Unkown Forces

by Samantha Hicks

  “It’s not much, but it works for me. I spend most of my time at work anyway.” It was only a one-bedroom home, the upstairs housing her bedroom, bathroom, and storage closet. Downstairs had the kitchen, lounge, and another storage room. It wasn’t a tiny place, but it was big enough for Riley. She didn’t see the point in spending money on a home she was hardly ever in.

  “And at ours.”

  “Well, that is where all the pretty ladies live.” She smirked.

  “Always the charmer,” Jennifer said with a flirty smile.

  Riley turned serious. “Why are you here, Jenny?”

  “I know today is going to be hard for you, so I will let you get away with calling me that for now, but after today? Be warned.”

  “I’ll make a note of it. I assume, as you’re wearing black, you’re coming with me to the funeral?”

  “Kelsey mentioned it was today, so I offered to go with you.” She shrugged, like it was no big deal.

  To Riley, it was everything. “You offered? Kelsey didn’t ask you?”

  “You may find this hard to believe, God knows it makes no sense to me, but I do like you, Riley.” She smiled. “No matter how much you annoy me, I do care about you. And today is going to be hard for you, and I want to be there for you.”

  “I’m pretty sure that is the longest sentence you’ve ever said to me without the threat of violence. I’m growing on you.”

  “Don’t look so pleased with yourself. It’s taken seventeen years to get to this point.”

  Riley took a few steps closer, crowding in on her personal space, forcing Jennifer to look up into her eyes. She was pushing the limits, she knew this, but Jennifer had never looked so open before, or so friendly. Riley just had to see if the interest she saw in Jennifer at the garage was still there, or just a one-time thing. “How many years do you think it will be until you let me take you on a date?”

  Jennifer’s breathing came out in ragged gasps. Riley was getting to her. She was struggling to keep her cool, but Riley could tell from the look in her eyes that she was getting under Jennifer’s skin. “Depends on when hell freezes over” was the retort..

  Riley leaned into her, nearly pressing against her body. Jennifer’s pulse fluttered hard in her neck. “According to Google, it’s already getting chilly in the underworld, so I expect it won’t be too long.”

  “You should know never to trust the Internet.”

  The doorbell rang again, breaking the tension between them. “The car I rented is here,” Riley said as she reluctantly stepped away from Jennifer’s warmth. They were heading toward something, she could feel it. She just hoped Jennifer was willing to go there with her.

  “Are you ready?” Jennifer asked. Her skin was still flushed, but she had regained her composure.

  “Nope.”

  Jennifer smiled softly at her, then took her hand. The comfort she provided felt like heaven to Riley, Jennifer’s hand fitting perfectly in hers.

  †

  Riley stood at the entrance to the crematorium located a few miles out of town, shaking hands with other mourners as they left. The service didn’t take long. Riley gave a reading from the Bible and the priest said a few words and that was that. His coffin went down to be cremated to the sounds of Motörhead, her father’s favourite band. It was simple, and it was sad, a metaphor for his life. Jennifer had sat beside her through it all, still holding her hand, and Riley was grateful for her presence. She would have got through it on her own, but glad she didn’t have to.

  “I’m sorry for your loss,” the priest said as he shook her hand.

  “Thank you.”

  “His ashes will be ready to be collected in a few days. A representative will call you.”

  “Thanks again.”

  Jennifer walked up to her, a guarded look on her face. Riley had known her long enough now to recognise she wanted to say something but was biting her tongue.

  “So, what now?” Jennifer asked, shifting from foot to foot.

  “His ex-colleagues are having a wake at their favourite pub. I suppose we could go to that.” Riley looked around the car park at the few remaining people milling about in the afternoon sun, swapping stories about her father. The thought of having to listen to them extoll his life turned her stomach. No one knew him like she did. They only saw the man they wanted him to see. They didn’t know how he cried every night for two months straight when her mum left. Or that no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop drinking. And how he had gradually distanced himself from her over the years. She supposed that was because he knew he wasn’t her biological father and he didn’t know how to cope with knowing she wasn’t. His edging out of her life slowly but surely made sense now. She felt slighted. He might not have been her biological father, but he was still her dad. He’d still raised her from a baby. She shook her head. No point in dwelling on the past.

  “What do you want to do?” Jennifer asked.

  “I want to grab a couple of cold beers somewhere and say goodbye to him in private, without everyone watching me.”

  “Let’s do that, then.”

  “You don’t have to come with me.” Jennifer had already done so much for her, and Riley didn’t want to take up more of her time, especially knowing she would likely want to get back to the hospital.

  “I’ll ask again, what do you want?”

  She was being selfish, she knew, but she didn’t want to do this alone. Aside from Kelsey there was no one else she would rather be with than Jennifer. Looking deep into her eyes, she said, “I want to grab a couple of cold beers and go somewhere private, with you.”

  “Okay, come on.” Jennifer took her hand again, and again Riley’s heart filled with emotions she didn’t want to name. Having a crush was one thing, falling in love was something else entirely.

  Half hour later they were sitting side by side on a grassy slope overlooking a lake. The weather had turned cooler, but still being late spring, it didn’t require sweaters.

