Temptation

by Smeltzer, Micalea

  Siva has been crazy, well crazier than usual, fussing over me and our unborn daughter. I’m surprised he hasn’t shut down yet. He hardly seems to sleep. Apparently he thinks I’ll go into labor while I sleep and not wake up. I told him he was silly and it doesn’t work like that. I’m pretty sure you can’t sleep through active labor, but he refuses to believe me.

  I sit down in the rocker and envision my daughter in my arms. I can’t wait to hold her. I stride over to the crib and place my hands on the iron rails. The crib is off white and vintage looking. It’s perfect. I pick up a pale purple blanket that smells like a baby despite there not actually being one yet. My fingers skim over the soft purple and gray bedding. She’ll be here soon.

  I venture to the changing table, which had been my destination when I first came in here, and grab the diaper bag. I pull out a couple of onesies, diapers, blankets, and a going home outfit. Dr. Fletcher said the baby could come at any time. He figures she’ll come early but now he’s breathing a sigh of relief, as are Siva and I, because now an early birth is not a danger for our little one.

  I zip up the diaper bag and carry it into our bedroom. I place it next to my suitcase. I’m being extra cautious in having everything ready. I know when I go into labor Siva will go into a tizzy. I want to make this as easy on him as possible. He has been great the past couple of months, despite us both having to do physical therapy and the worry over the baby.

  I putter down the steps, okay more like I waddle, and lovingly stroking the squirming baby inside me with a smile on my face.

  “Hey, beautiful,” Siva says and pulls me in for a kiss. He then puts his hands on my stomach and bends to kiss it to. “And hello to my new beauty,” he adds. The baby kicks his hand and he grins.

  “Hello, Sloane. I hope you’re well,” Rajas clears his throat.

  “I’m great,” I smile, glowing. Not even being around Rajas can bring me down from my pregnancy high. “Just ready to not be fat anymore.” I laugh.

  “You’re not fat,” scolds Siva and he kisses me again. “You’re pregnant with my child and you’re beautiful.”

  I lightly punch his stomach. “What are you making? Mommy and baby are hungry.”

  He laughs. “Roast with vegetables.”

  “Have I told you how much I love you?”

  He grins. “Not enough.”

  “I love you.” I smile.

  “I love you too,” he says and kisses me again despite his father’s presence. After the … incident Rajas made a complete turn around. I think he realized how close he came to losing all his children and knew he didn’t want to miss out. He becomes gooey-eyed whenever he talks about the arrival of his granddaughter. Lila hardly speaks. She strikes me as the, go-with-the-flow, type of person. So basically she’ll do whatever Rajas tells her.

  “I’m glad you could join us,” I say to Rajas when I finally disentangle myself from my husband.

  “Well you never know how much time you may have left. I’m happy my son has … embraced me.” Rajas takes a sip of wine.

  Siva had been reluctant to come around to his father. He had been shocked, to say the least, when Rajas showed up at the hospital when he learned Siva was awake. Siva was scared to let his father in and I don’t blame him. Sometimes you become sick of trying and you decide the pain isn’t worth it. But I think the idea of becoming a father himself mellowed Siva to the idea of mending his relationship with his father. I know he hates the idea of our daughter ever looking at him the way he looked at his own. He’s trying and that’s what matters. I love him even more for it. He even plays the piano now. The baby always kicks merrily when he does. I think she might grow up to be a dancer, or maybe she’s telling me she wants to play piano like her daddy.

  Siva sections off pieces of the roast and places them on everyone’s plates. Starving, I dig into mine as I walk to the dining table. Siva laughs behind me. I shoot him a dirty look as I plop my fat ass into a seat. Rajas, Lila, and Siva take their seats. I’m already a quarter of the way through my plate.

  We finish dinner and Lila helps me wash the dishes while Rajas and Siva speak.

  My stomach is hurting and my back is killing me. I can’t wait to run a hot tub of water and relax into its warm depths. Being on my feet all day isn’t as easy now with me so big.

