The Pirate (Captains & Cannons Book 1)

by Galen Surlak-Ramsey

  Zoey stuck out her tongue. “Shush. You’re going to scare him off or make him do something dumb like attack me.”

  Ethan shook his head and probed his neck once again. It was still sore, but now that he had the memory fresh in his head and her confession ringing in his ears, finding a pair of rough, round patches of skin ended up being easy.

  “I gave you a little bit of a healing potion,” she said. “In case you were wondering. Figured it was better than letting you be bedridden for a week after I drained you.”

  With a huff, Ethan folded his arms over his chest and shook his head yet again. “I still can’t believe you ate me.”

  “No, Ethan, I nibbled.” She then flashed him a wry smile. “And sucked. Most guys like that part.”

  “Not like that on the neck, they don’t.”

  “Would you rather my fangs go down there?” she asked, pointing below his belt.

  Ethan grimaced. “No, I’d rather them not find me at all. I didn’t agree to this whole gem thing only to become your blood doll.”

  “Beggars can’t be choosers,” she said with a shrug. “Did you know you taste like a full-bodied merlot? To me, at least. It’s quite nice.”

  “No, I can honestly say I had no idea whatsoever that’s what I’d taste like.”

  Zoey rolled her eyes with amusement. “Look, we don’t have to dwell on this for the rest of the day. Everything is quite simple when you get down to it. You help me. I help you. Before you know it, you’ve won your race, and you’re back in the real world, happy.”

  Ethan groaned with frustration. What choice did he have? None, at the moment, despite his wishes to the contrary. He needed a ship, and for that, he needed money. And as best he knew, the only way to get that much coin in such a short time was to get that gem. Maybe she’d come in handy down the road, anyway.

  “Fine,” he said. “But no more sucking my blood. I happen to like it inside of me.”

  “If you say so.”

  Ethan pressed his lips together into a tight line, unsure if she was actually making a promise or merely being patronizing. “Mind at least telling me what you are? Demon? Succubus? Blood witch? I know you’re not a vampire.”

  “You do, huh? How’s that?”

  Ethan pointed a finger at the sky. “The sun’s out. Duh.”

  “Lovely day, isn’t it?” she said, amused. “But to your point, you’re wrong. I’m very much a vampire.”

  Ethan furrowed his brow and pointed at the sky again. “But the sun…”

  “You do realize that there are like a hundred different versions of vampires throughout the world’s history, right? Only a few of those die from sunlight.”

  “Yeah, but you’re not even sparkling.”

  “I’d rather burn at the stake than be one of those,” Zoey said with a scoff.

  “Then what do you do?”

  Zoey’s mouth twisted to the side as she thought, and then she started enumerating on her fingertips as she explained. “You know, the usual. Suck blood. Charm victims. Move fast. Resist curses. Regenerate grievous wounds. Talk to rats and wolves. Working on the shapeshifting now, but I still need more experience to make that happen—at least, for anything fun other than turning to mist for a few moments. All of that seems to be a fantastic package for you to have in a traveling companion.”

  “Except for the whole feeding off me at the end.”

  “A small price to pay at best,” she said. “Look, if it makes you feel better, hunger pangs from this whole blood lust deal are terrible. Imagine the most severe cramps during your period and then make them a hundred times worse. That’s about what it’s like when I haven’t had a snack in a bit.”

  “Uh, right. Cramps.”

  Zoey rolled her eyes. “Try. Anyway, I usually don’t end up killing my meals. You’ll be fine.”

  Ethan straightened and felt the color drain from his face. “Usually?”

  “Well, if I get really hungry.” When Ethan started to inch back, Zoey titled her head. “Now, Ethan, you’re not getting cold feet around me, are you?”

  “I think anyone else would call it being smart,” Ethan replied as he was reconsidering his decision to stay. “I need to win this race and save my dog. Haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘never stick your dick in crazy’ before? This is all kinds of crazy, and we’re not even having sex.”

