Feeling White

by Charlotte E Hart

  Fuck, there was emotion involved in this and he didn’t like it one little bit. His past had been about a lack of emotion. It had given him the ability to do what he did with ease and even a sense of pride. But now, Andrews’ continued stare was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable, as if he should be ashamed of himself. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

  Looking down he noticed his fingers tapping on the table and then realised his leg was bouncing, sure signs of his own nerves, pathetic reactions really. Here he was, having had a friendly conversation with the notorious Aiden Phillips while looking down on a selection of photos that incriminated him beyond doubt in the death of a man, and all he was worried about was how his apparent father figure might react. Feelings… Why he’d allowed them again was completely unknown. He looked at the ceiling again and smiled. He’d allowed nothing; she’d made him do it without even trying because her angelic presence was simply beguiling in its effect on his conscience. Regardless of the consequences, he wouldn’t change a damn thing about it.

  The dull thud of his knife landing on the desk bought him back to the man in front of him. Apparently it was time to start talking.

  “How many?” Andrews asked impassively as he picked up a photo and looked closely.

  “Why is that relevant?” he replied as he knocked back his drink. To be honest, he didn’t fucking know anyway. He’d done his job at the time. Counting wasn’t a prerequisite for being paid.

  “I want to know what I’m dealing with, what exactly it is we’re discussing here,” Andrews replied as he picked up a marker and started circling areas on the photo. “The fact that you’re talking to Aiden Phillips doesn’t fill me with confidence that this was a one-time occurrence. So how many?”

  He narrowed his eyes at the man. Loyal as he might be, he wasn’t sure he needed to know everything about those years or why it had started in the first place.

  “More than that one.” It was all he was prepared to give. He was still the employer in the room as far as he was aware, and much as he didn’t want to lose Andrews, this wasn’t going to be a bare all type situation. He just needed him to do his job.

  “Professionally? Or because you were a stupid fucking idiot?” Andrews asked as he threw the photo back on the desk and leaned back with a calm gaze. Funnily enough, both were apt descriptions.

  “If you’d asked me that a few months ago, the former would have been true. While it still is, the latter is beginning to encroach a little,” he replied with a small chuckle. He still wasn’t remorseful but the woman lying in his bed certainly made him question his actions to a degree. Andrews just stared again with his impenetrable face. He’d always admired that look, but now it was disconcerting to say the least. Eventually he sighed and smiled a little so Alex let out the breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding.

  “I’m sure it is. Love tends to do that to a man’s conscience,” Andrews said as he sipped his drink and walked over to the bookcase. “Well, at least I know why you’re so quick with your damn hands now. I always was a bit curious if I’m honest. I often wondered if you were more than you seemed and it appears you’re probably more lethal than I am. More fucked up with it, mind you.”

  Alex sighed and shook his head as he watched Andrews’ brow furrow. Emotional as this was, it wasn’t going to do anyone any favours. The man simply needed to know the truth and then help him get on with clearing up the threat.

  “Michael, I need to know if you’re on board with this. I won’t discuss all the details with you and frankly, the less you know the better. I’m sure you’re aware of who AP is and now what it was that I did for him, so while your interest is warranted, can I suggest you just give me a yes or no so that I can find a way through this shit and move on?” he said, hoping the reaction would be a positive one. He liked the man, he really did, but involving him in his own murderous past was confusing the hell out of him.

  Andrews sighed and wandered back over to the desk.

  “I know Mark Jacobs. I don’t believe he would double cross you but I haven’t dealt with the other chap so I think we should look into him a little more. How much did you do with him in the room? And what was his purpose?” He knew Mark? Interesting. Regardless, Andrews was right. He hadn’t had a lot to do with Ben himself either, just a few jobs here and there. He smiled across at what he now knew was a friend. It seemed he was staying despite the situation, which was a good thing.

  “I think I agree about Mark, and Ben was generally a lookout. I only did a few jobs with him so I have no real background on him. However, I’m now wondering whether this is linked to Henry, which is causing me to worry about Elizabeth. She obviously knows nothing of any of this so I want her kept safe whether she likes it or not. Whatever you think you need to do, if the time comes, you do it. You protect her at all costs, do you understand? ” he said as he looked across at the man and felt his heart clench at his own thoughts. He’d die before she was harmed. “Whatever the consequences to me, Michael, you keep her safe.” Andrews chuckled and finished his drink.

  “You didn’t need to say that. I would leave you for dead to protect her every time. She’s worth a thousand of you Alex,” he replied as he stared coldly. Well at least they were on the same page with that declaration. Alex nodded and stood up.

  “Okay, let’s do this tomorrow. I’m going to bed,” he stated as he put the photos in the safe and closed it. Andrews picked up his blade and moved to the door.

  “Before I go, what happened the other day, do I need to know about it?”

  “No, it’s dealt with. It was personal, and nothing to do with any of this. Well, apart from the fact that Mark was there, which may be something we need to look at.”

  Andrews raised a brow before turning for the door again with a shake of his head.

  “I’ll deal with this,” he said as he wandered off, spinning it around on his hand like a new toy. “Shame, it’s quite nice really.”

