Eleven months later
Z oe, Lexi, and I are standing out front of our church, eating doughnuts like we do almost every Sunday. The sun is shining, blocked sometimes by fluffy clouds. This is my favorite thing about church, the social hour afterward where everyone is in a good mood while we stand out here and catch up on each other’s lives. I think it should be designed to bring good people together. Not sure if it always does, but it’s my draw.
“Samantha, I have an idea.” Lexi wipes jelly from the corner of her lip while Zoe and I wait with interest. From the shine in her eyes, it’s a good one. “Why don’t you quit that restaurant, and I quit Om This, and together we start up a dance school for kids.”
Zoe gasps.
I blink at Lex, stunned by how amazing that sounds. “Can we do that? Is that possible?”
Excited I like the idea, she launches in, “I’ve been doing the books for Paige. I’m really good at it after all this time, and I was just thinking, what if I applied this business knowledge to running one of my own? I could be my own boss. But then I thought, what kind of business would I run? And nothing came. No answer. I’ve been sitting with this idea for a long time and then suddenly I saw it. You and me, little kids, dance, and nobody telling us what to do. It’s like going back in time only now we’re in charge!”
I scream, “This is the best idea I’ve ever heard in my entire life!”
Zoe starts laughing as Lexi grins with hope, “You really like it? You wouldn’t mind going into business with me?”
“Why would I mind?!”
Looking insecure for maybe the first time ever, Lexi shrugs, “You said I have big feelings, remember?”
“Caden said that.”
“Yes, and you said that I just don’t know where to put them sometimes. I know what you meant. The ups and downs I have are kind of extreme.”
“I need a napkin.” I motion for them to follow me to where the lady sells these doughnuts. Wiping cinnamon sugar off of my fingers I insist to Lexi, “The second you said we could go into business together, all I thought was a big yes. A huge yes.”
Lexi whispers on a huge grin, “It would be so fun. I know it’s a lot of work to start something from scratch, but they always say that if you love what you do, it’s not work!”
“But you dropped out of dance,” Zoe reminds her.
“I got out of dance because I didn’t see a career in it. And I didn’t like how competitive it was. Just like Sam.” Locking eyes with me, she says, “That’s why she didn’t go to Broadway. But I saw that coming way beforehand. And I just didn’t love it enough, for myself. But I had so much fun dancing when I was a kid! And all this time we’ve been spending with our cousins’s kids, it just makes me so happy. I love kids. It would be us running the show. Our show. Our studio. Oh my God, a studio, just like how Dad has his! We’re still going into music, just in a different way.”
I laugh at how excited she is. “And a different kind of studio.”
“They still share the same world.” Jogging a thumb to our cousin, she says, “If Zoe can successfully have her own florist business, then we can do this.”
Our cousin doesn’t take offense at this, but instead exclaims, “This is the best idea ever!”
My phone rings and I dig it out of my bag to see Logan’s name shining. Without hesitation I answer, “You’re a day early.”
Zoe and Lexi turn around, saying how it’s an excellent time to celebrate with a bear claw.
Logan’s voice is strange. “I’m calling early because I can’t talk tomorrow. But I had to keep my promise to you.”
“Are you guys traveling again? You just got to Paris two months ago, right?”
“We’re still here. Tomorrow I have plans to take a day trip to Dinan, France.”
“Where is that?”
“On the coast by Saint-Malo.”
I have no idea what that means, so I smile and start to say, “Oh, that sounds like fun,” but only get out, “Oh that sounds—” when he interrupts me.
“With my girlfriend.”
“—Terrible.”
“It sounds terrible?”
That was a Freudian slip. Or just an honest reaction that I would never have let slip. Who knows which is the correct description, because my brain has turned to slush. “Sorry, Lexi pointed to something and I was answering what she was pointing to and it wasn’t at all what I was talking about I think that’s a great thing that you have a girlfriend I’m really happy for you.” Clamping my mouth shut, I close my eyes.
His voice deepens. “This is awkward for me, too, Sam. I’ve been wondering how to tell you. I don’t know why it was this hard, but yeah, I’ve been seeing someone.”
“That’s great.” He must have waited until it was serious. Which means it’s serious. My gut hollows as I ask, “When did you meet her?”
“Right after we came to Paris. She joined the production.”
“Is she a singer?”
“She’s playing Izzy.”
My heartbeat fades. “I’m so happy for you. Thank you for calling a day early. Have a great time.”
“Sam?” he asks.
“Lexi’s crying over here, Logan,” I lie as my sister tilts her head and chomps on the claw. “It’s Brad again. She’s really upset. I have to go. I really am happy for you. Of course I am. That’s so neat that you finally have a girlfriend.”
Zoe and Lexi stop chewing.
“Oh good,” he exhales. “For a second there I thought…but that’s crazy. I don’t know. Anyway, tell Lexi I said that guy’s an asshole and I would’ve thought that she’d have gotten rid of him by now.”
I don’t bother to tell him the truth about Brad. “Talk soon.”
“Next Monday.”
Zoe and Lexi are watching me.
