Ana Maria Reyes Does Not Live in a Castle

by Hilda Eunice Burgos

  “See my pretty earrings!” Connie ran to Mami and stuck one ear in Mami’s face, then the other. Rosie and Gracie were right behind her.

  “Ooh, turrón!” Rosie peered into the container and licked her lips. “Is that for us?”

  I looked at my sisters’ eager faces. “Yes,” I said, slipping the note under my bottom. “See, there’s two pieces for each of us.”

  “Can I have one now, please?” Rosie clasped her hands.

  “Yes, but only one,” Mami said. “I don’t want you to spoil your appetite.”

  My sisters ran to the kitchen to pour the milk. Mami gave me a grateful smile.

  ***

  Sarita showed up at our house that afternoon. “I thought you might need help cleaning,” she said.

  “Thank you, Sarita,” Mami said. “But that’s not necessary.”

  “I don’t mind,” Sarita said. “And it’s nice to get away from my little brothers for a while.”

  Mami laughed. “Well, you’re always welcome to stop by and visit anytime. You don’t have to clean.”

  Sarita and I cleaned up anyway while Mami napped with Connie and Mari. After we vacuumed, we sat down to rest on the sofa. I stared at the piano across the room. My piece still didn’t sound as good as I wanted it to. “Hey, Sarita, could you help me with something?” I said.

  “Sure, what’s up?”

  “Well, I just can’t get my recital piece right, and I’m wondering if you can give me any pointers.”

  “Okay, let me hear it.”

  I played “Meine Freuden” while Sarita stood beside me and listened.

  “Hmm,” she said. “Technically, it’s perfect. But what do you feel when you play it?”

  I looked at Sarita. “I don’t know. I’m just thinking about the notes and hoping I don’t mess up.”

  “You just told me what you’re thinking, not what you’re feeling.”

  “Oh.” I hadn’t noticed that.

  “What does ‘Meine Freuden’ mean?” Sarita asked.

  I shrugged, then went to the computer and looked it up. “It means ‘my joys,’ ” I said.

  “Perfect!” Sarita said. “What gives you joy?”

  “Um, I guess spending time with my friends,” I said. “But . . . how will that help me play? Shouldn’t I come up with some strategy to make sure I don’t forget the notes?”

  Sarita shook her head. “You won’t forget the notes. Don’t think about them anymore. Just feel the music. And feel the joy you get from your friends.”

  Even though I knew Sarita was right, “Meine Freuden” was really tough, and there would be a gazillion people watching me at the showcase. I was so afraid of making a mistake that my mind wouldn’t let me stop worrying about the notes. But I hadn’t thought about the notes when I played “Für Elise” at Tía Nona’s house. I had been so worried about Clarisa that I had let the music into my heart as my fingers played what they already knew. And I had felt a little better after that, as if I had listened to a beautiful piece of music played by someone else. Could I perform “Meine Freuden” like that? I had to try. “Thanks for helping me,” I said to Sarita. “Hey, do you want to see my dress for the recital?”

  We went to my room and I pulled my new dress out of the closet.

  Sarita held her hand out and rubbed the fabric between her fingers. “This is beautiful,” she said. “But . . . is this what we’re supposed to wear?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I was just going to wear the skirt I wore to graduation with a nice sweater.”

  I remembered Sarita’s eighth-grade graduation skirt. “I don’t think you can wear a jean skirt to Lincoln Center,” I said.

  “Oh.” Sarita sat down on the bed. “Are you sure?”

  “Well, maybe you should ask Doña Dulce. She’ll know for sure.”

  “Okay.”

  “Maybe she’ll say it’s fine,” I said. “I mean, what do I know? I’ve never been to one of these things.”

  Sarita smiled. “Yeah, maybe she’ll like my outfit.”

  I didn’t think so, but I didn’t want to upset Sarita. Besides, it didn’t matter what she wore. The audience would be mesmerized by her playing. I, on the other hand, needed to look good.

  Chapter 44

  I was right on time to my last piano lesson before the Winter Showcase. When I stepped into Doña Dulce’s house, I noticed something was different. It was quiet behind the front bedroom door. “Where’s Sarita?” I asked Doña Dulce’s husband. He shrugged, so I asked Doña Dulce.

