When My Soul Met A Thug

by Jessica N Watkins

  COOP

  “Damn, who was that?”

  Shawn was still staring behind me at the entrance of the gym as if Remi was still there. But she was long gone. I had made sure of it.

  “Nobody,” I grumbled as I sat back on the bleachers.

  “It didn’t look like nobody.”

  I glared at him as he stood over me with a goofy grin on his face. “Well, it was no-fucking-body. Don’t you have a practice to run, motherfucka?”

  He lifted his hands in surrender. “Aye, man, I was just asking a question.”

  “Keep talking, and I’mma knock the shit outta you, dawg.”

  Shawn chuckled as if I was playing, but, lucky for him, he walked away and continued practice. I watched the boys’ practice game. The rec center’s basketball team was now a part of the city league. I had been excited about the upcoming season until Remi showed up.

  No matter how hard I tried to block her out of my mind, as I watched the practice, she invaded my mind. Her beauty was still as breathtaking as it had been the last time I’d seen her. That left me enraged. I wanted not to want her, need her, or think about her. I didn’t have it in me to put myself out there again. I didn’t have any more love to give. True had sucked it out of me and worn it out.

  This was ruining my life. I couldn’t focus on anything but True and our connection… and how I had never felt that for anyone else except Remi.

  ANGEL

  “Your Honor, this shouldn’t even be a discussion,” Jameel’s lawyer cockily stated. “My client is the legal and biological father. He had shared custody with the mother prior to her death. The fact that the grandmother is demanding full custody is preposterous.”

  “I beg to differ,” my lawyer, Regina, cut in. “Your Honor, when a parent is deemed unfit, then the grandmother does indeed have rights to custody of the child.”

  Jameel whipped his head toward me and Regina right along with his lawyer.

  “Unfit?” his lawyer questioned.

  “Yes,” Regina pressed. “Unfit. May I approach the bench, Your Honor?”

  Judge Samuel nodded, and Regina and Jameel’s lawyer quickly approached. I could feel Jameel staring at me, but I kept my eyes on Regina with a satisfying grin. I watched the lawyers face as he read every derogatory text message that Jameel had ever sent True after the divorced where he voiced no interest in being a father to Joy. After getting my court date, I had gone through True’s phone for evidence to prove that he was unfit, and I had found plenty.

  Once the judge was done reading, Regina returned to our table, explaining, “I also have some recordings that I would like for you to hear, Your Honor.”

  Finally, I looked towards Jameel and smiled at him pleasingly as Regina pushed play on the recorder and put the audio on speaker. Soon Jameel’s filth filled the air. There were voicemails that he’d left on True’s phone starting from when they had divorced.

  “If I have to pay all of this fucking money, you can parent your own damn daughter. Y’all don’t need me… I thought the doctors gave you a year to live?” As it played, tears fell from my eyes. “Why are you still alive? Die bitch… I shouldn’t have to pay you shit for you being a fucking mother. You asked for this life. You wanted to have a child, not me… You’re still alive? Why? That tumor hasn’t killed you yet?”

  The derogatory messages went on and on, exposing Jameel’s obscenity and refusal to be a father, until he figured it was financially beneficial if he were one full time.

  “All right, all right, all right!” the judge cut in with a disgusted look on his face. “That’s enough. Turn that off,” he ordered.

  Regina ended the recording, and I sat back feeling relief as I wiped my tears. Finally, my daughter’s side had been heard.

  However, clearly that had not been enough for the judge.

  Jameel’s lawyer pleaded, “Your Honor, my client’s personal feelings towards the mother has nothing to do with how he will care for the child.”

  Regina laughed cynically. “It has everything to do with how he will care for the child and it proves how he felt about being a parent.”

  The judge banged his gavel. “That’s enough!!” he snapped as his fingers frustratingly combed his forehead. “This a courtroom, not Jerry Springer.”

  Seeing his frustration, I jumped up. “Your Honor, please? As my daughter died, she begged me to make sure that I had custody of Joy because she knew that Joy would be better off with me. I will ensure that I give her a loving and nurturing home.” Tears came to my eyes as I clung to the table, begging him, “Please? This is what True wanted.”

  Sighing, the judge lifted a hand to stop my pleas. “I understand completely, Ms. Dunlap, but unfortunately, what your daughter wants does not rule this courtroom.”

  25

  Remi

  ♫Tell me whatcha say now?

  Tell me whatcha say

  Come again?

  If you cannot stay down

  Then you do not have to pretend

  Like there is no way out

  I shoulda never let you in

  Cause you got me face down♫

  I was laying across my ottoman staring up at the ceiling. A glass of Nightjar wine was in my hand. After fleeing the rec center and running to my car, I headed straight home and stripped down to my bra and panties. Then I called off work. I didn’t have the energy to do anything but drink and waddle in my anger.

  ♫And don't take this personal

  But you're the worst

  You know what you've done to me

  And although it hurts I know

  I just can't keep runnin' away♫

  “’I don't need you, I don't need you,” I sang along to Jhene Aiko. “’I don't need you, I don't need you. But I...’Hate yo’ ass, Coop!” I hissed at the ceiling so harsh as if his cocky ass was hoisted up there. “Fuck you! Who the fuck do you think you are any-fucking-way?”

