Project: Adapt - Failure: A Space Fantasy Alien Romance (Book 4)

by Jade Waltz

  “What are you saying?” I tilted my head, unable to read his stony, impassive expression.

  “I’m saying that I don’t deserve to be your guard, let alone a bid at becoming your mate,” he muttered, closing his eyes. “I can’t bear to regard you knowing that I have failed you so badly.”

  “You want to be my mate?” I gaped.

  “I’ve always wanted to be yours, Selena,” he swore. “I just couldn’t. As your bodyguard, how could I vie to mate the very female my master, who sent me to protect you, is bonded to? You accepted Xylo and Odelm before you even reunited with Z and took in the Circuli princes to protect their people. Why would you need me? How would I fit into your budding clan?”

  “I’ve always felt a connection with you,” I muttered, thinking back to all the times we had been alone and how conflicted he had seemed since the beginning. “I tried to be friends with you in hopes something more might form… but you always disappeared… Pushing me away before we had a chance to explore the attraction between us.” Cupping his face, I directed his gaze to mine. “Why?”

  “It doesn’t matter now, but I believed I would be a poor guard if I brought strain to your heart. Now, I know it’s true.” His slitted gaze dropped to my lips. “How can I protect you if I let you distract me before I am even yours? Do you think it’s easy to watch you be happy with your mates? It’s like a vibro-blade to the gut each time you show them the love and devotion I wish you had for me.”

  Memories flooded me, filling in the spaces in my heart that had stood empty all the time. Instead of making me happy, his confession had elicited anger and hurt. He was now denying himself—both of us—something we had craved all this time.

  “Kaede,” I hissed, grabbing his chin. “What about your first confession? Your promise? Will you retract the words you spoke to me as you were sending me away? Or will you wait until the next lifetime to bring us together? If you want me, then take me for who I am, good and bad, and stop searching for reasons we shouldn’t be together.”

  “You remember what I said to you?”

  “Your words triggered my fleeting memories, but that’s beside the point, Kaede.” I shook my head in disappointment. “You said you loved me and you wouldn’t fight us, and yet, here you are, denying the one thing we both want.”

  “You think I don’t want you?” he growled. “I love you so much it hurts, Selena. This whole time, I believed that I wasn’t good enough for you, that you wouldn’t want someone so tainted, but no matter how I fought to resist you for your own good, you convinced me to come back. Even though I intended only to protect you, in the end, I hurt you. I can’t live with myself for my mistakes.

  “You’re right, Selena; I know how much time and resources I’ve wasted denying my feelings. No matter what I do, I can’t fight the Fates. You and I belong to the same constellation, forged together by the Fates’ will, forever connected as a unit. You are my central star, pulling your mates together until we settle into shape around you. The connection we’ve both felt from the beginning proves that we were meant to be together. I just didn’t know where I belonged, and how to find the right time to take my spot. It doesn’t matter to me that you are already a Sovereign’s Nova or nestqueen to four Circuli, for we are part of the same design; they simply found their place before me.

  “It seems the Stars have led us on this journey for a reason, though I don’t know why. I would like to believe they led me to realize that I need to stop resisting you and let myself fall into place so I can finally live with you as my mate.”

  His words echoed through me, answering every question that had ever plagued me about us. Kaede had always wanted me but didn’t know where he would fit. Considering the chaos of my life, I understood his trepidation. Within a month, I had accepted four nestmates into my clan, before I had even officially settled my relationship with Zirene. He didn’t want to add to my stress.

  While he ensured my safety, he had always tried to protect my heart—until I was ready to claim him as mine.

  “I know what I am, Selena,” he promised her. “I am just waiting for you to put me in my place in our fated design.”

  Cupping his cheeks, I surged forward and crushed my mouth against his. This male was mine and I wouldn’t let him avoid me any longer.

  May this kiss brand his memory for eternity.

