by Jade Waltz
“Even though those vidfeeds made me feel such intense emotion, I still want them on my wall because they remind me of my family and how much I miss and love them.” Closing my eyes, I pressed my lips gently to his and sighed. “Maybe one day soon, you will place a recording of us on that wall for both of us to reminisce.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Selena
Dressed in his new living suit, Kaede led me to the galley with his arm around my waist. With his head held high, my guard swaggered with new confidence. Even though he had left his visor behind in our shared room, he didn’t appear any less lethal. His long, blue-tinted black hair was so thick, it fell in a hood-like cape around him, and, paired with his curved horns and fangs, made his glowing slitted eyes seem that much more powerful.
He looked like a changed man.
This lethal male was now mine—loyal to me—even though his neck lacked my claiming mark. Something about that thought made my chest swell. We didn’t have to fight our natural connection anymore.
Now that we were together, there were no longer boundaries he couldn’t cross as my guard. Zirene needed time to view him as a nestbrother like the others and get over whatever had transpired between them, but I was glad that he had accepted Kaede as my mate.
My clan knew how much I hated secrets, jealousy, and infighting. They disliked those things just as much. So, while I didn’t expect them to agree on everything, my clan members suppressing their thoughts and concerns wouldn’t solve anything, either. Emotions and tensions were running high. I didn’t believe Zirene would welcome a sixth mate, but I refused to hide the news from him. He deserved the same clarity that I expected from my entire clan.
Taking Kaede in as a mate had felt natural, like our connection truly was cosmic like he claimed, and we were the stars within the same constellation trying to find our place.
Once we arrived on Destima, my clan would need time to heal, both physically and emotionally. If my Circuli mates could not reach out to me, they must be severely injured or weakened. No matter how many times Zirene and Kaede reassured me they were stable, I knew Circuli males couldn’t be away from their nestqueens for an extended period.
There was no way I would allow my clanmates out of my sight any longer than necessary—not after everything we had been through. I would become the support they needed to heal, and together, we would push forward.
Everything about this journey had changed me and my relationships. It had forced me to depend on myself to survive. I needed to learn to stop leaning on my mates so much and become strong enough for them to rely on me.
That was the unbalance within my clan.
They gave, and I took.
I needed to reciprocate from time to time, above and beyond my role as the clan’s nestqueen.
If I wanted to be the Aldawi Beacon in more than the title alone and rule alongside Zirene, I couldn’t hide on Destima. I needed to become a better leader and a stronger person. Spiraling into depression wouldn’t fix anything.
I could continue being upset and stressed about my mates’ unknown condition, but I couldn’t allow those fears to rule over me.
Out of all my mates, Kaede was the bluntest and would always be the one to push me to improve. His honesty was what I needed to hear—even if I didn’t like it. I could see that he had been right this whole time and hoped he wouldn’t treat me more carefully because we were now together.
For a male who lacked a special telepathic connection with me, he nonetheless knew me the best. It was as if that distance had forced him to study me intensely to become a better guard and rival his clanmates when he joined my clan.
When I halted outside the galley’s doors, Kaede turned to me with questioning eyes.
“Kaede, I want you to promise me something.”
“What is it?” His gaze flicked toward the doors, then he scanned my body as his brow drew down in thought. “Is something the matter? Do I need to kill someone?”
Rolling my eyes, I shook my head. This male would always be on the defense even when no threats were present. Pressing my hands to his chest, I leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss.
“I don’t need anyone killed.” I chuckled, playing with a few strands of his hair as he stared at me, confused. “I just want you to promise me something that I believe only you can do.”
“Tell me,” he urged. “I will do my best to comply.”
“Don’t go easy on me now that we are together,” I ordered, my voice hard and without its usual mirth. “I need you to push me to grow into a stronger person and a better nestqueen for our clan. I want to lead Destima and rule alongside Zirene as his equal. I want to become an exceptional mother for my children to admire. But I can’t do that if everyone is treating me like some fragile, unstable female incapable of doing anything for myself.”
“I’ll do it under one condition,” Kaede replied, his tone matching the seriousness of my request.
“What condition?”
“Don’t hate me for being hard on you.”
“How can I hate you?” I muttered, tilting my head in confusion. “You’ve angered me many times, but I’ve never hated you for what you’ve done.”
“In my nine years in civilization, you have been out of our old masters’ hands for almost four months, and you spent about half that time unconscious.” He paused, letting that fact settle. “Most of the time, you were either unconscious, pregnant, or taking care of your cubs. Plus, you have bounced between locations, had to fight for your rights as a CEG citizen, and are leading a whole moon full of refugees. How are you supposed to grow as a person when so much has been forced on you in so little time? Not to mention the politics revolving around your mates and the burdens they place on your shoulders. It’s a miracle you aren’t a bumbling mess by now. I may believe in the Cosmic Order and the Stars leading us to the Fates’ will, but I know that they don’t always answer our prayers.”