  Doña Dulce shook her head. “Sarita’s not going to Lincoln Center.”

  “What?! Why not?”

  “It turns out she doesn’t have anything appropriate to wear. I wish she had told me sooner. Maybe I could have helped her find a dress.” She sat forward in her seat. “All right, let’s listen to your piece. It was good last week, so I’m sure you’re ready.”

  I couldn’t concentrate, but I played anyway, all the while thinking about Sarita. She was right that I shouldn’t worry about the notes; I had played them so many times that my fingers just picked the right ones automatically. But the part about thinking of the things that brought me joy was a little trickier. Only Sarita came to mind, and I was filled with sad thoughts.

  “Not bad,” Doña Dulce said. “But you need to add more energy to it.”

  I played it again. I tried to be more upbeat, but it wasn’t easy. I played it one more time, but the result was the same. I took my hands off the piano. “What if you bought a dress for Sarita, and she paid you back later?” I said.

  “Ana María, I don’t have that kind of money,” Doña Dulce said. “And Sarita would never be able to pay me back. I already give her the lessons for free.”

  Oh. I did not know that. “Maybe she could go to Lincoln Center next year?” I said.

  “I hope so,” Doña Dulce said. “But her father wants her to get a job after school soon, so she might not play anymore.”

  “But she’s so good!”

  “I know. So much talent. It would be a shame to waste it.” Doña Dulce stood up. “You’re ready, so go enjoy the rest of the afternoon.”

  I stood up and gathered my books. I turned to Doña Dulce before I walked out. “What if Sarita gets a dress before Sunday?”

  “That would be great. I already told her it’s too late to change the program now, so as far as the Association is concerned, she’s playing.” Doña Dulce walked down the hall with me. “Let’s keep our fingers crossed for her. If she finds a nice dress, all she has to do is show up.”

  I thought about Sarita as I walked home. This wasn’t fair. It was bad enough that she couldn’t live with her mother. Now she couldn’t play at Lincoln Center either? And she was so good! She needed to play. And we needed to hear her play. How could I help Sarita? Would Papi buy her a dress if I asked him to? Maybe. But maybe not. And I really shouldn’t ask. He’d already used the emergency credit card for my dress.

  ***

  “Mami says we can wear our Christmas dresses to your recital,” Rosie said at dinner. “Even little Mari.”

  “She’s so cute.” Connie said that every time anyone mentioned the baby, so everyone laughed. Except me.

  “Are you nervous, mamita?” Mami reached over and put her hand over mine.

  “I’m not going,” I said.

  “What?” Mami’s hand stiffened.

  I burst into tears. “My piece isn’t good enough, so I can’t go.”

  “What?!” Gracie stood up. “Did Doña Dulce say that?”

  I stared at my plate. I didn’t want to drag Doña Dulce into my lies.

  “That witch! She doesn’t know what she’s talking about!” Gracie was getting worked up.

  “Should I give her a call?” Papi said.

  “No!” I looked at
Papi. “It’s fine, and it’s true. I’m not ready to play at Lincoln Center. Maybe next year.” I got up and ran to my room.

  I sat in the dark and thought about what I had just said to my family. Was I making the right decision? Could I still get a full scholarship to the Eleanor School if I didn’t play at Lincoln Center? Maybe I could play the piano for the admissions committee during my interview in January. Claudia said sometimes kids did stuff like that. Also, I knew my parents would make sure I got a good education one way or another. But Sarita didn’t seem to have anyone to look out for her, and she could have a real future in music. Someone at Lincoln Center would surely notice her playing, and that could open doors for her. As her friend, I had to help her, and this was the only way.

  ***

  My sisters didn’t say anything to me the next morning as we got ready for school. They tiptoed around me like we had done with Gracie when she was grounded last summer. After breakfast Gracie and I went back to our room to get our backpacks. I went to the closet and took out my new green dress. I folded it carefully and put it in a bag. “What are you doing?” Gracie asked.

  “I’m going to Sarita’s house after school to give this to her,” I said. “I don’t need it now.”

