The Morning After the Wedding Before

by Laura Ziepe

  ‘Okay?’ He looked at her questioningly.

  ‘I’m going to Vegas for Emma’s wedding,’ Holly told him boldly. She was going with or without Kim. She wasn’t sure if there were any other people she knew attending the wedding, but Holly would be just fine going alone. She liked to think herself as a friendly, innocuous person who didn’t have any problems socializing all by herself. Life was too short and she deserved some fun. Rob was clearly enjoying himself with Nikki and now it was her turn to have a break away and think about herself for once. She’d been pleasantly surprised when Kim had announced the following day that she would join her.

  Memories of that day faded as Holly focused on Emma’s concerned expression in front of her as she explained what had happened, taking a sip of her frozen strawberry daquiri the barman had just handed her. ‘So I met Nikki before I came out here, and she’s actually really nice,’ she said truthfully. It had been impossible not to like Nikki. She wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous, but she was attractive in her own way. She had beautiful hazel eyes, flecked with amber and green (the kind Rob would have called interesting) and a perfect smile (Holly could imagine she took great photos). She was just so nice. Holly had been terrified she would hate Nikki. What if she didn’t get on with her children? It was a worrying thought that there would be another person playing ‘‘Mummy’ to Lottie and Jacob when she wasn’t around. She’d been worried she’d be envious of her young, toned, stretch mark-free body. She didn’t want to resent the fact that she and Rob could go out for dinner whenever it suited them. Or to the cinema. They had time to be alone without having to watch children’s programmes like Bing and Mr Tumble. But Holly had felt relieved when it hadn’t been like that at all. Nikki’s happy, breezy nature was contagious. Holly could just imagine her giving money to charity every month and volunteering in a soup kitchen on Christmas Day. Nikki was understanding and inoffensive. Deep down Holly knew she was very lucky if this was her ex-partner’s new girlfriend. Holly instantly trusted her and felt comfortable that her children would be in her presence. Nikki had told her she loved kids and had been excited about getting to know Lottie and Jacob; she’d even gone out to buy them small gifts. ‘I actually really liked her. She’s mature for a twenty-five-year-old and she couldn’t wait to meet the children. She was so easy to get on with and I can see that she and Rob make a great couple. They seem so much better suited than Rob and I ever were.’

  ‘You’re handling things great,’ Emma said sincerely. ‘I can’t imagine many people like their ex’s new girlfriend. I think it’s fantastic if you can be friends.’

  ‘Yes, I really hope we can,’ Holly replied truthfully. ‘Anyway, tell me about the wedding,’ she said eagerly, not wanting to talk all about herself. ‘What’s the dress like? Or are you keeping it a secret?’

  ‘Charlie sorted a hire company for me and they’ve leant me one for free providing I tag them in my wedding posts,’ she explained. ‘I’ll show you a photo; it’s so pretty,’ she said, clicking on her mobile and flicking through her images.

  ‘Wow, Em, that’s so good. I can’t believe you haven’t had to pay for your wedding dress,’ Holly said, incredulous.

  ‘Charlie has managed to get free suit hires for all the men too; I’m really lucky to have him,’ she explained, flashing Holly the image of a stunning ivory, backless gown. ‘He’s been great at getting all the free stuff. I still have a few things to do though before the wedding, so I wondered if you and Kim wanted to come along to help me pick things? I’m so indecisive about this kind of thing.’

  ‘Of course. Anything to help, you know that. Your dress is stunning,’ she said, her mouth popping open as she took Emma’s phone to get a closer look. The material looked so delicate and expensive; it would mould to Emma’s slender figure beautifully. It was the kind of dress that Holly would steer well clear of due to an unforgiving tummy area. Since having children, the idea of a flat stomach seemed like a thing of the past; Holly was fine with this though. Personally she’d rather go out with her kids for pizza and ice-cream as a treat without worrying about her bikini body. It just wasn’t as important now

  ‘Thanks Holly. Let’s go in the pool for a bit,’ she replied, walking ahead. ‘I just want everything to be absolutely impeccable, you know?’

