A Real Cowboy Always Trusts His Heart

by Stephanie Rowe

  She held her sweatshirt to her face and ran along the landing, her heart pounding as she hurried toward the rickety steps. People streamed out of the apartments and gathered in the parking lot, pointing up at her corner of the building.

  She started down the stairs, clutching her bag and her phone, the metal steps harsh on her bare feet. She had made it down only two steps when a guy lurched drunkenly up behind her. "Move!" He shoved her hard to the side as he pushed past her down the steps.

  She lost her balance, and her foot slipped into a gap in the grating, plunging her off balance. "Shit!" She lurched forward, her ankle twisting as her foot caught in the grating. She grabbed for the railing, but her fingers slid off the rusty metal, and she fell forward. Her cheek slammed into the railing and her elbow ricocheted off the step as she crashed down.

  She lay still, gasping for breath as pain gripped her. Her ankle was screaming with pain, her cheek was throbbing, her eyes burning.

  "That lady fell," someone yelled.

  "Get up!" someone else screamed.

  Well, gee, ya think? She fumbled for the railing, trying to grab it. Her foot was still caught in a stair several steps above her head, and she could tell her face was bleeding. She tried to twist her foot free and then yelped at the stab of pain.

  "I got you." Ryder was suddenly beside her, his hands on her shoulders. "You okay?"

  "My foot," she gasped. "It's stuck."

  He swore under his breath and leaned past her to check it. He touched her ankle, and she gasped at the pain. "No! Don't pull it!"

  "We need to take the weight off so you can get it out." He came back down and crouched beside her, sliding his arms under her. "Hold onto me."

  She nodded, gritting her teeth against the pain as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Be careful," she ordered.

  "I've got you." His arms tightened and he lifted her up, taking all her weight off her trapped foot as he gently moved her back toward the higher stair.

  She gasped as the pressure eased off her ankle, and she was able to pull her foot free. "I'm out."

  "Great." He shifted her weight so he was cradling her to his chest. "Let's go." He turned sideways and carried her down the stairs, moving fast. She braced herself for more pain, but not once did he accidentally bang her ankle against the railing, even when the fire fighters raced up the stairs past her.

  When they reached the ground, he carried her right over to the ambulance, calling for help. As he set her down, she looked up and saw flames engulf the front of her apartment, battling with the fire hoses for victory. Anguish tore through her. "Oh, God. Look, Ryder."

  Ryder followed her glance and he swore. "I'm so sorry, Zoey."

  Her heart seemed to break as she watched the flames eat away at the walls of her apartment, hissing as they fought with the water for supremacy. In that apartment were the things most precious to her, the only things that had mattered enough to take them cross-country.

  It didn't matter how soon the firemen got the fire out.

  She knew it would be too late.

  "Stop pacing. You're giving me a headache." Zoey closed her eyes as she rested on the hospital bed, her ankle throbbing as they waited for her to be seen. Her face had been cleaned up, her cut had been taped shut, her ankle had been x-rayed, and they were waiting to find out if it was broken.

  Ryder paused. "Can I get you something? Coffee? Water? Food?"

  She shook her head. "No. I'm fine. Just tired."

  "I'll go get coffee."

  "Stop." She opened her eyes to look at him. His face was stark, like he'd been kicked in the gut. He looked restless and uncomfortable. Did hospitals bother him? "Come here."

  Alarm flashed across his face. "Why?"

  Sudden tears burned in her eyes. "Because I need a hug, dammit. I almost died in a freaking fire tonight!"

  He swore under his breath and came right over. He sat next to her and pulled her onto his lap, wrapping his strong arms around her. She wrapped her hands around his muscular forearms and closed her eyes, pressing her face against his chest. His body was so familiar and so reassuring, the solid warmth that had been her foundation as a teenager.

  She focused on the feel of his body against hers everywhere they were touching. His hip against hers. Her breasts against his ribs. The roughness of his shirt against her cheek. The gentle thud of his heart. His arms around her shoulders and upper arms, locking her against him.

