Being Cordial

by Meka James

  Ma tapped a finger to her chin and looked thoughtful. “It might be just you. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t assume…”

  “Yeah, you shouldn’t. With all the familial women in my life, I’ve been yelled at plenty of times to ‘get my scrawny butt in here and learn something.’ None of them were about to let me sit around thinking I was going to be catered to being the only male besides my pops. From pernil to country fried steak, I got you covered. And, I’m willing to bet I have a better stocked kitchen than you do.”

  She drew her brows together and downturned her lips. “Now you’re pushing it.”

  “Wanna put a friendly wager on it?” I smiled big at the possibilities of what I’d want my prize to be.

  She put her hand out toward me. “You’re on.”

  I grabbed it and gave it a firm shake.

  “When I win, you’re going to look mighty manly in a bright pink tank top with a sequined Chihuahua on it while you proudly take Yoda on a walk around the complex.”

  Her eyes were wide and sparkled with amusement. She seemed to be extremely proud of what she thought was an embarrassing win, but I grew up with sisters. That was nothing compared to what they’d put me through.

  I rubbed my hands together. “A’ight. I can go with that, but I’m not worried. I’m gonna win this. And when I do, you’ll have to go out with me.” She started to speak, but I cut her off. “And...for each snarky remark that you make, it adds an extra date.” I thought for a minute. “Better yet…”

  “Better yet what?”

  “Nope, that’s for me to know and you to find out after I win.”

  “I call foul. How can I enter into an agreement if I don’t know all the terms?”

  I shrugged. “Too late, Ma. We already shook on it. Now, as much as I hate to say it, get your sexy ass dressed. I have a bet to win.”

  “In your dreams. In fact, if we’re adding secret additions, I just came up with one of my own.” She gave me a smug look as she twisted her hair into a messy bun. When we got downstairs, Ren looked up, sniffed the air, then proceeded to move so he turned his back to us. Lana just shook her head and headed into the kitchen.

  Winning this bet was going to be the perfect cover for getting her on a date. Being fuck buddies was great and all, but I wanted to get to know her more with our clothes on. And with the way she ran hot and cold with me, she probably would have shut me down if I’d asked directly.

  This could be a risky move if things turned sour. She wasn’t the friendliest before and if she went all “woman scorned” after we split ways there could be hell to pay. However, I already knew I was more than willing to take that chance. I liked her, thorns and all. Ma kept me on my toes. And I was ready to ride this out for as long as it lasted.

  “How are we determining? How much we have? How healthy the options are? Or a combo of both?” She leaned against her counter, crossed her arms and waited for an answer.

  “We’ll go with both,” I replied walking over to her fridge. Soon as I opened it I started laughing. “You’ve already lost.”

  She stormed over and knocked me out of the way with her hip. “What in the hell are you talking about? I have plenty of food in there for one person. Shopping weekly I get what I need based on my meal plans and I have less waste.” She slammed the door shut and glared at me.

  “So, you’re eating a bell pepper, a package of kale, and drinking almond milk all week?”

  Her frown deepened. “You know damned well I had more than that. Plus my meats and stuff are in the freezer you haven’t even checked.”

  I shrugged and smiled. She was so easily annoyed, it was hard not to push those hair-trigger buttons to get her riled up. “Maybe, but I still got this on lock. Anyway, let’s go. I have steaks marinating.”

  She crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side. “Steaks. As in more than one. Mighty presumptuous to assume I’d have dinner with you.”

  I licked my lips and stepped closer to her. “I like to eat, Ma.” I dropped my gaze to her crotch. When I looked back up, her face had turned slightly pink. “But, being the gentleman I am, I’m more than willing to share my...meat with you.”

  She swallowed and closed her eyes for a brief second. When she lifted her gaze back to meet mine, a slight grin pulled at her lips. “Just...meat isn’t a full...dinner.”

  “Aww, Ma. You know me better than that. You get nothing less than three courses, and if you’re good, a midnight snack, too,” I added with a wink.

