Feeling White

by Charlotte E Hart

  I feel exposed and vulnerable instantly but as he rams his fingers into me repeatedly, I know I’m going to explode soon. The feeling is torture and bliss rolled into one and my legs start to tremble beneath me. His fingers leave me the second he senses them trembling and he grabs my chin and hauls me up to him.

  “I’m not ready for that yet,” he growls at me as he drops his hand to my throat and kisses my neck, dragging his teeth and digging his fingers sharply into my hipbone. I watch as he tosses the robe tie in front of me and he continues with his biting, sliding his fingers back inside me. I instantly start the trembling again.

  “Do. Not. Come,” he warns. His voice is laced with hostility and it’s enough for me to back off from the feeling that’s bubbling away between my legs. He reaches forward and ties the sash around my neck tightly and with a sharp tug, pulls the dangling end of the tie across to my leg. He wraps it twice around my knee and then draws hard on it. My head and neck are instantly forced toward my knee and down into the mattress again as it drags on my neck and causes me to moan in pleasure. I honestly can’t believe the feeling of restraint in this manner is so erotic but my aching core tells me otherwise as it begins to pulse at me again and heat travels across my skin.

  “Do you want to be fucked now?” he says as his tongue swipes the full length of my quivering lips. Oh god, yes. “You taste like you do,” he mumbles and then his hand hits me hard across my arse. I yelp out and turn my head a little to see him. His eyebrow raises but that’s all, and then he delivers another one. The pain is intense. There is nothing soft or sensuous about it so I close my eyes again and wait for the next, but as I do, I feel the quiet place calling me and let it wash over me. The next smack lands on my thigh and doesn’t hurt as much, but the tingle is exquisite and seems to highlight my groin again. I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe and try to move my head, but he pulls on the sash again and wrenches my head around and down further. The pressure on my throat is pure ecstasy and I moan into the mattress as pain and pleasure combine into a mixture of sheer unadulterated bliss.

  “Alex, please...” I’m begging. I’m so desperate to have him inside me now that I can feel my inner muscles contracting of their own free will as if they’re trying to entice him in. His hand comes down again on me and I feel the buzz in my core. I’m going to come. “I... Please...” I can’t think anymore. All I know is that I’m about to come from nothing more than being bound and slapped and the ache is so bad that its persistent throb is agony.

  “Don’t you fucking dare.” He growls as he delivers another one and yanks the sash again viciously. That’s all it takes for me to start.

  “I... I can’t... I...” The feeling of delirium is coming at me so fast I haven’t got a chance to hold it back anymore, and I let it go with full force as I tense every piece of myself and embrace the stars alighting. Teeth suddenly sink into my ribs and I gasp in a breath at the sharp pain, so quickly that the stars retreat and the haze of my impending orgasm clears. His soothing tongue licks away at the pain and before I know it, there is no pain at all and I’m drifty and peaceful again. The sash from my knee is unexpectedly released and he pushes me forward. I smile into the pillow as I hit it off balance and realise that this is his control. This is what he wants from me and he can have it all because I have never felt nearer to paradise in my life.

  “You will fucking wait until I’m ready,” he says angrily from above me as I fidget with my bound wrists. I can hardly feel my fingers and the pressure on my shoulders is becoming unbearable but his forceful hand between my shoulder blades soon redirects my focus as he pushes me downwards. He’ll do it now. He’s ready, I can sense it in his voice. His composure is slipping and his breathing is ragged. It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard and I try to clamp my thighs together to stop the oncoming bliss that’s travelling through me in anticipation again.

  His cock rubs across me once and I lift my hips eagerly to meet him while groaning at the thought of him stretching me. He withdraws instantly so I smile again and adjust my balance a little in readiness. Relaxing my hips away from him, I pull in a breath and wait as his hand draws down my back until he rests it on my hip bone and grabs at my throat with the other one. Yes, more...

  “I want you inside me,” I pant with rapid breaths. “Please, fuck me. Please.”