  Slowly, her tension began to ease, and she took a shuddering breath. "Do you think all my stuff is burned up?"

  "I don't know. Maybe they stopped it before it got inside your place." He started to release her.

  "No, don't!" Panic hit her until he tightened his arms around her again. "Why does it feel so good to have you hold me? I’m still mad at you for what happened ten years ago."

  He was quiet for a moment. "Because we were friends once," he said. "Friends that stood by each other. I was your shield."

  "Friends," she said softly. They'd been friends. And then they'd been lovers. And then they'd been nothing. "I missed having your friendship. I never found anyone like you in Boston."

  He sucked in his breath in a hiss. "There are a lot of people like me out there. You don't need me."

  She laughed softly. "There's literally no one like you, Ryder."

  "Because I'm a fucked-up mess?"

  "Because you're you." She relaxed into him, keeping her eyes closed. "You were the only one I ever really trusted. Until you blew it, of course."

  He didn't laugh.

  She poked his chest. "I was joking."

  "Were you?"

  "Yes—" Then she stopped. "No, I guess not. That was pretty awful." She pulled back to look at him. "What happened that day? Why did you cut me off like that? I mean, not even a single word since you dropped me off after the prom. You just disappeared from my life."

  He swore under his breath and gently pushed a tendril of hair back from her face. "It's complicated."

  "Tell me."

  He sighed. "I—"

  "Zoey!" Dane burst into the room.

  Ryder swore and leapt off the bed so fast that Zoey almost fell off. He awkwardly shoved her back in place, then nearly bolted across the tiny room to the opposite wall.

  Dane glared at Ryder before turning to her. "Sorry it took so long to get here. Trying to find you in this place was a circus."

  She stared at her brother, startled by his appearance. She hadn't seen him in ten years. Ten years, and now he was standing in her hospital room. He looked so much older than when she'd left. Bigger. He was much more muscular, with broad shoulders. His face was leaner, and he looked like he hadn't shaved in weeks. But he was her big brother. Sudden tears threatened. "Dane?" she whispered.

  His face softened. "Zoey." He strode across the room and wrapped her up in a hug.

  She closed her eyes against the swell of emotions as she hugged the only family she had left. God, it had been so long. He felt strong and solid, familiar, the big brother who'd made it possible for her to afford to go to college.

  "I missed you, sis." He pulled back, searching her face.

  She nodded, tears blurring her vision. "Me, too."

  Dane touched her cheek. "Stitches?"

  "Tape. It's not a big deal, apparently. It won't leave a scar."

  "Good." He glared at Ryder again before sitting next to her. "So, when are you heading back to Boston?"

  She blinked. "I just got here."

  "Yeah, but you're not staying, right?"

  The shield that had momentarily dissolved sprang back up around her heart. She'd forgotten about how hard Dane had pushed her away ten years ago, and how much it had grated on her that he'd tried to control her life. She deflected the question with one of her own, unable to bear arguing with him about his need to get her out of his life. "Why are you here?"

  "Because I care."

  "No, I mean, how did you even know I was in the hospital?"

  "Ryder called me." Dane scow
led at her. "A fire? What the hell were you doing staying in that place? I answer calls over there all the time."

  She glanced at Ryder, startled when she saw raw, stark despair in his eyes. The moment he realized she was looking at him, he looked away, masking his emotions. What was wrong with him?

  "I drove by the place on the way here," Dane continued. "It's definitely shut down for at least a few days. You won't be able to stay there, so Jaimi and I want you to stay with us."

  Zoey tensed. "With you guys?" With their baby, and their daughter, and their happy little world? She'd never even met Jaimi. She'd been in the midst of a crumbling marriage when Dane and Jaimi had gotten married, and she hadn't had the emotional capacity to come back for a festival of love and happiness.

  "Yeah. We got space." Dane smiled. "Jaimi's super excited to meet you."

  "I'm looking forward to meeting her." She felt panic closing in. Her brother was almost a stranger to her, and everyone in his home was a stranger. She didn't have any idea how to fit in. "But I don't want to intrude." She didn't want to be the pathetic sister living in her brother's house, interfering with his happy family.