  “It’s really peaceful here,” Jennifer said.

  Riley gazed out over the lake, watching birds swoop down trying to catch their supper. “Dad used to bring me here when I was a kid. We would spend hours fishing. Mum always got mad when we were late getting home, but I think she was secretly pleased we got on so well.” She shook her head. “They knew all that time he wasn’t my father and they never told me.”

  “Does it matter? What I mean is, he was your dad. He might not have been your biological father, but he raised you. You were still his kid.”

  “Yeah.” It was hard to stay mad at him. He tried his best, after her mum left, to raise her right. She always harboured a slight hatred for him, knowing he cheated on her mother and couldn’t understand why her mother had left her with him. But she had, and Riley knew deep down he loved her. He might not have shown it in the best ways sometimes, but he tried. She couldn’t fault him for that. Although distance sprang up between them, he still did his best. She supposed sometimes inner demons were too strong; he obviously couldn’t fight his off.

  “Did you have any luck finding her?”

  “My mum? No. I’ve trawled through the Internet, Facebook and stuff, but I can’t find a trace of her. She could be dead for all I know. I’ve thought about hiring a private investigator, but that costs money I don’t have.” The business was doing well, but she couldn’t afford to spend money she needed to keep the place running. And doling out on a PI just to answer questions from her past seemed stupid. Her dad was dead; best to let sleeping dogs lie, as they say.

  “Well, if you need any help, just let me know.”

  “Thanks.” She slapped her hands on her knees and stood from the ground, brushing the grass from her backside. “Right, I’m ready.” She helped Jennifer to her feet and together they walked to the water’s edge. Closing her eyes, she sent a silent prayer up for her father, wishing him peace. Without looking at Jennifer, she said, “Thank you for being here with me.”

  “Not a problem, and you k
now what? I haven’t wanted to kill you all day. Perhaps you were right about hell getting cooler, getting ready for the freeze.”

  A kernel of hope sprang forth in Riley’s chest. “Are you saying you’d consider going on a date with me?”

  “I’d consider it—no guarantees, mind you.”

  That was good enough for Riley, for now.

  They headed back to Riley’s home, neither one speaking. She was glad for the silence. She was too worn out for idle chit-chat and they said all the important stuff at the lake. Jennifer was warming to her: that was all she needed to know. Riley pulled up outside, then slammed the brakes when she saw a familiar-looking woman sitting on her front step.

  “Oh my God.”

  “What is it? What’s the matter?”

  Disbelief flooded her. Riley bunched her hands into tight fists, the lethargy from moments ago replaced with a rage she tried hard to contain. Why today of all days was she here? Glaring out the window, she said through gritted teeth, “That’s my mother.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jennifer made a quick exit, leaving Riley standing on the curb, glaring at her mother.

  “Riley?” Her mum’s voice sounded so familiar, so comforting, and Riley had to fight the urge to throw herself into her arms, like she had done so many times as a child. But she wasn’t a child anymore, and her mother’s presence wasn’t welcome. Yes, Riley had wanted to find her, to know about her biological father, but she didn’t want to see her, not in person. A phone call was all she needed.

  “Mum? What are you doing here?”

  Her mum gave her a pained smile and for a moment Riley thought she felt real sympathy coming from her. “I read in the paper about your father’s death. I’m so sorry.”

  “Why? We haven’t seen you for eighteen years. It’s not like you’ve kept in contact.” Riley had yet to move, still standing on the pathway, her stomach rolling in knots.

  “I know, but there are things you don’t understand. I’ve always thought about you.”

  “Well, that’s okay, then. Doesn’t matter you walked out on us, as long as you thought about us.” She sounded bitter. She didn’t care. She was bitter, and angry. How dare her mother think she could just rock up the same day Riley buried her dad? Riley’s fists were still balled tightly, and she barely managed to control the fury that burned within her. She wasn’t a violent person, but stood here now, looking at the woman who left her, gave up on her, made her want to hit something.

  “I know you’re angry—”

  Riley held her hand up. “You know nothing about me,” she growled.

  “And I want to change that. I want to explain what happened, why I left. And hopefully get to know you again.”

  Her mother took a few steps closer. Riley could now see her face clearly. She had aged well in the last eighteen years, giving Riley a sense of how she herself would look in the future. They had the same dark hair, although her mother’s was longer, and she had the same high cheekbones and square chin. They weren’t similarities Riley relished right at this moment, staring at the woman who abandoned her.

  “That’s not going to happen. You lost your right to know me when you left.” Riley reached into her pocket and pulled out her wallet. She unfolded it and took out her birth certificate, which she handed it to her mother. “All I want to know about is this.”

  Her mother took the piece of paper, her eyes going wide when she recognised it. Her trembling hand was the only indication it rattled her. “How long have you known?”

  “A few days. Why didn’t anyone tell me he wasn’t my father?”

  “He didn’t know. No one did. He found out when you were ten. That’s why I left. He kicked me out, refused to let me see you. He threatened to kill me if I ever came near you again.”

