by K. A. Last
“Great, Mum. The room is amazing ... thank you.”
“No problems getting there?”
“No,” I say. “Everything is fine.”
I put my feet up on the railing, and lean my forehead on my knees. Nothing is fine. I’m not fine. I want to go home, but fine is what you say when you’re eight hundred and fifty kilometres from home, and you’re supposed to be having fun.
“Okay, well, stay safe,” Mum says. “Give me a call in a couple of days.”
I hit End, sit back in the chair, and rub my face, then look at my phone to see what time it is. Karen, Jessica, and Stacey are expecting me to show up back at the beach in a little more than half an hour. The Friday night markets start at four o’clock, and I really want to wander through them, but now I don’t feel like leaving the room.
I stare at the ocean, and try to decide what to do.
My phone buzzes in my lap with a message.
Daniel: How r u?
I sigh and write a reply.
Me: Need new word 4 fine
Daniel: Want 2 talk?
Me: No. But WYWH
Daniel: Call me later?
Me: OK
As I hit send, Levi’s name flashes on the screen, and my phone buzzes out its ring tone. I blink and stare at it for a few heartbeats.
I swipe my finger across the screen. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Levi replies. “You get here okay?”
“Yeah. You?”
“All good. No hassles.”
“Our room is really nice. You should see it.”
“Maybe you can show me later.” I hear the smile in his voice, and I smile as well.
I pick at the edge of the chair handle and stare down at the beach, wondering if Levi is walking along it. The sun will be setting soon, and the reflection through the clouds has set the sky ablaze.
“Where are you?” I ask. “Can you see the water?”
“No. I’m at the pub. The boys and I are having a beer.”
“Oh.” I go quiet for a moment. “Well, the ocean looks beautiful. And the sky is amazing.” I stare at the red and pink tones seeping into the clouds. “Even though the sun doesn’t set over the water, it looks like the show will be good.”
“Want to sit on the beach at sunset tomorrow night?”
My breath catches, and I open my mouth then close it again. “I’d love to, but I’m not sure what the girls want to do.”
Levi is quiet on the other end of the phone. Then he says, “I miss you, Katie.”
What am I supposed to tell him? I miss him, too, but I feel like I can’t breathe. Still, this might be my opportunity to move forward. Is it time to let Levi do the breathing for me?
“I’ll be down at the markets soon,” I say. “Maybe we’ll run into each other.”
“Yeah, okay. I’ll look for you.” Levi says, his voice sounding happier. “I’ll see you later?”
“Bye.”
The phone goes dead, and I smile, staring at the screen until it blinks off. The sun is lower, and I check the time. I’m surprised Karen hasn’t called to see where I am. I quickly text her to let her know I’m on my way. My phone buzzes a few seconds after I hit send.
Karen: Meet U at mall entrance
Me: OK
I grab my cardigan and purse, lock the room on my way out, and head for the lift. I stare at my reflection in the mirror as the lift takes me to the lobby, and I smile again.
Maybe for the next few days I can pretend I don’t have any problems, or baggage. I’m not the poor girl. I’m not the girl everyone goes out of their way to embarrass. And I’m not the girl who has had her heart broken by the boy next door more than once.
I’m the girl who’s ready to open her eyes, and start living again.
What I’m Looking For
WHEN I GET BACK TO the foreshore, I walk through the markets and glance around quickly as I make my way towards the pedestrian lights across from the entrance to the mall. All sorts of items are on display, from brightly coloured artworks, to knitted hats, and tie-dyed sarongs. I snort. There’s even a stall where you can get your fortune read.
I find Karen, Jessica, and Stacey near the lights.
“Did you see the fortune teller?” Karen says, grabbing my arm.
“Yes.” I raise my eyebrows. “Why?”
“You should totally get a reading.”
I bite my bottom lip. “No way.”
“It could be fun.” Stacey shrugs.
“You could ask about Levi,” Jessica says.
“Yes, yes, yes.” Karen jumps up and down, still clutching me. “You could find out what’s going to happen between you two.”
I laugh. “You don’t seriously believe that stuff, do you?”
“Come on, Katie,” Karen says. “Lighten up. We’re here to have fun.”
“Then why don’t you get your fortune told?” I ask.
“Me? I’m boring. I have no love life.” She pulls me back into the markets and towards the fortune-teller stall. “You’re far more interesting.”
We stop outside the small tent. There’s an A-frame sign on the right advertising ‘Fortune Telling by Madame Leora’. The marquee is draped in purple fabric on all sides, with the panels at the front pulled aside and fixed to the poles like curtains. Attached to the fabric around the door is a variety of dried flowers, and herbs. Trinkets, beads, and crystals hang in strings in the open space.
“Looks cute.” Stacey touches the fabric.
“And creepy,” Jessica says.
Karen pushes me towards the threshold of the stall, and I part the beaded curtain to gaze around at the inside. The floor is covered with a Persian-look rug. Paper lanterns hang from the fabric ceiling. There’s a small table in the centre with flickering candles on it, and a tarot deck set to one side.
