Get Anyone to Do Anything

by David J. Lieberman

Strategy Review

  • When things are going your way—when you’re in the pattern of success—it makes sense to put more on the line and slightly increase your risk. And when you’re going strong, you decide when to stop; don’t be forced into early retirement. But when things are going against you, stop and regroup.

  • Never do anything out of fear, if you can avoid it. Fear clouds your thinking and places your focus on the negative outcome. If you need to win then you will lose because you will be focused on what is at stake and not on the objective. Detach yourself from the objective and get in the zone before you take action.

  •

  Section V

  Make Life Easy: Learn How to Instantly take Life’s Most Annoying, Frustrating, and Difficult Situations and Get the Upper Hand Every Time!

  This section contains the greatest psychological strategies for handling life’s most trying times and circumstances. If you want to simplify your life or just plain make things easier then these tactics will be invaluable for you. For life’s little tribulations and uncertainties, you’ll learn exactly how to make sure that things go your way...every time.

  24

  Get Anyone to Return Your Phone Call Immediately

  There are several different strategies that people use to get their messages returned. The least successful but most often used ploy is the “this is really important” message. It sounds something like this: “You’d better call me back...” or “This is an emergency...” These messages only manage to annoy and needlessly worry the person being called. Of course the situation will dictate the type of message that is most appropriate, but the following phrases are the very best psychological tactics to get anyone to return your call. They appeal to a basic aspect of our primal nature: curiosity.

  1. I found out and it’s not too late! When you call, I’ll fill you

  in.

  2. I’m so excited for you. Give me a call, we’ll talk about it.

  3. I owe you this much. When you call me I’ll fill you in.

  4. You were right. When you call me, we’ll go over it.

  5. I know you’re going to love it! When you call, I’ll tell you

  how.

  But what message will get your phone call returned faster than any other? Leave these sixteen words on any machine or with any secretary and wait for your phone to ring.

  “I appreciate what you’ve done....Please give me a call. I’d like to thank you personally.”

  This is the entire message. The person called knows that with a message like this, it’s problem free—no headaches or explanations. It blends curiosity with gratification. It shows that you’re a nice person for acknowledging what he’s done (whatever it is), and that makes him feel good: to be appreciated. Most important, it’s confusing. No matter how enticing a message is, if it’s clear what you’re talking about, the person will always make the decision as to whether or not it’s important enough to return your call. If, however, he’s not able to make the decision because he doesn’t have enough information, as is the case here, then he can’t conclude that he doesn’t have to call you back. Have you ever gotten a confusing message on your machine mixed in with a bunch of regular messages? If you have, you might recall that the one that makes no sense is the one that makes you want to call back first to find out what is going on—because it may be important. If a person understands the message, then he can conclude on his own whether or not it’s important. And you don’t want him to do this.

  The unknown is what needs to be clarified. It’s for this reason that many people will disrupt an enjoyable telephone conversation with a good friend to answer an anonymous call-waiting beep. Why? Because they don’t know who it is, and it may be important! The unknown beckons us. Since you want your message returned, you have to say who you are, of course, but as for the rest of the message, leave them wondering. Combining all of these factors into one message is the sure-fire way to get anyone to respond.

  If you’re calling a company, ask the person who answers the phone whether the company uses pink or white message pads. (Almost every company uses one of these colors.) When she responds, say “Okay, can you do me a big favor? Can you draw a smiley face next to the message for me?” You will be absolutely amazed at how many people comply. Then when the person you left the message for is sifting through his messages, it’s the one with the smiley face that’s going to get his attention—especially coupled with the message that you left for him.

  Strategy Review

  • Leave a message that in some way shows your appreciation, but isn’t clear as to what it’s about. Human beings have an inherent curiosity, and by not making your message clear, it forces the person you’re trying to reach to clarify what it’s about.

  25

  Get Anyone to Forgive You for Anything

  http://getanyonetodoanything.us/vid00054.html

  Okay. You’ve messed up, you feel guilty, and you’ve promised never to do it again. If that’s enough to set things straight, terrific. However, we both know that sometimes it takes a lot more than “I’m sorry” to make things right. Let’s see how we can use psychology to help you get forgiveness, fast.

  The psychological strategy in seeking forgiveness for cheating on your spouse is of course going to be different than if you were late for a meeting with your boss due to a traffic accident. (Also, the tactics vary depending upon whether it’s your behavior or your words that got you in trouble. First, we’ll look at correcting misdeeds; then you’ll see how to gain forgiveness when you misspeak.) In instances where your intentions were good but outside influences interfered use the following.