  “That’s bullshit.” Her dad was a lot of things but never violent. “Even if he did say that, there is no way he could have stopped you from seeing me if that’s what you wanted. You chose the coward’s way out and I’ll never forgive you for that.” She snatched the certificate out of her mother’s hand and shoved it back in her wallet. Her mother was lying, she was sure of it. No mother in their right mind would leave their child and never try to see her. Something wasn’t right, and she doubted she’d ever learn the truth. It didn’t matter now anyway. It was too late to rebuild her relationship with her dad because he was dead. They only thing she needed to know was who her biological father was. That might help her in understanding who she was, where she came from.

  “Who was he?”

  Her mother looked at the concrete, stuffing her hands into her jacket pockets. “He was someone I worked with.” She glanced back up to Riley. “Your dad and I were having problems and Richard was there for me. We didn’t mean for it to happen and it didn’t last long. A few weeks at most. I ended things with him and then found out I was pregnant.” She shrugged. “Your dad assumed it was his, and I didn’t have the courage to tell him otherwise. I didn’t want to lose him. I had him put on your birth certificate, but I started having doubts you were his. I did a DNA test without him knowing, and that’s when I knew you were Richard’s. I had a new birth certificate issued, then hid it. I wanted you to know where you came from, but I couldn’t find the courage to tell you and your dad the truth. Eventually I put it out of my mind, until your dad found the new certificate.”

  An affair. How cliché. All these years Riley was told her dad cheated on her mum, and it turned out her mother was the cheater. She guessed there were a lot of things she didn’t know about her mother, and the more learned, the more rage bubbled inside her.

  “How did he find out?” She was a glutton for punishment, it would seem. She wasn’t sure she wanted all the answers but knew if she didn’t have them, she would drive herself crazy always wondering.

  “We had a water leak in the roof, so your dad went up to clear out the loft, to get it ready for the workmen. He found your birth certificate in a box. He confronted me, and I admitted the truth. He was so angry. He hit me and threw me out. He said he never wanted to see me again but refused to let you go with me. He loved you so much. It hit him hard that you weren’t his.”

  How dare she say that last part. Her mother had no right to comment on their relationship. “Is my father still alive?” Riley asked.

  “Yes.” She paused for a moment and drew in a deep breath. “We got married nine years ago.”

  Riley sank to her knees, fearing she would throw up. Her head throbbed. How can they be together? After everything they did to my family? “You’re married?” The words came out as a harsh whisper.

  “Yes. You have a brother also.”

  Her gut rolled, her sight blurring as she fought the urge to faint. A brother? This can’t be happening. “I don’t believe this. All this time you were with him setting up another family? No wonder you never bothered to come and get me. My dad had the right idea.” She got to her feet, determined not to show any more weakness in front of her mother than she already had. She stood toe-to-toe with her, her gaze hard as steel. “I never want to see you again. Please leave.”

  “Riley, please.”

  Her mother tried to reach for her, but Riley slapped her hand away. No way this bitch was going to touch her, ever. “No. You need to leave.”

  “I can’t walk away again.”

  “Fine. I’ll do it for you.” She turned away from her, yanked open her truck door, and got inside. She peeled away from the curb faster than was safe and drove away, not once looking back in the mirror at the stranger standing on her front lawn.

  †

  “Riley?”

  Riley’s head snapped up to look through her passenger-side window. Jennifer stood in the darkness, her forehead creased with worry.

  “How long have you been sat out here?”

  When she had left her home, she had driven around for a while trying to calm down. An hour later she found herself outside Kelsey and Jennifer’s house. This was where she always went when growing
up, when things were hard at home. This was where her best friend lived, only Kelsey wasn’t here.

  “About an hour. I needed to see Kelsey and forgot she was in the hospital.” After Riley realised she wouldn’t be here, she couldn’t find the energy to drive away. She didn’t want to go home, and it was way too late to go to the hospital to visit her friend. She had no one else to turn to, so she sat here in her truck, trying to shut out the words her mother had said. A brother.

  “Do you want to come in?” Jennifer asked, eyebrows pinched.

  “I don’t want to disturb your evening.” Even as she said the words, she knew them untrue. She needed to be with someone, and Jennifer was the next best thing to Kelsey.

  “You wouldn’t be. I was just trying to do some studying, trying to take my mind off Kelsey’s operation tomorrow.” She smiled ruefully. “To be honest, you’d be doing me a favour.”

  Riley stared at her for a moment, checking for signs of subterfuge but finding none. “Okay.” She got out of the truck and followed Jennifer up the walk to the front door.

  “Can I get you a drink?”

  “Tea would be nice.”

  “Go through to the lounge.”

  As Riley passed through the hallway, she noted Jennifer’s textbooks spread all over the kitchen table. She sat on the sofa and briefly closed her eyes, listening to Jennifer making tea in the other room. A few moments later a hot mug was placed in her hands, and she took a grateful sip. Jennifer sat next to her, close but not touching.

  “So, that was your mum, huh?”

  Jennifer always had a way of cutting straight to the heart of it. It annoyed Riley and she was in no mood to talk. She glanced at her but saw nothing but open caring and genuine interest. She nodded.

  “I assume it didn’t go well?”