A woman dressed in a black lace dress, purple headscarf, and with heavy eye make-up stares at me from one of the two seats at the table. She leans forward and rests her hands on the wood in front of her. Her bangles and the several rings on her fingers clink with her movement.
“Welcome,” she says in a low, husky voice. “I am Madame Leora. What is it you wish to know?”
I stare at her, then whisper to Karen, “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Come on.” Karen nudges me towards the empty chair. “Katie would like her fortune told. How much?”
No beating around the bush then.
“Twenty-five dollars per reading,” Madame Leora says. “Forty for two.”
“Here.” Karen hands over the money.
I glance at Jessica then Stacey, and they both shrug. With a sigh, I pull the chair out and sit at the table. I make a note to buy Karen something this week. I don’t want to waste her money, but who knows? I might find out something interesting.
“Only the subject can be in here,” Madame Leora says.
Karen folds her arms. “Why?”
“We can’t have any outside influences. If you want to stay, it’s another fifteen dollars, and I will read the cards for you, too.”
“Okay. We’ll come back in half an hour.” Karen ushers Jessica and Stacey out of the stall.
I watch the beads and crystals fall back into place, then turn to face Madame Leora.
“I’ve never done this before.” I twist my fingers together in my lap.
“Relax,” she says. “It will help us get a more accurate reading. Are you ready?”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, shake my hands, and put them on the table, then nod. “How does this work?”
Madame Leora picks up the tarot deck. “First, we need to clear the deck to remove all the energy from the last reading, and attune the cards to you.” She hands me the deck. “Shuffle them. Then hold them with both hands, and close your eyes. Visualise a bright white light extending from your fingers and into the cards.”
Okay then.
I do as I’m told, sitting up straight and shuffling the cards, flipping them clumsily between my hands. Then
I clutch them tightly. With my eyes closed, I try and picture whiteness surrounding me. I feel like an idiot, but I’m strangely calm.
Madame Leora says, “Open your eyes. Now you need to ask your question.”
“How do I do that?” I stare at her, my fingers gripping the cards.
“Ask your question in your mind.” She nods at me. “Go on.”
I adjust my hold around the deck of cards, and stare at them. What am I going to ask? What do I really want to know? I can’t ask if Levi loves me, because I already know he does, although he has a weird way of showing it. I want to know if we have a future together, but I also want to know if that future will work out. Will everything be okay between us? Will we be happy? Or will all our problems get in the way? I don’t want a future with him if that future is bleak.
Then I think of a question that seems almost too perfect, and exactly what I want to find an answer for.
Will Levi and I be able to find forgiveness?
It seems forgiveness is the one thing both of us are seeking, whether it’s from each other, or from ourselves. And I’m hoping that with forgiveness will come happiness.
“Okay, I have my question.” I look up.
“Good.” Madame Leora places her hands over mine and leans forward. “Now, channel that question into the cards.”
I stare down at my hands again, and take a deep breath. This isn’t going to work, surely. Fortune telling is ridiculous. But I want an answer to my question more than anything.
Madame Leora takes the deck from my grasp and places it on the table. “Split the cards with your left hand.”
My fingers shake as I reach for the cards, taking half the deck and placing it to the left side of the pile. “Now what?”
Madame Leora puts the two piles of cards back together. “Now we see what the cards have to say.” She places the first three cards face down in a line on the table in front of me. “Turn each card over, starting from my left. The first card represents your past. The middle is where you are now, and the third is what your future may give you.”
I hold my breath, my hand hovering over the first card, eager to find out what the cards will say, but completely scared at the same time. I pinch the edge of the card and turn it over. A knight in silver armour, sitting on a white horse and holding a black and white flag, stares up at me.
“Death,” Madame Leora says.
“That doesn’t sound good,” I mumble.
“You have had a sudden change in your past. Someone close to you instigated this change, but you must not dwell. Because where one door closes, another opens.”
I stare at Madame Leora and crinkle my nose. Really? She’s using that old cliché? But then I think about it for a second. Levi was close to me, and he instigated a big change in my life. He ended our friendship. Killed it. Maybe the death card is pretty spot on.
With a deep breath, I grab the middle card and turn it over. A man, looking like the pope and holding a sceptre, stares at me.
“The Hierophant,” Madame Leora says.
“The what?” This is so bogus. Why am I even here?
“Recently, you have come to terms with doing what is expected of you, even when you have not wanted to.” Madame Leora’s voice is becoming huskier. The flames from the candles on the table flicker in her eyes. “You have been wise in conforming. It has led you to great achievements.”
I bite my lip. Does she mean becoming dux? I can’t think of any other great achievements in my life, and I was pretty much forced to do what everyone expected the day I won my scholarship. Now, I want to pursue a career in the arts. That’s not exactly conforming to my parents’ wishes.
I pick up the third card. My fingers slip, and another card drops to the table, landing face down. Were they stuck together?
Madame Leora presses her fingertips together. I still have the third card in my hand.
“What? What does this mean?” I ask, my fingers trembling.
“Put the card on the table.” She lays her hands in front of her and spreads her fingers. “We will worry about the fourth card in a minute.”