  I thought Gracie would argue with me and tell me Sarita probably already had a dress, so what was I doing? She would say I could wear the dress another time. But Gracie didn’t say anything. She just nodded, picked up her backpack, and walked out of the room.

  ***

  I was glad Sarita wasn’t home that afternoon. I handed the bag to Lucy when she opened the door. “Tell Sarita I had an extra dress, so she can have this one for Lincoln Center,” I said.

  Lucy’s eyes opened wide. “Oh my goodness, she’s going to be so happy! Thank you, thank you!”

  “No problem,” I said. “So, I’ll see you at the Winter Showcase.” I started to walk away, but then I turned and faced Lucy again. “Also, tell her I’m going to be really busy the rest of the week, so I won’t have time to talk or anything. She doesn’t have to call to thank me. We’ll see each other at Lincoln Center.” Then I ran down the steps, out the door, and all the way home.

  Chapter 45

  Gracie didn’t go to school the next day. “I don’t feel well, so Papi said he’d write me a note,” she said at breakfast. She fake-coughed into her hand and went back to bed. I wondered if she was trying to get out of a test. More importantly, I wondered how she had managed to trick Mami and Papi into letting her stay home. But I didn’t ask any questions. I didn’t want her to get all snippety with me.

  “Aren’t you going to practice piano today?” Mami said when I got home from school.

  “What for?”

  Mami put her arms around me. “I know you’re disappointed, mija, but you love to play. So you should practice to make yourself feel better.”

  She had a point. I sat at the piano and went through my whole routine. Scales. Arpeggios. Finger exercises. “Meine Freuden.” I played my recital piece smoothly and cleanly. My rhythm was exactly as it should be, even the ritardando sections. And I didn’t miss a single note. I was ready to perform at Lincoln Center, but now I would never get that chance. I could feel the Eleanor School slipping right through my fingers. When I finished playing, I noticed that my vision was blurred and my face was wet.

  ***

  Gracie stayed home again the next day, which was weird because she had seemed fine at dinner the night before. Plus, it was Friday, and her teachers never gave tests on Fridays. So what was she avoiding? I really wanted to know. But I didn’t ask. She probably wouldn’t tell me anyway.

  On Saturday morning Mami told me to take Rosie and Connie to the library. “It will take your mind off things,” she said.

  “It’s la pianista!” Mrs. Rivera said when we walked in the door. She stood up and helped my sisters take off their coats. “Tomorrow’s the big day, right?”

  “Anamay’s not going,” Rosie said.

  “Oh! Is that true?” Mrs. Rivera looked at me.

  I nodded and looked away. “Are you doing story time now?” I asked.

  Mrs. Rivera nodded. “Come on in, girls.” Rosie and Connie followed her.

  I walked over to the reference area. There was a half-done puzzle sprawled on the table. I sat down and searched for interlocking pieces.

  “Don’t you want to listen to the story today?”

  I looked up and saw Ruben. I shook my head and turned back to the puzzle. He sat next to me. “What happened with the recital?” he said.

  “I’m not going.”

  “I know, but why?”

  “Why are you so nosy? You don’t need to know everything, you know!”

  Ruben stood up. “I was just asking. You don’t have to bite my head off. I’m not the reason you’re not going.” He walked away.

  Ruben was right. None of this was his fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Except mine.

  ***

  I went straight to my room when we got home from the library. Papi followed me in. “Ana María, we need to talk.”

  “I know, I know,” I said. “Life isn’t perfect and I need to learn to live with disappointment and all that.” I flopped onto the floor and sat cross-legged.

  Papi sat next to me. “Doña Dulce called the other day.”

  My heart thumped.

  “She wanted to make sure we knew which entrance to use for the showcase.”

  I stared at my hands.

  “It was very sweet of you to give your dress to Sarita. Your mother and I are very proud of you. But you shouldn’t have lied to us.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I know I shouldn’t have lied, but I wanted to do this by myself, and if I had told you, you would have tried to help. But I should have told you, because I’m no good at this. You have nothing to be proud of.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I thought I’d feel good about helping Sarita. I thought making a sacrifice for someone else would make me happy, the way I felt when I helped Clarisa. But I didn’t give anything up for Clarisa, so it’s not the same.” I looked at Papi. “Now I’m so sad! And I’m mad too. I don’t even know who I’m mad at!”