I hang up, stare off for a moment, blink up to ask, “When do we start this business?”
Lexi’s eyes narrow on the decision of whether or not to let me slide. “No day better than yesterday.”
I nod and mutter to myself more than to them, “Good. Let’s do this.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
LOGAN
Six months later
Samantha asks, “What is Prague like?” a smile lighting her voice.
“It’s a lot colder than I would’ve thought. We were just in Athens, briefly as you know, and then we flew here. None of us were prepared for this. Ines tried to warn me, but I wouldn’t listen to her. How is Galloway?”
“She came by our studio. From the look on her face, she wasn’t impressed.”
I laugh at the image this invokes. Their dance school has been a popular addition to the community—Moms love it, Sam has told me. But she described their space in a strip mall as not glamorous, and they’re fine with that. Galloway, however, would be appalled to discover Samantha chose that over what I’m doing. “Did she have that face she makes, like she sucked a lemon for two months and hasn’t gone to the bathroom the entire time?”
Samantha’s laugh is genuine as she cries out, “That’s exactly how she looked!”
“She had that a lot during the end of our run.”
As I listen to Sam say, “I still can’t believe they didn’t hire her to stay on with you guys when the company changed musicals,” I glance over to Ines as she glares at me from the barstool I left her on. She adjusts her weight and focuses on the hot bartender as her index finger gracefully demands another drink be delivered so that she can deal with the fact that I’m talking to my American friend. Again. It’s a constant source of conflict.
Why do you need to call this girl?
I told her I would.
That’s not good enough.
She’s my best friend.
What am I?
You’re my girlfriend.
I want to be both!
I explain to Samantha, “They saw the numbers were dropping, ticket sales were blamed on her. They had to blame somebody. Plus, Guilford, the new choreographer I told you about, i
s super hot in Europe. They said that this production would make history and they wanted new blood. She didn’t have a chance.”
There’s a beat before Sam cautiously asks, “Was she okay with that?”
“She saw the ax coming.”
“Logan, can you hear yourself?”
I straighten my back, voice hardening. “What? This is how it is. She kept trying to breathe life into a dead show because she didn’t believe that something new would take hold like this one has. Guilford saw his chance and he took it.”
“Max and Natalie had their boy. Guess what they named him?”
“What?”
“Logan.”
It takes me a minute before I break into a laugh that’s born from relief I didn’t know I needed. The family hasn’t forgotten about me. “Are you kidding?”
“He insists it’s not because of you.”
“Max did that? I’ll reach out to him online.”
“He’ll deny it. Lexi told him it was rude since you’re so far away.”
My smile fades. “Why did she say that?”
“I’m sorry, just a few more minutes,” Samantha intimately says to someone else in the room.
Confused, I ask, “Who’s that? Where are you right now?”
“It never occurred to you to ask, did it?” she laughs uncomfortably.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Your life is so fabulous that you never ask what's happening in mine anymore.”
I stare at a grey, stone wall that’s been here for centuries, mind racing over past conversations to see if she’s right. “It’s been two-sided. I’m always asking what’s going on in your life.”
She is all gentle compassion. “Do you really believe that, Logan?”
Raking my long hair back, I search the past again, but find certainty impossible. “Yeah. I do. I know all about…”
“Logan, it’s okay. I’m teaching children how to dance and really be who they are. That’s all you need to know.”
“I know where the studio is!”
“I told you that almost three months ago. You’ve heard no stories since then. But it’s okay. It’s not as exciting as running with the bulls in Pamplona.”
I frown, “Who is with you right now?”
There’s a hesitation. “Steven. I’m with Steven. I was going to tell you about him last Monday. The timing never seemed right, and our phone call was so rushed.”
And one-sided hangs in the air, unsaid.
The bar froze at the name Steven. Time no longer has power.
My voice deepens. “Is this your boyfriend?”
Ines is a statue. There’s a stream of liquid from the shaker suspended above a glass.
“How did you meet him? Have you…”
Slept with him?
Told him you love him?
“He been to one of your BBQs?”
“It’s too early for that,” she replies, voice quieted so he can’t hear.
“How early?”
“A month.”
“Has Lexi met him?”
“Of course.”
“Caden?”
“Yes.”
My eyes close. “Your parents?”
There is silence until finally Samantha says, “Not yet.”
I glance to my girlfriend, and the room animates once more as I mutter, “Good,” though I don’t know what gives me the right. Logical or not, if she would’ve told me that Jason and Sarah had met this new guy this soon, I might’ve gotten on a plane. He’d be the one. The instinct took over.
Ines dismounts the barstool, her eyes locked with mine and she balances a full martini glass made for her by a bartender hoping he’ll get lucky.
She’s a beautiful girl, incredibly sensual, and way out of my league. She knows that. It’s why my friendship with Sam confuses her so much.
Sultry eyes are scanning mine as she raises her voice over loud music and the conversations of strangers, “I’m going to finish this drink and then I want to go home and fuck you.”
I wince and turn away.
Samantha says, “Look, Logan, it sounds like someone is getting jealous.”
With a horrified laugh, I rake back my hair and ask, “You heard that?”