  “You’re looking at this all wrong,” she said. “I didn’t have to spare you, and I certainly didn’t have to give up some of my healing potion, either. I’m clearly looking out for your interests as well as mine.”

  “Why do I feel like this is a horror movie then, and this is the one part everyone in the audience is screaming ‘Run, you fool!’ yet the hero does anything but?”

  Zoey sighed and folded her arms over her chest. “Why don’t you try looking at it from a different possible future instead?”

  “Such as?”

  “How unstoppable you’ll be with a vampire at your side,” she said. “Seems to me, that’s a surprisingly good thing to have, especially in a world as dangerous as this place is. No? Besides, I’ll admit, there’s something adorkably cute about you that I’m a sucker for, no pun intended,” she went on. “We might be friends soon enough, or more, if you play your cards right.”

  A flutter went through Ethan’s stomach, her words planting fantasies in his head faster than his heart pounded in his chest. “You want us to be a couple?” Ethan asked, scarcely believing the words.

  “Want? No,” she said. “Against? Also, no, but if I’m being perfectly honest, Ethan, I’m simply not looking, but as I said, who knows, right? Don’t be so quick to write our story one way or another. Just go with the flow. It’ll be better for both of us that way.”

  Ethan tapped his fingertips on his thumb. He wanted more with her, for certain. Well, he’d definitely wanted more before he found out she was a bloodsucking fiend from beyond the grave. Now? Well, he probably still wanted more, assuming they could work around this little feeding problem they were having. But all couples had their issues, didn’t they? Or future couples, as the case may be. “For my own clarity, then, what are we, again?”

  “A pair of people whose interests happen to be in alignment: i.e., we both need that gem,” she said. “And in the process of getting that gem, if you do and say things that I like, one day, maybe we’ll be more. Right now, though, all I’m focused on is succeeding in this quest of ours.”

  “In other words, you’re using me.”

  “If you want to be pessimistic about it, fine. I’m using you,” she said. “The glass can be half full, you know.”

  “I know.”

  “Then act like it and let’s keep our team together,” she said. Zoey bit on her lower lip, letting a fang show in the process, and shrugged. “Or you could go your own way, and eventually, when I get hungry again, I’ll have to go hunting. Who knows who I’ll find? Probably someone isolated, not sure of where they are or how to protect themselves.”

  Zoey’s thinly veiled threat wasn’t lost on Ethan. That said, he still wanted some extra input and reassurance, so he turned to Maii. “What do you think?”

  “I like her,” Maii replied. “Stock up on healing potions. Problem solved.”

  Zoey flashed a smile. “See? He knows what’s what. This is all going to work out. I promise.”

  Ethan spent the next several moments turning it all over in his head. Could he do this? Should he? He wasn’t certain on either point, but he did know he was short on time, and thus far, she was the only one willing to help him.

  “Alright,” he said with a short nod. “Let’s do this.”

  # # #

  They reached Weynock a little before noon. The town sat atop a small hill, surrounded by stone walls with guards at the top and a few more posted at each of the gatehouses. According to Zoey’s history lesson along the way, Weynock was one of the larger ones in the area and was famous for its wine distillery and silver mine, both of which provided a great boost to t
he town’s local economy. There would’ve been an even bigger boost had Myriden not taken a liking to sinking nearly everything that dared try and make port, as well as the occasional disappearance of young men and women who Zoey swore she knew nothing about—despite the look of guilty pleasure on her face.

  As they neared, Ethan’s feet went from sore to throbbing. Apparently, his traveler’s boots weren’t made so much for traveling. Either that, or much more likely, his feet weren’t made for traveling. The trio paused about fifty yards away from the southern entrance so that Ethan could sit for a minute, pull off his boots, and inspect his aching feet.

  “No blisters, at least,” he said, massaging his right foot for a few moments before slipping the boot back on. “That’s something.”

  Zoey nudged him with her elbow. “Then up and at it,” she said before giving a slight nod to the guards ahead. “They’re starting to look at us.”

  “Isn’t that what guards do?”