  “I’m happy they’re working things out,” says Lila as she dries a plate. Her pale blond hair is pulled back from her face.

  “Me too,” I admit. “I hate seeing Siva hurt.”

  “I … I hated him for quite awhile after he pushed Siva through the window. He begged me to stay with him,” she reveals softly.

  I swallow. “It’s in the past.”

  I hate thinking about Siva going through a window. It isn’t like I had been there but I had seen what it had done to him. The physical and emotional damage.

  “I want you to know I’m sorry.”

  “Lila,” I begin, “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”

  “I know,” she sighs and bites her lip.

  “Lila,” I say suddenly, in a strained voice.

  “What?” she asks, looking at my pale face.

  I squeeze the countertop between my fingers. “Get … Siva…” I grind between my teeth.

  Her blue eyes widen. “Siva!” I hear her call as she runs from the kitchen. “Something’s wrong with Sloane.”

  Great, now she’s going to give him a heart attack. That’s just what my husband needs.

  Siva comes running into the kitchen. He takes my hand from the countertop and puts it in his.

  “Sloane?” he inquires, bending down to my level. “What’s wrong? Tell me.”

  “The baby’s coming,” I hiss between my teeth.

  “Now?” he asks shocked. “Like, now now?”

  “Yes now!” I snap looking down at the floor now covered in liquid.

  “Shit! Fuck! Damn it!” he yells.

  I smile despite the pain. “Language, Siva. We have a baby coming, you’re going to have to learn to hold your tongue. We can’t have our daughter speaking like you.”

  “Bags? Keys?” he asks, looking around frantically and patting his pockets like he might find them there.

  “Bedroom. Foyer,” I answer him.

  He takes off upstairs.

  “What’s going on?” asks Rajas appearing in the doorway.

  “She’s having the baby,” Lila answers him so I don’t have to.

  “Now?” asks Rajas. Siva and his father are so much alike sometimes it’s hysterical. Neither one wants to readily admit it, though.

  “Yes, now,” I snap like I did with Siva.

  Siva comes thundering down the steps with the suitcase and diaper bag. “Keys, keys, keys,” he keeps chanting to himself.

  I hear the front door open and close.

  “Fuck!” he cries coming back inside. “I forgot the wife part.”

  I laugh despite my pain. He comes running into the kitchen and grabs my hand. Rajas and Lila follow behind. “Bags, keys, wife. Am I missing anything?” he asks.

  “We’re good,” I tell him.

  “We’ll follow you to the hospital,” says Rajas.

  “Okay,” Siva agrees. He’s already starting to sweat bullets. If he thinks this is bad, he’ll just have to wait and see.

  ***

  I’m hooked up to all kinds of monitors and Siva is sitting in the chair with his long legs bouncing up and down in nervous anticipation.

  “Don’t forget to call my mom,” I warn him.

  “Shit,” he mutters and pulled out his cell phone.

  “Language, Siva,” I scold with a roll of my eyes.

  “Sorry,” he mumbles. I think this is the first time he has ever apologized for his use of foul language.

  He rings my mom and by some miracle she answers. I have no clue what time it is there. He tells her the baby is coming and he’ll call the airport and get her a plane. I can hear her freaking out but I’m in too much pain to comfort her. I’m stubb
orn and plan to do this the all-natural way much to Siva’s chagrin. He says my pain causes him pain. I don’t want to be drugged. After being shot … well … I’ve had enough drugs to last me a lifetime.

  The doctor returns and checks me.

  “It’s time to push, Sloane,” he announces.

  The doctor and nurses get everything set up and hand Siva a pair of scrubs.

  “You make scrubs look hot,” I joke.

  He smiles. “You’re having our baby, Sloane. Stop making jokes.” He puts his forehead to mine.

  “Let’s do this,” says the doctor. I look at Siva and grip his hand. “Push. Push. Push.”

  I push with all I have. I want to see my little girl.

  “Almost there. One more push.”

