My teeth are gritted together, my jaw clenched tight. My brain sifts through the possible answers that I could give her, each one ruder than the next, but I am saved the trouble of responding by the voice to my left.
“It’s not,” I hear Stacey say as I look to the doorway of the bedroom and see her standing there, arms folded around her. My heart goes out to her at having to deal with this on top of losing our baby.
Chloe’s head whips round to look at Stacey. I shift and put my hands in my trouser pockets as I wait to see what Chloe is going to say. If she upsets my wife further, then I have no qualms about dragging her ass out of this room.
“Stacey, I thought that you were resting?” Chloe says as she wrings her hands together.
“I was, but then I heard you in here and I thought I should come and speak to you myself. And in answer to your question, there is no more book tour.” My eyes widen at Stacey’s answer, and Chloe’s mouth has dropped open. I keep quiet as this isn’t my decision to make.
“But you can’t do that,” Chloe exclaims.
“I can and I am.”
“Stacey, I know that you are going through something horrific right now––”
“No, you don’t,” Stacey says cutting Chloe off. Chloe clamps her mouth shut. “Have you ever suffered a miscarriage, Chloe?” Stacey’s voice doesn’t waver.
“No.”
“Exactly. You have no idea what it feels like, so there is no way that you can comprehend the way that I am feeling right now.”
“I’m sorry,” Chloe says, but she clearly isn’t done with trying to persuade Stacey to carry on with the tour. “But you might feel different in a few days’ time.”
I clench my fists in my trouser pockets as I struggle not to interrupt. All Chloe cares about is her fucking commission for this tour. She has no idea who my wife really is.
“I won’t, so you can call your boss and tell him that it’s over.”
“Stacey––”
“No, Chloe,” Stacey responds, raising her voice slightly. “As soon as I have been cleared by the doctor here, I am going back home and that is where I will be staying.”
“But what about all of the sponsors? What about your fans?”
“Fuck the sponsors. I don’t give a shit about the money, Chloe. And as for my fans, hopefully they will understand why I can’t carry on with this tour, and if they don’t, well, I really don’t give a shit about that either at this moment in time.”
“But… But…”
“I think it’s time for you to go, Chloe,” I say, needing to get her out of here.
I need to be alone with my wife.
I look to Stacey for confirmation that she wants me to get Chloe out of here and she gives a slight nod of her head.
“Goodbye, Chloe,” Stacey says as she turns and disappears back into the bedroom. Chloe looks absolutely frantic as she is clearly having difficulty processing what my wife has just said.
She turns to me with a pleading look in her eyes. “Jake, please talk to her.”
“No,” I say firmly. “It’s Stacey’s decision to make and I am not going to interfere.”
“But… But she can’t give up on her dream,” Chloe responds, looking panicked.
“That’s the part that you aren’t quite getting. I don’t think that this is her dream anymore.”
Stacey
I listen from the bedroom as I hear Chloe pleading with Jake to get me to reconsider. I could almost laugh at how pathetic her begging sounds.
I climb back onto the bed and prop myself up against the headboard. Jake comes into the bedroom a few moments later and sits on the edge of the bed, facing me.
“Thanks for getting rid of her,” I say with a sad smile on my face.
“No problem.” He reaches out to me and brushes a lock of hair from my face. “Can I get you anything? A drink or something to eat?”
“No, thank you.”
“Babe, you haven’t eaten for three days. You need to make sure that you are looking after yourself.” I can see the worry in his eyes, but I can’t bring myself to put any food in my mouth.
“I don’t need food, Jake. I just need you.”
“And you’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere.” I close my eyes as I feel tears re-emerge.
I take a few deep breaths as I try to push the tears away. I am aware that Jake and I haven’t really spoken about the baby that we lost, but I think that now is the time to do it.
I open my eyes and look at his handsome features. He really is my world, but I need to see if he feels the same way about me after what has happened.
I would hate to think that he is staying with me out of pity.
“Jake, I think it’s time that we talked.” I see him gulp and he gives a slight nod of his head. I don’t need to tell him what we need to talk about, he already knows where I am going with this line of conversation.
“As long as you’re ready.” He is always thinking about me and how I am feeling, but I need to know how he is feeling as well. It’s unfair of me to clam up and not be there for him.
“I am.” I lean forward and take his hands in mine. “I need to say some things to you and I need you to let me finish before you respond.” He nods at me, his eyes searching mine. “I know that I have shut myself down over the last few days and I am sorry if that has made you feel any worse.”
I can see that he wants to answer me, but he respects my wishes and keeps quiet. “I just… I need you to know that I truly had no idea that I was pregnant. If I had of done, then I would never have come on this book tour. I keep thinking that, if only I had been at home with you, then maybe I wouldn’t have––”
“Don’t,” Jake says, interrupting me, his voice firm but quiet.
I feel more tears spring to the backs of my eyes and I take a deep breath as I know that he doesn’t want me to finish my sentence. I do anyway.