  I was swimming with anger. Banks had been an asshole, but I had never had a man be so cold to me to my face. Banks had at least pretended to care. Coop didn’t have an ounce of that decency in a bone in his body.

  “Urrrgh, who the fuck is this?” I groaned as the doorbell rang. “Fuck that.”

  I was drunk with anger, and I was on my way to being drunk off of the wine. I had finished two bottles and was already on my way to finishing the third. Whoever was at the door could suck my dick.

  However, whoever was on the other side started to bang on it. So, I reached for my phone and turned the music up louder.

  “’I don’t mean to! I don’t mean to! I don’t mean to! I don’t mean to! But I loooove…” Startled, I sat straight up as the knocker started to hammer on my window, causing the glass to sound as if it were about to break.

  “Who the fuck?!” I jumped up and rushed towards the door. I still had no intention of opening it. I was just going to curse out whoever was on the other side knocking on my door like they had lost their mind.

  Standing on my tiptoes, I peered through the peephole and gasped. Suddenly, all my anger subsided, and I was like putty. Even with a face flooded with frustration, Coop was fascinating to lay eyes on.

  But he was still an asshole! So, I whipped the door open, ready to read him for filth, but as he laid eyes on me, the sadness and sincerity in them had me speechless once again.

  The closer he came, the more I couldn’t breathe. The more I looked at him, his towering body, massive build, beautiful melanin, and gorgeous face, the more I realized I didn’t want his friendship. Forget his friendship. I wanted him. I needed him. I wanted to help him heal from the hurt in his eyes. And I was so happy that True had been selfless enough to give us her blessing.

  Stepping into me, he grabbed both of my hands, rested his forehead on top of my head, and admitted, “I need you.”

  COOP

  I knew that showing up at Remi’s crib was digging my own grave.

  I had barely survived True. I was still recovering. But as I left the rec center that d
ay, I couldn’t get True or Remi out of my mind. I was tired of the two replaying over and over again in my head. I needed them both, but could only physically have Remi, and she would help me heal from losing True. True had been right. I needed Remi to make me better and whole again. I knew her address from seeing her ID so many times lying around True’s house when Remi was working there. I showed up, ready to plead my case and shower her with my apologies.

  However, when she opened the door, her exquisite body wrapped in nothing but panties and a bra, I had to admit that my fear of giving myself to another woman did not outweigh how much this woman meant to me and my survival.

  As she stood there, “Mood” by dvsn started blaring inside the house like some cute joke that True was playing on us to set this insanely, sentimental gesture that I was reluctantly making.

  I cringed inwardly as I let my stone wall down and walked towards my destiny.

  As I held her hands, I remembered the support she had given me when I needed it the most. The comfort in her hands let me know I still needed it.

  With my forehead on the top of her head, I admitted, “I need you.”

  I hated how I felt when I admitted that. I hated giving my fate to yet another woman, but it gave me relief that I was still able to do something to please True. I could still make her happy. And Remi had been right. I did owe True that.

  I lifted my head to look into her eyes. She bit her bottom lip nervously and finally let her guard down. She moved out of the doorway and gave me space to come in.

  Stepping into the doorway, I held her waist as I guided her inside and closed the door.

  She reached back for one of my hands and led me to the couch. She reached for her phone on the ottoman and turned down the music.

  She stared at me only the way a woman does when she’s pissed at you but still loves you.

  I cowered and peeked at her. “You mad at me?”

  Snapping, she swung and punched me in the arm. “Yes!”

  When Remi laughed, I was relieved. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… This was… It was just too much for me.”

  “It was too much for me too, but damn, you didn’t have to be mean to me. That hurt!”

  I turned towards her and pulled her towards me. We sat sitting face to face on the couch.

  “Look, I never wanted to be this close to any woman. When it happened with True, it was an accident that came out of nowhere and was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. I never want to feel that type of pain again, so I ran from you.”

  Looking at me, I could see some relief that she had been at first too frightened to completely let show. “But?” she asked.

  I smiled. “What you mean?”

  With an adorable smile, she raised an eyebrow. “Is there a ‘but’ coming?”

  I smiled harder and shook my head. Squeezing her hand, I answered, “No, there’s an and… And… I’m done running from you.”

  She finally met my intense stare with her own. I could see that her breath was choppy as her chest heaved. “Soooo?” she asked slowly. “What is that we’re going to be?”

  “What do you want us to be?”

  Adorably, she shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  I bit my lip with a teasing smile and leaned towards her, making her lie back on the couch. Her eyes were full of so much anxiety as my lips came closer to hers. “You don’t know?” I dared her. But closing in on her space had left her speechless. “Huh, Remi?” I pressed. “You don’t know?”

  Before she could answer, I kissed her. I felt like a boy losing his virginity as I finally got the opportunity to taste her without feeling any guilt. At first, I enjoyed the taste of her lip gloss as I sucked her bottom lip. Then the beast in me took over. I hungrily tasted her mouth. Our kiss was long, throaty, and passionate.