He cupped my face, locking eyes with me as determination filled his features. “The universe may try to break you and turn you into its puppet. As your mate, I refuse to allow others to control you. You can only bend so far before you shatter and cannot pull yourself together regardless of the help you receive.
“I will protect and shelter you from the evils of the universe, but I will not make decisions for you. Not after what I’ve done. If I did, I would become like your enemies, and I refuse to control you ever again. If I ever suspect you’re losing control, or that something will break you, then I will take the brunt of the fallout. I need you to know I am only ever acting out of love and determination to help you become the queen you want to be. I see underneath all that you are now and are struggling to be.”
“Kaede, I promise, no matter how harsh you may be or how your words may sting at that moment, I will continue to love you,” I swore, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Only you are willing to do this for me, and I trust that you have your reasons for every action. You always do, and they are usually good. Just don’t ever lie to me.”
“I never will.”
I believed him.
There had to be a reason why Kaede and Zirene wouldn’t tell me the finer details of my mates’ conditions, so I would not pressure either of them. If my Circuli mates were stable, then I needed to trust that everything would be fine once we arrived. The entire clan would need some time to reboot after everything we had been through.
“That’s all I ask.”
His eyes held mine as we stood in silence, as if he were absorbing this conversation into memory. Sighing, he closed his eyes and released his hold.
“Thank you, Selena.”
Dropping my arms from his neck, I turned toward the galley. “Food?”
“Yes, let’s get you something to eat. Then I need to head to the bridge.”
He wrapped his arm around my side and led me to the galley doors. They opened with a whoosh, revealing Zyxel sipping a drink with the emerald medical Oetsae, LIU. He rested on his tightly coil
ed tail at the end of the galley’s large display table. LIU sat across from him, his glowing robe lighting the surrounding area.
It was fascinating to see him act as if he were a physical being instead of an ethereal manifestation.
“We enjoy watching the crew and passengers. The social dynamics on this vessel are interesting.”
“Why don’t you ever appear?”
“While the other Oetsae are integrated with the ship, I am a part of you,” Vowels replied. ”I do not need to take physical form or speak with others, for your safety is my primary concern.”
“You don’t speak with the other Oetsae?”
“Don’t worry about me, Selena. I often converse with the others,” Vowels reassured me, his mental voice ending on a playful chuckle. ”The Oetsae on this ship share a private mental network, and they have welcomed me as they have done with REI. It is you who I am worried about.”
“Why are you worried about me?”
“If Kaede had his way, you would be lying on his lap in his commander’s chair,” Vowels explained. ”He would rather have you alone on this ship. Since you insisted on bringing your ambassadors, he feels that he needs to constantly watch over you, but he can’t.”
“I thought he has always watched everything I’ve done.” I eyed the male in question.
“Correct, but things have changed.”
“How so?”
“Why watch you from afar when he can now stay close?”
“It is odd to see the two of you together,” Kaede announced, pulling me closer against him. “Should I be concerned?”
“You know there’s no reason for concern.” LIU frowned, staring at us from beneath his hood. “We were discussing the health of the vessel’s personnel and trading notes on Selena’s medical records.”
“And?”
“I am concerned about her Oetsae,” Zyxel replied, twisting his torso toward me as his fiery slitted eyes landed on my chest. “He purposely hindered me from examining her. Whenever I took a sample of her blood, he destroyed all evidence before I could scan it, rendering the sample unreadable.”
“He was wondering if I could convince Selena’s Oetsae to allow me to scan her,” LIU explained. “So we can establish an updated record for her.”
“Why are you so interested in my health?” I crossed my arms as I eyed the two conspiring males. “Vowels is fully capable of managing my health and safety. I don’t see why you are interested unless you believe he is incapable.”
“It’s not that, Selena. Please, don’t take offense.” Zyxel placed his cup onto the table to slither closer. “We are concerned about what happened to you and want to make sure everything is accounted for and working as intended.”
“I would rather wait until we arrive on Destima,” I countered. “I feel completely fine, and Vowels has indicated that I have nothing to be concerned about.”
“Is this true?” LIU phased through the table to stand before me.
Vowels manifested in front of me in his updated appearance. His golden hooded cape was down, revealing his short hair and abyssal eyes.
“My host is completely healthy. My primary concern is the effect of her stress on her body and her mental stability. We should focus on those matters for the time being. If she wants her research team on Destima to scan her as a preventative measure, then I concur.”
Kaede glanced between my Oetsae and me. “I agree that she shouldn’t need an exam if she is healthy. I don’t believe we should stress her unnecessarily.”
“Why do you say that?” Zyxel interjected.
“Oh Stars,” Kaede hissed. “How do you think she got that scar? Once again, someone strapped her down on a medical table without her consent, and she almost died. A medical examination in an unfamiliar setting would only upset her.”
“Do you agree with this?” Zyxel addressed me, ignoring Kaede’s outburst.