  Holly nodded. She worked with brides all the time being a hair stylist. Her diary was pretty much fully booked for the rest of the year and she’d offered to do Emma’s wedding hair for her on the big day. It had been Edna, Holly’s mother, who had suggested taking some time out of her diary in the summer for a break from work, so Holly had made sure she’d left some time where she hadn’t booked any weddings in. Holly was grateful she’d listened or she wouldn’t have managed to get to Vegas. Being booked up for weddings seemed to dictate her life. ‘It’s normal to want a faultless day; I think all brides feel like that,’ she told her reassuringly.

  As they reached the pool, Emma smiled thinly as she placed her drink on the side of the pool. ‘It has to be perfect. It’s what everyone expects of me. I can’t let them all down.’

  Holly looked at Emma oddly and just before she could respond, Emma dunked her body into the water and swam off.

  Chapter 2

  Holly

  Holly didn’t know which way to look as the taxi drove down the strip to the Planet Hollywood Hotel where they were staying. Her eyes darted from one grand hotel to another, the strip shimmering mesmerizingly, promising excitement and entertainment. Holly was fascinated by the bright lights flashing everywhere she looked. There seemed to be so much going on. It was a place for non-stop adventures, exactly like in films and it felt surreal that she was actually there. The taxi pulled into the hotel and Holly was delighted to reach the icy breeze of the air-conditioning again. The heat outside was stifling and Holly could feel sweat at the nape of her neck; there wasn’t even the slightest breeze. She was meeting Emma and the others in a few hours for drinks and she was hoping that Kim would be joining them. Surely she didn’t want to stay in the room for the rest of the day? She knew Kim felt tired and jet-lagged, but they weren’t in Vegas for long and Holly really felt as though they should be making the most of it.

  Kim was sitting up in bed in her silky pyjamas watching the large television when Holly walked back into the room.

  ‘Hey, how you feeling?’ Holly asked her. ‘The pool parties here are incredible. You really should have come along,’ she told her, ‘we’re going to have the best time.’

  Kim stretched out lazily on the bed. ‘I haven’t actually been to sleep,’ she said, ‘I’ve just been chilling out and watching a film. Bliss. I can’t remember the last time I actually watched a film without being interrupted by something.’

  Holly couldn’t remember the last time she’d watched a film that wasn’t a Disney one.. Even when her children were finally asleep she found she was always doing something round the house. Usually tidying up the toy room or catching up on washing. It seemed there was always something that needed doing when you became a parent.

  Holly perused the room-service menu. ‘Ooh, let’s order champagne,’ she said, her eyes gleaming as she ran her finger down the menu, ‘to get us in the mood for this evening.’

  Kim looked unsure. ‘I’m not sure I’m feeling up to it.’ Her eyes flicked over to the digital clock. ‘It’s two in the morning. in London right now.’

  ‘So?’ Holly replied ebulliently, ‘when has that ever stopped us before? It’s not like we have the children with us, is it? Emma said we’re all meeting at a bar in Caesars Palace tonight, but that’s not for another hour or so.’

  Kim yawned. ‘Oh really? I might give tonight a miss, you know. I’d just like a quiet one to catch up on sleep. That sounds much more appealing than drinking in a bar; I still feel so tired.’

  Holly felt a surge of disappointment. She loved her friend with all her heart, but since she’d had children, Kim had really changed. They hadn’t been out in ages and she’d so been looking forward to Vegas and
spending quality time with her best friend like they used to. She had hoped that without the children, she’d be the old, fun Kim again, instead of this sensible, unenthusiastic new version. Some days Holly wondered what had happened to Kim. Kim had never been the maternal one out of the two of them. She’d always turned her nose up at the thought of having children, saying that she enjoyed her own life too much to give it up for someone else.

  ‘I think I’m more of an animal person,’ she’d once said, after they’d been to visit a friend’s baby. ‘I’d much prefer to hold a kitten or puppy than a baby.’