  I look at Siva. His violet eyes reflect the same fear mine hold and then the fear is gone replaced by awe and joy.

  “It’s a girl,” announces Dr. Fletcher, holding up the screaming, squirming child. She’s beautiful and she’s ours.

  I burst into uncontrollable tears. “I love you,” I sob into Siva’s shoulder.

  “I love you too,” he says and kisses me. “So much.”

  The nurse places my daughter in my arms. A tear leaks out of the corner of her eye. She has a head full of black hair like her daddy and his eyes.

  Those violet eyes blink owlishly at me from the face of my daughter.

  “We did this,” says Siva. “We created this,” he gently rubs her hat covered head. “What are we going to name her? We never talked about names,” he says.

  I look at our daughter, who is looking up at us with those wide eyes, “Violet,” I blurt. It feels right. It feels like her. It feels like us.

  Siva looks at me and then back down at our daughter. “It’s perfect.”

  ***

  “Let me see my granddaughter,” says Rajas, barging into the room the next morning. I’m so very tired but happier than I have ever been.

  Siva is in the corner holding the tiny squirming bundle in his arms as he sings to her softly. Rajas walks over to Siva and places his hand on his granddaughter’s head. Lila smiles.

  “She’s beautiful,” Lila and Rajas say simultaneously.

  “Thank you,” I reply.

  Siva reluctantly hands the baby to his father.

  “What’s her name?” asks Rajas.

  “Violet,” answers Siva. “Violet Saia Kapur.”

  Rajas smiles and tears moisten his dark eyes but he doesn’t let them spill over.

  Siva comes over and squeezes my hand. “I’ll be right back,” he says and kisses me.

  I watch Rajas hold my daughter. His dark eyes no longer seem evil. He’s … happy. I’m glad he finally made peace.

  “Violet,” he croons. “What a beautiful violet you are,” he sing-songs.

  I smile.

  “You have your grandma Isla’s eyes. Your daddy’s too. Oh, you’re going to be so spoiled,” he tells her.

  “Let me hold her,” begs Lila.

  Rajas hands his wife the baby. Violet lets out a tiny baby sigh.

  Siva comes back in pushing a wheelchair with someone else behind him. “The grandmas are here!”

  I smile at Isla, whom Siva pushes into the room, and then I see my own mother behind him.

  “You’re here!” I exclaim.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t be here for the birth,” she says. My mom had planned to fly up two weeks from now and stay until the baby came.

  Siva laughs. “Well, Violet had other plans for us. She’s like her parents. She has to make a statement.”

  “Ooh! Let me see her,” my mom says, already reaching for the baby. Lila hands her the baby.

  “Isn’t she perfect, Tammi?” asks Siva, the proud father already. I dread the day she starts to date.

  “Look at all her hair,” breathes my mom. “She’s so beautiful. I swear there’s never been a more beautiful baby. Sorry, Sloane,” she says over her shoulder.

  I laugh. “It’s fine. I agree completely with you. Plus, I was an ugly baby.”

  My mom chuckles. “No you were beautiful. But this little one … She’s…”

  “I know,” I sigh dreamily. “I can’t believe she’s mine.”

  Siva smiles and kisses me and then goes over to his mother. He bends so he’s at her level. “Mum? Do you want to meet your granddaughter?” She nods her head. “Would you like to hold her?” he asks. She holds out her hands. Siva smiles and takes Violet from my mom. He places our daughter gently in Isla’s arms but keeps his grip on the baby too. She’s much too frail to hold the squirming bundle on her own.

  “Beautiful,” says Isla. I’m surprised to hear her voice. It’s soft sounding, like her appearance. It suits her.

  “Thank you, Mum,” says Siva and he kisses her cheek. Isla smiles.

  Isla begins to sing to the baby. It isn’t the haunting song she sang the first time I met her but instead a soft sounding lullaby.

  I watch my husband tear up. “She used to sing that to us when we were babies.”

  I look around at my family. At Rajas and Lila. My mom. Lastly, Siva, Isla, and our baby Violet. I have everything I ever want or need right in this room. I can’t get any happier.