  He froze in place, releasing his grip on me, so I pressed harder. Growling, he pulled away, only to drag his teeth down the length of my neck.

  “Tell me, Selena,” he begged, his lips pressing against my ear. “Tell me I’m yours. I need to hear the words from your lips to engrave them forever into my memory banks. Tell me that you want me as your mate. Let me protect you for all eternity as your guard—your mate—your love. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  Tears of joy fell freely from my eyes. Kaede was the male I had always wanted, who had always kept me at arm’s length, and now he was confessing his love for me.

  “You are mine, Kaede,” I whispered, feeling him shiver in response. “I love you and have always wanted you.”

  Gently, he lifted me off the floor and placed me on my feet. Once standing, he pressed a button on the back of his head and his visor collapsed backward, hiding underneath his long, dark-blue hair. His bright, neon, slitted eyes were a relief after his face had been covered for such a long time.

  “Let me wash you,” he muttered as his eyes roamed my body, heating me from within. “Let me replace those bad memories with good ones, so you can begin to heal.”

  “You want to shower with me?”

  “I want to take care of you,” he corrected, his gaze pinning me to the wall. “I want to bathe you, to help you wash away all the pain you’ve suffered. Once I’m done, I want to hold you in bed as you fall asleep in my arms, so you know you’re protected while you visit your dreamscape.”

  Slowly, he pressed two buttons on his middle breastplate and the whole suit collapsed into a disk. I watched Kaede peel off the disk and place it on the counter next to my nightgown. He stood in all his naked glory.

  It had been a long time since I had seen him in the nude. Now that I wasn’t pregnant and trying to deliver my cubs, I could appreciate his sleek, chiseled body.

  Long, curved horns framed his thick, silky, midnight-blue hair. Long, pointed ears stuck out between the strands. The thin pupils of his bright, neon-green eyes were dilated and dark. His thin, black lips curved in his trademark cocky smirk, his fangs flashing when his thin, forked tongue tasted the air.

  “Like what you see?” His voice had grown husky.

  “You should walk around shirtless from time to time,” I teased. “My nestmates tend to walk around in the nude.”

  “Your nestmates come from species that don’t wear clothes.”

  He walked past me like a male on a mission and opened the shower door. Stepping inside, he was unfazed by the water beating down on him. Turning toward me, he offered his hand. “Come here, Selena. Let me bathe you.”

  Closing my eyes, I inhaled a deep breath and reached for his hand. He pulled me inside. The warm water hit my skin and thick steam surrounded me. Kaede stared down at me with half-lidded eyes, reaching above my head for two pumps of soap.

  Grabbing my hips, he spun me around, pinning my hands above my head. “Don’t move,” he whispered into my ear. “Let me help you relax and forget your trauma.”

  “Why can’t I face you?” I asked, looking over my shoulder.

  His heated gaze burned me, warming my insides.

  “Because this shower is about you, not me. I don’t want you distracting me with your wandering hands and pleading eyes.” He grinned, gesturing for me to face the wall. “Let me take care of you tonight, Selena. That is all I wish.”

  Acquiescing, I closed my eyes and focused on the sensations flooding my body.

  Spray misted my shoulders as Kaede slowly rubbed each part of my body with his hands, slathering my skin with soap. He placed featherlight kisses along my body
as he worked, purposely skipping over where I yearned for his touch most. He made a game of testing how much he could make me moan and writhe in his hands.

  Gently, he placed his lips to my spine and slowly kissed his way up to my neck. I rolled my head to the side to give him better access. Flipping me around, he scooped me up, grabbing my ass as he pinned my body to the cool metal wall with his chiseled body.

  His hardness was standing at full mast between us, but he ignored it, instead maneuvering my hands above my head once more as he gave me a branding kiss. Our tongues danced, his long forked one tickling mine as moans erupted from our mouths.

  Suddenly, he pulled away, placing his forehead against mine as his curtain of hair blocked my view. Gasping for breath, we stared into each other’s eyes. His back protected me from the jetting water.

