Anyone But Nick

by Bloom, Penelope

  “A little,” I said. “I’ll admit, I was picturing more like a nice nighttime hike through the forest. I guess it turns out that I don’t know what hiking through the forest is really like. There are a lot less paths and a lot more piles of scratchy things to squeeze through than I thought.”

  Nick smirked. He had tucked his glasses in his pocket, and his face was smeared with dirt. The rugged look was different on him, but I found myself enjoying it. “We can still text Cade, if you want.”

  “No,” I said, sighing. “Can we just sit for a little bit to catch our breath?”

  Nick hopped up on a fallen tree log, and I sat down on a mossy rock across from him, not even caring that I was probably smearing a nice green stain on my ass. We’d been walking for close to an hour, and my legs and calves felt as stiff as rocks.

  “So,” I said. “We’ve been here two days. What insights has the retreat given you on the status of our employees?”

  “Unfortunately, I have only been watching one employee.”

  I smiled. “Which one?”

  “Hmm, I wonder.”

  I licked my lips. “Do you remember when I was student council president back in high school, and you helped me plan the prom at the last minute?”

  “Of course. Christina was supposed to help you do it, but she bailed on you. I was actually really excited when you asked me to help.”

  “You were? I never took you for the prom-planning-enthusiast type.”

  He chuckled. “I wasn’t. I was more of a Miranda Collins enthusiast.”

  I felt my mood sour slightly.

  “Sorry, did I say something wrong?” Nick asked.

  “No, it’s just . . . hard. Thinking about it, I mean. If you were interested in me when we planned the prom together, that means we were both interested at the same time.”

  “Maybe the way it worked out was the only way that would bring us here.”

  “Sweaty, scratched to hell, and three miles of walking from civilization?”

  “Together,” he said.

  My throat went tight. I tried to swallow, but it made an embarrassingly loud noise. “Technically or figuratively?” I asked.

  “Call me traditional, but when you jumped my bones on the bed in my room, I thought that was a decent step toward technical. That and the part where I basically poured my heart out and told you how much I want to be with you.”

  “Okay. Clarification. That was a mutual kiss. I actually lost my balance and kind of fell toward you. The way I remember it, you closed those last few inches on your own, and you’re the one who pushed me backward and climbed on top.” My voice grew quieter and less confident as I spoke. Just talking about it was doing all sorts of things to my body. I had been trying not to think about how good it had felt or how long it had taken my heart to stop racing afterward. Now I was retelling it to Nick’s face, and it felt somehow dirty and exciting all at the same time.

  “You fell into me?” Nick was still smirking. “Then why did your eyes go all lovey-dovey right before you fell? I think it might be more accurate to say you became so aroused that you lost control of your body. So the ‘fall’ was still a result of your inability to control your attraction.”

  I folded my arms. “At least you’re not lacking confidence.”

  “It’d be hard to with the way you’ve been looking at me.”

  I knew I was blushing but hoped it was too dark for him to notice. He was seeing straight through my bullshit, and I wasn’t even sure why I was trying to play games and stretch the truth. He and I both knew what had happened. Maybe it was time to accept it.

  “So, let me get this straight,” Nick said. “We aren’t technically together, because you didn’t technically kiss me on purpose, right? Does that mean if we share an intentional kiss, we’d be together?”

  “I wouldn’t call myself an expert or anything. But I think that would hold up in a court of law.”

  Nick stood up and walked over to me. In an ideal world, we would’ve still been in the grassy meadow. He would’ve eased me backward onto the soft grass, and little forest fairies would’ve started playing harps from the treetops. Instead, I was pretty sure there were armies of spiders and ants ready to devour me whole if I lay down in the forsaken underbrush, but it apparently didn’t matter. Nick took my face in his hands, bent down slightly, and kissed me so tenderly I thought I’d melt.

  His lips were warm velvet against mine. There wasn’t the same passionate, out-of-control hunger from before. This kiss was different. The first had made me want to strip my clothes off and do something reckless. This one made me want to throw away what remained of my emotional armor and let him in. All the years of resistance I’d been putting up to cover my fear of getting hurt again were breaking down with each tender kiss.