  “I don’t care what you want,” he says as he tightens his fingers and pulls me upwards to bite my neck. I moan out a breath and turn my head to him, licking my lips and searching for his mouth. God, I want to taste him.

  “Yes, you do,” I reply as I swipe out my tongue to his lips. He bites at it and then sucks it into his mouth with delicious swirls of his own tongue then releases it and sneers at me.

  “No, I really fucking don’t,” he says as he shoves me back down and then spread my legs wider. I grunt out as he pushes me around until he’s happy with my position and then rubs himself leisurely around me again. “But I am going to fuck you,” he says as he thrusts himself in so hard that it takes my breath away and forces me towards the headboard. He pulls out and does it again, even deeper. “And it’s going to hurt you. I want it to hurt you.”

  I cry out as I hear him growl behind me and groan again at the depth of his thrust in me. He feels agonisingly big, and as he rams back in again, I feel his hand reaching toward my throat again. That’s all I’m going to need. I can feel it building with every stroke, and when his fingers connect, I know what will happen. I’m counting on it with every beat of my heart.

  “Yes...” I hiss out at him as I grind back and he continues to pound slowly into me. He stills and leans over me.

  “If I have to, I’ll use your mouth instead. Don’t move again until you’re told,” he snarls as he pulls out again and then slams back into me.

  His pace is suddenly fierce and I haven’t got a hope of holding back as he starts to voice his pleasure and shows me how close he is. His movements are so flawless that I start trembling before I can stop it. Every thrust that hits me sends jolts of pleasure up my spine and straight to my core, igniting the bliss that’s coming, and every drag back fuels the stars that are beckoning.

  “Oh god, yes,” I cry out as he continues and grabs my throat. I lift my head and let him have it. I want his hand there. I need it so badly I’m screaming for it.

  “More, give me more,” he shouts as he squeezes his hand and slams in over and over again. The bright lights take hold of me and I begin to spiral. “Down, Elizabeth,” he pants. I bury my head into the pillow and raise my hips up for him as he pushes his hand into the back of my neck and holds me there. He continues with power and a fevered pace, punishing me with every luscious stroke that hits me so deep. My orgasm takes me so hard that I shudder everywhere and groan as my core tightens around him and moan at the feel of him swelling inside me. My skin alights with quivering and my legs go lax, but his relentless grip on my hip keeps me aloft as he groans and starts his release.

  “Fuck, yes.” He growls as I feel him coming violently inside me. He pulses and floods me with warmth as he pours himself into me. “Christ, fuck.” He grunts as he slows his movements and drops his weight down on top of me.

  My shaking subsides slightly as I float in a sea of rolling waves of pleasure. I feel him wrenching at my wrists and realise he’s undoing the belt that I’d forgotten was there. He throws it to the floor, chuckling to himself and I smile into the pillow, knowing that I’ve got him back again. That small chuckle is enough for me to sense his return and I sigh beneath him. Warm fingers travel the length of my side while he shifts his weight to settle between my legs again, kissing my lower back relaxingly and rubbing some much needed life back into my wrists. Whether it’s for me or him I’m not sure, but as I calm myself and hold on to the delicious feeling crawling across my skin, I begin to understand the nature of him a little more clearly and tell myself to give it more thought at another time. Whoever and whatever he is, or whatever that was, it’s mine now and I’ll work him out someda
y.

  “I’m hungry,” he says out of the blue with his normal voice. I crane my head around to look at him. He’s wearing his usual post-coital half cocky grin as he bites my back playfully and wanders his fingers along my skin gracefully. Malicious Alex has clearly left the building.

  “I’m not doing that again. You’ll have to wait,” I reply with a raise of my brow. I couldn’t find the energy if I tried. His returning smirk is almost enough to make me cry with love and I gaze at him quietly. That’s the man I love. He shifts abruptly and rolls me onto my back with frightening ease as he crawls up me and rests an elbow by my head, his other hand instantly returning to between my legs and gently dipping inside me. My back arches straight into his hand without any help from me, clearly ready for round two whenever he requests it.