  “Yes, but these guards love to take advantage of the weak, too,” she said. “Which means unless you want to give up all you have and then some for ‘protection,’ I suggest you treat this seriously.”

  “I will. Don’t worry,” he said, taking to his feet. “Besides, can’t you hypnotize them or something?”

  “One person at a time,” she said. “And since I’m not a thousand years old, the more alert someone is, the less chance I have for success. Believe me, if they caught wind of what I am, we’d all be used as kindling before sunset.”

  Ethan soured his face. “Ugh.”

  “Exactly, now move it.”

  “I will! Give me a second.”

  “We don’t have a second.”

  “Look, I get you’re worried, but you’re overthinking this too much. There’s barely any line. We’ll be inside in no time. You’ll see.”

  Zoey shook her head. “That’s what worries me. They won’t be in a hurry to push people through and might have a few extra questions for us. Do you still remember your story?”

  “Of course,” Ethan said, a little perturbed. “We’ve only been practicing it for the last three hours.”

  “And for two of those, you kept calling yourself three different names,” Maii said with a chuckle. “Is your plan to confuse them so much that they’ll let you through? I’ve got to be honest: That’s a bold strategy. Might not be the brightest, but I have to respect your bravery.”

  Ethan ignored the jackal and started toward the town. Zoey jogged a few paces to catch up, and soon the three of them reached the gate.

  The guards, dressed in dingy uniforms of quilted green-and-yellow checkerboard fabric, carried muskets with bayonets in their hands and weariness on their faces. They also had the unmistakable air around them of those who hadn’t seen a bath in six months, and when that air assaulted Ethan’s nostrils, it was all he could do not to empty his stomach.

  “All right, one at a time,” the lead guard said, lazily pointing to Zoey. “Come forward and state your name, goods, and purpose for being here.”

  Zoey took a few quick steps forward and answered, “Zoey Becker. Carrying food and personal items. Came looking to see what work’s available or to put together a group.”

  The guard raised an eyebrow. “Group for what?”

  “Temple run, hopefully,” she said. “We’re under the impression there’s still treasure there.”

  The guard chuckled. “And a lot of dead adventurers.”

  “Only adds to the treasure,” Ethan chimed in.

  Zoey shot him a glare as the guard directed his attention to him. “You,” the guard said, beckoning Ethan forward. “That’s awfully glib of you.”

  Ethan shrugged. “Only stating the obvious. I’d think anyone that’s been around these parts for more than a day would know that.”

  Zoey gave a slight, approving nod that the guard didn’t see and which helped to boost Ethan’s confidence. Not that he needed it, of course. He was going to blow through this even easier than she had. All he had to do was not be a total noob.

  “Fine,” the guard said. “Let’s have a look at you, yes? State your name, goods, and purpose for being here.”

  “Ethan Silverhawk,” he replied, immediately cringing afterward. It was supposed to be Sparrowhawk. Hopefully, it wouldn’t matter, or they wouldn’t notice. What the hell was a Silverhawk anyway? The name sounded like it was for a guy who flew around space jamming to old 80s rock that was heavy on the synthesizer and light on the lyrics.

  “Silverhawk, eh?” the guard said, arching an eyebrow. “That’s a different one.”

  “Tell me about it,” Ethan said, re-composing himself as quickly and as bestly as he could. Bestly? Ethan felt his stomach tighten again. That’s what he called it? Bestly? God, he couldn’t even be a non-noob when it came to the English language. How was he going to get through this one intact?

  To Ethan’s relief, the guard, while still more alert than he was with Zoey, didn’t seem to care about Ethan’s internal reactions regarding his mental abuse of grammar. “Out with the rest. Goods. Purpose.”

  “No goods,” Ethan said. “Same as Zoey’s. Looking for work or a group.”

  “Not with that paltry set of gear,” the guard scoffed. “I’ve seen better from a trash pile in a goblin’s nest.”

  “Looks can be deceiving,” Ethan replied. “Why do you think I was hired to protect her?”