  “How’s that?” Nick asked when he pulled back.

  “I want you to text Cade.” I made no secret of what was going through my mind when I looked up into Nick’s eyes. I wanted him. I was done running from him, and seven years of desire were threatening to explode out of me. As badly as I wanted to let the moment carry us both away, we were in the middle of a scary forest, and I could barely see his face a few inches in front of me.

  Nick pulled out his phone.

  We eventually heard the distant sounds of Cade calling out for us. I also heard some sort of engine running.

  Cade barreled through a patch of bushes on a four-wheeler with ridiculously big wheels. I wasn’t even sure how he’d navigated some of the tighter patches of trees, but I’d learned that Cade always found a way. Especially if that way was stupid with a touch of absurd.

  “Didn’t I suggest a horse?” Nick asked.

  “I don’t trust horses, especially those two bucktoothed bastards that left you two out here with your dick in your hands. Well, I guess it’s just Nick’s dick, and it’d be in Miranda’s hands—but you get the point.”

  “They probably got spooked by something,” Nick said. “It’s not an issue of trust. We should’ve tied them up.”

  “That’s what you think,” Cade said. “If you took me out of green pastures where I could shag any stallion I wanted, slapped a saddle on my back, and tried to ride me while wearing stupid hats . . . I’d murder you the first chance I got.”

  “Stallions are male horses,” Nick said dryly. “You know that, right?”

  “Didn’t ask for trivia night. Do you two want out of here, or do you want to talk more about horse cocks?”

  “How are we supposed to all fit on that thing?” I asked.

  “Nick gets to cozy up to my firm ass, and you get to kind of cling on to his back like a scared baby monkey. If we all get real tight, I think you’ll have a little bit of something to sit on.”

  Hanging on like a scared baby monkey was an unfortunately accurate description of my ride back to the resort. There was about an inch of seat for me to sort of take the weight off my arms, but it meant I was constantly having to push myself into Nick’s back—and coincidentally, his ass—as well as clutching my arms around any part of him that allowed me to hold on. All in all, the experience was equal parts arousing and terrifying.

  Cade dropped us off in front of our cabin and stood there with an expectant look. “Okay, so I’m just going to say it. You two went on a romantic horse ride together into the moonlight? Then you tried to hike halfway back before giving up and texting me. Either you got in a big fight, or you got really horny, and you needed a bed. Which one is it? Oh shit. Wait. Or maybe you went skinny-dipping, and one of those jungle fish I read about climbed inside your dick hole. Do you—do you need me to take a look?”

  Nick took Cade by the shoulders and guided him back to his four-wheeler. “It’s the one where I thank you for helping us, but ask you to leave so we can get some sleep.”

  “Together?” he asked with a shit-eating grin.

  “Not if you keep this up,” Nick said.

  Cade reluctantly hopped on the four-wheeler and gave us one last smirk, then r
ode off.

  My phone buzzed several times in my purse. I hadn’t realized I was out of service range, but I must’ve been, because I could tell a barrage of texts had come in. I glanced down at the display and saw unread messages from Kira and Iris—and two from Robbie. Why would Robbie be texting me?

  “Everything okay?” Nick asked.

  “Yes,” I said, shoving my phone back in my purse. “Sorry.” I wasn’t sure where to go from here. In the forest, it had felt natural. I’d wanted to take things a step further, even just to kiss him again. But our little intermission with Cade felt like it had broken the spell. All the old, familiar doubts had been given time to creep back into my thoughts.

  Nick and I were skirting around the very real idea of openly dating. When I was in the moment, it was as easy as breathing to let one thing lead to another. But could I really just throw caution to the wind and forget about what everyone would think? Dating him would almost certainly mean putting my career in a coffin. If that wasn’t bad enough, it’d mean putting my heart in his hands again. Last time I’d done that, he had taken the first excuse to practically run away from me at full speed. What was to say the same thing wouldn’t happen again?