  Dammit. What had she been thinking, coming back to town? Dane had literally shoved her out of town after graduation, and he'd fought her hard every time she'd talked about coming home. He'd made it clear he didn't want her in town. And Ryder, God. Ryder. He'd pushed her away as well, and yet she'd been stupid enough to think that forcing her way back into their lives would somehow make the darkness stop swirling through her.

  She'd been wrong.

  She'd thought coming back home would feel better, but it didn't. She felt worse, because she was supposed to belong here, and she didn't. At least in Boston, it had never been her home, so feeling lost had been expected. Here? She'd cooked it up in her mind that this was her oasis, her last place of refuge, to save her when nothing else could help.

  And yet, now that she was here, it was achingly obvious that she wasn't supposed to be here either. But where did that leave her? Nowhere. She had no idea where she could go that would feel better.

  "It's not an intrusion." But even as Dane said it, she saw how tired he looked. And she knew how much he'd wanted her out of town.

  He didn't want to take her on. She knew it. But he had to, because he had always looked out for her, and now she'd marched homeless, back into his life and his town.

  She couldn't do that to him. To herself. To Jaimi. She managed a smile. "Thanks, but I already have somewhere to stay."

  "Really? Already? Where?" Dane's eyebrows went up skeptically. "I won't let you stay in a hotel when you can stay with us, and you can't stay in another dangerous rental."

  "I'm not." She looked desperately across the room at the man who had once been her best friend. "Ryder said I could stay at his place. He has ten bedrooms."

  The look of shock on Ryder's face was so aghast that it was almost comical. "What?"

  Her gut dropped. "Didn't you…didn't you invite me?" Dear God. Had she done it again? Somehow misread his intentions? She'd thought he'd loved her once, that they had loved each other, and that was why she'd slept with him. And then he'd cut her off. And now…Dear God. Had she been that stupid again?

  Ryder's face softened as he looked at her. "Yeah," he said quietly. "I did invite you."

  Relief rushed through her, and she smiled. "Okay."

  Anger flashed across Dane's face, and he stood up. "No."

  "No, what?" Zoey frowned at him. "What are you talking about?"

  Dane glared at Ryder, who immediately stood taller, narrowing his gaze at Dane. "She needs a place to stay," Ryder said, his voice unyielding. "I have plenty of space. You don't."

  "I have room—"

  "I got it covered," Ryder said. "She's coming home with me."

  Dane swore again. "Can I talk to you in the hall?"

  "No need." Ryder didn't move. "I was able to fully grasp everything the first time." His voice was hard. "I got Zoey's back. I always do." There was an edge to his voice, an undercurrent she couldn’t quite figure out. Why was there so much tension between them?

  Dane studied Ryder for a moment, then nodded. "Okay."

  Ryder nodded.

  Then they both turned to her. "I'll be by to see you tomorrow," Dane said. "Sound good?"

  "Yeah, okay." Zoey looked back and forth between the only two men in her life who'd ever really mattered to her. God, they were both so complicated. Did she really want to deal with that?

  No. She didn't have enough left inside her to be around them, to deal with the emotions they both brought up, to navigate through the tension strung so tightly between them.

  As soon as morning came, she was going to start looking for her next stop, the next place, the place that would somehow help her find her way back.

  Ryder caught her eye, and he gave her a half-smile, the same half-smile that had completely melted her heart so long ago.

  And just like that, something inside her melted again…and an ugly, terrifying truth settled on her.

  She hadn't come home because she'd wanted to return to Rogue Valley. Or to Dane. Or to her past.

  She'd come back for Ryder.

  And that was the biggest mistake she could have made.

  Dear God. How stupid was she? Going for the trifecta of heartbreak? First Ryder. Then Nathan. And then Ryder again?

  She had to get out of there, and fast, or what little was left of her heart would be broken forever. "It won't be for long," she said quickly. "I'm not staying in town. I'll be gone in a few days."