  “I meant for food actually. You’ve satisfied my other appetite quite effectively for now. Having said that,” he says as he draws his fingers up my body towards my mouth, “I’ll be happy to watch you eat this first.”

  My lips part as he places his fingers into my mouth, dripping velvety liquid into it as he does so and swirling them around my tongue. The taste is divine, salty, sweet, musky. Him and me together, beautiful yet almost dirty, or perhaps filthy is a better explanation. Whatever it is, I definitely want more because my lips reach forward again as he pulls them away and puts them in his own mouth. “That’s the taste of sin, Elizabeth. You’ll find pain always tastes better,” he says as he pops them out nonchalantly and reaches across to the bottle of wine. “Drink?”

  I open my mouth and he gently pours the crisp cold liquid in. Guzzling it down greedily, I watch him as his eyes crinkle softly and he smiles. The light blue has seeped back in now and as he takes a long drink himself, I gaze at his throat swallowing. It goes straight to my groin and I moan to myself. Perhaps I have got another one in me.

  “More?” he asks as he inclines the bottle with a devilish grin. He’s so not talking about the wine and my eyes narrow as memories of his secrets eventually come back into my brain through the mist of the sex.

  “I’m still pissed with you. You do know that, don’t you?” His returning smirk does nothing to help with my irritation as he leans in to kiss me again. As much as I feel like turning away, I don’t because his lips are far too tempting.

  His weight is suddenly off me as he gets off the bed and stretches his neck from side to side. I groan at the vision of his arse and tattooed back walking away from me and roll over. It reminds me to ask him about the damn number again. Perhaps now is not the best time, though, given that I’ve only just gotten the reasonable version of him back. He throws his shirt at me and slaps my backside, so I yelp out. I have no idea why considering the ferocity of the slaps that happened mid whatever that session was.

  “Get up. I’ll order some food,” he says as he saunters out of the room, pulling his jeans up as he goes. I roll back over and pull his shirt around me. It smells divine and I inhale deeply as I cross to the en-suite, thinking about the conversation that’s coming. Do I even want to have it? How much do I really care? I know the information now. Is there any reason to rehash it with him and stir up bad feeling when he’s clearly found his way out of his fog? Perhaps I’m more intrigued with what else there is lurking in his depths. What I do know is that I don’t want to feel exposed with no readiness for some other situation that he might put me in.

  I walk into the lounge and sit on the sofa beside him, trying hard not to let his chest distract me from my thoughts. Frankly, I could forget the whole thing and drag him back to that bed again. His head turns toward me and he runs a finger along my jaw as he smiles and leans his head back.

  “What else are you hiding from me?” I ask quietly as I search for some answers from him.

  “I’m not purposely hiding anything from you. If you ask me a question directly, I’ll never lie to you,” he replies with a mischievous grin. Ah, there’s Mr. White again, great deflection.

  “Alex, that isn’t a fair response and you know it. How do I get answers from you when I don’t know the questions yet?” His grin continues as he quite effectively infers my point precisely.

  “Yes, I suppose that’s quite a problem for you.” I turn away from him in exasperation. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

  “Still not fair,” I reply with a pout. He sighs and pulls my chin back around to face him again.

  “Elizabeth, I’ve done some atrocious things in my life, most of which I have no regret about in the slightest. I know I am absolutely undeserving of your affection, let alone your love, and if you think I’m going to offer up my history on a platter for you to dissect then you’re sorely mistaken. But if you ask me then I will answer honestly.” His eyes tell me he means it and for the time being I feel mollified but that doesn’t mean I feel happy about it at all.

  “I didn’t even know your name,” I say in a small voice as I gaze at him.

  “Yes, you did. Nicholas Adlin was weak and pathetic. You wouldn’t have liked him at all and neither did I. I haven’t been him for a very long time.” His voice is suddenly clipped and short and I sense the agitation building again.

  “Alex, if you put me in a situation where I’m not forewarned again, I can promise you I won’t be so compliant next time.”