“Anybody could hear that,” she says with a smile in her tone. “I’ll talk to you next Monday, okay?”
She wants to be reassured that nothing has changed between us, even though everything has. I hear the voice of her new whatever-the-hell-he-is in the background. It makes me frown and rush to ask, “You want that?”
Misunderstanding the question, she says, “I want to talk to you every Monday for the rest of my life. If we can keep that up is another thing. But let’s try, okay? I have to go, Logan.”
“Right,” I mutter, rubbing my face. “Talk next week.”
“Okay.” The line goes dead.
When I asked, you want that, I meant, do you want to be in a relationship with this guy?
Sam has a boyfriend who’s there with her on a Monday. The concept is as foreign as all of the countries I’ve been to since I last saw her face.
I’m a hypocrite.
That’s what I am.
But I hadn’t realized how small a tight rope we were walking on. Can we keep up our weekly ritual? I know the passive-aggressive guilt I get from Ines.
And she’s French!
How will this guy act?
Men from the south won’t tolerate another guy near their woman. Just like I don’t like the idea of him being near her, regardless of the fact that Samantha and I are not in the same city, state, or even country, anymore.
I’m from Georgia.
And she’s my girl.
Even though she never was.
“Do you want a sip?” Ines smiles as she offers her martini. “How is she?”
I wave away the offer and answer, “Good. She has a boyfriend.”
Sultry eyes brighten from their general aloofness. “This place is boring. Let’s go home.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
SAMANTHA
A year later
M y phone rouses me from a deep sleep and I roll off of Steven to squint at his bedroom, confused by my whereabouts, I’m so out of it. “Hello,” I hoarsely whisper while rubbing my eyes.
“Samantha?” Logan asks. Behind him are the usual sounds of a party or restaurant. Or club. Or lounge. Or festival.
Steven groans, “Who’s that?”
“He’s there with you? What time is it?”
Steven hates my talking to Logan.
But I don’t. I don’t hate it at all.
I tell them both, “Hang on,” slipping out of bed and reaching for a robe. It’s too large for me, since my boyfriend is over 200 pounds. But it will do. As I tiptoe out, hoping he’ll slip away and not remember any of this, I whisper, “I’ll be right back.”
The crowd where Logan is quiets more by the second which leads me to believe that he is hurrying to a quiet space, too. He’s got heavy sarcasm as he demands, “Can I talk now?”
Shutting the door, I walk to the refrigerator to get some water from a Britta container that Steven bought at my suggestion. You just never know what’s coming out of the faucet. I like to be careful—it’s a Cocker thing. We all have these.
Except maybe Sofia.
I didn’t think to check.
Boy, I am still half-asleep!
Where is my head right now?
“Why are you calling me this early?”
“It’s not early in China.”
“Don’t make me do math, Logan. I should be dreaming right now.”
“I’m having a hard time, Sam.”
Taking a long, cold gulp, I stare into the moonlit apartment I’ve been invited to move into. “What’s going on?”
Someone shouts in the background and Logan cusses under his breath before his voice becomes intimate again. “Ines and I aren't working out.”
Setting the glass down, my hand rests on the coun
ter and clutches it. “You guys have been together a long time. I’m sure you’ll work through it. She just needs to know that you’re stubborn.”
He laughs, “Nobody is as stubborn as she is.”
“What problems? What’s going on?”
“She wants a child.”
My stomach flips over, and I swallow, casually asking, “What do you want?”
“Kids would ruin my career.”
“Said every woman ever.” I take another sip of water and set the glass down with a loud thunk.
Logan exhales, “I’m not the only guy who wants to be a good father and go after what I want. It’s hard to do both.”
“Yeah, but you can still dance. She couldn’t. If Ines gets pregnant, that would be it for the run. They’d have to find another Caroline—is that the new character’s name?” He doesn’t answer, so I continue, “And you said it yourself, she’s very good.”
He’s silent for a long time. I sit here in the darkness with him, listening to his breathing as the distant noise hums. “It doesn’t feel right,” he finally sighs and repeats a tormented, “It just doesn’t feel right, Sam.”
The bedroom door opens and Steven walks out. He is rubbing his eyes but it’s an act. I can tell he’s faking it, has been awake, unsuccessfully trying to listen to this conversation. “Is that Logan?”
“He’s in China and things are getting a little crazy there. You’ve heard the news.”
I don’t know why I just lied and made this seem like a political-unrest phone call. I’m sure my boyfriend would love to hear how the childhood friend I talk to every Monday is having troubles with his girlfriend. Complete inner monologue sarcasm intended.
Negotiating the ego of a guy like Steven isn’t easy, but I’m fine with that. I do it enough with the men in my family. He’s very successful and handsome and knows it. I love his confidence.
I do.
But I haven’t been willing to let go of my friendship with Logan. And I don’t like that he wants me to.
Does anybody like to be controlled? I might not be as rebellious as Lexi, but I’m a Cocker. We might give things up, even control sometimes, but we do so willingly.
Samantha Cocker (Cocker Brothers Book 21) Page 13