“Lost our baby.” He goes to speak again but I place a finger on his lips. “Let me finish,” I whisper, keeping my finger there for the time being. “I know that it was only a few months ago that I said I wasn’t ready for a family yet, but I promise you that I would have been ready for this baby. I promise that I would never intentionally do anything to put a child of ours at risk.”
Tears start to fall from my eyes and Jake hands me a tissue from the bedside table. I take it and dab my eyes, but I need to keep going. “I also know that, as much as you might love me now, there may come a time when you resent me.” His brow furrows at this but it has been bugging me for the best part of the last twenty-four hours.
“There may come a day when you think that this is all my fault and that might be the day that you decide that you no longer want to be with me.” The thought alone has my heart breaking a little bit more. I see Jake clamp his jaw tight and I know that he is struggling with hearing what I am saying. “If that day comes, I want you to know that I will understand. I don’t want you to think that you have to stay with me out of duty because we are married.”
“Stacey, stop.” I ignore his request and I continue to speak.
“I’m so sorry that I couldn’t keep our baby safe. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t do the one thing a mother should do and keep our baby protected,” I say as I start to sob loudly. “I’m so sorry, Jake.” Clearly, this is the point where Jake has had enough as he takes my face in his hands and looks me straight in the eye.
“Stacey Waters, this was not your fault. Do you hear me?” I shake my head at him as I close my eyes and let the tears flow. I can’t stand to see the pain on his face. I can hardly look at myself, so I don’t know how he is being so caring towards me.
“Look at me.” I don’t. “Stacey, look at me,” he says a little more forcefully this time.
I take a deep breath and open my eyes, even though it pains me to do so as I look into his tear-filled caramel pools.
“Miscarriages happen for all sorts of reasons. It has nothing to do with you being unable to keep a baby safe.�
� I hear his words, but they only cause me to cry harder.
“Jake––”
“No. You have said your bit and now it’s my turn.” He clears his throat. “What has happened has been fucking heart-breaking. I have never felt anything like this in my life, and neither have you. I know that you had no idea that you were pregnant. I know that you would have cancelled this tour if you had found out that you were before it began. And I know that, when the time is right, you are going to be an amazing mother to our children.”
His voice breaks slightly at this point and I let out a loud cry.
He is hurting just as much as me and I have been too wrapped up in my own grief to see that he needs my support too.
“As for me resenting you, that is never going to happen. I would never blame you for this. It happens, and unfortunately it has happened to us.” I bring my hands up and place them on his which are still caressing the sides of my face. “We are going to get through this, and we are going to get through it together. We will never get over it, but we will work through it. And we will never forget the little life that was taken away from us too soon.” I don’t know how he is still speaking. His words are so beautiful even in our time of turmoil.
“I fucking love you, Stacey, and that is never going to change.” I let go of his hands and wrap my arms around his neck, burying my face in his neck. His arms go around me, and he holds me close to him.
We both cry and let our emotions overtake any part of us that was trying to remain strong.
“I love you too,” I manage to say between sobs.
I don’t know if I could have gotten through this without Jake.
I hate the pain that we are both going through, but I have to be thankful that we have each other.
We may not have our baby, but we have us.
I make a promise to the little life that was lost that we will never forget about them.
I will always hold a special place in my heart for them.
And I know that Jake will do the same.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Jake
We arrived back in the UK a couple of hours ago and have just gotten back to our house.
“You go on in and I’ll bring the bags,” I say to Stacey. She gives me a smile and proceeds to unlock the front door.
After our heart to heart the other day, things have been slowly getting better. We may still be grieving but being able to communicate has helped a little.
I take the bags out of the car and take them into the house, leaving them in the hallway and closing the front door behind me.
I go through to the kitchen where Stacey is making us both a coffee, as I knew that she would be. I go behind her and wrap my arms around her, clasping them together in front of her stomach. She leans back into me and I inhale her scent. Her hand comes up and finds the nape of my neck. She turns her head and places the softest kiss on my lips. When she pulls away, she has the most beautiful grin on her face.
“If you want a drink, Waters, then you need to give me some room,” she says, teasingly. It’s refreshing to see that some of her playful nature is starting to seep back in. I chuckle and release her, giving her nose a kiss as I do.
I make my way to the kitchen island as I watch her make the drinks. My mind wanders to a phone call I received yesterday before we left for the airport. I haven’t told Stacey about it yet, but I intend to, now that we are back home.
She brings the drinks over and then sits down next to me.
“I need to talk to you about something,” I say as I turn to face her.
“Okay. What’s up, Waters?”
“I received a phone call yesterday from a guy called Lance Roberts.”
“Okay.” She looks confused and I guess that is because she has no idea who Lance Roberts is.
“Lance Roberts is an up and coming businessman who is causing waves in the financial world.”
“Right. So why is he calling you?” she asks as she takes a sip of her coffee.