  I was hyperaware of his hard cock sandwiched between us. I began rocking against him and he hissed, gripping my thigh to prevent me from rubbing my folds against him.

  “We can’t go any further, Selena.”

  “Why not?” I asked, searching his eyes. “I’m here and willing.”

  He closed his eyes and growled as he shook his head.

  “I don’t feel safe losing myself to you while we are beyond our galaxy’s borders.”

  “Kaede, this is probably the safest vessel in the universe.”

  “That may be so.” His grin didn’t reach his eyes. “But I just can’t. If I begin, we may never leave this cabin again, and I can’t afford a distraction right now.”

  Sighing, I closed my eyes and nodded. “I understand.”

  “There is nothing I want more right now, Selena, than to bury myself in you, but I am not lying when I say that we may never leave the cabin once I do,” he hissed, his voice strained. He rubbed his cock between us. “I’ve been hovering on the edge of my mating heat for months, and I’ve been trying to delay it. If we go any further, I’m afraid we will trigger what I’ve been holding back and there will be nothing to stop me from taking you.”

  “And why do we need to wait until we cross our galaxy’s borders?”

  “My sisters will be there to escort us home.” He grinned. “Between them and our Oetsae, we will be safe to do as we please.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Kaede

  Kaede was at the razor-sharp edge of his control. Every instinct he had screamed for him to take her and make her his. All it would take was just one brush of his cock between her folds for him to lose control. The mere memory tempted him to cross that line once more—though this time, he would claim her as his.

  After spending many years searching for her and protecting her, holding her in his arms was a dream from which he feared waking. Her very presence tempted him. The call to mate was like fire in his veins, demanding that he take her in a frenzy of lust. He couldn’t allow himself to give in to his mating cycle and risk ruining his chance to be with her.

  No matter how easy it would be to give in to his fantasies and desires, Kaede refused to allow them to override his logic. Selena was too vulnerable and required comfort. He didn’t want to take advantage of her in her time of need. No, he needed to be strong and shelter her from all the shadows that lurked in his mind.

  While his sisters had always supported him, Selena had had no one until the Stars led the Destiny to her. Since then, she’d had the support and guidance of her mates.

  He was horrified of the monster he could become once he lapsed into his mating heat. His constantly swollen Bahzyl venom sacs that dripped from the roof of his mouth were clear evidence of how mad he could become.

  His monstrous body could produce three different venoms. One could deliver an instant and painful death. Another could immobilize and numb the body, leaving his victim aware of their surroundings but unable to act. The third was the one he feared most, a highly potent aphrodisiac.

  What if he lost control of his body and gave her Luzatu, making her a slave to his needs? All he needed would be to inject her with his Bahzyl and use her body until his burning desires were no more. Only, he would never forgive himself for behaving so selfishly. She needed his help to pull herself together and protect her, not use her and take advantage of her to sate his mating heat.

  Returning her to their clan should be his topmost priority, not trying to ease the fire that burned in his veins.

  Selena had been on her own for the first time since she had escaped. She had to depend on only herself to survive.

  He knew if he told her the fine details of her mates’ condition, she would crumble. This moment demonstrated how fragile she was. She needed him to be her support—and he would be just that.

  Selena was his obsession.

  His addiction.

  His gift from the Fates to cherish, love, and hold.

  The Stars had led him to her multiple times so he could be her shield against the evils in the universe. Only now, the fire of his mating lust threatened to turn him into the very evil that he sought to protect her against.

  Kaede was willing to make sacrifices to be a rock for her to lean on. He would gladly take on her burdens to make sure she could thrive and become the queen hidden beneath all her unfounded doubts and insecurities.

  Staring deeply into her eyes, he hoped she would forgive him for failing to protect her from all danger.

  “Kaede,” Selena breathed, wrapping her arms around him as she returned his stare. “Can you hold me until I fall asleep?”

