“I would love to, but are you sure that you want me there a second time?”
“Paul has practically begged me to ask you. Apparently, you have a calming effect on me,” she says with a swish of her hand. “Honestly, I wasn’t that bad the first time.”
I decide not to answer her, but I grin instead. She does a double take as she looks at me.
“What?” she asks, innocently.
“Nothing.” The three of us all burst out laughing and we spend the remainder of the afternoon chatting and immersing ourselves in each other’s lives.
It hits me that I am not going to have this for the next six months.
I am going to miss out on seeing Lydia’s bump grow.
I am going to miss out on seeing Amber grow up.
I am going to miss out on watching Martin’s new romance blossoming.
Six months didn’t sound too bad back when I first heard about touring America, but now it sounds like forever.
Jake
Two days later
Saying goodbye to Stacey at the airport this morning was fucking depressing. I can’t believe that I won’t get to be with her for the next few months. She left me her schedule for whilst she will be gone, which sees her promoting her book all over America. What with her flitting from state to state and my work being more hectic than ever, I just don’t know when we are going to get the chance to visit one another.
I know some might think six months is nothing, but it’s almost too fucking long for me.
I enter our house after driving back from the airport, and the place already feels empty. I never expected to become a guy that pines after their woman, but I can honestly say that I am already missing her.
I know that we can talk on the phone and FaceTime, but it’s not the same as actually being with her. She still hasn’t been completely herself and I just hope that the stress of being away from everyone, and touring all over the place, doesn’t make her feel worse…
Chapter Thirty-Three
Stacey
One month later
I flop down on my bed at the end of a very long day. I have just finished a book signing that lasted for five hours. The queue of people wanting to have their book signed was so big that we have had to add an extra date on near the end of the tour, to come back here.
I’m not sure how I managed to get through the day though as I have been feeling off since the moment that I woke up. A dull ache in my stomach has had me second guessing the lasagne that I ate last night. Or it could just be that I feel homesick and this is a side effect of it, and the tour is far from over.
So far, I have been to Los Angeles and Las Vegas, and I am currently in New York, staying in the exact hotel that Jake booked for us when we came out here at the end of January. I haven’t spoken to Jake for two days, what with the time difference and our work schedules clashing. I have managed to speak to Lydia and Martin a few times, but I miss being able to just pop and see them or meet up for a coffee.
I sigh as I take my phone out of my handbag and prop myself against the headboard, so that I can try and get through to Jake. I kick my shoes off and drop them off of the side of the bed before I get comfortable. I find Jake’s name and press the call button. It rings four or five times and I pray that he will answer the phone. It rings a couple more times, and just when I think that it is going to go to voicemail, he answers.
“Hi, babe,” he says, his masculine tones floating down the line to me. I close my eyes with relief that I have heard his voice.
“Hi, handsome.”
“It’s so good to hear your voice,” he says, mirroring my thoughts. “How’s it going out there?”
“It’s okay. Today was ridiculously busy. In fact, it was so busy that they have added an extra date at the end of my tour to come back here.” I hear Jake groan at this piece of information and I can completely understand. I made the same groan when Chloe first told me.
“More dates?”
“Just one. I told Chloe that she wasn’t to add anything else. I would have told her not to add this one, but she had promoted the extra date before she even told me about it.”
“Typical Chloe,” Jake remarks. Chloe has always been a bit sneaky when it comes to making me bend to her will.
“Yeah, well, I don’t think that she will pull that stunt again in a hurry after I had a go at her about it.” I get that she wants to make this book as successful as possible, and I do too, but not at the expense of my personal life.
I know now that Jake supports me in anything that I do, but I think six months is long enough to be away from my home life without having extra pressure put on me to extend my tour. “Anyway, I don’t want to talk about the tour for the moment. How have things been at home?”
“To put it simply, work is crazy and being at home without you sucks.”
“Only five months to go,” I say, trying to put a good spin on it seeing as a month has already passed, but I fail miserably.
“Oh, I know how long it is. I’m marking each day off of the fucking calendar.” I laugh at him as I picture his frustration at seeing how many days are left until I return home.
“Have you seen Amber at all?” I ask, the image of my god-daughter filling my mind.
“Yeah, I went round there last night for a couple of drinks.” I picture, what I call my family, spending the evening without me and it brings a pain to my chest.
“Did you have a nice time?” I say as tears prick the backs of my eyes. Jake goes silent for a moment before answering.
“It wasn’t the same without you there.” I don’t try to stop the tears from falling this time. I do try to keep my sobs silent, but I fail in that attempt. “Don’t cry, babe.”
“I’m sorry, I just miss you all so much.”
“I know, but it’s killing me hearing you so upset and me not being able to do anything.” I can hear the pain in his voice and I try to calm myself down for his sake.
“I’m just being silly. I’ll be okay in a minute.” I take a tissue out of the box on the bedside table and wipe my eyes, probably smearing mascara everywhere whilst I do so.
