The Bear Shifter’s Game

by Martha Woods

  “I… can see why you’d think that,” He replied, rubbing at the back of his neck, “Ok, if you want I… I can show you what I can do, but it can’t be here. It has to be somewhere private, there’s no telling who could be watching or… what could be watching.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, very much not liking the exact wording that he’d used.

  “I’ve had this weird feeling since I woke up last night, like something’s been following me, but I didn’t realize that was what I was feeling until a little while ago, if that makes sense.” He looked up, scanning the rooftops and the windows for any signs that someone was watching him. There was none right now, but he wasn’t going to rule out that they were still following him, he just needed to have some time to think about what he was going to do if he was right.

  “You think that something hurt you last night? That you didn’t just fall down?” Rachel knew for a fact that you couldn’t end up as rough as he had just by falling down, but it was concerning that she might have been right to be suspicious in the first place. “If you can do this… what the hell hurt you?”

  “I don’t know,” He sighed, shaking his head and brushing his hair out of his face, “But whatever it was… it’s probably not happy that I found it, it threw me around pretty easily apparently. I’m not a fan of being thrown around, and I’m even less of a fan of being followed, so I… I don’t know what I’m going to do here.”

  “You don’t know?” She asked, “What do you mean you don’t know?”

  “I mean that I don’t know,” He said, voice trembling slightly, “I was never the one who had to think about this sort of thing, that was always Shane, or Megan, or even Orson, I never had to be the one to come up with a plan and tell everyone what they had to do to make sure that they were alright at the end of the day. I just had to be told what to do and then I’d do it.”

  “Well…” Rachel trailed off, not sure of what to say before she walked over and took her seat next to him. “Do you think you’ll have to fight it? Whatever it turns out being?”

  “I might, but I don’t want to.” Jamie looked down at his hands, squeezing them tightly until he could feel the indentations of his nails in his palms. “I don’t want to fight anymore, I ran away because I’d had enough of it, why should I have to do it down here as well? I hurt so many people, and I’ve been hurt so many times, why can’t I just… why can’t I just have some peace?”

  She was sympathetic, there was no way she couldn’t be, but there were some things that she just knew even if she couldn’t place herself in his shoes, with all his experience of the unimaginable. “Sometimes you just have to fight, even if you don’t want to. People aren’t going to stop trying to hurt you just because you’re tired, or because you don’t want to fight, or because you’re trying to be better than them. Sometimes… sometimes they just want to hurt you, and the only way that you can make them stop is by hurting them back.”

  “But I don’t know if I want to,” He answered, voice halfway between a whisper and a scream, “There’s so much that I’ve done that I hate, and if them hurting me or… or doing something more than that, if that’s what means that I won’t have to do that anymore, then I think I might be fine with that.”

  It was a stunning admission, one that left Rachel speechless for a good moment as she tried to process it properly, fingers digging into the denim of her jeans and shoulders tensing in a second. She’d thought many things in the years since she’d met him, made many theories about what had happened to him and what he might be capable of doing to himself or others if he was pushed to it, but this… she’d never expected to hear something like this from him, not in a million years. But here he was, vulnerable, feeling completely alone, and there was nothing that she could do except lean in and wrap her arm around his chest, pulling him closer into her side and leaning her head on his shoulder.

  “Maybe you won’t have to fight, maybe you can run. Or maybe you won’t have to do anything at all, this could all just be… one big misunderstanding, you know? But… please don’t say anything like that again, it makes me worry too much, I worry that I might lose you sometimes, did you know that?”

  “Really?” He asked, looking over and down at the top of her head, “I’m that hopeless huh?”

  “Not hopeless,” She said, shaking her head, “Worn down, tired. You want a break, and you deserve one, but in all the years I’ve known you I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you take one. No wonder you’re so fragmented all the time.”

  “I’ve been busy,” He laughed, feeling some of the tension starting to unwind, “I didn’t know that university could be such hard work.”

  “Why your thought of an escape was coming to university I’ll never know, but I… I’m glad that you did.” She squeezed her arm around him, rubbing the side of her head into his shoulder in what she hoped was a caring gesture. “Sure, I have other friends and everything, but I don’t know if any of them really get me like you do. We’ve known each other for three years now, and in all that time I’ve never felt like I’ve had to explain myself to you, made you pissed at me for no reason, it’s just been… good, every step of the way.”

  “Barring today?”

  “No, even today hasn’t really been that bad, all things considered,” She laughed, “It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever found out about a guy, believe me. You would not believe some of the weirdos that live in this state. Still have no idea why I moved here.”

  “Neither,” Jamie replied, staring down at her and looking away when she looked up at him, “But I’m glad that you did too.”

  They sat there, just letting the sun pass by in the sky and their worries start to melt away, content to let their closeness comfort them through what they knew was going to be a very strange time indeed, their relationship undeniably changed by the truth coming out. But neither of them thought that this was necessarily a bad thing, it certainly wasn’t the worst way that things could have turned out, that was for sure. Now that there was no curtain separating them from each other, there was no need to hold back in what they felt or said, no need to be scared that they would reveal something about themselves that would make the other feel scared, or unwanted, or cheated, everything that could have done that had been revealed, and against all odds, had been accepted.