  Three years later

  The bed is cold. I trail my fingers over to Siva’s side but my fingers only meet emptiness. I sit up in bed and look around.

  I rub my eyes and yawn. Faintly, I hear the soft playing of the piano. I smile and stretch. I stand and grab my robe, pulling it around me. It’s always chilly when I climb out of the warm bed. It’s still dark outside. I look at the clock and see it’s three in the morning.

  I pad softly down the steps so as not to startle him.

  His back is to me as he softly plays the piano and sings under his breath. I smile. I love watching him play.

  “Hey,” I say. “Come back to bed?”

  He turns and smiles. My heart lifts. I love this man so much.

  “Hush,” he says to the squirming bundle in his arms. “Hush, little one. It’s only in the quiet we can hear the sounds.”

  I come over to him and put my head on his shoulder. “Hey, little man,” I say, looking down at my son. His golden eyes blink at me. “You need to go to sleep,” I plead and pat his cheek.

  “I heard Devaj crying,” says Siva.

  I shake my head at my husband. “You can’t pick Dev up every time he squeaks.”

  “I hate for him to cry,” he mumbles.

  I kiss his cheek. “You’re such a softy. Who would’ve guessed?”

  He chuckles and Devaj lets out a cry. “Hush,” croons Siva in a soothing tone.

  “Mummy? Daddy?” says a voice behind me.

  “Hey sweetie,” I say. “Come here my big girl.” I lift Violet into my arms. Her large violet eyes blink at me and her long wavy black hair hangs down her back.

  “I heard the piano,” she says, “and Daddy singing.”

  “I’m sorry I woke you up, flower,” says Siva.

  “It’s okay, Daddy. I love it when you sing,” she admits shyly.

  “Do you want me to sing you back to sleep?” he asks.

  She nods her sleepy head. I set her down and take baby Devaj from Siva. “I’ll get him back to sleep,” I tell him and give him a kiss.

  “Ewww,” says Violet, wrinkling her nose.

  Siva laughs and scoops her up. “Come on, my flower. You need to go back to bed.”

  She giggles as he carries her back up the steps.

  I laugh to myself and venture into the kitchen where I warm a bottle. Dev has hardly sucked down half of the bottle before he’s asleep. His plump lips are pouted. He’s so cute. I kiss his forehead and carry him back upstairs and to his room. I place him in his crib and watch him sleep. Siva comes in and kisses my neck, wrapping his arms around me from behind.

  “Violet’s asleep,” he whispers.

  I lean back against him. His presence is so reassuring.

  “I love you,” I breathe.

 
“Scars and all?” he asks.

  “Scars and all.”

  I turn into his arms, he kisses me, and I’m home.

  It was strange but exciting to go back and rewrite this story. I fell even more in love with Siva and Sloane. It was exciting too, seeing how much I’ve grown as a writer but how even then my voice was there.

  A big thank you to my friends for keeping me sane Barbara, Sara, Wendi, Kellen, Regina, Shawna—gah, I love you all so freaking much. This writing community has brought so many amazing women into my life. You guys rock.

  Emily—you’ve been my friend/sister for years now. I honestly feel like you’ve been a part of my life forever. I can’t thank you enough for crafting the most brilliant and perfect cover for Siva and Sloane. Every time I look at it I smile because it’s so them.

  Thank you to the readers who’ve been with me to the start and the ones who might have just discovered me. It’s your kind words and encouragement that keep me motivated. I can’t wait to share more stories with you.

  Hi. I’m Micalea. Ma-call-e-uh. Weird name, I know. My mom must’ve known I was going to be odd even in the womb. I’ve written a lot of books. Like a lot. Don’t ask me how many, I don’t remember at this point. I have an unhealthy addiction to Diet Coke but I can’t seem to break the habit. I listen to way too much music and hedgehogs have taken over my life. Crazy is the word that best sums up my life, but it’s the good kind of crazy and I wouldn’t change it for anything.

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