When My Soul Met A Thug

by Jessica N Watkins

  Even Coop. He had been trying so hard to be strong, but I knew his big ass was a teddy bear. Every time he looked at me, I saw the sadness in his eyes. I had to be strong for him and my family.

  Just then, Coop appeared in the doorway of my bedroom that had been turned into a freaking hospital room. “What you want to eat?”

  “Ummm…” Now that I was on so many medications to eliminate the pain and manage my other symptoms, I had an appetite again. “I want a gyro cheeseburger and fries with mild sauce.” I looked at Remi, who was sitting in a chair in the corner on her tablet. She was so quiet and sweet. Coop had told me about what she’d shared with him on the balcony a month ago when she had first started caring for me. My heart had gone out to her. I knew how heartbreak felt. It damn near felt like death. She may have felt like I was in a worse situation than her, but she and I were still in the same pain. “You want something, Remi?”

  For the last month, I had grown closer to her than I had my other nurses. Since we were so close in age, we spent a lot of time laughing and hanging out during her shift. We talked a lot about her ex, Banks. Most nights, it had been Remi, Coop, and I staying up, shooting the breeze, until I drifted off to sleep. Often times, I could hear them still conversing in my sleep.

  “Uh… Sure, I’ll have something.” She shrugged. “What all do they have? Is there a menu?”

  I laughed. “Not online. He’s going to a hood spot. Why don’t you ride with him?”

  She shook her head. “I’m good.”

  “Please?” I begged. “I don’t want him in the streets alone at this time of night.”

  “I can’t leave you unattended during my shift,” Remi warned.

  “Pleeeease,” I begged. “I won’t tell.”

  She contemplated for a few seconds. As she did, I gave her puppy dog eyes. While I did so, Remi smiled and shook her head at me.

  Finally, Remi shrugged and stood. “Okay. Let me get my coat.”

  I smiled. “Thank you.”

  Coop looked at me strangely as Remi left out to get her coat. I ignored his questioning stare, telling him, as I put my attention into my phone. “Hurry up. I’m hungry.”

  I moaned as I rolled over and cuddled in Coop’s arms. He was lying in bed with me as he often did whenever Joy and Keyes were sleeping. The CNA had run out to do some grocery shopping for me, and Russell had finally convinced my mama to get out of this house and enjoy herself.

  I sighed with relief. “I’m so glad my mother is gone.”

  I could hear Coop’s deep chuckle in my ear as my face lay pressed against his chest. “Don’t do her like that.”

  “I need the air,” I grumbled. “She’s been hovering around me for weeks.”

  “Of course, she has. Can you blame her?”

  “No, I can’t, but she needs some air too. I’m glad Russell came to get her. I’m so glad she has him.”

  “I’m glad to have you.”

  I looked up into his eyes and smiled. “Look at you being all sweet.”

  I hadn’t had the chance to be alone with Coop until now. Since being released into Hospice care, my mother hadn’t left my side. I understood, of course, and appreciated it, but I desperately wanted some alone time with Coop now that he had come back around.

  I reached for his face, brought it down close to mine, and kissed him. I moaned into his mouth because I hadn’t felt any affection like this since the last time we had made love nearly a year ago.

  If our kiss had a voice, it could have been compared to the angelic sounds of H.E.R.

  I spoke into his mouth. “Does my breath smell like gyro?”

  He started chuckling heavily. “Yeah, but mine does too.”

  We smiled into each other’s eyes like hopeless romantics, except this was far from a fairy tale.

  I cupped his face and asked, “Will you make love to me?”

  He pulled back and looked into my eyes. “For real?”

  “Yes,” I practically begged.

  Despite my efforts to exude as much sex appeal as I could, he still asked, “Am I going to hurt you?”

  I giggled. “The tumor is in my head, not down there, silly.”

  He was still cautious. “But you just had the baby.”

  “I gave birth by C-section, remember? And it’s been six weeks.”

  Still, he pressed, “You feel up to it?”

