by Natalie Ann
A virgin. How was that possible?
He’d wanted to ask if she was waiting for marriage, but figured not. She was the one who asked to stay the night. He hadn’t brought it up.
But now he was the one that was nervous. Not that he thought she was seeing engagement rings, wedding bells, and white doves.
No, it was because he didn’t want to hurt her. Not physically and definitely not emotionally.
It’d been so long since he was with a virgin and his need for Gemma was like a rocket ready to launch into space. How the hell was he going to be able to go slow when he was ready for the fuel to ignite and blast off?
And he had to stop thinking those thoughts because it wasn’t helping any. Rocket, fuel, blast off. Juvenile at best, but he was hornier than a teen.
His doorbell rang, causing him to pick his phone up off the coffee table and check the time. She was early. Not a ton, just fifteen minutes, but it was fine with him.
He was sick of walking around and trying to find something to occupy his mind. Especially since, as he predicted, he was waking up with nightmares of abused women and dead bodies.
He opened the front door and saw her standing there with a bag over her shoulder, a grin on her face, and nervousness in her eyes.
“Hey,” he said, pulling her in. “Come here. Relax.”
“I’m relaxed,” she argued, but hugged him back and held on tighter than normal. Yeah, he needed that too.
“Could have fooled me. No pressure, okay? We don’t have to do anything other than dinner tonight.”
She glanced up at him quickly, her doe-like green eyes wide and looking...almost hurt. “You don’t want me?”
Shit, that wasn’t what he meant and sure the hell didn’t want her to think that. “Come on in.” He led her into the living room and shut the front door. “Yes, I want you, but I know you’re nervous. Hell, I’m nervous.”
She laughed. “I kind of hoped you wouldn’t be and could guide me through it.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m nervous about hurting you, not about doing the deed. I’m not used to virgins and I’m a little bit out of my element when I’m normally on top of things.”
“I’d hoped you be on top of me.”
This time he laughed. So much joy she’d brought him in a short period of time. Was he falling for her because of that or something more? And how would he know for sure?
“That’s more like it. I’ll show you around the house and we can start dinner and relax. I picked up a bottle of wine hoping it’d calm you a bit, but don’t feel obligated to drink it. I don’t know what you like.”
“That’s funny, I picked up a bottle too.”
“Even better. I don’t want you drunk though,” he said, eying her hard. “I draw the line at that.” Not only that, but what a way to make him feel like shit, that she had to get drunk to have sex with him.
“No. I wouldn’t. I’ve never been drunk. I just thought it’d be nice to have a glass to calm me and then maybe one to celebrate. I would have gotten champagne but that seemed kind of silly.”
He was touched when she said those words, but didn’t want to embarrass her more than she already was, judging by her blush.
“It’s not silly,” he said. He grabbed her bag and put it on the couch. “This is the living room,” he said. “I don’t spend a lot of time in here. There’s a smaller family room type deal off the kitchen with a wood stove. It’s where I watch TV.”
He walked her through the front living room off the main entrance. “Dining room there that I don’t use. I picked up a small table that no one has ever sat at, now that I think of it. I just didn’t want the room to be empty. I was tempted to put a pool table in there but thought that’d be too cliché.”
“It would. Though it would have suited you.”
“Kitchen this way. Nothing fancy, but it does the trick. I like the small eating area between the kitchen and the family room.” He had his hand on her lower back and moved her toward the front where the stairs were. “Half bath right there. Again, nothing fancy. The house is about thirty years old and hasn’t been updated in about fifteen years I think.”
“It’s a nice house,” she said.
“Three bedrooms up here and two baths. Well, the hall bath is a full one; the one in the master is just a toilet, sink, and shower that I can barely fit in. Again, does the trick.”
The door to the hall bathroom was open, but he hardly ever used that either. The two other bedrooms didn’t have much in them. Only one bed in one room, the other had some exercise equipment.
“This is a good-sized room,” she said when he showed her his bedroom.
“It’s boring, I know. You can say it.”
He wasn’t much on decorating. He didn’t even change the paint in any of the rooms when he bought the house two years ago. He’d lived in an apartment for a year while he tried to find something that he liked. The fact this was move-in ready and the color choices didn’t offend him in the least put it to the top of the list.
“I’m a pretty boring person myself. Or so I’ve been told enough, so there isn’t anything wrong with your house. Not all women like to decorate their homes. My apartment was pretty bare.”
“Where is all your stuff if you had an apartment before moving here?” He hadn’t even thought of that.
“In storage back home. I’ll only stay at my aunt’s for a year or less. I just wanted to get my feet on the ground and get familiar with the area before I tried to find a place to live. There is no way I could afford to buy my own place, so this is allowing me to put away some money to decide when the time comes.”
“Does your aunt visit often?” he asked, heading back down the stairs with her following. He’d been watching for any signs of her wanting to turn and run screaming from his house during the tour and there was nothing.