  Kaede stilled. His hands gripped her hips as he lost himself in the depths of her gaze. He tried to process the weight of Selena’s words as they echoed in his mind.

  Somehow, she wanted to be near him regardless of the risks.

  “Do you believe that is wise?” He swallowed the lump that had formed at the base of his throat. “I can sleep in my commander’s chair as I have done.”

  “Kaede, I refuse to let you back away from me—from us. Not now.” Shaking her head, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his. Before he could deepen their kiss, she pulled away just enough for her mouth to hover above his. “It’s too late for second-guessing or hesitation. You are now mine, as I am yours.” Slowly opening her eyes, she nipped at his bottom lip and smiled. “I don’t need to mark your neck to know I wear your brand on my heart. We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want—”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to, Selena,” Kaede growled, squeezing her sides even tighter. “I don’t want to hurt you again, accidentally.”

  “You are stronger than you think, Kaede.” She leaned into him, pressing her lips against his once more.

  The hot water that beat against their skin felt like the Stars cleansing their heartache. The rolling steam that surrounded them seemed to teleport them to another world, away from all their stress and responsibilities.

  Time slowed to a stop as Kaede held the only female he had ever wanted in his hands. He allowed her to take the lead, to use him to sate her needs.

  Selena groaned as she pushed closer until his back hit the wall. Her hands found his face, clasping it as her tongue speared his mouth.

  Kaede’s eyes rolled back as pure passion coursed through him. Growling, he wrapped his tongue around hers, claiming the invader as his for the taking.

  Selena moaned as she moved against him, her hard nipples pressing into his chest. His length was a hard bar between them, making it impossible to think straight.

  It would be so easy to…

  Kaede jerked away, smacking his horns on the shower wall. He winced in pain as a moment of clarity pierced his mind.

  Selena peered at him with concern. “Are you all right?”

  Breathing heavily, he averted his gaze to the ceiling. Closing his eyes, he shook his head as he tried to calm himself. “You make me want to let go and forget all that is around us, but I can’t.”

  “You can, Kaede. I won’t stop you, but if you want to wait, I understand. Let’s go to bed. Together,” she murmured, dragging her hands down his body as he
shivered from the lightest of touches. “I want you—need you—by my side, Kaede. I trust you. You won’t hurt me.”

  He slammed his hand on the controls and turned off the steaming water. Opening his eyes, he watched Selena stare at him in amazement as the unit’s red drying beam passed over them, instantly evaporating all liquid in its wake.

  The shower door slid open and a burst of fresh air overtook Selena’s intoxicating scent. Kaede knew that soon it would be impossible to avoid her aroma throughout not just their master bedroom but the entire Abyss.

  Her scent would soon mark his vessel as her territory, leaving him no place to hide. If her ambassadors weren’t tainting the air with their stench, he would’ve already spiraled out of control.

  Selena giggled when he picked her up and carried her in his arms from the shower unit. Her head rested against his chest as he made his way to their bed. He couldn’t deny how right it felt to hold her in his arms. She was where she belonged.

  His every step was sweet torture as the tip of his cock brushed against the curves of her ass. Her soft skin pressed against his body, only reminding him how much he wanted her.

  Laying her gently on the bed, he backed away to view Fate’s gift to him in all her glory.

  The long, silver hair he had always desired to twirl between his fingers was gone. Now, her hair barely touched her ears, but the cut didn’t make her any less beautiful. Her pink-and-purple spots glowed, proving that she felt loved.

  When his eyes landed on the scar between her breasts, he remembered how he had failed her. This mark would ensure he never forgot how close he came to losing her forever.

  “Selena, I swear to you, from this day forward, I will love you with all that I am until my soul returns to the Stars. I will protect you from any who would oppose you or wish to bring harm to our clan.” Breathing in her intoxicating scent, his gaze to hers. “I shall be your sword and your shield whenever you need me, for you are my mate. You come above all, my star.”