  She didn't miss the look of relief on Dane's face.

  Or the way Ryder turned his head away, hiding his reaction from her.

  Chapter Seven

  It was almost four in the morning by the time Ryder got Zoey home and settled in one of the bedrooms. The house was owned by the Harts, who were the siblings of his brother Maddox's wife, Hannah. They were good people, and the bond between the Stockton clan and the Harts was already building. Only four bedrooms were furnished, and two of them had been claimed by a couple of the Harts for when they were in town. Ryder had the third one, which meant there was only one for Zoey to choose from.

  It was the room next to Ryder's, which meant Zoey would be sleeping only a few yards from his bed.

  So, he didn't go to bed.

  He went downstairs instead.

  And now, it was past five, and he still hadn't gone to sleep.

  He was sitting on the screened-in-porch, overlooking the river, thinking.

  He was cold. Restless. Unsettled. And wondering what the fuck he was supposed to do.

  In his hand was his phone. He'd texted Chase last night after he'd left Dane's, asking him to call as soon as he got up. Chase was always up early. He'd be calling soon, and Ryder was going to turn down the new barn project.

  But as he sat there, waiting for Chase's call, he'd been thinking. Thinking, and thinking, and thinking.

  That moment, when he'd driven past Zoey's apartment on the way back and seen that fire… Jesus. He'd never been so terrified in his life. He felt like he'd been in slow motion, leaping out of his truck and sprinting for the stairs, watching as she fell when that guy had pushed her. Watching her stumble. Unable to get close enough to catch her. Terrified that she would fall off the stairs to the pavement below.

  Shit.

  He stood up, trying to shake it off, trying to calm down.

  Zoey was safe.

  She was upstairs sleeping.

  Trusting him to keep her safe.

  It was okay. She was okay.

  He hadn't been able to shake his terror until she'd finally called him over in the hospital room and climbed into his lap. Feeling her in his arms, curled up against him, had broken through the panic gripping him.

  And then, that moment in the hospital, when she'd said she was staying with him, the look on her face had been so vulnerable, so lost. There had been no damn way he could have refused her, regardless of how mad Dane migh
t have been.

  He hadn't forgotten Dane's speech. He knew he was no good for Zoey romantically.

  But as a friend. God, as a friend. She needed him. And, maybe more importantly, he needed to be there for her. If he could help her, maybe it would ease the restlessness that had haunted him for so long.

  But she was planning to leave again, before he could help her find that sparkle again.

  He sat back down and bowed his head, pressing his palms to his eyes. What the fuck was he supposed to do? She was so freaking lost. And she was determined to leave. He knew she meant it. She was a woman on the run, fleeing from the monster that was inside her.

  He couldn’t force her to stay. She'd never allow it, and he'd never take the freedom of choice away from her.

  But if he could get her to choose to stay, that would be different. It would be okay, maybe. He could help her while she figured out her next steps, right?

  He leaned back, clasping his hands behind his head. What was he thinking? Could he really help her? And, maybe more importantly, how could he share a house with her and stay only friends when he wanted to cross that line so fucking badly?

  His phone rang, startling him. He glanced at the display. Chase already. He answered it. "Hey, bro. You're early. I figured you wouldn't be up before six."

  "I'm still in bed. Just saw your text. What's up?"

  Ryder hesitated.

  "Ryder? What's going on?"

  "I don't know."

  "Hang on." There was some shuffling, and then Chase came back on the phone. "I'm out in the hallway so I don't wake Mira. What's wrong?"

  "Zoey." He hadn't intended to bring her up. He'd meant to talk about the barn.

  "Ah… What about her?"

  "She arrived yesterday, but she wants to leave town again. She's…shit, Chase. She's fucking wrecked."

  "Yeah, I saw that in the cafe. She's had a rough time of it."

  Ryder rubbed his wrist over his forehead. "I want to help her."

  "Good. She needs you."

  Ryder said nothing. He couldn't.

  Chase was quiet for a moment, then, "What's the problem?"