  Papi put his arm around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder. “It’s not easy to give up something important to you,” he said. “But when you look back at this moment years from now, you’ll feel happiness and pride.”

  I lifted my head and looked at Papi. “Do you ever feel sad about all that you’ve given up?”

  “What have I given up?”

  “You know, a job where you make a lot of money,” I said.

  Papi took a deep breath and looked off into space. “Well, sometimes I’m a little jealous of my former classmates, and Nona and Juan Miguel, and I wish I could give you girls more luxuries.” He looked at me. “But the fact is that everything comes with a price. Remember when Claudia’s grandfather died last year?”

  “Yeah. Her dad had to go to work straight from his own father’s funeral.” Just thinking about it made me wince.

  “When your mother and Rosalba were sick, my colleagues rallied and handled my cases for me, no questions asked. They value family just as much as I do. And at the end of each day, I feel good about all the clients I helped, and I’m glad to come home and spend time with my beautiful family. So your mother and I agree that, overall, the choices we’ve made have been good ones. I hope you feel that way about your choices too.”

  I thought about Claudia, and how she really didn’t hang out with her parents that much because they had to work late all the time. They had made their choices, and they had to live with them. I had made a choice too when I gave my dress to Sarita. Was I happy with that choice?

  Connie ran into the room and put her hands on my shoulders. “Don’t cry, Anamay,” she said.

  I smiled and stuck
two fingers under my glasses to wipe away the tears. “I’m okay,” I said. And I meant it. I should have talked to my family sooner. “Can I go to the recital anyway?” I said to Papi. “I want to watch Sarita and cheer her on.”

  Before Papi could answer, Connie grabbed my hand and pulled. “Mami says come.”

  I stood up and followed Connie into the living room. Mami was on the couch nursing Marisol and smiling. Standing next to her was Gracie, holding up a dress.

  My red dress. And it was finished. I stared at it, my mouth wide open. “Is this why you didn’t go to school for two days?” I asked Gracie.

  “Uh-huh. Now try it on, because I need to pin up the hem.” She took me by the arm and led me to the bedroom. “You didn’t give away your shoes, right?”

  I shook my head.

  “Good. Go get them.”

  I obeyed her. And then I let Gracie help me step into the dress. After I had the shoes on, I stood in front of the mirror while she got down on the floor with the pin­cushion next to her. “We weren’t sure we’d get it done in time,” Gracie said as she worked. “That’s why we didn’t say anything before. As it is, Mami will probably have to stay up late to hem it. And then we need to iron it in the morning.” She stood up. “There! All done. Let’s show Mami.”

  I couldn’t take my eyes off the mirror. The dress was even more beautiful than I had imagined. The lace top had a sweetheart collar that left the perfect space for my new necklace. And the long skirt flowed and shimmered in the light.

  “Anamay, why are you crying? I thought you’d be happy!”

  “I am happy!”

  Gracie laughed and took my hand. We went into the living room.

  Chapter 46

  When the announcer called my name, I stepped onto the stage slowly. My heart pounded as I sat down and put my hands on the piano keys. When I pressed them and heard the sweet sound of the music, I stopped thinking about the notes. Instead, I thought about my friends and family. I started slowly and carefully, the way Ruben and I worked on our puzzles. I felt Claudia’s cheerful energy as I sped up. My right hand glided across the keys like Mami’s soothing voice, and the left hand joined in naturally and comfortably, like Papi’s deeper voice combining with Mami’s. As my fingers ran quickly along the keys, I could hear Connie’s laughter, see Rosie twirl in her tutu, and feel Gracie’s tight hugs. During a crescendo, I remembered my growing circle of family and friends — my new sister, all the relatives I had met in the Dominican Republic, Clarisa, and even Sarita. That circle would grow bigger if I went to the Eleanor School. But the scholarship didn’t seem that important anymore. Even if it didn’t come through, I would be okay. I knew my family and friends would be there for me, always making sure I had what I needed and always bringing me joy. By the time I played the last note, I felt happy and relieved.