  “Hey,” he said. He stepped closer and took my hands in his. “If you’re having doubts about this, I can wait. I’ll wait as long as you need, okay?”

  I felt slightly embarrassed that he could see straight through me so easily, but I was also reassured. He wasn’t going to make me rush into things before I was ready, and that meant I would at least have time to sort through my feelings if I needed to.

  “Would it be crazy to ask if I can sleep in your room tonight? I don’t know if I’m ready for . . . that, but I’m not ready for tonight to be over either.”

  He nodded, and the way his eyes were locked on mine might’ve been the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. It was like I could see something primal at war within him, but he was keeping it in check. I loved both parts—that he wanted me so badly and that he was able to control it.

  “I need a shower before bed, though. We can take turns,” he added.

  I insisted on letting Nick shower first. I sat on the edge of his bed while I listened to the running water and the occasional splashing as he cleaned himself. I tried not to dwell too long on the image of his naked, powerful body and his hands running soapy water across his muscled torso. I didn’t know why it felt like I was having so much trouble with the idea of having sex with Nick. It felt like I was putting the idea on some pedestal, as if the act was going to bind us together permanently and mean we’d wind up married.

  It was only a few weeks ago that I broke off my relationship with Robbie because I felt like it was heading downhill toward marriage, white picket fences, and kids. The thought of that with Robbie had scared the living crap out of me. It went against everything I thought I’d wanted.

  So why wasn’t the idea of the same things with Nick as terrifying? I didn’t know, but I knew I needed to wait—at least a little longer. I needed to understand what the hell was going on in my head before I risked getting whisked away on his wave. Because I made no mistake about it. Nick was very much like an impossibly strong, slow-moving wave. I could walk away from it, maybe forever, but I’d feel it looming behind me, just like I had for the last seven years. Only now I’d turned and put my hand in the waters. I’d felt the irresistible tug of its power, and I knew that all it would take was one moment of surrender. I just had to stop running from it, and it would swallow me up. There was a mysterious allure in the idea of getting absorbed into that wave, but it wasn’t something to take lightly. I needed to be sure. Absolutely sure.

  I remembered the texts when I glanced over at my purse. I picked my phone out and checked Iris’s and Kira’s texts first.

  Iris: Cade told me everything. OMG!!! I need details. Measurements. The play by play. Gimme Gimme!

  I grinned. She was such an idiot sometimes. Most times, actually. I guessed that was what made her and Cade so perfect for each other.

  Kira: Iris told me you and Nick “porked”? Does that mean what I think it means? Why am I having to hear about this from Iris and not from you? Call me soon! I don’t care what time it is!!!

  I squinted at the phone. I had no idea what porking was, either, but based on Iris’s text, she was assuming I had already slept with Nick.

  My finger hovered over the texts from Robbie. Part of me wanted to just hit “Delete Conversation.” Curiosity got the better of me, though, so I opened the text.

  Robbie: I’m texting you from my corner office in LA. I got that promotion we were always hoping I’d land. Now the West Coast branch of Lockhart and Taylor is completely in the hands of yours truly. I’ve got a vice president position open and waiting for you. This is way more your speed than whatever you’re doing with that silly dog company. Come to LA. There are other branches. You do a good job and one can be yours, next.

  I sighed. I felt a sense of overwhelming relief after reading the first text. If I were still the same person I’d been just a couple of weeks ago, I don’t think I would’ve cared that accepting his offer would mean working under my ex. I would’ve jumped at the chance for a vice president position with opportunities to work toward owning my own branch. That sounded as close to my dream as anything I would’ve imagined. But I felt nothing. No temptation. No draw.

  I was happy where I was. I scrolled down to read the second text, which had come about four hours after the first.

  Robbie: Ignoring me? That’s cute. I forgot to ask what you thought of Max? Did you wonder why he chose to talk to you, of all people? Or how he knew which flight you’d be getting off of? Just some food for thought as you consider my offer.

