by Bloom, Anna
“Eli was here.”
“Faith.” She bends and gives me a hug. “He’s still here. He came to ours to give you some privacy, but he’s driven me so I can take over.”
He’s here. I stand on shaky legs and walk for the door, casting one last glance over at Dan.
In the hallway, Eli is sat on one of those awful plastic chairs, his jacket folded in his lap. How come this morning we were measuring the store room and since then we’ve lurched from one disaster to another?
Bowsley.
Brighton.
Things designed to destroy us.
He rises when he sees me, his hands sliding from my shoulders down my arms and I cry. I cry so damn hard I can’t keep it in.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to hear that. It wasn’t what I meant.”
He shakes his head, but the blues are still dark, controlled. “Let’s get you home for some rest, it’s been a long day.”
“I can’t go back to London and leave him.”
He sighs. “I know. I meant let’s go back to Abi and Adam’s; they’ve sorted the spare room for you.”
I cry harder. Stupid tears. “Sorry.”
“Come.” He guides me out and I follow him blindly, dark exhaustion washing through me. By the time we are at the Range Rover, he’s holding my weight.
We drive to Abi’s in silence and he opens the door with a key he must have been given, walking me straight up the stairs where he puts me fully dressed into bed. He hesitates once I’m covered up.
“Don’t leave me,” I mumble, sleep pulling me down.
There’s a pause and it crushes my heart, then he pulls back the cover and slides in next to me, sitting on the mattress and pulling my head onto his lap like a pillow. I sleep restlessly as my past comes back to hurt me yet one more time.
I sit bolt upright when I wake. Eli is still sitting, his attention on his phone. “Any news?” I ask.
“No, nothing.”
“I need to get back there in case he wakes up.”
He nods and starts to get up. “Eli.” I catch his hand. “I love you so much. Thank you for being here for me.”
“You love him, too, though.” His smile is small.
“Not the same way; not the same way at all.”
“You still trust him with everything though.”
“That’s not true. He’s hardly talking to me. He doesn’t know anything that’s going on with me right now.”
“So, he doesn’t know how things are with us? That we are talking weddings and having a baby?”
“You make it sound like it isn’t.”
He laughs and I hate the hollow sound. “No, Faith. I make it sound like it is. You don’t want to tell him what you know will hurt him, but at the same time you won’t tell me anything he knows, which hurts me just as much.”
I rub my hands down my face. “You know I want to talk to you.”
“But you don’t. You wouldn’t even let me sit in on your meeting with Reggie. What is Dan allowed to know that I can’t? Why are you still hiding everything from me?”
“Because I don’t want to lose you.”
“But, Fai—”
I cut him off. “Can we not right now? I can’t deal with everything all at once and I need to be there for Dan.”
His lips press into a line and I hate myself for hurting him. I just can’t stop doing it. “I have to go back to London. I need to be at the office.”
“What? Why?” This is ridiculous. “You didn’t need to be there earlier; we were meant to have dinner with Sienna and Gerard.”
“I’ve been called in, there’s been a problem with a big client.”
“Sure,” I mumble.
The man in the suit is back.
“I’ll leave you the car and take the train back.”
“No. Take the car.”
His eyes flash. “No. I want you safe. Last time we were here you were attacked by Aiden and his friends. Now you are carrying my child, so you shall keep the car.”
I want to die. His words kill me. They just fucking kill me.
“Okay.”
“Keep me up to date with what’s happening.”
I nod blindly. Is he really rushing back to London for a pretend meeting and leaving me here?
“Eli. I told Dan I loved him because I do, but as a brother; as a friend. You can’t be jealous.”
“You also slept with him, when I was trying to make things right for us.”
Shit. That’s low.
It’s the truth, but it’s low all the same.
“And yet you say he’s your brother?” he spits the words without thinking, but then his eyes widen, and I watch, my stomach sinking as I know he’s broken through my defences. “Oh my god. That’s why you won’t tell me anything. You think I will judge you, will think you asked for what happened with Aiden because I know you slept with Dan.”
My whole body shivers. “No. I don’t want to tell you anything because I don’t want you to think the same my father did, which was that I wanted it. That I loved it. That I’m built that way, dirty and broken, anyone’s to take.”
His hands hang uselessly at his side. The space between us is as wide as a canyon.
“I’ll call to check on you.” He turns on his heel, dropping the car keys on the bed.
“Eli, please, I didn’t mean—”
“What, Faith? Didn’t mean to run from me again? Didn’t mean to hide?” With one last look of despair he walks from the room, leaving me shaking and alone.
He’s gone.
I slip into the plastic seat opposite the one Abi is in. “Did you sleep?” she asks.
“Yeah.”
“Where’s Eli?”
“He’s gone back to London.”
Abi shakes her head. “Faith, how do you manage to make such a mess?”
“He heard me tell Dan I love him, but I didn’t say it like that.”
She sighs. “I know. I know how you would have meant it; but think of it from Eli’s point of view. Dan has protected you your whole life. The fact he couldn’t protect you from Aiden kills him. He knows everything about you. But I bet you haven’t shared it all with Elijah.”
“What did he say to you?”
