Feeling White

by Charlotte E Hart

  Christ, he really needed to get a grip on this paranoia thing and calm down. He still didn’t trust that Pascal didn’t want her, but for now at least, it appeared that his friend was being gentlemanly. He doubted his mind was in agreement, however Pascal was controlling his body for once and that in itself was a sight to behold. Pascal controlling his desires was not something Alex could ever remember witnessing before. That was the entre point of Pascal - to not control himself.

  He looked on as Pascal stood and offered his hand to her and then wrapped her into a dance hold, his long fingers travelling her skin smoothly as he obviously tried to entice an explosive reaction or a sexual one out of him. He turned her so that he could look into the camera as he kissed her neck lightly. Alex immediately felt his whole body stiffen at the seductive vision. It wasn’t the reaction he expected from himself and as much as he didn’t like it, he couldn’t deny it was there. His gaze dropped down to her legs as Pascal dipped his knee provocatively in between them and pulled her tighter against him. She glided effortlessly as she moulded to him and let the music take her. Pascal’s gaze held firm with his as he dropped his hand downwards and fingered the bottom of her dress, just below her arse line, and as that look of sexual carnage embedded itself across his face, Alex began to feel his pulse quicken again while he watched him kiss her shoulder languidly.

  He groaned at the sight and sucked in a breath. Too many times had he been a part of this torment with Pascal, and he normally liked nothing better than to watch and be goaded into frustration and dominance while Pascal would get them ready for him. But this was different, rubbing somehow closer to the bone than it ever had before. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to make a damn bit of difference to the way his body was reacting to the sight before him. The man just knew him too fucking well.

  He shouldn’t be feeling like this. He should be angry, furious even, but the erotic energy around the pair of them was simply too much, so shaking his head irritably, he stood up and switched off the monitor. Pascal could have his few minutes with her because within an hour, he expected to have her back in his house, and then in his bed, exactly where she belonged.

  Suddenly remembering Hayley, he looked at her. She was still sitting there nervously pulling at her skirt and fiddling with her thumbs. He sneered at the very thought that she might be thinking he wanted her.

  “You don’t need to worry about your job. Pascal knows it all already. For some reason he quite likes you,” he said as he unlocked the door and walked out. Plucking out his phone again, he thumbed down to Belle’s number and sent a text.

  - She’s fine. I’ve got her now.

  The response was almost instant.

  - That is yet to be decided, arsehole.

  He rolled his eyes and kept walking.

  Chapter 4

  Elizabeth

  O h good god, what am I doing in here with him?

  I can’t breathe. I’m so nervous, not necessarily because Pascal is being difficult. He isn’t. He’s being charming and wonderful and so positively normal it is actually a little unsettling. I’ve never seen him so... well… normal. His exaggerated over the top-ness seems to have been quietened somehow and he appears to be something like he probably was before the Pascal of today. Mind you, I don’t actually know the Pascal of today all that well so I’m not entirely sure if he is different or whether this is the way he behaves in a normal date-type situation. Does he even do normal date-type situations? Probably not, Beth.

  I have to say, I expected him to be all over me like a rash. I expected him to come on so strong that I would have no choice but to surrender, but he hasn’t been like that at all. Clearly he’s been flirtatious and downright dirty at some points, with those intoxicating green eyes zapping at me like a moth to a sodding flame, but I just get the feeling he’s trying to temper himself down a bit. It’s almost as if he wants to take it slow. Maybe he’s been giving me the opportunity to leave if I want to? I have no idea, and frankly I am still so confused about my feelings for Alex I can’t quite comprehend how I should be viewing my circumstances at all.

  I’m waltzing - well, not waltzing because that would suggest politeness and there is nothing remotely polite about this dance - around his dining room with a ridiculously short dress on that Belle forced me to wear. The mood in his apartment is as low and seductive as I imagined and the space around us screams eighteenth century boudoir. Long, purple curtains frame the Georgian architecture beautifully and low-hanging crystal chandeliers funnel light around the room gently, highlighting heavy dark woodwork and doorways. Artwork covers the walls in abundance, reminding me of a stately home, and I wonder yet again who Pascal is. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was some sort of royalty with his aristocratic European accent, and that reminds me that actually I still don’t even know where he’s from.