  Now that, truly, was something very, very strange indeed.

  Chapter 5

  Josh had come by Jamie’s dorm room once everything had calmed down, not angry or disappointed like Jamie had been expecting but instead… almost rapturous at seeing him again, almost pushing himself into Jamie’s dorm room as soon as the door had opened in his excitement.

  “Ok, I don’t know what this is,” Jamie said, one hand on Josh’s chest and holding him at the door, “But you really need to calm down.”

  “What?” Josh replied, before looking down and connecting the dots, “Oh my bad bro, can I come in?”

  “Uhh… sure.” Jamie stepped to the side, opening the door further and letting him into the still dimly lit room, the curtains having barely been opened since he’d moved in three years ago. “Sorry about the mess, I don’t really get visitors.”

  “Don’t worry about it, I play football, I can deal with a mess.” Josh sat himself down on the end of Jamie’s bed, a moment of perfectly content silence passing between them in which Jamie thought for a split second that everything was going to be calm, when suddenly Josh leaned forward so suddenly it was a wonder that he didn’t complete a perfect journey into the floor. “So how do you run so fast? You’ve super got to tell me man, I’ve never seen anything like that, it was awesome!”

  “You… think it was awesome?”

  “Do I think it was awesome? Are you listening to yourself man?” Josh jumped up, pacing back and forth like he’d discovered some ancient government conspiracy. “It was like trying to race against a car, one second you were right next to me and then you were just… poof! Gone! You’ve got to join the tea
m or something man we could be unstoppable with you on our side!”

  “I said this before but I seriously don’t know anything about how you play this game, I don’t see how I’d actually be any sort of help?” Jamie laughed, leaning back in his chair, “I mean… thank you but… there’s better people out there.”

  “Ahh you’re not making this easy!” Josh fell back onto the bed, taking a breath before he pushed himself back onto his elbows. “You’ve gotta come to the party tonight though, do you have any idea how many people saw you running today?”

  “I counted about twenty?”

  “Oh, one of them was filming our race and put it up on facebook, half the campus has seen it now.”

  Jamie’s eyes almost bugged out of his head, shooting forward so quickly that he actually did fall out of his seat, stammering out a sentence as he felt that ever present anxiety that he’d managed to get a handle on recently making a roaring comeback. “Half the campus? I didn’t sign up for that!”

  “I tried telling them to take it down but it’s no use at this point, anyone who was gonna see it’s seen it by now.” Josh grimaced, shrugging his shoulders and sighing, “I’m sorry dude, I wasn’t planning that, really. I just wanted to have a race, maybe get to know you better, I feel really shitty about the whole thing now.”

  Jamie wanted to chew him out, for really no other reason except that he was the one who was there and he would have clearly accepted the chewing out. But he couldn’t, not with Josh sitting there and looking like a kicked puppy who knew that they’d done wrong, it would have been wrong to hit him while he was down like that. So instead Jamie sighed, placing his head in his hands again and letting himself go limp.

  “It’s not your fault,” He said, “You didn’t mean for the video to get out, don’t worry about it. This whole thing is just… a little bit weird, that’s all.”

  “I know bro, I know. That’s why I want to make it up to you, show you a good time, introduce you to some of the boys. They’re pretty cool, if you’re not into sports or anything like that then half of them are doing like science or English degrees, they got in on football scholarships.” He grinned. “We’re not all dumbass meatheads.”

  Jamie chuckled, shaking his head with obvious fondness edging into his expression. “And which type are you?”

  “Oh I’m dumbass meathead all the way through, I just do a good job of hiding it.” Josh got up, crossing the room and holding his hand out to Jamie, pulling him up onto his feet. “So come on man, come out tonight, have a good time. I know a couple girls who’d be into you, maybe a dude or two, if that’s not your thing then you can bring Rachel along, we’re all friends here.”

  “You’re not making this easy to turn down, but I’m sure you know that don’t you?” Jamie said, looking down at the floor and counting his breaths to ten, “Fine, sure, I’ll show up. Can’t promise that I’m going to stay but… it’d be crappy of me to turn down an invitation wouldn’t it?”

  “Nice! Yes, that’s what I’m talking about!” Josh pumped his fist, looking like he’d struck oil. “Alright, it’s out at one of the frat houses, the frat got kicked off campus, bunch of them got thrown out of the university, I don’t really know the story but that means that there’s a free house! I’ll text you the details tonight, should be around nine, that all good?”

  “Y-Yeah, nine is just fine,” Jamie said, smiling in spite of himself. Actually enjoying the anticipation of spending time with new people, just what was becoming of him? That wasn’t the him that he’d known so well over the last few years. “Should I bring anything?”