  He sighs and shakes his head as he turns back to me. “I should have told you. I left it too late and then I didn’t know how to phrase it or deal with it. I am sorry for that. It was wrong of me but you have to understand that this is as new for me as it is for you in some ways.”

  Right, well, at least he’s apologized. A sharp knock on the door breaks me from my thoughts as he gets up and wanders toward it. I can’t stop my face from following his frame moving along elegantly. The swing of his gait is purposeful and yet oh so casual. How does he pull that off? My eyes first hit the young serving girl who’s pushing the trolley in. Her face immediately beams at him in a seductive manner and I roll my eyes and giggle to myself. Frankly, it’s getting boring watching them fall at his feet. Knowing I do it myself is ridiculous enough. I watch him extend his hand to the room and notice him staring at me.

  “What?” he asks without removing his eyes from me. The girl faffs around and puts the silver covered platters on the table while blatantly trying to catch his eye again. Thankfully he’s not looking so I smile at him.

  “It appears I’m not the only one who’s interested, Mr. White.” She instantly looks at the floor and hurries toward the door. “Perhaps she’d like to join us. You never know what kink she’s into. Do we have any whips with us this evening? I think I have some buttplugs dotted about.” Her face shoots to mine as it turns the colour of beetroot. His raised eyebrow and questioning gaze have me amused but I don’t change my serious face in the slightest.

  “No, not for this weekend, Elizabeth,” he says with a chuckle as he passes the girl a bundle of notes, dismisses her with a wave of his hand and heads towards me with a smirk on his handsome face.

  “And what do you know about buttplugs, Miss Scott?” he asks as the door closes.

  “Absolutely nothing at all,” is my giggling response because I may have heard of them but never would I entertain the idea. His licking of lips has me assuming he knows exactly what they’re used for and probably has plenty of experience in the matter.

  “Then that was naughty,” he says as he holds out his hand. I take it and he pulls me over to him.

  “Good tutor.” I smirk in return.

  “Good student,” he replies with a wicked grin. I so love that smile. “Who needs some lessons in anal manipulation by the sounds of it.” My eyes widen at the thought as he squeezes my backside softly and draws leisurely circles around the cheek. “I could always invite her back in and let you try it on someone else first.”

  If my eyes were wide before, they’re now damn near jumping out of my head. Did he just say that? And the seriousness of his face is quite disconcerting to be honest. Oh my god, I don’t even know how to reply to
that. My mouth opens and then closes again in disbelief. Is that what he really wants? My eyes flick to the door and then back to him. He suddenly widens his mouth into one of those glorious panty-dropping smiles in amusement. He’s fucking laughing again. Arsehole.

  “Bastard. It’s bloody ridiculous. All this salivating over you is quite disturbing,” I say as he pinches my backside. “Ouch, and talking of salivating, what’s for dinner?” He crosses to the table, towing me behind him and abruptly turns back.

  “Did I hurt you?” His face is suddenly deadly serious again and I move back a step.

  “Don’t be stupid. You’ve pinched my arse a hundred times, I always say ouch. It’s just the shock.” What a bizarre question.

  “I didn’t mean just now. I meant earlier,” he replies with a frown as he glances at the bedroom. Oh, right.

  “No,” I reply instantly as I reach for his mouth with mine. It was painful but it was bliss. How can that be described as hurt? He turns back to the table with a sad smile. “Hey, why the sad face?” I say as I catch it in my hands and spin him toward me again.

  “I don’t know. It’s just... Being with someone I care about and being like that, I...” He’s stuttering? Oh my god, he can’t find the words, which of course starts me off with a shit eating grin at his confusion.

  “Well, I’m glad you’re confused about it. I’m constantly baffled about all of it. And of course you yourself are a complete enigma, Mr. White, so imagine how I feel. At least you know what you’re doing,” I reply as I step up to the table. “Now what’s for dinner? I’m starving.” After shaking his head and chuckling, he lifts the lids on the trays and I look down and then across at him in utter amazement.

  “Dinner madam?” He smiles.

  “That looks a lot like posh fish and chips,” I exclaim with my hands clasped to my lips.