  I didn’t miss the slight shiver she did. “I...um, need to feed Yoda first.”

  “Bring him.”

  The small beast wasn’t all bad. Unlike his high-strung owner, he was pretty chill. And like his namesake, he was working some sort of Jedi mind tricks on me, since I was normally a big dog fan, but actually kinda liked the tiny dude. Though it remained way more fun to give her shit than admit that out loud.

  Back at my place, Ma got Ren situated. His little ass was not shy about making himself at home on my sofa. I was thankful she brought along a blanket for him so he didn’t scratch the leather too much. I walked out to get my grill heated and when I entered again Ma was standing in the kitchen, fridge open and mouth agape.

  “There is no way you eat all of this before it goes bad.”

  I knew she was looking at the vast assortment of fruits and vegetables I kept stocked. “Check the cabinet bottom left of the fridge.”

  “A juicer. You have a juicer. Who the hell actually uses one of those?”

  “Someone who just won the bet.”

  What was in there was just the start. She hadn’t even seen the lean, butcher cut meats in the freezer. Or the assortment of fresh herbs.

  “Fuck me,” she muttered.

  “Greedy aren’t you. But later. We need to refuel first.”

  She crossed her arms and frowned at me. “You do realize when I say that, I’m not actually requesting that you fuck me, right?”

  I placed my hand on my chest in mock surprise. “What? I was certain it was a request. One I’m more than happy to fill. Being a good neighbor and all trying to help another in need.”

  She nodded slowly, a smile leisurely replacing the frown. “So, like borrowing a cup of sugar, only I’m borrowing what, a dick?”

  I barked out a laugh. “Yeah...something like that.”

  She shook her head. “This is nuts. You know that right. Like we…” She gestured pointing back and forth between us to emphasize her point. “Don’t make sense. Outside of admittedly crazy high sexual chemistry, what do we have?”

  Whatever we had was new, and fun, and label-less. And that was okay. I wasn’t thinking long term, but getting to know my uptight neighbor better was high on my priority list. The playful look on her face had been replaced with the pinched, pissed off look I knew all too well.

  I stepped closer, placing my hands on her hips. “Fun, Ma. We have fun. Why can’t we start there and not overthink the rest?”

  She looked up at me, frown deepening. “Overthinking is what I do. It’s my happy place and it keeps me out of trouble.”

  I grinned as a thought popped into my head. “Have you been doodling our names together inside hearts on your notebooks?”

  She shoved me. “Ew, hell no. And this is the issue. You don’t take anything seriously. Everything is a fucking joke to you.”

  “Whoa, whoa. Slow the fuck down. We can’t all have sticks up our asses. There is nothing wrong with having a little fun. No need to spreadsheet everything to death.”

  “I don’t have a stick up my ass.”

  “You could’ve fooled me. You clearly turned your bitchy switch on out of no fucking where.”

  She sucked in a sharp breath. My statement might have been a bit harsh, but damn I hadn’t been lying when I said she had a skill for finding new ways to offend me. I may have enjoyed pushing her buttons, but she could get under my skin just as damn easily it seemed.

  The woman loved to toss up roadblocks for no damn reason. I s
eriously didn’t even know what the fuck we were fighting about. One minute we were joking about borrowing dick like it was sugar and the next she was acting like...like hell I didn’t even know how to explain the foolishness that was unfolding.

  Ma opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. Without a word she went to retrieve her dog and walked out of my place. I could have stopped her, and probably should have to figure out what the hell was her issue, but I let her go. Cooling down and regrouping would do us both some good.

  13

  Lana

  What the hell had I just done? My heart raced and my stomach twisted in knots. I held Yoda close, too close as he squirmed and I set him free. Down the hall he ran, far away from my affections. A sad representation of how I always managed to screw something up. I shook my hands and walked in circles in my foyer. I had just acted like some clingy teenager all but demanding he label himself as my boyfriend or some shit.

  That wasn’t me.