“She comes here a few times a year. I’m sure she’ll come sometime this summer, but hasn’t said yet. She travels all the time. She isn’t clingy or anything like that, so she’ll probably wait until she knows I’m really settled without wanting to feel like she is disrupting me. It’s her house though, I keep telling her to come visit.”
“Sounds like she is a pretty awesome person,” he said, glad she had someone like that in her life. Especially since he got the feeling her parents might not have supported her or had her back much based on some of the comments she’d made in the past.
“She’s wonderful. Always been my support system. The one I could call when I was upset or feeling down. It drove my parents insane, but they finally gave up.”
“Why did they feel that way?”
They were in his kitchen now and he was pulling the steaks out of the fridge. He’d even bought what she said she wanted for the sides so she didn’t have to bring anything over. Though he did just watch her dash out of the room on him and wondered what that was about. Then she came back with the wine in her hand.
“It’s cold. I thought I could have a glass while we cooked together. You don’t have to have it. I know you like beer.”
“I’ll have a glass with you if you want. And you didn’t answer my question about your parents.”
“My Aunt Julie is my father’s older sister. She’s never married and probably never will. There was always talk she was gay when I was younger, but I didn’t realize it. When I was older I actually asked her.”
“Good for you. I hate that everyone feels they can talk about someone behind their back and not bring stuff up.”
“She’d laughed at me and said no way. She liked men just fine, but her career was her life. She loved to travel and she didn’t want anyone holding her back. I get the feeling she has flings and it works for her.”
“Good for her then. No one should feel like they need to conform to normal when most of us don’t even know what is normal anyway.”
Gemma was shocked to hear those words come out of Blake’s mouth.
If anyone knew what it was like to not be considered no
rmal it was her. Though she found it hard to believe that Blake would think that way about his life.
Then again, it seemed like he didn’t have the best childhood growing up either. Just something they had in common...of sorts.
“I’ve always felt that way. I think that is why we get along so well. I’m the only redhead in the family too. Just like my aunt.”
“You don’t have red hair,” he said. “It’s brown.”
“Auburn now. It was red when I was younger, but it’s gotten darker and then I kind of push it along to a brown now too.”
“So you color your hair?” he asked. “You’re too young to have any gray hair.”
“No grays, just don’t want to be that redhead. It’s not a big change, but enough it’s brownish with red in it, rather than red with orange in it.”
“Whatever it is, it looks good on you. Everything about you looks good.”
“Really?” she asked.
“It’s amazing to me how sometimes you are so shy and other times so bold. Why is that?”
“Just trying to make changes in my life. Shyness is hard to overcome, so I have moments where my inner introvert wants to dive back into the turtle shell and hide away from everyone.”
“I hope you don’t feel like you need to hide from me.”
“Never,” she said and she meant it.
12
What I Want
Cooking dinner with a woman was something he never thought he’d enjoy. Shit, there were times he would have busted on other men for being a wuss doing it.
But that busting was just him hiding the fact that he wanted it so badly.
That he wanted someone in his life to be normal like he’d told Gemma he didn’t know what was.
He’d been to friends’ houses as a kid and seen their parents laughing and joking. Helping each other out in the kitchen. He’d been shocked the first time, but then found ways to keep going back.
Anything to get away from the drama he’d lived with so much in his life.
He was glad it was all behind him now, but there were days it kept him up at night wondering if he’d ever find someone he could be with. Or someone that wanted to be with him.
Guess they shared that when he never shared that thought with anyone before.
“Do you want another glass of wine?” he asked her when they sat down to eat. She’d been sipping her first glass the whole time.
“Maybe just a half. I’ve been nursing it pretty good and I’m having fun. You can have a beer if you want. Don’t take this the wrong way, but it makes me want to giggle watching you drink out of a wine glass.”
He laughed. “Why is that?”
“You’re this big guy with huge hands and the glass just doesn’t look right.”
He’d never thought so either, but he could throw back wine with the best of them. “I’ll grab a beer if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all,” she said. “Don’t do something just because I am. I mean, I’d rather you eat and drink what you want. No one should tell you what you can and can’t have.”
Another comment that made him wonder how much she’d been controlled in her life.
“I don’t let too many people dictate stuff like that. Work is one thing, but outside of work I do what I want most of the time.”
“I’m trying to be that way now.”
“You should always be that way.”
He got up and brought his plate into the kitchen and she followed, doing the same. He didn’t have a chance to get a beer though before her arms came around him from behind. “I’m going to do what I want,” she said.
He turned so that he was facing her, her head against his heart. He wondered if she felt it sounded like a jackhammer going off. “What’s that?”
“I want you to take me to bed. I don’t want to wait any longer. I’m excited and thrilled. And even though I’m nervous and know it’s natural to feel that way, I just don’t want to wait another second.”
“There is some of that boldness I liked from you before.” He leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the forehead. “If you’re sure.”
“I’m positive.”