I put the third card down beside the middle one. A man in a black cloak stands with five cups at his feet. Three of them have been knocked over.
“What’s this one?” I ask.
“The five of cups.” Madame Leora looks at me. “You are feeling disappointed, and you’re having trouble letting go of your past.” She points to the death card. “You need to find forgiveness, whether it be for someone else or yourself. It is not until you can learn to forgive that you will find happiness.”
My mouth drops open. Then I snap it shut. Did she know my question? How has she been able to read the cards to mirror exactly what has happened to me, and what I’ve been thinking?
It has to be a generic response to whatever card gets turned. What a load of crap. It’s a coincidence this card has come up and this weirdo has said what she’s said. I stare down at the cards in disbelief, and a wave of cold rushes through me.
This is totally creeping me out.
“Turn the fourth card,” Madame Leora says.
I don’t want to. But I slip my fingernail under it anyway and turn it over, placing it beside the five of cups. A tower sits on top of a mountain. Lightning strikes the tip of it, and flames billow from the windows.
“This doesn’t look good either,” I say. It would take an idiot not to see that.
“The tower,” Madame Leora says. “You will face great turmoil. Something unexpected and tragic lies ahead. You will be tested in your ability to forgive. You need to be prepared.” The psychic sits back, and regards me for a moment. She doesn’t say anything else.
“That’s it?” I ask. “My future holds something tragic and unexpected? Could you be more vague?”
“I just read the cards,” she says. “Now, you need to close the reading. Pick them up and place them back in the pack, please.”
I stare at her with my mouth agape before scoffing and sweeping the cards together. “Okay, then.” I get up from the chair and go to the curtained door, then turn to face Madame Leora. “How much of this should I believe?”
Madame Leora stacks the cards on the table near the candles. “As much as your heart can manage.” She stares at me, and I turn away, parting the beads and stepping out into the markets. “I hope you find what you’re looking for,” she calls after me.
I hesitate for a second, hugging my purse to my chest. Nothing she said could possibly be true. It’s all a hoax. A pre-written script designed to apply to pretty much every person ever. But so much of what Madame Leora said is close to ... everything. A shiver runs down my spine, partly because of the outcome of my fortune telling, and partly because Levi is standing across from me.
Maybe I’ve already found what I’m looking for.
Still Standing
I STARE AT LEVI AS a trickle of people walk between us. He has his hands shoved into his jeans pockets, and is wearing a nice shirt, as if he’s ready to go out on the town. Of course he is. He’s probably going to hit the nightclubs later with his mates.
I’m still wearing the shorts and singlet top I threw on this morning when Karen and I left Coffs Harbour. Was that really this morning? It feels like a million years ago, and I stifle a yawn.
Levi comes towards me, dodging a few people to cross the main thoroughfare of the markets. I glance around to see if I can find Karen and the others, but they’re nowhere in sight. I look back to Levi and smile.
“Fortune telling?” he asks when he reaches me.
“Yeah. It was ... totally a waste of money.” I chew on my bottom lip, and look around again.
“What’s wrong?” Levi shifts on his feet.
“Sorry ... I’m just looking for Karen.”
“Call her.” Levi shrugs. “She’s probably checking out the stalls.”
I open my purse and take my phone out to text Karen instead.
Me: Finished. Will look at stalls then B on beach
Karen is quick to reply.
Karen: Jess getting a tatt
What? I stare at the screen with my mouth open, then another message comes through.
Karen: Don’t panic not real
Karen: Henna
I smile then laugh, because for a second, I did panic. Besides, if any of my friends are going to get a tattoo, I want to be there.
“What’s so funny?” Levi asks.
I put my phone away. “Jess is getting henna. Karen was trying to freak me out, that’s all.”
Levi smiles and pulls his hands from his pockets, running one of them through his hair. My insides flip, and I smile wider because he still has this effect on me.
“What did the fortune teller say?” Levi asks.
I shake my head and look up at him. “Nothing important. Or true.”
I clutch my purse, and fiddle with the zipper pull, not sure what else to say or what to talk about.
“Hey, Levi,” someone yells.
Levi turns towards the voice. I look around him to see who it is. Jarred and Geoff are walking towards us.
“Come on,” Jarred says. “We want another beer.”
“Or two, or three.” Geoff grins.
I scrunch my nose up. I can’t believe Levi is friends with him. I’m not about to tell him who he can and can’t be friends with though.
Levi faces me again. “What are you doing tonight?”
I look up and down the stalls. “Shopping, and I’ll probably sit on the beach for a bit.”
“What about tomorrow? Want to have lunch with me?”
Geoff snickers. “Dude. Beer. Let’s go.”
I glare at him, then make eye contact with Levi. “You should go be with your friends.”
“Yeah, but I’d really like to spend some time with you.”
“Can I call you? I’ll check what the girls are up to. I don’t want to ditch them.”
Levi backs away a few steps, nodding. “Okay.” He turns and walks with his two mates into the crowd.
I let out a long breath. Is it ever going to be easy to be around Levi? To talk to him normally again like I used to when we were younger? I don’t know why I’m finding it so hard now. Actually, I do.
It’s a trust thing.