  I hadn’t come over for this—the physical—but the way she breathed into my mouth told me she wanted it. Feeling as hard as my dick was, I needed to finally feel her.

  I began to leave a trail of kisses down her neck. I took my time because, even though it felt like I already had her, I had a point to prove. I wanted her to realize I had been worth the wait and headache.

  As I traveled south, I took a moment to taste each nipple, and she hissed lovingly. The way she sang along to the R&B soaring from her speaker made it hard to keep traveling, but I kept going. Once at her stomach, her hands were in the way, hiding it from me. Taking her by the wrists, I held them at her side as I tongue kissed every gentle curve.

  The scent of her was already filling the air. It smelled like the sweet aroma of a meal I had been starving for. I left her stomach and traveled down to her dampness that was pulsating with need. I slid her panties off. Her legs opened for me as I threw the thongs to the floor. My tongue then grazed her bare, pink center. Her back arched as a sweet moan left her lips. I started to lash her clit with my tongue, and she started to cry out. I released her wrists and started to cup her soft breasts, squeezing and stimulating her nipples as I started to suck her throbbing clit.

  “Mmmm!” she moaned above the music.

  “Yeah, that’s it,” I spoke into her pussy. “Cum for me.”

  I wanted to taste her release. I began to suck more intensely until I felt her pouring into my mouth. Most of it ended up in my beard. I sat up, resting on my knees as I pulled my shorts down. I looked down on her as she heaved from the orgasm. I planted myself between her legs and brought my hard brass to her leaking opening. As I slowly pressed inside of her, she reached up, clawed at my shirt and brought me down to her, kissing me just as passionately as we’d done before. It made me harder as she tasted her own cum.

  REMI

  I cringed as I heard my cell phone blasting in my ear somewhere near me. My eyes pried open as they adjusted to the sudden light of the living room. I blinked rapidly, realizing where I was. The last thing that I remembered was Coop and I cumming together before he collapsed down next to me.

  I had fallen asleep in his arms. Feeling them around me as I woke up had me smiling from ear to ear.

  I reached for my phone and realized it wasn’t mine that was ringing. I sat up as much as Coop’s large arms would allow and picked his phone up from the floor.

  I started to nudge him. “Coop… Coop.” He groaned as I stuck the phone in his face. “Your phone is ringing.”

  Even coming out of a deep sleep, he was so beautiful. As he took the phone from me and answered, I wondered what I had fallen into. Coop was the kind of man who left a woman not thinking clearly. And now that I had had him physically, I was completely smitten. After Banks, I swore to myself that I would make better decisions when it came to men. I promised myself that I wouldn’t jump into anything feelings first, and be more careful. Yet, Coop was far from that.

  Looking at him felt like loving dangerously.

  Hanging up, he began to detangle his body from mine and sit up. “We gotta go.”

  “We?” I asked curiously. “Where?”

  He stood up, and I was in awe. As we had sex, he had finally taken off all of his clothes, but I hadn’t had the chance to see him completely, as he lay on top of me, giving me continuous, earth-shattering orgasms. Yet, standing up now, I could finally lay eyes on him completely.

  He was perfect.

  He didn’t even notice me gawking at him as he answered, “To Angel’s.”

  “Why?”

  He shrugged as he threw on his wife beater. “She didn’t say.”

  I immediately shook my head. “Unt uh. I don’t have the energy for another one of her emotional surprises.”

  Coop cocked his head and ordered me, “Girl, c’mon.”

  “Did she ask for me?” I pressed as I sat up, holding my heavy breasts.

  “No, but I want you to go with me.” He had said it with so much ease, as if me being with him was so natural.

  “Coop.”

  He looked up from stepping into his shorts. “Yeah?”

  “You never answered my question,” I remin
ded him.

  His bushy eyebrows curled. “What question?”

  “What are we?”

  I needed to know. I didn’t want to be naïve again. We’d had sex, but that meant nothing to most men. I needed to hear him say it.

  Coop pulled up his shorts, saddening me because his beautiful piece of steel was now hidden from me. He walked towards me and sat back down on the couch. He held my hand, answering, “We are us. You’re mine, and I’m yours. We’re going to do exactly what True wanted us to do. Like you said, we owe her.”

  COOP

  Remi and I spent the ride to Angel’s house catching up since we hadn’t had a real conversation since True’s funeral. Every time there was a pause in our conversation, our eyes wandered towards one another’s, giving each other flirtatious and intense glances. I playfully squeezed her thighs. She couldn’t keep my hands from clinging to my biceps and running her nails over my chest.

  We had been forced apart because of loyalty and then fear. Now, we were finally in each other’s arms, and we couldn’t get enough of one another.

  When we pulled up to Angel’s house, Remi beamed when she saw Joy riding her bike up and down the driveway. Once I was in park, she happily jumped out my ride and ran towards Joy.

  “Remi!” I heard Angel call from the porch. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

  As I got out of the car, I heard Remi tease Angel. “Oh yeah? Don’t feel good getting surprised, does it?”

  Angel smirked as she walked towards Remi with her hands on her hips. She questionably stared back and forth between me and Remi as I met them in the driveway.