He wasn’t going to ask again. She was an adult and she could make her own decisions and he was damn glad her decision was to let him strip her naked.
“Thank God,” he said, pulling her upstairs to his room. “Tell me if I do anything you don’t like or don’t want.”
“I’m going to like and want it all. I know it.”
She was smiling when she said that and his ego was that rocket now that was ready to rip the roof off the house.
“Just the same, I want to know.”
Once they were in his room, he cupped her face in his hands, ran his thumb around her lip, then replaced it with his own lips. It was killing him to go slow, but there was part of him that didn’t want to rush either.
Not just because he didn’t want to hurt her, but he didn’t want to scare her.
Her arms went around his neck, her body pressing against his, and he knew there was nothing that was going to stop them tonight. Not even his phone, which he’d left downstairs. He wanted no interruptions at all.
He deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding into her mouth, tasting the sweet wine and pulling it in. Sucking on it, feeling her body shiver and knowing his was doing the same.
Her hands went under his shirt and over his back, her nails lightly grazing him. He didn’t know if she was doing that on purpose or her body had a mind of its own.
“I really like kissing you, but I want to see your body again. I’ve been dreaming about it since we were in our bathing suits.”
“You’re trying to test me, aren’t you?” he asked, moving back. He pulled his shirt over his head and went to reach for hers.
“No, I want to do it,” she said. “I want to undress for you.”
He wasn’t going to argue. If that gave her courage then he was going to let her do what felt good to her. What felt right.
He stood back and watched as she pulled her T-shirt off, then undid her jean shorts and lowered them down. She was left standing there in a white bra and cotton panties. Nothing overly sexy, but innocent and that was even better. He was sure she didn’t plan it that way.
So he followed her lead and dropped his shorts hoping he wasn’t going to frighten her, but he was like solid steel and ready to explode. There would be no hiding it in his boxer briefs, but they were staying on for now.
And when her eyes went right there, he sucked in his breath. Her hand reached out too. “Can I touch you?”
“You are trying to kill me,” he groaned. “But you can do what you want with me. I’m all yours tonight.”
“Can I be all yours too?” she asked.
She had no idea what those words did to him. “I’m hoping so.”
She reached out and traced her fingers over the outline of his cock. There was a heat in his body he was sure she could feel. A pulsing that was vibrating everywhere like never before.
“Yeah, sorry. I can’t take too much of that,” he said, picking her up and putting her on the bed. She’d have to wait for another day at this point. Or at least later.
He came down on top of her, kissing her hard and long. Her body was lifting and pushing against his, so he slithered down and put his lips to her collarbone. Her cleavage. And now he wanted her nipple so he nudged the straps of her bra off her shoulder until her boobs spilled out.
She wasn’t massive and that was fine. He didn’t like a woman with a ton of boob. What he liked was what could fill his hand and she had more than enough for that.
Her light pink nipples were probably as solid as he was and he wasted no time pulling one into his mouth.
“Oh, that feels so good,” she said. “Better than when you were touching me the other day.”
“It’s going to get even better than that,” he said, moving from one side to the other. He wanted to gobble her up. Move his mouth from side to side and just play there al
l night, but like he’d told himself she’d have to play with him another time, he’d have to do the same.
He moved his hands up to her breasts now, cupping and kneading her. Squeezing and hearing her wispy little moans escape from her lips. It was like watching the start of a fireworks show and knowing it was going to increase in pleasure and excitement. That the slow build was starting and the finale wasn’t that far off.
He knew he had to make sure she was prepared enough to take all of him. To minimize the pain. So he moved his hands to her panties and pulled them off. She was nice and neat and trim and he loved that a lot. That she wasn’t bare and trying to be someone he didn’t think she would be.
“Hang on tight,” he told her, hoping she’d understand what he was saying.
His hand dipped down and he put his mouth on her swollen nub, pulling it in, then licking it like it was the last drop of ice cream melted into the bowl on a hot summer day.
Her hips went up and a faint sound came out of her mouth. He stopped to look up and see if she was okay. With her eyes shut and a smile on her face, he was guessing she was.
He went back to work. Back to bringing her to the edge, maybe even sending her over. Getting her nice and wet and slick and making sure she was as ready as she could be.
He decided to slide one finger inside of her to see how tight she really was and wished he didn’t. Yeah, she was tighter than a whiskey bottle in a homeless man’s hand in the middle of the winter.
“Blake,” she said. He stopped and looked up.
“Does that hurt?”
“Not really. But I don’t want to wait any longer. I just want to feel what is building so high.”
He wanted to wait, but if she didn’t, then he wouldn’t prolong it. He pushed his finger in a bit more, then started to slide it in and out, her hips matching his rhythm. There was only one thing that would send her over and he did it. He put his mouth right back on her.
“Oh God,” she said, her hips lifting high and her nails marking his back. Her muscles were clutching his finger as he moved in and out and her moans turned into shouts.