“Are you still struggling?” Jake asks me, his voice becoming softer. I know that he is referring to my emotional ups and downs, he doesn’t need to expand on his question.
“A bit,” I say, sugar-coating my answer. I have been struggling more than a bit, but I don’t need Jake to worry any more than he probably already is.
“Why don’t you ask Chloe for a break, so you can come home for a few days?”
“I can’t. It’s too late to change any of the dates now,” I say with a sigh. “Anyway, even if I could, it would only mean that the dates would be re-scheduled for another time.” I turn so that I am led on my side and as I do, I feel a sharp pain shoot through the bottom of my belly.
“Ouch,” I say out loud, cursing myself as I do.
“Why are you saying ouch?”
“I just had a…” I don’t get to finish my sentence as another sharp pain comes just as quickly as the first one. I clutch my belly as I screw my eyes up from the pain.
“Stace? Stacey?” I can hear Jake trying to talk to me, but another pain strikes, rendering me speechless. I try to breath in and out slowly to help ease some of the pain, but it doesn’t work.
Another sharp shooting courses through me and I cry out in pain. I try to sit up and I drop the phone on the bed.
“STACEY?” I hear Jake shout from the phone, but I can’t talk to him. I stand up and try to make my way to the bathroom, but I freeze as I look down.
“Oh God,” I whisper as I see blood trickling down the inside of my legs.
I try to think but another pain quickly shoots through me, making me drop to my knees.
Get your phone, Stacey.
You need to call an ambulance.
I can feel sweat start to trickle down my neck as panic threatens to overtake me.
Get your fucking phone!
I cry out as another pain
hits and I take a deep breath as I reach over and grab my phone off of the bed.
“STACEY!” Jake is still shouting. Oh God, he’s going to be going out of his fucking mind. I try to focus on my phone and I press the loudspeaker button. Jake’s voice booms through the receiver and it takes all of my effort to answer him.
“I’m here,” I say, panting.
“Oh thank God. What the fuck is going on?” He sounds frantic.
“I don’t know,” I cry as the pain starts to work its way down the entire bottom half of my body. “I’m bleeding, Jake. I’m bleeding.”
“Bleeding? What? How? Why are you bleeding?”
“I don’t know. I need a doc…” I don’t get to finish my sentence as a blinding pain hits and I pass out.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Stacey
I am led in a hospital bed and I am completely numb.
I feel nothing.
I stare at the ceiling as I try to process what the doctor has just told me.
“I am so sorry, Mrs Waters,” I hear the doctor say, but I don’t acknowledge him. “I’ll come back in a little while to check on you.” I still don’t say a word.
I have no words to say.
Nothing can be said to make this outcome any better.
Nothing can repair what I have managed to lose.
I hear the door to my room click shut and I am alone.
Jake
My fucking heart is beating so fast.
I run through the airport like a man possessed as I go to hail a taxi to take me to Stacey. I have no idea what has happened. All I know is that she is in hospital and I need to get to her.
I jump into an available taxi and tell them to take me to the hospital. It seems to be taking forever for me to get to her.
My mind has been replaying my phone call with Stacey over and over. One minute she was fine and the next she’s telling me that she’s bleeding.
Fucking bleeding.
Then when the line went quiet, my heart plummeted. I felt like I had died for a few seconds before I sprang into action and called Chloe. From that point on, everything is a bit of a blur.
Whilst Chloe went to check on Stacey, I was booking flights to New York. Chloe couldn’t get Stacey to answer her hotel room door, so she called for a concierge to help. That seemed to take a fucking age, but by this time I had locked up the house and was in my car ready to drive to the airport. I didn’t bring any bags with me, all I brought was my phone, passport, wallet and set of keys. I didn’t even think about clothes or anything. My mind was just on getting to my wife.
I placed the phone on handsfree as I started to drive the car. When Chloe finally managed to get into Stacey’s room, my heart sank even lower. All it took was for Chloe to gasp and I knew there was something seriously wrong.
As I replay Chloe telling me that she needed to call an ambulance, I feel sick.
I have never felt so helpless in all of my life.
I put my foot down on the accelerator and I made it to the airport in record time. Luckily, I didn’t get stopped by any police, but then again, I wouldn’t have given a fuck if I had. I was thousands of miles away from Stacey, and I had no idea what had happened to her.
I still don’t know what’s happened to her.
The only thing I know is the hospital that she is in, and the floor and room number.
The taxi eventually pulls up outside the hospital and I throw a load of cash at the driver as I exit the car and run into the building. I thank God that I had money left from our last trip to America together, meaning I didn’t have to fuck about trying to get any.
I find the lifts and barrel into one that is just about to close. There are two other people in here that look at me with wide eyes. I take no notice of them as I press the number three for the level that Stacey is on.
My jaw ticks as the lifts seems to be going at a snail’s pace.