  Research suggests that if your excuse is due to circumstances beyond your control it is received much more favorably than an excuse that mentions only reasons that you had control over (Weiner et al., 1987). For instance, simply saying that “you didn’t feel up to it,” or that “you completely forgot,” will likely generate unnecessary hostility and anger toward you. However, if a six-car pileup on the freeway or a flat tire is the culprit, you will be more readily forgiven. The reason for this is that nobody wants to feel as if she is being taken advantage of, or think that you didn’t “care enough.” Therefore, by placing the blame on an outside source you remove the attitude that leaves her feeling angry and unimportant.

  So if your mistake was beyond your control, let the person know this. One caveat is that you also need to let her know that you planned for this possibility, but were unsuccessful. For instance, if traffic caused the delay, you want to cut her off at the pass because she may be thinking, You knew this was important to me, so why didn’t you leave more time? When explaining the circumstances also include the fact that you anticipated the possibility of this problem—in this case heavy traffic—but it was much greater than you could have reasonably prepared for.

  One other thing to keep in mind is that your apology should be sincere and specific. It’s been shown that giving a specific accounting of the circumstances involved, as opposed to vague generalities, is highly effective in reducing a person’s anger (Shapiro, Buttner, and Barry, 1992). It’s all in the details!

  This should suffice, but if it doesn’t you can proceed to the tactics below, which are designed for more severe breaches of trust and consideration and when the circumstances were not beyond your control.

  When you’ve done something wrong, this person feels violated in some way. There is a sense of betrayal. She feels you don’t respect her enough, you don’t care, you’re not interested in caring, etc. Therefore simply saying, “I’m sorry,” doesn’t correct the situation because you haven’t restored her sense of dignity. Your actions took away some of her power. To make her feel better you need to return her psychological state to the way it was.

  Below is the framework for a four-phase process that will ensure your success in achieving swift and complete forgiveness.

  Phase I: Responsibility, Apology, and Sincerity

  Unlike the previous situation, he
re it is important for you to take full and complete responsibility for your actions. Do not shift blame or assign excuses; this will only exacerbate the situation. The person is expecting you, to some degree, to lay the blame onto others. This doesn’t help because if the blame is placed somewhere else then only that other thing or person can restore that person’s sense of importance. If you take responsibility then you have the power to set things right. Again, balance must be restored to the person’s ego. She needs to know that she was not taken advantage of and that her feelings were considered.

  Next, apologize for your behavior. Occasionally we forget to actually say the words, “I’m sorry.” While just these words often aren’t enough, they are essential to your overall strategy for gaining forgiveness. Sometimes it’s very hard to say this, but as hard as it is, it is that much more important to gaining forgiveness.

  Finally, make sure that your sincerity comes across. Any apology that is not sincere will not be believed. And if you are not believed then you will not be forgiven. If you’re not truly sorry, then you will likely do what you’ve done again and put this person through more pain and sadness. So if you don’t mean it, don’t say it. If you’re not truly sorry and remorseful it might be time to reevaluate the relationship or situation.

  Phase II: Remorse and Punishment

  A very important phase in this process is to let her know that you are willing to face and accept any and all consequences for your actions. An apology without remorse is like a sports car without fuel: It looks great but doesn’t do anything. Showing remorse gives her back the one thing that she lost: power.

  She will likely do nothing or much less than if you never put your fate in her hands. But remember your fate (at least with her) rests in her hands at this point anyway. But freely giving her the power—and acknowledging it as hers—to determine your fate is extremely important. She wants justice for what you’ve done. She wants to be able to exercise her rights as a human being and be given the respect she deserves. Give her back what you took and you will be forgiven. You can start by saying something such as “I know what I did was wrong; you have every right to be angry with me. I’m willing to accept the consequences for my actions.”

  Even in court cases, studies show that if you don’t show remorse then you are likely to receive a higher sentence. You need to restore the balance with your words or you will be punished as a way of setting things straight. It is in balance that we find justice. And in justice that we find forgiveness.

  In extreme instances it may be necessary to employ the following technique, which will allow you to rapidly diffuse her anger. Here, you go a step further and actually suggest a punishment—the harshest one you can think of. She will then be forced to talk you out of it, because she will likely feel that even you don’t deserve such a harsh penalty. And in doing so she inadvertently creates an effect in psychology called cognitive dissonance. (This is characterized by an anxious state, which arises when an individual holds two conflicting attitudes or ideas. To reduce the anxiety, this person has to justify the inconsistency.) Once she talks you out of your actions she has to reconcile that what you did was not “as bad as she thought” as a way of unconsciously making sense of her mixed feelings. In other words, she unconsciously rationalizes to herself, “If what he did was so bad, why would I talk him out of that punishment?”

  Phase III: Duplication and Explanation

  So far the previous tactics have you above water, but if you want to reach dry land, you’ll need to go farther and implement the following.