  Alex rubbed his fingers together and watched his blade leave the room. It was a shame. That damned thing had helped him out on many occasions and not only that. It had made him the man he was today, given him the strength to become something more than the scared child he’d been. Whether that was positive or not was undecided, but she seemed to quite like who he was now. He supposed the blood that lingered on it was at least being removed from his life, which meant hers as well.

  He closed the door and headed up the stairs in the hope that she would give him some comfort to counter the never-ending crap of his past. If he could change it now, he probably would but he couldn’t, could he? It’s who he was, and it seemed it was finally catching up with him with alarming fucking timing. The people in his past were coming to get him, coming to destroy all he’d worked for, and all Conner had helped him achieve, more than likely with force. They weren’t the manipulators and sycophants of business he’d been so worried about her handling when they were first together, the ones she’d actually handled with ease once she lifted her beautiful head and found herself. No, these types of men were out to cause pain, physical and unyielding trauma, and if they were good at their jobs, which it appeared they were, they’d put her right in the middle of his shit-storm to weaken him.

  If this was Henry, though, he’d stepped so far from normal deceit and treachery that it made his blood boil with unadulterated fury. But then, if it was him and this was connected to the cousin, then why bring her into this at all? Maybe he really was just trying to get her out of harm’s way.

  Deciding he needed to talk to Andrews about it in the morning, he walked into the bedroom and gazed down at her while she slept peacefully, unaware of him above her. Anyone could be here now to attack her and she wouldn’t have a clue. She could be taken and used as a pawn or simply finished while she slept by the men he used to call friends. They wouldn’t think twice about their task and if they had some fun along the way then all the better for them.

  The shudder of fear that skated across his skin burned a hole
straight through to his newly formed soul as he brushed her hair from her face and she mumbled his name. If that happened, he’d kill everything that moved. Everything that breathed would be a target for his revenge and he wouldn’t care because she was everything that existed for him. There wasn’t a thing on the planet that meant more than her and her ability to cherish him, to love him, and show him that peace he craved. So it was a fucking good job he’d begun her concentration training. Although he’d done it with Pascal in mind at the time, she could use the same mindset to help protect herself. Harnessing her rage and turning it into defensive aggression was an easy enough step to take. She just wouldn’t know what it was for, and hopefully she’d never have to. But if she did, he was damned sure she’d know exactly what she needed to do to save herself.

  ~

  Saturday

  “But I’m sodding working, you arsehole. You can’t possibly expect me to go out to a party in four hours with absolutely no notice when I’ve got to be up for five o’clock tomorrow morning. I damn well told you about this last week. It’s Lady whatsherface’s daughter’s eighteenth birthday. Why the hell didn’t you tell me earlier?” she seethed as she flung her hands around in the air and sent daggers across at him with those beautiful eyes of hers.

  Okay, yes, he’d probably forgotten about it, and he’d also forgotten to tell her about the Oakley charity fundraiser for Cancer Research tonight, which given her mother’s current predicament was probably fucking stupid. But to be honest, his mind had been on other things yesterday, like sorting out shit-storms and protecting her from his past.

  Maybe he should have told her last week. Actually, why he hadn’t told her about it when Louisa sent him the reminder a fortnight ago was a bloody mystery. However, regardless of the fact that he was possibly in the wrong about any of this, watching those long legs stomping around the kitchen in a pair of tailored trousers and heels was beginning to make his dick throb. Every single stride was filled with hostility, every hand gesture fuelled with undiluted irritation, which probably should have made him concerned or maybe even humble. All it was doing, however, was winding up the machine that was waiting to corner her and rip the damn things from her legs, bury his face in between those creamy thighs and make her beg until she relented and told him she loved him. Fuck, she was incredible, and given this new scathing anger, absolutely captivating.

  This was the first time they’d had an argument of any sort really, apart from the obvious one where he was a complete idiot and left her, which was a fair point well made. It was one of the most erotic things he’d ever witnessed. His blood was almost boiling to the point of rage but something was keeping it simmering away steadily before it erupted, thankfully. Maybe that was what love did to a disagreement, softened it slightly, made it more of a negotiation than an ordering system. But his mouth was itching to just tell her she had no choice, that she was his and that meant she had to be with him at the event in spite of her work commitments. He’d even tried to go with the “you will” tactic at the beginning. It didn’t work, and he very nearly got a slap in return. That made him horny as hell, too, so he thought he’d try again.

  “Elizabeth, I couldn’t give a damn whether you’ve got to work or not. I told you about my world and I expect you at my side tonight. This is your job as my lover.”

  That, and the fact that he could keep her near him this way. He had to go and he wanted her safe with him. Her eyebrows rose to unbelievable heights as she stared across at him, possibly in amazement, her hand suspended in mid air.

  “What the fuck was that?” she eventually responded, indicating that she wasn’t at all happy with his demand.

  “What?”

  “Did you just imply that my work isn’t important, that my company’s success isn’t as significant as your fucking profile or something?” Oh, he saw what she meant.

  “No, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are coming tonight, even if I have to dress you myself. I will not accept no for an answer,” he stated in reply. He wasn’t having it. She would do as she was told so he could look after her. That was his job.