“Nothing. He said nothing. He’s a true gentleman that one and fuck, Faith, he loves you something crazy. But if you don’t face these demons from your past head on, how are you going to convince him you love him as much as you love Dan?”
“It’s a different love.”
“Does Eli know that?”
“What if I tell him and he thinks I asked Aiden to do those things to me? He knows how I control sex. How will he differentiate who I am now from the girl I was back then?”
“He will because he loves you.”
“What if he finds out that he doesn’t own all my firsts?”
Abi’s face scrunches. Of course she doesn’t understand the stupid saying Eli and I have created, but we are stopped from anything else by Dan coughing and spluttering.
“Dan!” Jumping up, I hit the nurses alarm, but not before he’s pulled off his oxygen mask like the Hulk on a rampage.
“Fuck's sake, listening to you guys witter on is enough to make anyone wake up.” He says croakily, turning his head, his soft brown gaze landing on my face. “His Lordship gone again, has he?”
“Shut up,” Abi and I both say at the same time and then we both burst into tears.
Later, when Abi has gone home to check on the kids and Adam, I sit and stroke Dan’s hand. “What the hell were you thinking, Dan? You could have died.”
He shrugs but winces.
“And look at the bloody state of you. What have you been doing? Please tell me you didn’t get these bruises from going after Aiden’s crew again?”
He laughs although it sounds hoarse, but having your stomach pumped does that to your vocal chords. “No, these are legit bruises.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“And you aren’
t meant to, little Faith.”
I sigh. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Nothing. Go back to your life. Enjoy it.”
“Do you think I’m going to enjoy anything if I know you are miserable?”
“I’m not your problem.”
“You are always my biggest problem.”
“Shut it, Hitchin.”
We lapse into silence for a while. My phone beeps and makes me jump a little. I grab it out of my bag. The battery is nearly done. I’ll need to locate a charger at some point soon. It’s a message from Eli.
I’ve got to go to New York. I’ll be back for the scan.
That’s it? He’s got to go to New York? What the hell?
The scan is Wednesday. He’s flying to New York and then coming back by Wednesday?
Really?
Fine.
I put my phone back in the bag and glare at Dan. “Right, you. Cut the attitude towards me. I’m sorry about what happened the night of Al's funeral, but it happened. You’ve got to stop punishing me.”
“Who pissed you off?”
“You did, you bloody ignoramus. I’ve got lots on. I’ve got class and meetings, and…” I can’t bring myself to tell him about the baby and the scan. This isn’t the right time. “You can come back to London with me as soon as you get the all clear. Miss Beesley will help me look after you.”
“Who is Miss Beesley and is she hot?”
I shake my head. “She’s my housekeeper.” I hold my hand up. “And don’t even think of taking the piss out of me. Okay, are we sorted?”
“Do I get any choice?”
“No.”
“Fine.” He sulks and folds his arms. I’d say he was feeling better. Coma to angry in five hours. Now that sounds like Dan.
We park in the residential bay and he stares at the house through the window, much like I did the first time I saw it.
“You’ve really landed with your arse in the butter, Faith.”
“Hardly. His family hate me, I’m the worst host around, and I haven’t made a single thing in bloody weeks. If that’s having my arse in the butter then I’d hate to know what isn't.” I sigh and stare at the house I’ve been getting used to calling home. “It’s not like it’s ours. It’s the family's.”
We walk up the path, me pulling Dan’s small case behind us, and I open the door. “Miss Beesley, are you here?”
Footsteps fall and the sight of my housekeeper comes into view. She stops in her tracks when she sees Dan.
“I know. He’s a mess, isn’t he? I’m hoping your skills extend to fixing obnoxious arseholes.”
Dan’s elbow darts to my ribs, jabbing me sharply.
Miss Beesley brushes her hands against one another. “I have a teenage son myself. I’m sure I can fix this one up.”
Dan looks at me with alarm. “Teenage? Just how youthful do I look?” He smiles but I can see he’s exhausted.
“Go and lay down in there.” I point to the bedroom. “While we sort you out a guest room.”
He smirks and goes to say something, but my glare shuts him up. Instead he shrugs and slopes off in the direction I point.
“Did you see Elijah?” I ask Miss Beesley once Dan is out of earshot.
She flushes a little. “I cleared up after him if that’s what you mean.”
“Cleared up after him? Eli is the tidiest person I know.”
She shrugs. “I guess he took umbrage at the bottle of whisky he smashed against a wall.”
He did what?
My stomach chills with sharp daggers of ice.
What am I doing?
I’m making a fricking fine mess that’s what. “I need to call Laura and see what my appointments are for the week. But I also need for one of us to be with Dan at all times; he’s not stable.”
Miss Beesley gives me a curt nod. “I’ll go and sort out a room.”
Before I go and check on Dan to see what he thinks of our ridiculous sitting room with its four sofas and more coffee tables than any one room should have, I pull out my phone. Our. Is there even an our? Eli walked away from me again.
I remember what he said to me on the pier the night he found out about Dan and mine’s moment of weakness. I would have given you everything.
What would I give him? My heart? My name? My truths?
