “Man, c’mon, don’t do me like that, young blood.”

  “Do you like what?” I chuckled, taunting him. “You the one at my window asking me for shit.”

  Leaning into the window, he begged, “C’mon, man. Let me get a couple of dollars.”

  I backed up because his stankin’ ass was too close. “Get the fuck away from my car with that late 90’s FUBU jogging suit on.”

  Before I could punch his ass, the light turned green, so I sped off.

  Vanessa was giggling in the passenger’s seat. She was the bodied-up shorty I had met at the after-hour spot three months ago. She had let me smash that night. I had taken out all of my anger and frustrations on that pussy, and had been once a week ever since.

  Shorty wasn’t a THOT, though. She was just an older woman who knew what she wanted when she saw it and went after it. She was thirty-five, eight years older than me, and a pretty successful real estate agent. Her business kept her busy, and she was married to a dude with a whack dick game that stayed on the road as a truck driver. However, he kept her happy in every other way, and she loved her husband. So, she only wanted the dick from me, and I was good with that.

  “Urgh! Damn it,” she cursed as she tossed her phone onto her lap.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I was supposed to show a client this spot tomorrow, but he canceled. I was banking on that sell. It’s such a nice place. Someone can do so much with it. It used to be a huge gym.”

  My eyebrow rose. “Oh word? Where is it?”

  “Right off of 83rd and State across from the bank.”

  My eyebrow arched even more with interest. “For real?”

  “Yeah.” She looked at my interest curiously. “Yeah. Why? You interested?”

  I shook my head. “Naaah.”

  “You sure?” she pried.

  “I mean, I had been thinking about starting something like a rec center for boys.”

  “Really?” she asked, surprised. Those hazel eyes got big as hell.

  “Yeah. Why that face?”

  “Your mean ass don’t seem like the type to wanna help anybody.” She giggled, shaking her head.

  I smirked. “Fuck you.”

  She laughed me off. By now, she was used to my crass demeanor. For some reason, that made women want me more. “Seriously, though, you speak of it as if the thought is past tense. Why not make it happen?”

  Suddenly, a knot formed in my throat thinking about True. Swear to gawd, she was the only woman who brought me to my knees, shut me up, and made me think twice. Shorty had had me thinking about all types of different things back when we were messing with each other. She had me wanting to get out the game, change my life, and make a difference only for her to end up being calculating and shadier than the hustlas in the street along with me. Five months later, I still felt as if she had set me up.

  “Hellooo?” Vanessa suddenly intruded my thoughts.

  I sucked my teeth. “Man, would you mind your own business?”

  She shrugged. “I was just asking.”

  “Ask about this dick,” I spat as I started to unbuckle my belt. “Ain’t that what you came for?”

  She smiled, revealing perfect white teeth. I had a feeling those were fake too. They were a little too big and too white. I was sure they were veneers.

  I pulled my dick out, and she started to salivate. Even soft, it was long and thick. It wouldn’t be soft for long, however. Grabbing the top of her head, I pushed her down into my lap. I soon felt her warm mouth as I pressed the gas and headed to a telly.

  ANGEL

  ♫Hello, it's me

  I've thought about us for a long, long time

  Maybe I think too much but something's wrong

  Something's here that doesn't last too long

  Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine, but I can't help it baby

  Seeing you, seeing anyone as much as I do you

  I take for granted that you're always there

  I take for granted that you just don't care

  Sometimes I can't help seeing all the way through, baby♫

  The Isley Brothers played in the distance as Russell sat me down at his lavish dining room table. There was a delicious-looking meal sitting before us. I knew he hadn’t cooked it. He had been honest and told me he had purchased the meal from Vivere. My dish was clam toasts with pancetta. He was feasting on cioppino seafood stew with gremolata toast.

  “This is so nice, Russell,” I gushed as I took in the beautiful place setting and centerpiece made up of pink roses.

  “It’s all for you, baby.”

  I blushed. For the last three months, Russell had been courting me heavily. We had spent so many days walking downtown We had attended shows, plays, and concerts, and dined at five-star restaurants. He was so acti
ve that I could barely keep up with him, but I appreciated him. Dating him was a brief vacation from my agonizing life at home. A month into dating, I had shared True’s diagnosis with him. Because he had known her since she was so little, he shed tears with me as I’d confirmed that many doctors and specialists had said there was no hope for her. As everyone had asked who knew, he asked had we talked to cancer experts. He offered me money to find the best oncologists that specialized in her type of cancer. But I had already done that. Darnell had left me with a substantial amount of money and life insurance, and I had spent a good bulk of it finding experts that could help my daughter. But there was not enough money to stop cancer. However, I was still praying for a miracle.

  Because he was so familiar with me, Russell knew not to press me when it came to my abstinence. Therefore, he never tried to persuade me to commit my body to him. He simply got to know me. He catered to me and nearly worshipped me, which was honestly, making my body feel things it hadn’t felt in years.

  “So, how is the new grandbaby doing?”

  I looked up with a huge smile. “He’s doing great.”

  “He?” Russell asked.

  “Yep, he.” I smiled, thinking of the moment True and I saw his ten fingers and toes in the 3D ultrasound. “We found out a few days ago that she’s having a boy.”

  Russell smiled. “Whaaat? Why didn’t you all do some big gender reveal like I’ve been seeing people do?”

  I shrugged. “She didn’t want all of that fuss.”

  Russell nodded. “Understandable. How many months is she now?”

  “She’s nearly seven months.”

  He left it at that. He hated to see me in tears, so he never asked me about True’s illness or how her health was affecting her pregnancy.

  I was so proud of True. Not only was she handling her illness with immense strength, she had also been handing ling this pregnancy with the same. Even with the absence of Coop, she had managed to enjoy this pregnancy, just as she had been making sure to enjoy every day as if it were her last, since they truly were.