  “Oh no, you never fucking do, do you? The great Alexander White. Who would dare to say no and live to tell the tale? Well, fuck you. I’ll do what I sodding well please, and that includes not going to your stupid party full of mindless sluts who will be leering all over you... again.”

  Now she was really pissed off. This was clearly a family trait. His dick was damn near jumping across the room at her. Feisty wasn’t nearly enough of a word. He moved a step closer as she sneered at him and put her hand on a coffee glass, possibly with the intention of launching it at him.

  “If you continue to swear at me, I’m going to get into a tantrum, and you really don’t want to see it, Elizabeth. You’re beginning to piss me off.” He couldn’t stop the undertone of malice that laced his voice. It was natural, a part of him, and she was about to get its full force regardless of the depravity that was torturing him, and his dick.

  “Really? Well, given that I’ve seen you hurl a fucking lamp, smash your fist into a wall, beat a man near to death and tie me down, I’m not entirely sure what else you’ve got, Alex. I’m not fucking scared of you, so you can get those thoughts out of your dominant fucking head right fucking now.” His eyes widened in surprise. Yes, she’d got a point, but the fact that she’d kept going regardless of his temper flaring up was simply astonishing. Never had he endured an argument that continued to threaten his patience without smashing a fist into something. Clearly he’d underestimated her resolve when it came to a fight, and that was a mistake he wouldn’t make again.

  “What the hell is your problem? It’s a damn party, which you are going to, with me, whether you like it or not.” Her glare of disgust told him he was losing this battle of wills. He watched her fingers tighten around the glass. “And don’t you fucking dare throw that glass at me.”

  She did, with acute precision, and she threw it with absolute venom. If he hadn’t dodged it, it would have smacked him right in the face. Instead, it ricocheted off the cupboard and bounced across the floor in front of him. He smirked. He couldn’t help it. She was utterly wonderful, entirely unbalanced and in complete control of his heart.

  “Well, insightful as that was, go upstairs and get a damn dress sorted out.” He was still smirking. She wasn’t amused because she moved her hand to another object and glared again. Unfortunately, it happened to be a paring knife. His eyebrow shot up at the same time as his respect. “Are you intending to kill me with that? Take your best shot, baby. Plenty of others have tried,” he drawled out, imagining the prospect of her at his throat. It was strangely erotic. She dropped the knife in apparent disgust and walked straight past him without looking. He couldn’t help staring at that stunning mass of red hair tumbling over her shoulders towards her curvy arse as she went.

  “No. In fact I’m going home. Fuck off,” she said quietly and kept walking straight to the front door, which she opened. He couldn’t fucking believe it.

  “Elizabeth!” he shouted irritably as his mouth caught up with his brain. She was not leaving him.

  “Oh fuck you, Alex. You’re not ordering me around like some damned employee. Who the hell do you think you are?” she yelled as she kept going.

  “You will not walk out that-” She was already out of it and halfway up the drive before he could finish. Where the hell she was going was beyond him. He stormed out and caught her by the arm. She instantly rounded on him like wildfire with bitch-like eyes and a snarl, so much so that he actually took a step back at her vicious glower.

  “Do you honestly think this is the way to do this? Huh? You might do what you want when you fuck me, Alex, but you will not command me to do anything outside of that. You’re damn well delusional if you think I’m having that sort of shit,” she screamed at the top of her lungs in the middle of the bloody drive. Enough was enough.

  “Get back in the house,” he said quietly. Christ, he was horny.


  “Piss off, you arrogant bastard!” And that just made it worse. The look of venom made his fists tighten. Her reddened cheeks, her tight nipples in the cold air, her defiant stance, damn, everything about her said force me.

  “I’ll say it one more time, then I’ll make you. Either that or I’ll fuck you right here.” He was completely serious. He couldn’t give a damn about anything other than being inside her as soon as possible. Her eyes narrowed as she considered the options. Surprisingly she wasn’t moving, just standing there with her hands on her luscious hips. Did she think he wouldn’t?

  “Fuck me all you like. We both know you’ll take what you want anyway. You’ll be doing it on your own though,” she replied poisonously as she continued to stare. It shocked the shit out of him. Not the fact that she was giving in, because she wasn’t. What she was doing was withholding what he wanted, her love, their connection, the thing he wanted above all else. Oh, what a clever girl. She couldn’t, though, could she? She couldn’t let him have her and just turn it off?

  Her sneer told him maybe she could.

  “You couldn’t turn it off if you tried. You damn well want it as much as I do. I can read it in your every move, see it in your eyes, Elizabeth. Do you want me to force you to admit it?” he seethed in response, watching her lips part slightly, that evocative blush rising across her chest. He could almost feel the wetness sliding down her thighs, taste her on his tongue.

  “Try me, you piece of shit.”

  Fuck, it was the most delicious invitation he’d ever received. He took a step into her space. She backed up and continued with her fierce look of disgust so he lunged for her with every intention of dragging her to the floor and showing her exactly what she wanted. Unfortunately, an unknown car pulled into the top of the drive so he froze and glared at it.