  I also still have no idea how I’m supposed to understand the fact that I am becoming slowly aroused by the man, regardless of the fact that I’m still hopelessly pining for Alex, and to top it all, I keep getting the feeling that he’s here somewhere. I can feel him. I don’t know how but it’s as if the hairs on my neck are pulling me in another direction, away from Pascal. I’ve never believed in that mumbo jumbo rubbish about being connected to someone, but at this moment, I am questioning that somehow. I can remember the same feeling in Rome when I felt him before he spoke while my eyes were closed in the afternoon heat on the Pantheon plaza.

  I close my eyes tightly and try to bring myself back into the moment with Pascal, and a very nice moment it is. The soft tones of Norah Jones are floating around in the background and Pascal’s hands are being really quite well behaved in their wandering. His knee, however, is not, but at the moment I really couldn’t care less. I am empowered by his suggestive movements, and given Alex’s betrayal, I force myself to relax again and enjoy every single minute of his flirtation. Well I’m trying, and I would if I could just get the sodding feeling of Alex being here out of my head. It’s like he’s watching me or something equally ridiculous.

  He couldn’t be here, could he? I suppose he could be here. There’s nothing to stop him being at Eden. It would be a bit coincidental if he decided to come here on the same night as my arranged date with Pascal. Does he know about that? Has Pascal told him?

  Don’t be stupid, Beth. Get on with the leg grinding.

  His shoulder kissing is becoming slightly more intense as I feel the scrape of teeth against my jugular, and I smile at the thought of him being an actual vampire. It still suits him so well. He looks just the part this evening in his black expensive suit, his hair tied at the nape of his neck and his shoes polished so highly that I can see my reflection in them. His long, elegant frame glides in a way that leaves me with no doubt that he’s completely in control of himself and possibly me if I’m honest. Unfortunately, none of this is doing anything to distract me from his face. His hypnotising eyes are almost draining me of any resolve I had of saying no tonight, and his wicked mouth continues to tease me with visions of torment and lust.

  “Can you feel him, my dear?” He whispers quietly against my neck as he twirls me stylishly.

  I absolutely can, but I am so shocked by his question that I instantly start to move away. How does he know how I’m feeling? And why has he suddenly mentioned Alex? He tugs me back to him aggressively by the arm and growls. His hold is so brutal that I instantly get a clear indication of the dominant man in him and rapidly begin to feel a little edgy of his behaviour. “I know you can. I can, too. He crawls around inside you, doesn’t he, my rose? His fingers on your skin almost burn with the passion they create,” he says more fiercely as he grazes my backside with his fingers. I have no idea what he’s suggesting because Alex told me he had no interest in men. Maybe he does?

  “Yes, I feel him,” I reply as I try to relax into him again, to calm his hold a little. His mouth moves to my neck again and then draws up towards my face and I realise that he’s going to kiss me. I freeze in his arms. All though
ts of rationality start to disappear as I hold his eyes with mine and try to decipher in split seconds if I want to do this. “Pascal, I-”

  Before I get a chance to speak, he pushes me violently back towards the wall and forces his weight onto me, and oh god it feels good. I gasp in response but instantly let him smother me as his fingers grasp my arm and pin me to the wall.

  “Maybe I should just have you now, my rose. Maybe I should just hold you down and take what I want from you before he has the chance to stop me. Hmm...”

  I’m suddenly a quivering wreck. I have no idea how to respond to that, and the fact that his other hand has moved to my throat really isn’t helping.

  “Pascal, I don’t think-” His hand squeezes viciously. There’s nothing soft about it at all and as I begin to struggle for air, he smiles at his hold on me. I actually can’t decide if I’m turned on or scared to death at the way his eyes dance with amusement at my response.