  Deep breath in. Slow breath out. It wasn’t that serious. But his brush off annoyed me more than it should. Having fun. I could have fun with no strings attached. Only I’d just acted the exact opposite of that.

  “Ugh!” I slumped against the wall and slid down to the floor.

  Who was I kidding? I wanted all the strings, but it was my inability to properly communicate that sent my past dalliances running for the heels after a while. The whole “not you but me, but really it’s you” thing I’d dealt with plenty. I should be used to it by now. My “uptightness” and needing things always done my way didn’t bode well for the long term with most men.

  Emilio had some magical way of making me let loose and just go with the flow. Sometimes.

  The light tap, tap, tap of Yoda’s paws echoed down the hall. Moments later he was jumping up on my arm, nosing at my face. I flattened my legs and picked him up. “You get me, bud. You’re all the companionship I need.”

  Yoda curled up in my lap and I absentmindedly stroked his soft fur as I mentally planned out ways to go back to not seeing Emilio in passing. A few minutes later, Yoda’s ears perked up and he took off toward the glass slider, barking as he ran. He scratched at the door requesting out but I ignored him. I had no doubt Mr. Frustration was out on his patio and I was not in the mood to deal with any of that. Instead, I headed upstairs away from my dog’s whimpering to shower and clear my head.

  Clean, but in no better a mood, I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and a bottle of wine from the refrigerator. I poured myself a generous amount before heading toward my living room. Work would be the distraction I needed. Numbers weren’t complicated. Numbers didn’t have strange, irrational, and way out of place emotions that made you say dumb shit.

  I stopped in my tracks at the sight of my annoyance standing on my patio, smile on his face, and a plate in his hand. Part of me thought about closing the blinds in his face, but that would be rude. Ruder than I had already been. With a low sigh, I headed over to open the door.

  “I offered you dinner, and I’m one to keep my word,” he stated holding the plate out toward me. The medium-rare steak was cut on the plane and spread across a bed of greens topped with some sort of sauce. It was accompanied by mashed potatoes and grilled squash. Damn the man could cook.

  I stared at him and sighed. “God, how you annoy me.”

  He laughed. “What can I say, it seems to be my superpower.”

  I took the offered food and stepped to the side to let him in.

  “Where’s Ren?”

  “Upstairs sleeping in the middle of my bed. Would you like a glass?” I held up my beverage.

  “You trying to get me drunk to take advantage?”

  “Are you that much of a lightweight that one small glass of wine would knock you out?”

  “No, but if it means you’ll do some wicked things to me, I can pretend.” His dimples deepened when his devilish grin took up residence.

  Was he deliberately not bringing up what happened or waiting for me to do it? I knew I probably needed to apologize. Again. But he certainly didn’t seem to be bothered in the least. I handed him my wine and pointed to the couch. I joined him a few minutes later with another glass and utensils.

  “Thank you for dinner.”

  He sat back and sipped on the Cabernet. “You’re welcome. Enjoy.”

  “Where’s yours?”

  He patted his stomach in reply. Ah, so not sharing a meal with me so much as not letting it go to waste. I pushed away the weird feeling of disappointment and stuffed my mouth with the juicy steak to keep myself from saying anything out of place. As I moaned my appreciation, Emilio slid a folded sheet of paper next to my glass.

  I glanced at it then over at him. “What’s that?”

  “Language you understand.”

  I frowned and put down my fork and knife to pick up the paper. I started coughing when I read the title in large bold print across the top: Reasons Emilio is awesome. Beneath it was a color-coded bar graph. I took a gulp of wine hoping to dislodge the lump that had formed there as I read over the columns.

  “You’re unbelievable,” I managed through lingering coughs.

  “Just trying to relate to you on your level.” He set his glass down and pulled the paper from my hand. “You’re the pro, con type so I figured I’d help you out.”

  The first category was sex which was a bright bar that he’d taken the time to extend past the confines of the graph so it extended to the top of the paper. Point made. And I couldn’t deny it, the sex was off the charts. Literally now. I giggled at the thought.