When the doors open on level three, I burst out of them and run straight to the nurses’ desk. I tell the nurse at the desk that I am here to see my wife and she directs me to the room number that I have been given. I follow her directions and I go screeching around the corner until I get to room number nineteen.
My hand goes to the handle and I fling the door open, taking in deep mouthfuls of air as I do.
The sight before me breaks my heart.
My wife is led on her back and her head turns to look at who has just entered the room.
Her eyes are devoid of any emotion, until she registers that it is me that has just burst in here.
“Jake?” she says in a whisper.
“Yeah, I’m here, babe.” I shut the door behind me and I go to her. I take her hand in mine and place my other hand on her cheek.
“You’re here,” she says, still whispering.
“Of course I’m here. I got the first flight out that I could.” I search her eyes for anything that might give away what has happened to her, but all I see are her tears beginning to fall. I put my arms around her as she sobs. I’ve seen Stacey cry before, but never have I seen her break like this. I hold her as panic consumes me.
What the hell has happened to her?
“I’m so sorry,” she says quietly, repeating the words over and over again.
Sorry?
What has she got to be sorry for?
I don’t want to push her, but I need to know what’s going on.
“Stacey, what’s happened?” I can hear the quiver in my voice as I ask the question.
“I…” I hear her take a deep breath and then she gently moves back from me, so that she is looking at me. “Jake…”
“Yeah?” My eyes frantically search hers as I see her struggling to form words. I take hold of her hands again and will her to find the strength to speak. “Stace, you can tell me.”
“I lost our baby.” She says the words so quietly that I almost think that I have misheard her. I look into her eyes and the sadness there tells me that I heard her correctly.
Lost our baby?
Our baby?
I feel my eyes fill with tears as Stacey places one of her hands on my cheek. “I had a miscarriage, Jake.”
I take in a deep breath as I process her words. She strokes my cheek with her thumb and I know that she is trying to be brave for me. I know that she is breaking inside, but she is trying to hold it together now that she has told me.
I move, so that I can lie on the bed with her. She shifts over and allows me to do so.
I don’t speak.
I don’t have any words right now.
All I want to do is hold her. And that is what I do. I take her in my arms and I hold her.
“I didn’t even know that I was pregnant,” she whispers as she starts to cry again. The sound of her hurting, and the hurt that I feel inside of me, is like nothing that I have experienced before.
I couldn’t protect her from this.
I couldn’t protect our baby from this.
I let myself cry along with Stacey.
We cry for the pain that we are being put through right now.
We cry for each other.
We cry for a baby that we didn’t know existed.
And we cry for the little life that we have lost.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Jake
Four days have passed since Stacey miscarried.
She was allowed to leave the hospital yesterday.
We can’t go back home yet as the doctor wants to see Stacey in a few days’ time. We are currently led in bed, watching a film on the television that is on the wall opposite us.
Stacey is led next to me, with her arm around my waist and her head on my chest. I have my arm around her shoulders and my other hand is entwined with hers.
An unexpected knock at the door has me gently disentangling myself from her, so that I can go and see who it is.
“I’ll get rid of whoever it is,” I say to her, but she doesn’t respond. She continues to look blankly at the television screen.
It pains me to see her looking so despondent and so withdrawn from life, but I’m not going to push her.
It’s still only been four days and that is no time at all when we are both dealing with this kind of loss.
I wearily walk to the door, rubbing my neck as I do, but when I open it, I wish that I hadn’t bothered.
“Chloe,” I greet her, not offering for her to come in. I appreciate that she got Stacey to the hospital on that awful night, but apart from that, her face is one that I would like to see less of.
“Hi, Jake. Can I come in for a few minutes?” she asks, nerves in her voice. She is fidgeting on the spot and wringing her hands together.
“I don’t think that now is the best time. Stacey is in bed and she needs to rest.”
“I know that she does, but this won’t take long.” She looks so worried that I almost feel sorry for her. I move to one side and usher her in. She enters and comes to a stop in front of the dining table. I close the door and sigh as I turn to look at her.
“So, what’s this about, Chloe?” I ask, my tone stern.
“Um, is Stacey not able to come and join us?”
“I told you, she needs her rest. If there is anything you need to discuss then you can speak to me.” I fold my arms across my chest and wait to hear what she has to say.
“Oh, right, yes, well… It’s a bit of a sensitive matter, you see.”
“Sensitive? You mean, more sensitive than what we are going through right now?” I can’t help the sarcasm or the venom in my tone.
Chloe has the decency to look mortified as she starts to colour red.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to speak out of turn,” Chloe says as she looks at the floor.
“Just get to the point of why you are here, Chloe,” I respond with a sigh.
“Right. Well, I’ve um… I’ve had my boss on the phone and he wants to know when the book tour is going to resume.” Chloe doesn’t look up at me until she has finished speaking, but when she does her eyes widen. The look on my face must say it all. I don’t think that I have ever disliked someone so much in my life, but right now she fits that bill.
The Complete Perfect Series Page 78