  “I can feel your pulse, Elizabeth. I know what you think. You like it like this, don’t you? Is this hard enough for you or would you like more. Should I have you against the wall, or over the dining table? Perhaps I should just force you to obey and not allow you to think at all. Would you like that, my rose? Hmm, tell me. Give me a reason to fight him for you,” he says unnervingly calmly as he grips my throat tighter and slowly pulls my arm up behind my back.

  My eyes widen at the thought as my core unfortunately tells my brain to sod right off for even thinking of refusing him. He watches my face with interest as if surveying a new plaything. He’s more than likely completely right because I would probably be very happy as his new toy. I open my mouth to say something but there’s nothing forthcoming at all so I close it again and wait with bated breath for whatever’s about to happen.

  He keeps up his relentless stare as I shake in his hold, until he runs his tongue over his teeth and lets out a small sigh. A brow rises in possible frustration, or irritation. I’m really not sure which, but given my ridiculous panting and the fact that I’m very close to saying yes to him, I suck in a breath to attempt some form of control. His grip eventually softens a little and I exhale a breath as he takes a step away from me and gently loosens his hold until he lets go. His damned intoxicating emerald eyes don’t waver in the slightest with their intensity as I flex my fingers and watch him back away from me slowly. My body seems to reel from the loss, and bizarrely, he’s somehow managing to make me feel vulnerable without him close, so much so that my arm reaches out to him before I can stop it. His amused smirk returns at my actions as his eyes travel to my hands.

  “Mmm... While my fingers itch for you, my rose, I’m afraid he’s near now so kiss me and let me taste you. Just one taste of a different life and then I’ll let you go. Unfortunately, I know it’s him that you want, and as expected, he has come for you.”

  He has?

  Why Alex has come for me is suddenly and rather confusingly of no concern to me at all, because I absolutely want to kiss him. I want to feel his mouth on mine and I want to feel his hand at my throat again. I can’t stop myself as I nervously move towards him. My mouth seems drawn to him and for some reason, I need to do this. I need to feel like I’ve made a decision one way or another about him - that I’m making a choice, because he’s giving me that now, the choice. He’s not forcing me to yield to him, simply asking for a taste of me. His lips quirk just slightly as if he knows exactly how I’m feeling and is revelling in his strange power over me, but he doesn’t move closer. He just waits for me to get to him before twining those fingers into my hair and pulling me into his hold.

  And oh god, his kiss is so soft and so consuming that all thoughts of Alex drift away for a moment. His lips move with grace across mine, and as his hands move to the back of my neck, I melt further into him. His tongue moves purposely against mine as he groans in the back of his throat and pulls me tighter, deepening an already passionate embrace and evoking feelings I never thought possible from him. I am almost lost in him, revelling in this intriguing and overwhelmingly beautiful softness as I whimper helplessly in his arms, when he all too quickly slows down and pulls his teeth delicately back over my lip. My body screams at the thought and leans into him again to keep up the momentum but I know it’s ending as his mouth tenses a little on mine and he groans again.

  He pushes me away a little as if annoyed with himself at something and leans his forehead onto mine, rubbing his thumb over my throat. I can’t stop my rapid breathing as I grip onto his suit jacket and lick my lips at the image of him just taking what he wants, now, instantly, wishing in some way that he would just show me what I want from him and make me stop thinking.

  He eventually chuckles a little and moves his head away from mine to smile at me, a soft, warm Pascal smile that I swear will haunt my dreams forever. Not the normal naughty one I’ve come to love in some way but a new version that I’m sure is only reserved for a few rare and privileged people who get a glimpse of the real man he is, or was.

  “For another life, I think, my dear. I knew he would never let me have you,” he says as his finger meanders along my jaw and I instinctively bend into his hand and nuzzle. “I will always be here should you need me to entertain you, and I am, of course, still happy to fight for you should you wish it.”