  What the hell was that supposed to mean? I tossed my phone onto the bed with an annoyed groan.

  Then the door to the bathroom opened. I almost expected Nick to come out shirtless and clad only in a towel, but I was relieved to see he was already wearing black pajama bottoms and a tight-fitting gray shirt. Admittedly, it wasn’t a whole lot less sexy than if he’d just come out topless.

  “All yours,” he said.

  “Thanks,” I stood up and did a goofy side-stepping walk to circle wide around him. I knew I probably smelled horrible after our trek through the woods, and I didn’t want him to notice.

  I walked into the bathroom and then popped my head back out of the door. “Uh, hey. I kind of forgot I need a change of clothes.”

  “I’ll get them for you. Where’s your key?”

  I thought about declining, but the idea of him picking an outfit for me—and picking my underwear—sent a dirty tingle of heat through me. “In my purse. The small inside pocket.”

  Nick picked it up and headed out toward my room.

  I closed the door and took a look at myself in the mirror. I was a mess. My hair was wild, my makeup had almost all been sweated away, and I had several ugly, irritated spots on my skin from where plants had scratched me. Despite my looking like I’d been given a makeover by a team of half-blind senile squirrels, Nick had still been looking at me like he could barely keep his hands to himself. Then again, after everything he’d seen me go through, from my candy binges to getting sloppy drunk, I was starting to see the truth about Nick.

  He didn’t care about my reputation or any of the show I put on for everyone else. Nick cared about me. The real me. Little by little, Nick was helping me see how good it felt to let go of the pressure to be perfect all the time.

  With a little smile, I stripped out of my clothes and turned the shower on.

  The hot water felt amazing, but my mind wouldn’t leave Nick. I kept picturing how he’d looked at me, how he’d tasted, and I couldn’t keep from imagining what he must be thinking. I worried most that I seemed like a tease. I’d been the one to kiss him on the bed, and now it probably felt like I was dangling that temptation in front of his face.

  Once I finished up in the shower, I wrapped a towel around myself and stuck my head out the door jus
t enough to look for him. “Did you find them?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” Nick said. He walked right up to the door and handed me a little pile of my clothes. “I wasn’t sure what you prefer to sleep in, but I did my best. I also let Thug out for a quick walk and brought him to my room for the night too.”

  “Oh, wow. I’m glad you remembered him. Thanks,” I said. Once I closed the door, I saw Nick had decided to pick out what probably seemed like my most casual top—a faded-blue tank top that I had to tie in the back to keep from sliding off my shoulders. He’d grabbed a pair of loose-fitting sweatpants, and . . .

  I laughed softly. A lacy red thong with a matching bra. Nick, you pervert.

  I thought about calling him on his choice, but the idea of him looking through my underwear and choosing this was oddly hot. I slipped into my clothes and stepped back into the hotel room. Nick was already sitting under the comforter on one side of the bed, with his phone in his lap.

  “Hey,” I said. “Do you mind if I borrow one of your shirts to sleep in? The knot on the back of this one isn’t really comfortable to sleep on.”

  Nick dug out a white T-shirt from his suitcase. “How’s that?” he asked.

  I switched to his shirt in the bathroom and sneaked a few deep sniffs of the material. It smelled faintly like him, and I found the scent to be incredibly comforting.

  The room seemed too quiet. Nick was lying on his back again, but I heard him put his phone down on the nightstand when I got in bed.

  “Am I being a tease?” I asked suddenly.

  “No. Why would you think that?”

  “Because I wouldn’t blame you for thinking so. I wanted to be up-front and honest with you. It’s not that I don’t want to . . . you know. It’s that I am worried I’d be doing it for the wrong reasons. And I’m worried there’d be no turning back once we . . . did.”

  He chuckled. I twitched when his warm hand pressed into my shoulder, squeezing gently. “It’s sexy how you’re a formidable businesswoman on one hand, but you’re also too shy to say sex. You’re worried there’d be no turning back once we had sex? I’m not going to lie. I have no idea what would happen, but I know what I’m hoping would happen.”