“Yes,” I sighed, closing my eyes. I could already sense an argument brewing. It wouldn’t surprise me if Kaede threatened Zyxel, defending my wishes to the male who had declared me his fated. “Every time I lie on a medical table, terrible memories resurface, and I’m already struggling to keep it together.”
“Whether she agrees doesn’t matter,” Kaede growled. “This is my ship. If she doesn’t want to, then none of you have the authority to force her hand.”
“Kaede,” I whispered as I cupped his face, directing his eyes to mine. I needed to cool Kaede’s temper before he did anything reckless. Though I didn’t want Zyxel as a mate yet, I also didn’t want him thrown off the ship for trying to help. “Thank you for standing up for me, but I believe they understand.”
Chest heaving, he gazed at me with darkened eyes.
“I need to go.”
“What?” Tilting my head in confusion, I studied him. “Why?”
“I believe this conversation is over.” He leaned down and gave me a branding kiss before shooting a glare at those watching us. “I have work to do.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, touching my swollen lips.
“Positive.” His gaze softened as he gave me a squeeze and a peck on my forehead before releasing me from his embrace. “I will see you for dinner.”
“See you soon,” I muttered, still a little confused by his sudden change of attitude.
Suddenly, the two Oetsae disappeared. Kaede halted in front of the galley doors, shooting a glance over his shoulder. “Remember, Zyxel, Selena invited you as a guest on this ship. If I had it my way, none of you passengers would be here. Don’t make me regret allowing you to join this journey by harassing Selena. If I catch you doing anything to hurt her, I will personally toss you off my ship.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Selena
“What was that?” I asked, watching Kaede disappear behind the galley doors.
“Kaede’s instincts were demanding he claim you in front of Zyxel,” Vowels explained, his mental voice oddly strained. “It was safer for him to leave instead of doing something he would soon regret.”
“What?”
“I believe you call this practice peacocking. He wanted to stake his territory by marking you against the wall.”
While I didn’t mind his aggressive passion, it concerned me that he was fighting his instincts. I didn’t want him to be in pain while delaying his mating cycle.
“If that is the case, then why did you and LUI disappear?”
“We intended to halt the course of the conversation to help calm the situation. LUI is loyal to Kaede and wouldn’t disobey his wishes. The same goes for the other Oetsae fused with the Abyss. They only act in his best interest, even if they may not agree with or understand the matter. Zyxel asked LUI about your health because he was trying to look out for you. He didn’t understand the bond between us and what it entails, nor why you haven’t sought out LUI for an examination since our departure.”
“Why are you having secret meetings concerning me?” I turned and walked toward the male I had been avoiding since our date. Zyxel recoiled in surprise at my advance as I halted a short distance from his face. His tail tightened in its coil defensively as he prepared for an argument. “Are you trying to pry into my life behind my back? If you are, then I’m putting an end to it now.”
“I was only trying to help.” He lifted his hands in surrender, his fiery eyes convincing me to forgive him. “I’ve never encountered anyone as shrouded in mystery as you. How am I supposed to take care of you if I know nothing about you?”
“I don’t need anyone to take care of me,” I muttered, looking away as I stepped back. The words tasted sour as soon as they escaped my lips because deep down, I knew they weren’t true.
“And yet you allow your guard to dote on you.”
“He’s mine,” I hissed, glaring at the crimson male. “Kaede traveled to another galaxy to rescue me—once again. Of course, I allow him to take care of me. He’s already proven himself.”
“That male is dangerous,” Zyxel spat, his eyes hardeni
ng as he dropped his hands. “I don’t see how you can trust him when he continues to test his limits. He’s going to snap and there won’t be anything you can do.”
“He has it under control. We both do.”
“You both think you do,” Zyxel hissed. “It’s clear to me by his matching horns and fangs that he’s part Ezzaska. His temper toward the unmated males on this vessel further proves that he’s about to lapse into his mating cycle.”
“He’s always had a temper. That’s just who he is.” I shrugged. “When he can’t hold back his mating lust any longer, we’ll deal with it.”
“Selena, I don’t want to fight you about this, but I beg you to heed my warning,” Zyxel pleaded, his voice instantly losing all its bite. “You may not want me as your mate, but that doesn’t mean I can stop caring about you.”
Sighing, I glanced away as I combed my short hair back in frustration. I couldn’t control his feelings; I barely had a hold on mine. There was no reason for me to keep avoiding this male. He had respected my wishes and never questioned them until now.
We would be trapped on this ship for a while. Creating any more unneeded tension would make this trip unbearable.
“Please, Selena…”
“Fine. I will hear what you have to say.”
“Is there anything I could get you?” Instantly, his face lit with a wide, fanged smile as he slithered to the meal and drink dispensers.
“Some osso tea, please.” Confused at his sudden change of demeanor, I watched him as I slowly sat down at the display table.
His tail waved lazily in the air like it was dancing. How did doing something so simple for me bring him that much joy? Did he so enjoy taking care of me, the one to whom the Stars had fated him after all these years?