  “I’m not seeing any cons on your handy graph.” I looked up at him and his eyes sparkled with amusement.

  “Because there aren’t any. Even my annoying you is a positive.”

  “How do you figure that?”

  “Easy, because you enjoy it. Yes, I push your buttons from time to time, but never to a point where you don’t also push back. Believe me, I have no doubt should I really, truly, piss you off, you’d let me know with a quickness.”

  I looked away and stabbed the squash and ate it to buy some time. He did annoy me. We had jack shit in common. And he was so not like any other man I’d ever been interested in. My total and complete opposite in all his frustrating glory. Yet, I was drawn to him for some unknown reason. And he seemed to be just as drawn to me.

  “We have fun,” I whispered mostly to myself.

  “We have fun,” he agreed.

  I looked over at him. “Why am I always the one apologizing?”

  “Cuz I’m flawless perfection and never do wrong?” he replied without missing a beat.

  I doubled over laughing. Cocky bastard. I wiped tears from my eyes and got myself under control. “I...I don’t think that’s it at all, but I’ll let you pretend.” I took a breath and picked up my wine. “I’m sorry for my behavior earlier,” I mumbled from behind my glass.

  “It’s all good. No harm done.”

  “No, it’s...I don’t know why I got all worked up. You do have a talent for making me act out of character. Have since before I even met you.”

  “Is that a bad thing?”

  I took another sip. “Yes. I’m on unfamiliar ground and it makes me uneasy. And no, because I’m learning that being spontaneous isn’t all bad.”

  He slid his hand along the back of my neck and pulled me closer to him. My gaze focused on his lips and I pressed my own together.

  “Look, Ma, I know you said overthinking is your happy place and shit, but slow that brain of yours down. I like you. You reluctantly like me.”

  I laughed at the qualifier he threw in.

  “The worst that can happen is we don’t work out and you can go back to pretending I don’t exist. Until then, if you’re willing, let’s just enjoy the moment and see where it leads us.”

  Damn him for making logical and surprisingly well thought out sense.

  “Do more dinners come with this deal?”

  His pearly whites went on full display. “I thought food w
as the way to a man’s heart.”

  “I think that is more of a sexist saying to get women to do the cooking.”

  He nodded and laughed. “If I can get cookies, you can get steak.”

  I sat back and extended my hand. “Deal.”

  He grabbed it and shook. “See Ma, who would have thought you being cordial to me would have worked out so well for both of us.”

  I leaned forward and kissed him. “Are you going to gloat?”

  “Damn right I will.”

  I smiled and whispered, “Fuck me.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Epilogue

  Six months later

  * * *

  Ma set the steaming mug of black coffee next to my work station and kissed my cheek.

  “Morning, sexy. And thanks,” I said, giving a quick swat to her ass as she walked away.

  “You’re welcome. How long have you been up?”

  I glanced at the clock in the corner of my PC. “Only about half an hour. I wanted to get a jump on building this tower. Well, rebuilding best I can after their botched attempt. Seriously who the fuck orders computer parts instead of just one already built if they’ve never done it before? Folks think they can learn everything from watching damn YouTube or some shit.”

  I pushed my glasses up to the crown of my head and watched the hypnotic sway of her hips as she went to join Ren on the futon. The T-shirt she wore barely covered her and her panty-less bottom peeked out as a tease beneath the white cotton.

  “Beats me. I wouldn’t even know what to order.” She spoke through a yawn.

  “That’s what you have me for.”

  She folded her shapely legs under her and nodded. “Yup, just one of the many reasons I keep you around.” She blew an air kiss in my direction.

  “Glad to know I’ve not outlived my usefulness.”

  In the months we’d been dating our differences had worked to our advantage. She’d slowly taken over the billing aspect of my business, suggesting better accounting software and keeping way more detailed records than I’d cared to. She was the spreadsheet and numbers wizard so I let her have at it. I knew she needed the semblance of order, and I honestly didn’t mind conceding to her on some things.