  It had been Holly who had been more interested in babies, excited when someone had a newborn she could cuddle and really looking forward to having her own one day. She’d always had lots of younger cousins and had four younger nephews who she doted on. But Kim? Kim hadn’t even planned on having Mylo; it had just happened (a slip-up, she’d said) and then everything had changed. Just like that. It was as though Kim had had a personality transplant, suddenly obsessed with babies and children, wondering how many she could fit in before she hit forty. She suddenly stopped wanting to go out any more. Kim had always been the fun one too. Even since Holly had met Kim at school when they were five, she’d been the mischievous, wild one. The one to get Holly told off for talking in class, encouraging Holly to try her first cigarette and can of cider, and the one to get Holly to stay out until six . even though she had work the next day. Holly would always wake up with a hangover from hell when she went out with Kim, that was a given. There had never been a dull moment with Kim around and that’s why Holly had always loved her. Holly had always been the organized, tidy and sensible one , whereas Kim was much more laid-back, rarely thinking about the consequences of her actions.

  Holly adored Kim, they would always be the best of friends, but she couldn’t help but miss the spontaneity she’d had before having children, and she hoped that it was just because it was the first night that she was taking it easy.

  ‘You sure you won’t come out?’ Holly asked hopefully, already knowing the answer.

  Kim flapped her hand in Holly’s direction. ‘No, you go though. Don’t miss out just because of me.’

  ‘Are you certain you don’t want me to stay in with you?’ Holly offered kindly. She didn’t want to stay in and had already told Emma she would go out, but she knew she should offer like a good friend would. Holly would do anything for her best friend; so if Kim had wanted her to stay in, watch a film and order room service, she would have done. She honestly couldn’t believe that Kim didn’t want to go out and meet the others though.

  ‘No, I promise it’s fine,’ Kim said, turning to her and smiling. ‘I’ll probably be snoring as soon as my head hits the pillow.’

  Holly nodded, shooting Kim a rueful smile.

  ‘I wonder how Andy will cope with the kids all alone,’ Kim said, her mind clearly still back home. ‘I’ll call him as soon as I wake up tomorrow and check he’s okay. I’m sure he won’t go wrong, seeing as I pretty much left him instructions on every little thing, will he?’

  Kim just couldn’t seem to relax and switch off like Holly could.

  ‘He’ll be fine. Andy’s such a good dad,’ Holly reassured her. ‘I can’t imagine him ever doing anything wrong.’

  Kim smiled, but Holly noticed it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Assuming she was tired, she ignored it, and went to have a shower before getting ready to go out.

  Chapter 3

  Emma

  Emma couldn’t believe this was the week she was getting married. She was actually going to be Charlie’s wife. She still felt far too young to be doing something so grown up, despite being thirty-three. It was strange how her body just kept getting older, even though her brain still didn’t feel any different from when she was twenty-one. It was scary and she really wished that time would just slow down.

  It had been Emma’s decision to marry in Vegas and as she glanced out of her balcony at the lively strip and the vibrant colours from the hotels, she felt it was the right choice. There was so much to do and see and she knew that all her guests were going to have fun. Everyone had made such a big effort to get all the way there; it was important to Emma that they enjoyed it. It was bright and sunny too, with temperatures in the high thirties; there definitely wasn’t going to be any worry about it raining on her wedding day. Despite being so hot outside, it was never far to escape the heat and cool down in the air-conditioned hotels; it went from one extreme to another.

  Emma had never wanted a huge white wedding. She hardly spoke to her parents who had retired and moved to Gran Canaria. She wasn’t particularly surprised when her mother told her on the phone there was no way they could travel all that way due to her father’s arthritis, even for their only daughter. As soon as Emma had got herself a job and been able to afford to rent an apartment, it had seemed like they couldn’t wait to get away and move abroad.

  ‘The sun will do your father’s joints the world of good,’ Emma recalled her mother saying. ‘You can come visit whenever you want.’