I call his number, getting an international ring tone. “Hi,” he answers, and my heart pitter patters in my chest.
“Hi.”
“You okay?”
“Yes. Tired. I can’t believe you are in New York.”
There’s a pause. He’s obviously not making small talk with me.
“I’m sorry.” I hate the way my voice trembles.
“Faith,” he sighs my name and I tell myself it’s not full of regret. “I’ll be back on Wednesday. We can talk then.”
Talk. He wants to talk.
I know nothing about relationships at all. But hell, I can read a book and watch telly and I know talking means breaking up.
He can’t leave me. I’m having his baby. Can he?
“Speak to you Wednesday.” Fuck my heart is crushing in my chest. “I love you.”
I want him to tell me he loves me so badly. Instead he says, “See you Wednesday.”
I hang up and stare at my phone.
This is ridiculous. A flush blooms across my skin and my head begins to throb. I need today done pretty damn soon. My energy reserves are depleted to dangerously low levels. I have to think of the baby. This isn’t just about me and my drama.
I dial another number; this one is answered with much more warmth. “Faith,” Laura says with far too much enthusiasm. It rattles in my head like marbles in a jar. “Elijah said you would be away most of the week.”
Did he indeed?
“No, I’m in town. Listen, I need you to give me a list of all the Fairclough engagements this week; all the ones Elijah should be going to as well. Tell me who will be there, why the event is happening, and important people I need to know. Then can you send the list to Saskia and tell her I’ll need her to check my wardrobe corresponds?”
This is why the Faircloughs have people who do things. I get that now.
“Okay, Elijah told me to send apologies to everything, like he has for weeks.”
Did he indeed…
“No. Send it all to me.”
I end the call, barely managing to stand. I will fight for this. If Connie wants a Fairclough, I’ll give her a goddamn Fairclough. If Eli wants to know I’m committed, then I’ll show him I am.
Just as soon as I’ve had a nap.
Nap first. Taking over the world after.
Twenty-Three
On Tuesday my face is frozen into a grim smile. My feet are killing me. I’ve been on the go since my first lecture of the day. One dinner to go. Just the one then I can crash. Meetings, fundraisers, and social gatherings to celebrate the opening of an envelope are long and exhausting and quite frankly I can see why Eli has been turning them down since he became heir.
I haven’t heard from Eli apart from the odd message checking on me and the baby. It hurts.
The doorbell rings and I hear Dan stomp across the hallway to answer.
“Oh,” I hear a familiar voice say.
I literally can’t get my legs to move fast enough.
“Who the fuck are you?” Dan growls.
“Oh, Sienna, hi.” I screech into the hallway and find them just staring at one another. With my greeting, Dan’s eyes slide over her with more interest.
“And this is the woman he was going to leave you for?”
“Dan, shut up.” I turn to Sienna. “I’m sorry.” Gesturing my hand, I beckon her forward. “Come in, come in. You know Eli isn’t here, right? He is in the States.”
“I know.” She drops her gaze to my tummy—so now I know she knows. Excellent. Dan groans as he does with every mention of Eli and stomps off to the sitting room which he’s made his own, as he lays on the sofa all day and eats all the food Miss
Beesley brings to him.
He’s looking better. Stronger. The bruises are fading, although I still don’t know what caused them and he has his colour back. His swagger that I remember so well is slowly returning. I don’t know what Miss Beesley is feeding him, but she needs to cut him back; he’s getting cocky again. The last thing I need is Elijah coming home tomorrow and finding Dan lording it in his place. That would be a disaster.
Sienna walks in, her heels clacking against the marble. “I just came to drop some files off Eli needed.”
“Have you been working for him again?” It’s funny but there isn’t a shred of jealousy in my tone, or in my heart.
“Just some basic research. Nothing major.”
My phone rings. It’s a Brighton number, so motioning for her to head into the sitting room I swipe answer. Then my stomach drops as I listen to what the caller has to say.
Sienna leaps up from opposite sofa to Dan’s when I walk in. I can barely see. Can barely even think.
“Faith? What’s wrong?”
“Jesus, Faith.” Dan jumps up and almost bulldozes Sienna out of the way to get to me first. “What’s happened? Is it His Lordship? Has his private jet come down?”
Sienna casts an interested glance over Dan, but I can’t be dealing with his shit. “Dan,” I snap. “For once will you shut the fuck up?”
He does.
“Faith?” Sienna steps closer and sits at my side.
“That was the police. Someone has come forward and made a statement disputing my claims against Aiden. They have said the Crown Prosecution Service doesn’t have enough to go on and the case won’t go to court.”
I think I may puke, and it has nothing to do with the baby.
Sienna has her phone out of her bag in record time.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Telling Elijah.”
“No. Leave it; it’s not his fight.” I don’t add that right now I’m not sure he is still fighting for me anyway.
“Then I’m calling your lawyer. This is unacceptable.” She dials and gets up, walking away. Dan looks at me with large round eyes, his colour fading to that of two days ago.
“I will take the bastard down, Faith. You know I would do it for you.”
“No. I told you then and I’ll tell you again until the day I die, I will not let you ever do something like that.”