  Explain to her how the set of circumstances that created this event can never happen again. Part of her disturbance over your behavior is the unpredictability of your actions. That is, it’s something that has happened and can happen again without notice or warning. If you can assure her that the combination of events can never repeat itself, then this will go a long way toward alleviating much of her anxiety. By isolating the event you minimize its impact on her life as an anomaly and not something that she will ever have to deal with again.

  Now is the time that you have to answer “why?” Her entire world has been upset, nothing makes sense, and you have to give her a plausible explanation as to why you did what you did. She will not be satisfied and is unlikely to be able to let it go unless she understands what led to your behavior. A simple “I don’t know” or “I wasn’t thinking” will do nothing to allay her fears of a repeat performance.

  But here you run into a challenge—one that usually sinks most people who have gotten this far. How do you explain your actions without sounding like you’re defending them? This is the last thing you want to do.

  The very best way to explain your actions is to root them in fear. Whether it’s personal or a business situation, you’re still dealing with human beings. And all people understand fear. It is primal and pure (e.g., “I was scared because things were going so well”; “I feared that you would fire me if I didn’t lie about the warranty”; “I lied because I feared you would hate me if you found out the truth”).

  Now your actions are seen less as a betrayal that violated trust, and more as an irrational act of fear by a confused person. It furthers your vulnerability, and helps to restore her feeling of power and dignity. By assuaging your fears she takes an important and active role in restoring her own sense of control.

  Remember that the objective is to restore the sense of balance and this, in conjunction with the other tactics, does just this, because rooting your motivations in fear diminishes the perception of your ego. Simply, fear is a response to feelings of your inadequacy to deal with the situation. This is in stark contrast to a braggadocio, self-centered mind-set—one that you do not want to present.

  By the way, have you ever wondered why after someone cuts us off on the road we often do two things? One, become angry, and two, try to see what this person looks like. First, we’re angry because we weren’t “respected” by this person and second we want to see what he or she looks like to determine if the individual looks like the kind of person who would do this to us on “purpose.” A little old lady doesn’t enrage us as much as a young male might. This is because we assume that she cut us off by accident and that it’s not personal. The totality of your responses is ego-based. Someone did something to you and you’re angry.

  Phase IV: Nothing to Show for It

  Finally, it’s important to let her know that your actions produced no enjoyment, financial gain, or any type of benefit whatsoever. Since no one can go back in time, you need to relay that not only was it a mistake but that it didn’t produce the anticipated benefits. Remember, the key to forgiveness lies in restoring balance to the relationship—be it personal or professional. If you gained in some way, then you will have to “give back” more in order to set things right. Never acknowledge any benefits (external rewards) or satisfaction (internal rewards) from your behavior. For example, you want to say things such as “The sex was lousy”; “I never spent any of the stolen money”; “I was more miserable and so filled with guilt afterward”; etc.

  This strategy will set into motion her forgiveness. Now you have to wait for the only thing you can’t manipulate: time. Once sufficient time passes, all of the elements will fall into place and your life as you knew it will once again be restored.

  The above are behavioral misdeeds, but sometimes it is our words that wound. These are simple enough to deal with using a technique called globalizing. For all those who have put their foot in their mouth one time too many and who speak without thinking, this technique will save you a lot of energy and heartache.

  • In person

  If you offend her directly, oftentimes a quick “just kidding” doesn’t do much to assuage her hurt feelings. Therefore you should do what’s called globalizing the comment as soon as you say it. For instance, you’re arguing with a coworker and you tell her that she’s completely incompetent (oops!). Right after you say that you need to employ damage control: “...along with everyone
else in the damn company.” We are offended by something in great part due to our taking it personally. This add-on diminishes the impact. This way it’s taken as one complete belief and it dissipates the personal impact. Instead of feeling hurt or that there’s something wrong with her, she will probably think that you need a vacation.

  • Third person

  If your words get twisted or you unintentionally offend someone, globalize your words and put your statement within the context of a larger point. For example, “No, I didn’t say you were driving me crazy, I said everyone was driving me crazy.” Since she’s hearing it third person, there’s usually enough doubt to throw you into the clear.

  Strategy Review

  • If your explanation is due to circumstances beyond your control it is received much more favorably than an excuse that mentions only reasons that you had control over.

  • If the situation was not beyond your control—meaning that it was completely your own doing—then make sure that you take full and complete responsibility for your actions.

  • Your apology should be sincere and specific.

  • Let the person know that you are prepared to face and accept any consequences for your actions, and that your fate is in her hands. You must restore her sense of power.

  • Demonstrate how the set of circumstances that led to your behavior can never occur again in the future.

  • If fear was part of your motivation, be sure to explain exactly how your actions were rooted in this fear.

  • Show that your actions did not produce any of the anticipated gain or benefits.