  Emma would only see them if she made the effort though; her parents hadn’t once been back to the UK since they moved and Emma couldn’t deny that it hurt. How could they care so little about their only child?

  Emma didn’t have a large family that wanted to see her get married. Not that she would have wanted anything fancy anyway. Despite what people thought of her due to her career posting pictures of herself, she actually hated all the attention. When she went to university, she had purposely picked courses where she wouldn’t have to do presentations; the thought of everyone staring at her was enough to make her palms go clammy and her stomach knot with nerves. A quick, low-key wedding was much more her style. Less pressure. She’d only been with Charlie for two years and hadn’t wanted the hassle of planning her big day for months and months on end. Truth be told, the plan was to just get the wedding over with and start trying for a baby. All Emma really longed for was a family of her own. It was strange – she always thought she’d be married with a few children by now. She wasn’t so bothered about the marriage part, but not having children was unthinkable for Emma. Emma adored children and imagined there was no way in the world she would ever leave them and move country, even when they had grown up. Her own mother had left it late in life, having a baby at forty-three, having had a successful career as a solicitor. Her parents were always so serious and strict. Holidays were no fun, she had nobody to swap clothes with and she could never join in when her friends complained about being bossed around by their elder siblings. She would have loved to have been bossed around. She wouldn’t have cared if her sister took her shoes and never gave them back. It would have beat being alone all the time.

  Emma wanted to have at least two children and as much as she hated to say it, she did worry slightly that she might have issues getting pregnant if she left it any later. A woman’s fertility was supposed to halve by thirty-five, and that was only a couple of years away. Her friend, Kirsty, had recently had to go through IVF, the reason she wasn’t able to make the wedding, and Emma’s cousin’s wife, Lisa, had also just announced she’d had a second failed round of fertility treatment; it seemed to be coming more and more common for women to get struggle to pregnant. She really hoped it would happen easily for her, although she’d already decided that if it didn’t, she’d love to adopt. There was nothing wrong with it, but she really didn’t want to be a first-time mother in her forties like her mother. She’d always wanted to be a fun, energetic mother. She imagined going cycling in the park with her children. She didn’t want to be one of those mothers who didn’t understand the latest app her children were using. She didn’t want her kids to snigger when she asked them how to do something online. Emma wanted to be young enough to still be a fairly cool parent.

  Emma applied some lip gloss and slipped on a sparkly, strappy silver dress. She ran her fingers across the textured fabric of the dress, which moulded perfectly to her slender figure. She was down to a size eight
now. If someone had told her three years ago when she was struggling to get into a size eighteen she would be buying a size eight wedding dress, she would have laughed at them. She wasn’t one of those women who pretended she was were happier being larger; she would always have preferred to be slimmer, but the truth was, Emma had just been happy enjoying life and her weight crept up over the years. She loved food. She adored all things bad for her, laden with calories and sugar, and often found herself polishing off a bottle of wine or two after work several times a week. If she wanted to drink a litre bottle of coke, if that was what she’d fancied, she didn’t think twice about it. A couple of chocolate doughnuts after lunch? No problem. She hadn’t been hurting anyone, had she? She couldn’t deny that she’d had low self-esteem and the problem was, when she felt down about herself, she ate to make herself feel better. It had been a vicious cycle. She certainly hadn’t loved her wobbly thighs and flabby tummy, but she always managed to cover herself in loose black trousers for work (she had worked for an accountancy firm in London) and she’d always felt that if she just ignored her size, then it didn’t really matter. It wasn’t as though she had trouble dating; men often said what a lovely face she had, but looking back she realized they rarely mentioned her body. One day, Emma’s trouser button had popped off at work and she had to ask for a safety pin. As she saw her colleague’s Sue’s pitying glance as she handed one over, something came over her. Emma had had enough. She was fed up of constantly being out of breath just walking up the stairs at work. She suddenly felt embarrassed by the fact she seemed to sweat when she’d so much as lifted a finger. She wanted to feel confident in her skin. She went home that night and did a bit of research after Sue insisted she try a weight-loss group that she’d heard about.