  “Bring something to drink if you want to be picky, we’ll probably have some shitty beer there, maybe a few bottles of drugstore vodka, it tastes like shit, it’ll be great.” He walked over to the door, opening it up and pausing on the doorframe. “Hey uh… thanks for not rubbing in winning today, I know you aren’t the type, and I don’t care that you beat me, but I’m the fastest on the team, a lot of people would have probably bragged if they beat me.”

  “Yeah well, I’m not an asshole,” Jamie said, “I meant what I said too, you’re one of the fastest people I’ve ever seen. I don’t think anyone’s gonna beat you anytime soon.”

  “I just need to keep training,” He replied, tapping his fingers against the door, “How else am I going to beat you someday right?”

  Jamie watched him go, not quite having the heart to tell him that it was likely impossible, though perhaps it really was for the best that he didn’t find out. After all, if he kept training to try and beat an impossible goal, then there was really no reason at all to stop training in the first place. And if Josh could really improve his skills any more than the level they were already at… well, whoever went up against him was going to be in for a very rude surprise.

  “Hey Rach?” Jamie called, knocking on her door and tapping his foot, “You mind if I come in? Or do you want to go grab lunch somewhere?”

  “Hold on!” She called, a few moments passing with assorted levels of crashing from behind the door before she pulled it open, standing with her bag ready and her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. “Alright, let’s get going. You wanna go anywhere special?”

  “As long as I can get a sandwich and a drink I think I’m good…” Jamie took her bag, hoisting it over his shoulder and walking down the hallway at her side, smiling and nodding at each of the students that he met on the way, each of them recognizing him either from the race or from the video. It was… strange to see so many people aware of who he was, after such a long time of trying to fade away into the background, but he couldn’t say that it was completely unpleasant, just the opposite in fact. When he looked into their eyes, looked at their smiles, he didn’t see teasing or jeers like he’d been expecting for so long, he saw… friendliness, openness, almost admiration as they looked him up and down and then glanced over at Rachel. It was very odd to think, but for a moment he thought that this was what the cool kids felt like when they walked down the hallways too.

  “You’re grinning like such a dork,” Rachel snorted, “You look like you won the lottery.”

  “I’m just happy!” He laughed, “I can’t be happy?”

  “I never said that. It’s just… strange, seeing you being so open now. It’s nice.” She smiled, pausing for a moment before she reached down, taking his hand in hers. “Do you mind if I do this?”

  He almost froze up at the contact, after everything that had been over the last few days, the feelings that he’d become so suddenly aware of almost out of nowhere, yet out of a logical conclusion, feeling so close to her was… a bit much. But he couldn’t say that in a bad way, more that it just wasn’t what he’d been expecting, the same too much that you felt plunging into a hot bath before your body adjusted, skin feeling like it was going to melt before a few seconds passed by and you were fine.

  “It’s fine,” He said, cursing the tiny crack in his voice that she immediately smirked at, “Are you sure it’s fine?”

  “I grabbed your hand first didn’t I?” She said, “Besides, it makes me look less bitchy while you carry my bag.”

  “Ah, I see,” He drawled, “You’re just using me for my cargo capacity, I wish that I could say that I was surprised. Got to say, I thought that I could expect better from you.”

  Shoving him out the front door and waving down a taxi, Rachel bundled herself inside and pulled him right in alongside her, directing the driver to a cafe near the beach, more than likely to be less populated in the cold months. Or at least as cold as Florida got, which wasn’t really much.

  They reached the cafe and took their seats before Jamie remembered that he was supposed to be asking her something, but then they were ordering coffee and food, and it slipped his mind again. It got to the point that she saw that he kept struggling with finding the thought and losing it, eventually kicking his shin lightly under the table and pointing at him with her fork.

  “You look like you want to ask me something,” She sa
id, “Come on, spit it out. Then we can get back to eating.”

  “What was I- oh!” Jamie leaned forward, placing his hands palm down on the table and saying, “Josh’s holding a party tonight, I think I told you about it yesterday or something, the one that I got invited to by that random guy from class?”

  “I remember random guy from class, he sounds like a nice random guy.”

  “Well I got invited by Josh again, and I said that I’d go, do you still want to go with me?”

  “Go to a party on my night off with my best friend? Now why would I want to spend a night doing that?” She drawled, “Yea of course I’ll come, should I bring anything?”

  “Bring something good to drink, please, apparently it’s going to be shitty beer and drugstore vodka, I’m afraid that one of us might die otherwise.”

  “Trust me, I’d plug myself before drinking that vodka again, I’ll find something good.”

  It was easy, talking about these things, it had always been easy really but something about this time… it felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he felt so light that he could fly.

  Then his phone rang, and when he looked at the number he didn’t recognize it, but something felt… wrong, off, like he was standing in front of a loaded gun without even realizing it. He didn’t know when he’d started shaking, but he paid no mind to it as he pressed the answer key and held the phone to his ear, blood turning to ice as he heard a voice that he hadn’t heard in going on five years now.

  “Hey Jamie,” Orson said, sounding so impossibly tired that it was a wonder he was even still breathing, “Been a while huh?”