  I cringed. I was dying, but I hated being looked at by him like I was. I wanted him to see someone sexy, the mother of his child, someone beautiful. Not a dying, cancer patient. And I wasn’t stupid. I knew what he actually saw when he looked at me. I was skin and bones. My eyes were sunken in. I was weak. Most of the time I was asleep because of the meds. When I was awake, I sometimes had difficulty breathing. Yet, I was still a woman, and I still wanted to feel like a woman.

  I looked longingly into Coop’s eyes until he finally gave in. He carefully pulled the covers back and carefully hovered over my frail body. I closed my eyes and allowed his scent to overwhelm me. I seemed to disappear under him, much like Keyes did whenever he was in Coop’s arms.

  To take his mind off of things, I once again cupped his face and kissed him deeply. He put all of his weight on one elbow as he pushed my college shirt up with his free hand. He cupped my breast softly. Finally, the reluctance in his face was gone, and pleasure had replaced it.

  As soon as he took my nipple into his mouth, I gasped and opened my legs wider. Still, with his weight on one arm, he started to play with my pussy as he kneaded my nipple softly. His large fingers in my pussy were orgasmic. His thumb rubbing my clitoris was euphoric.

  “Fuck me,” I begged. “Fuck me please.”

  He leaned forward, nibbling on my neck while pulling his dick out of his basketball shorts. He pressed his large head against my opening. He cupped my butt cheeks as he slowly pressed his way inside me.

  “Sssss,” I hissed as I felt his huge erection slide into my slippery walls.

  He started to move, slowly and steady. He was loving and careful.

  “Don’t fuck me like I’m dying, Coop. Fuck me like you used to.”

  His gaze turned intense, and then he flipped me over. He brought me up on my knees and forced my face down and ass up. He arched my back perfectly. Then I felt him grab my waist and dig into me.

  “Ahhhh,” I moaned with a smile. “Yes, Coop.”

  It was rough and nasty just like I wanted it, just like I needed it. He let go of one side of my waist, reached around, and played with my clitoris. I instantly started shaking and panting as I felt the oncoming of my orgasm.

  I came, finally feeling as if I could truly be at peace with dying. And that time death was barreling towards me. I could feel it. I had barely lived, but I was thankful that I had been able to experience much more than many had been lucky to. I had children who loved me unconditionally and a mother who adored me. I had had a stepfather that loved me better than any biological father could. I was able to die with my family knowing that I loved them. I was able to die with no regrets. I had had time to say my piece. I had been in love. I knew how it felt to be loved. I had no questions for God. I was secure in knowing my part in His plan. I had served my purpose. My time on the earth was coming to an end.

  I came, knowing that it would be my last time.

  COOP

  That night, Rakim came over to True’s to meet his godson and his mother for the first time.

  “Yo’, look at lil’ homie.” Rakim smiled down at Keyes as he slept in his crib.

  Keyes was a good baby. He almost slept as much as his mother did. Sometimes, I wondered if he felt her exhaustion since infants had such a strong connection to their mothers.

  “He’s a handsome lil’ nigga. Too bad he don’t look shit like you,” Rakim joked.

  I laughed. “Whatever. Yes, he does.”

  After a month, Keyes was turning into me right before my eyes. Since I had been bounced from house to house back then, I had only seen two pictures of myself as a baby. As
the weeks went by, my lil’ homie was turning into his dear ol’ dad.

  “He definitely got your color, though,” Rakim joked as he looked down on Keyes with a shake of his head. “Black ass…”

  I smiled. “Stop hating. Black is in.”

  “He got a head full of hair, too.”

  “Don’t he?” I smiled down and rubbed my son’s full head of curly locs. “C’mon,“ I said, tapping Rakim on his side. “Let me take you to go meet True.”