“Well, he wants to meet with me and discuss the possibility of buying my company.” In hindsight, I should have told her that part when she wasn’t taking a sip of her drink. She coughs and splutters at my unexpected news.
“What?” she screeches when she is able to talk. “Jake, you can’t sell your company.”
“Why not?” I say with a shrug of my shoulders.
“You have worked so hard to make the company what it is today. Why would you want to give that up?” she asks as she is struggling to comprehend why I would ever sell my business.
“Because some things in life are more important than owning a company.” I see her eyes soften at my words. I don’t need to expand on my answer, she knows what I am referring to.
“I love that you don’t let your life revolve around your work. I love that you feel the need to be here for me, but you don’t need to sell your company in order to do that.”
“What I if I want to sell it?”
“Do you really?” she asks with a raise of her eyebrows.
“I might do.”
“Jake,” she says as she takes my hands in hers. “If you want to sell your company, then I won’t stop you. But you need to be doing it for the right reasons. I get that you might feel that this is the best decision in the short term, but you need to think about the long term.”
“After what we have been through, Stace, I don’t want to spend time away from you because of work. Work is not as important to me anymore.” I mean every word that I say. Work is at the bottom of my priority list now, something that I never thought would ever happen.
“I just think you need to think long and hard about this before you make any final decisions.”
“I will. I’m meeting with Lance on Monday morning, so I have the weekend to mull it over.” Stacey nods at me and then her eyes start to sparkle. I watch her, intrigued by her reaction.
“What if I was to come and work at Waters Industries?” she says, completely throwing me. “Would that help you make your decision?”
“You want to come and work for me?” I ask, shock evident in my voice.
“Why not?” she says with a shrug of her shoulders.
“What about your writing career?” I ask. I know that she will return to it one day.
“I can still write and have a job, you know?”
“Yeah, but what about when you need to go and promote your future books?” I don’t think that she has fully thought this idea through.
“I won’t be going anywhere. I have already decided to write under a false name.”
“Seriously?” She has completely floored me.
“Yeah. I don’t want an agent hounding me to do this and that. I don’t want to be beholden to deadlines. I think that it’s best for me to write at my own pace and then self-publish when I am ready.” She says all of this with ease and I see no hint of stress over her decision. “Plus, if I write under a false name, then no one will know that it is actually me.”
She makes a fucking good point, but I don’t want her to feel that she has to come and work for me in order for me to keep my company. “I think that we should start a trial run on Monday. If at the end of the week neither of us are happy with me working at Waters Industries, then I’ll quit.”
“You’ll quit?” I say as a smile creeps onto my face.
“Yeah. It’s not going to hurt to try it and see how it goes.” She finishes drinking her coffee and places the cup in front of her. I laugh and pull her towards me, holding her close against me.
“You are the most amazing woman, Mrs Waters.”
“I do try,” she responds playfully.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, handsome.”
Stacey
I go up to the bedroom after having my fantastic idea of working with Jake, and I sit on the edge of the bed as I call Lydia.
“Hey, babes,” she says as she picks up the phone.
“Hi, Lyd.”
“How are you?”
she asks me straight away.
“I’m okay,” I answer quickly. I do feel better than I have done in the last week, but it’s going to take me a long time to recover from losing a baby.
“How’s that gorgeous god-daughter of mine?” I ask her, changing the subject. Lydia pauses for a moment before answering.
“She’s good. She misses her Auntie Stacey though.”
“Well, you can tell her that Auntie Stacey will be round to see her tomorrow.”
“Really? You’re coming back tomorrow?”
“Actually, we got back to the UK a couple of hours ago. I would have come round tonight but I feel wiped from the travelling.” I hear Lydia sniffle. “What’s wrong?” I ask, concern growing for her.
“I’m just so glad that you’re back.”
“Okay,” I answer as it dawns on me that Lydia’s pregnancy hormones must be in full force.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to get upset. I just can’t seem to help my emotions these days.” I feel a slight pang that I was experiencing those emotions only a few weeks ago. I quickly push the pang to one side.
“How is the jellybean doing?” I ask, wanting Lydia to know that I am okay with discussing her pregnancy. She goes quiet and I know that she is worried about broaching the subject of babies with me. “It’s okay, Lyd,” I say, trying to reassure her.
“No, it’s not, babes. I didn’t want to get upset, but I am so sorry.” I feel a lone tear fall down my cheek and I wipe it away.
“I know,” I whisper as the pain resurfaces.
“Oh God, Stace, I am so bloody tactless sometimes.”
“Don’t worry, Lyd, it’s fine.” I don’t want my friends to pussy-foot around me. In some way that would make it worse. I brace myself for the words that I am about to speak. “In fact, it’s quite nice that I can talk about my baby with you.” I hear her intake of breath on the other end of the phone at the mention of the child that I lost. “I know that I never got to meet my child, but it doesn’t mean that I have to forget about the life that was taken from me.”
The Complete Perfect Series Page 79