  The bluff was on, and from the skeptical looks of the guards, the life expectancy of the bluff was being measured in heartbeats of the single-digit nature. “You are protecting her?” The guard said. “What are you protecting her from, being taken seriously?”

  “He’s very—” Zoey began, but she was cut off in a flash.

  “Stand back!” the guard commanded. “He can and will answer for himself, understand? You speak out again, and I’m throwing the lot of you in a cell.”

  Ethan felt his throat tighten, but then realized he was behaving exactly how he should be. He needed to be strong, confident, and absolutely, positively not new. He sucked in a quick breath and held it to refocus his thoughts and to get in character. And that’s all he was doing, he told himself, playing a character like he would in any other game.

  Tapping into a deep reservoir of swagger that he made up on the spot, Ethan crossed his arms and leaned forward ever so slightly with a knowing grin on his face. “That’s what the ettins thought.”

  The guard eyed Ethan. There was still a lot of suspicion in his face, but there were hints of respect as well. Or at least the potential for it. “You have to give me more than that to believe you.”

  Ethan slowly drew his cutlass and nodded to the bit of dried blood still on it. “That’s the blood of two ettins. It gushed out of them when I split their skulls in two.”

  “Nice try. Ettin blood dries green, not brown.”

  “Not when it comes in contact with Glamborleg, the giant cleaver,” Ethan replied, not losing a beat and making up the name on the spot.

  The guard opened his mouth, apparently wanting to argue, but he didn’t. Perhaps he didn’t know the answer as to whether or not giant blood changed color if it touched magical items, which was what Ethan was obviously insinuating, or maybe the guard simply wanted to believe. Whichever it was, doubts remained. “Still,” he said, “that armor is paltry. A giant killer would have better.”

  “Keeps my opponents off guard,” Ethan said. “Take you fine gentlemen as an example. None of you think I’m dangerous. How much less dangerous do you think an ettin would find me, before I ended its life, that is.”

  “You’re serious? You actually killed an ettin?” the guard said, relaxing.

  Ethan nodded. “I have.”

  “That’s impressive,” the guard replied with a whistle. “I’ve seen one get bored of fighting a dozen men with halberds and wipe them all out with one well-placed swing of a tree.”

  Ethan smiled and felt the warmth of pseudo-pride fill his soul, making him feel like he could take on anything. “I
t was two ettins, but who’s counting?”

  “Perfect,” the guard said, waving him forward. “I have someone who needs to hear this.”

  “I’d be happy to recount my tale over a hearty stein of ale and some juicy mutton,” Ethan said, enjoying his momentary fame. “Perhaps you and your comrades in arms could join us at the tavern tonight, and I could also speak to whoever you need me to.”

  The guard shook his head and turned to one of the men on his right. “Fetch the Sergeant at Arms. Tell him we have a solution to our giant problem.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  The Ettin

  “Way to stick to the script,” Zoey whispered the moment they were no longer within earshot of the guards. “What the hell were you thinking?”

  “I don’t know!” Ethan whispered back. “I was caught up in the moment, okay? It’s not like we came up with a contingency plan if they didn’t believe I was your bodyguard. Besides, what were the chances they had a flipping ettin problem? I thought this was the world of pirates, not all things mythical.”

  “It is a world of pirates, but it’s also a world with plenty of monsters and creatures of all sorts, most of which aren’t too friendly? So I’d say those odds were pretty damn good! Why do you think towns are always so small?”

  “I have no idea what the town size is around here,” Ethan shot back. “This is my first time visiting. If you are so keen on me knowing every little thing about the places we go, you need to do a better job at playing Tour Guide Barbie—or Count Barbie as the case may be.”

  “Gah!” Zoey shook her head in disgust. “Okay, listen up. Here’s a friendly little hint: the reason every town, city, or castle has such a ridiculously small population compared to what it should be isn’t because the population around here has an unnatural fetish for birth control. It’s because there’s always something eating them. Always. They’re lucky to keep their numbers even, let alone experience any sort of growth.”

  “I guess you should be glad I didn’t say was a dragon slayer,” Ethan said with a sheepish grin.