  As Rakim and I left the nursery, I could hear Joy laughing and giggling in her mother’s room, so I knew this was one of the rare moments that True was awake. As the weeks passed by, she slept more and more. Remi had explained to me that extensive sleep came with the onset of her demise. I was happy that she had felt up to us having sex earlier that day. I had wanted to feel her at least one more time, but I didn’t want to be so selfish as to ask her for something like that. I was happy that she had asked me, though. She had wanted it to be raunchy, and I had given her that only for a while. Watching her for the past few weeks, I knew she didn’t have much more time. Therefore, I knew that that sexual experience was our last one ever. So, I eventually slowed it down and turned her over so we could look in each other’s eyes. I told her I loved her over and over again.

  Before walking into her bedroom, I tapped on the door. She had already been expecting Rakim, so she was dressed.

  “Come in.”

  I pushed the door open, and Rakim followed me inside. My smile was big as I introduced them. “True, this is Rakim. Rakim, this is True.” I was finally introducing the two out of the three most important people in my world to each other.

  True smiled as Rakim bent down and hugged her after she sat up in bed.

  “Nice to meet you,” he told her.

  “No, it’s nice to meet you,” True insisted. “The infamous Rakim…”

  “Nah, you’re the infamous one,” he told her. “Glad to finally meet you.”

  “Hi! I’m Joy!” Joy cut in with her high-pitched, squeaky voice.

  Rakim smiled and bent down to shake her hand. “Nice to meet you, beautiful.”

  For the next thirty minutes, we sat and made small talk. Rakim and I mostly did the talking because True’s shortness of breath made it hard for her to speak at times. Rakim and I told True of our old hood stories from back in the day until she became too tired to keep her eyes open. Joy had fallen asleep for her afternoon nap next to her mother, so once True fell asleep in mid-conversation, I quietly escorted Rakim out.

  Once out on the porch, he took a deep breath of the brisk, biting February air. He stared blankly at nothing. I knew that look. Many people had had it after visiting True. You always heard about what cancer can do to the body, but seeing it firsthand was mind-blowing and earth-shattering.

  “Man, dawg…” Rakim said as he shook his head and stuffed his hands into his pocket.

  “I know,” I replied without him even saying.

  “She doesn’t even look like the pictures you showed me anymore.”

  “I know.”

  “Cancer is a bitch.”

  When he sniffed, I looked down at him. I would be surprised at seeing such a gangsta like my nigga, Rakim, brought to tears. Yet, I had been brought to those same tears many times after leaving out of that room, so I felt my homie’s pain.

  Just then, a car pulled into the driveway. I didn’t recognize it, so I focused on the driver’s door as it opened. I was surprised to see Remi climb out.

  As Rakim wiped his tears away, he asked, “Damn, who is that?”

  I chuckled. “Stand down. That’s one of True’s Hospice nurses.”

  Rakim’s eyes squinted as they took in the sight of Remi walking towards us in her traditional scrubs. Today, she was wearing blue scrubs with pink flowers all over them. She made scrubs look like they should be worn on a runway.

  “Damn, she fine,” Rakim groaned.

  “Yeah, she is.”

  His voice was full of lust as he damn near moaned, “And she thicker than a motherfucker too.”

  “That she is,” I agreed as she looked at me and waved with a smile.

  “Ooooh weee,” Rakim sang under his breath.

  He made more obscene sounds as Remi approached, switching without trying to, all that ass being clearly seen from the front.

  “Hey, Coop.” She reached up and gave me a long embrace. Outside of being True’s nurse, she had gotten acquainted on a personal level with True and me over the last four weeks, Outside of being beautiful and wonderfully-built, she was truly a sweet girl and her heart was surprisingly as beautiful as the outside.

  “What’s up, girl? What you doin’ here?” I asked her as she released me.

  “The second-shift nurse had to take off, so I offered to do some overtime.”

  “Awwww,” I taunted her. “You missed us that much.”

  She grinned. “Of course, I did.”

  Staring at the temp tags on the BMW she had climbed out of, I asked, “You finally got a new ride?”

  She stared back at it as well with a smile. “Yeeeah.”

  “Good shit.” I nodded.

  She prepared herself to go into the house, asking, “How is she doing today?”

  I shrugged nonchalantly, but the moment I was stroking that pussy ran through my mind. Luckily, I had put on jeans, so the sudden erection wasn’t showing. “She’s having a good day.”