  I smile at him with fondness and something close to love or maybe lust. I can’t decide which as he watches my reactions to him carefully. Is he asking me if I want him to fight for me right now? Possibly, but I know I don’t. As beautiful as Pascal is and however uncomfortable my ache may be, he’s not Alex, and now that I know he’s here somewhere, I know who I want. Is that a mistake?

  I continue to gaze at him and can’t help wondering what life would be like with Pascal. Would he be more trustworthy? I somehow doubt it, but something about this moment makes me question the thought immediately. His green eyes look full of honesty for once and not devilment. Whatever he is, I know he’s a good man deep down, that he could be something more than he currently shows. But as visions of ice blue eyes hit me again, I sigh out at the possibility of someone else. There isn’t anyone who’s ever going to make those damned eyes go away, is there? Fuck.

  “Thank you for being a good man, Pascal. I wish I could do this but you know my heart is with him, much as it irritates me. You’ve known all along, haven’t you?” I reply quietly as I gaze into his eyes, actually quite annoyed with myself as to why I don’t want him as much as I want Alex. He sighs.

  “There was a good man once, my rose, and I shall endeavour to find him for you again should you call, but for now I’m afraid I must condemn him to hell again,” he says softly as he turns, picks up the wine and hands me mine. “Unfortunately, he is a fool for true love, and no good for my image at all.”

  “Pascal, why do you hide yourself away? I can see you now and you’re wonderful. You deserve to be happy with someone. Please, be who I know you are,” I reply as I watch his demeanour change and another man take his place. Mr. Untouchable has returned.

  I shake my head at him and reach out to his lips, lightly touching them with my finger. He looks a little confused, and then before I know it, I’m closing the space between us again and kissing him. I feel his hand brushing my hair back as he returns the kiss, but can sense the distance he’s creating in his mouth. All intimacy seems to have disappeared and I feel oddly bereft without it, as if he’s not allowing me in anymore, our moment apparently gone as he pulls away from me.

  “He’s here, my dear. Do not let him win you easily,” he says with his trademark devilish smirk promptly back in place. I laugh softly and turn to sit at the table again. It appears we won’t be doing any of this little thing we’ve just had again.

  “Okay, Pascal, if that’s how you want it.” He resumes his position opposite me and raises his brow roguishly.

  “How I wanted it, my rose, has nothing to do with what just transpired. It would be limiting to consider anything other than what currently is, don’t you agree?”

 
What the hell does that mean? Sodding riddles have reappeared, it seems. I have no idea how to respond to that so I gaze back at him and try to fathom some sort of reply as my mind repeats the sentence.

  “Will you make it awfully hard for him, my dear?”

  Oh that’s better, safer to some degree. My brain scrabbles around for the topic of Alex again as I watch him lick his lips and I shake my head at my own confusion regarding the man.

  “I don’t know yet. He hurt me. If I’m honest, I don’t even know why he’s here and I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it anyway,” I reply as I look at my wine and try to process what I’m feeling.

  Do I want him back? Yes, of course I do, but under what terms? And how the hell am I going to trust him this time? Pascal would probably be much easier, I’m sure. I look back up at the disturbingly evil grin… Maybe not. “Why do you think he’s here?”

  “He loves you. He does not yet understand what to do with that feeling,” he says nonchalantly as he fills a brandy glass and offers me one. “Love, for him, will be perplexing, a conundrum of sorts.”

  “Why did he leave me then?” I ask on a snort of laughter.

  “I really don’t know, Elizabeth. Perhaps you should ask him. He does so hate a direct question that he can’t manoeuvre his rather delicious body around. Pressure appears to unnerve him remarkably well in the correct circumstance.”

  My mind wanders for a moment to a vision of the two of them together. What have they got up to in the past? And why does Pascal refer to him in such a sexual manner? Those small, almost unnoticed, movements between them spring into my mind and I realise that they’ve been together in some way. At some point something has happened. I know Pascal’s bisexual. Not only have I been told but he makes it obvious in his lust for Alex and the way he speaks about him.