  Remi smiled wide. “Good.” She obviously felt Rakim’s eyes on her and blushed. Then she quickly made her exit. “Let me go start these sixteen hours.”

  “I’ll be inside soon.”

  Rakim, finally able to look at her ass, watched it with bulging eyes as Remi disappeared into the house.

  Once she closed the door behind her, he excitedly hit me in the side. “Maaan, hook me up.”

  I sucked my teeth hard and long. “Nigga, please. You know you only like ugly bitches; the ones whose mamas’ got tickets for littering when they dropped those ugly hoes off at school.”

  Rakim glared. “Fuck you, dawg.”

  I laughed, happy to have something to laugh at even if it was Rakim. “Bitches so ugly that when they take their kids to the zoo, the security guard thank the kids for bringing them back.”

  REMI

  I looked at the phone, wondering what I should do. I had heard from Banks since he had suspiciously called me a month ago, but it was random and friendly. I honestly had been trying to tell myself not to think too deep into it because he was married and, after ten years, he had married a woman other than me.

  “What are you going to do?” True asked. From her bed, she looked at me with wide eyes as Coop sat beside her, looking at me with questionable ones.

  Over the last few weeks, the three of us had really gotten to know one another, so they were aware of everything Banks and I had gone through.

  “Hellooo?” True pressed me.

  I looked at Banks’ text message, which asked me could he bring me some lunch, and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “Do you want to see him?” Coop asked me.

  I shrugged again, whining, “I don’t know.”

  “Maybe he realized he made a mistake,” Coop said.

  “And?” I shot back with a frown. “He’s married now. I’d be damned if I go from his main woman to his side bitch.”

  Coop smiled at me and nodded. “Good girl.”

  “That’s right,” True cheered me on. “You deserve better than that… But get the free food.”

  Coop and I started cracking up.

  “Let him see you winning,” True added. “Ask him to bring me some too.”

  “What you want?” I asked her.

  For her, I would do anything. I had never felt so close to a patient before. I was sure it was because we were closer in age and had more in common. It was definitely because witnessing her approach death made me so more appreciative of what I had and care less about what I didn’t. After meeting True, I dared not have the nerve to complain
about simple things like a man or my weight. Looking at her, those things seemed so trivial now. In a sense, she had fixed me.

  “I want Italian Fiesta pizza with sausage, pepperoni, onions and green peppers.” As she rattled off her order, she closed her eyes as if she was savoring the taste already. She had been ordering all of her favorite foods, but once it got to her, she could only take two or three bites before she couldn’t eat anymore.

  “Bet.” I went ahead and sent Banks a text with the order and True’s address. As soon as I had pressed send, I felt the nervous bubble gut. I started to play with the new bob that I had gotten cut into my natural hair a few weeks ago with an attempt to start anew.

  “You look fine, Remi,” True insisted. Then she nudged, Coop. “Doesn’t she look pretty?”

  When Coop looked at me, I instantly looked away, giving my attention to my phone. True often brought my beauty up to Coop. I hated when she did that and wondered why she insisted on doing it. I already found Coop super attractive. Watching him love on True and Keyes only made him more irresistible. It was clear that he loved True, and I adored her. So, there was nothing to my attraction to him, except admiration. But when she often insisted that I ride along with him and constantly asked him if I was pretty, it made me uncomfortable.

  “Yeah, she’s gorgeous,” Coop said, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up.

  Nervously, I stood and announced, “It’s time for your meds. Let me go get them ready.”

  I walked out without looking at either of them. I hated that I got so flustered around Coop and hoped my feelings didn’t show. I couldn’t help my nervousness, though. He was the epitome of a good man. During the last month at True’s, he had shared so many stories with her and me about how ruthless he was, but all I saw was a gentle giant.

  True’s eyes widened as my text notification sounded. I reluctantly pulled my phone out of the pocket of my scrubs.

  “Is he out there?” True pushed.

  I read Banks’ text and nodded. “Yes.”

  “Okay, so go,” True insisted.