Satisfaction Guaranteed
Page 25
When I learned this, I felt like you do when you read a great book or find some awesome life hack. (I’m still looking for a life hack for peeling mangos, so if you find one, let me know.) I wanted to run out and tell everyone. Guess what I learned? Try having sex like a lesbian!
Why is lesbian-esque sex so great for women? Because it’s all about the clitoris. Of course, lots and lots and lots of women like penetration. Cade would have to rethink Satisfaction Guaranteed’s inventory if they didn’t. But the clitoris is where it’s really at.
The clitoris, in case you didn’t know, is shaped like a wishbone with two “bulbs” and two “legs” which flare out on either side of the vagina. It’s about nine centimeters or 3.5 inches, give or take. Everyone is different. That’s about the size of the non-erect penis. It becomes erect when aroused. And it’s almost entirely inside the body. The little pearl on the outside is just the tip. Literally.
I didn’t know that until I started writing Satisfaction Guaranteed. Now that I’m obsessed with collecting clitoris merch—clitoris models, clitoris-printed dresses, clitoris stencils—I can’t believe that just a little while ago I didn’t know what my own sexual organ looked like. (By the way, if you have a line on good clit stuff, tell me where I can find it.)
But we’re not taught about the clitoris. Often little girls aren’t even taught the words vulva or clitoris. We say boys have penises and girls have vaginas. But the clitoris is the woman’s version of the penis, not the vagina. That’s why Selena insists that people use the right words. It’s important. Talking about women’s sexuality without talking about the vulva or clitoris is like talking about men while pretending the penis doesn’t exist. That’s not just a metaphor. The clitoris and the penis develop from the same embryonic tissue. For the first eight weeks of life, they’re the same thing.
Wow! I wanted to tell the world. And how better to tell the world than to write a woman-loving-woman sex toy store romance? I was ready to be everyone’s wise, lesbian sex Yoda.
But stories have a way of taking on a life of their own. The more I wrote, the more Satisfaction Guaranteed became a story about how we see ourselves and what can happen when someone sees our true gifts. Cade is worried about her lack of sexual experience, but it isn’t just about sex. She’s convinced that she’s boring. People only like her for what she can do for them. Meanwhile, Selena can’t see that she is an amazing painter, and she’s not a fuck-up. She’s just gone through a tough time.
I’ve been there. I think we all have. I used to think I couldn’t stand up for myself. I wasn’t adventuresome. People only liked me because I was unfailingly polite. Turns out, none of that was true. (Well, people don’t mind that I’m polite, but it’s not why I get invited to parties.)
Selena’s ability to paint a person’s true essence and Cade’s ability to spot talented artists symbolize the book’s theme. Wonderful things happen when we see people’s beauty. The happy ending isn’t just Cade and Selena falling in love with each other. It’s each of them falling in love with themselves. They can do that because they’ve seen themselves reflected in each other’s eyes.
Some of my favorite scenes to write are the ones in which one character is thinking how plain or dull they are. Then the chapter changes and we see that person through their lover’s eyes. Of course, the lover sees all their great qualities.
And it turns out, that theme isn’t at odds with my sudden desire to become everyone’s sex coach. I’ve always said that I don’t really know my characters until I’ve seen them have sex. Selena tells Cade that if she were a ghost, she’d watch people having sex because she wants to see the moment when they can’t hide who they are.
We get a lot of messages telling us not to live our full sexuality. The media tells us we’re too fat, too old, too prude, too promiscuous. We should wait until marriage and look like a porn star. Wax it all off! Don’t have a disability. Oh, and don’t forget, being queer is a sin.
Bullshit. All of it.
In fact, even though I was styling myself as a sexual expert, even though I’d been having great sex with my wife for twenty-plus years, I discovered I too had more to learn. I too had issues that kept me from reaching my full sexual potential. (If you go to my website, you can see me telling an audience of four hundred all about it at a Valentine’s Day edition of the Mystery Box Show: True Stories All about Sex.)
There is no “wrong” sex between enthusiastically consenting adults, provided they safeguard their own and each other’s mental and physical health. If you have a fetish for licking mashed potatoes off your lover’s knees, you go for it! YOLO! When we acknowledge our desires, we see an important part of who we are. When we celebrate those desires, we celebrate our true selves.
When Selena embraces her true self, she realizes she doesn’t want to live Ruth’s dreams, she has her own. When Cade embraces her true self, she’s finally able to see that her parents do love her and she is an Elgin and, for her, being an Elgin means both being responsible and running for the airport, high as a kite, so that she can declare her love to Selena.
As I put the final touches on the last chapter of Satisfaction Guaranteed, I want to see more of Cade and Selena. Cade still has much to discover about her sexuality. And Selena gets the privilege of being with Cade on that journey. How wonderful to initiate the woman you love into new heights of pleasure! I know I’ll write those scenes and share them with my subscribers. If you aren’t getting the HAPPILY newsletter, be sure to sign up on my website and stay tuned for the next chapters. I love Cade and Selena too much to let them go. I hope you do too. But more importantly, I want you to love YOU. You are a beautiful, perfect being, unlike anyone who has come before or anyone who will come after you. See that. Celebrate that. And treat yourself to something special from your favorite feminist sex toy store.
Recommended Reading
Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—and How to Get It, Laurie Mintz
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, Emily Nagoski
She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, Ian Kerner
Recommended Viewing
OMGyes video series: omgyes.com
1 Laurie Mintz. Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—and How to Get It. HarperOne, 2017.
2 Malachi Willis, Kristen Jozkowski, Wen-Juo Lo, and Stephanie Sanders. “Are Women’s Orgasms Hindered by Phallocentric Imperatives?” Archives of Sexual Behavior 47 (2018). 10.1007/s10508-018-1149-z.
Discussion Questions
Cade feels like her parents don’t appreciate her and only love her because she runs their gallery. To what degree do you think that’s true? Would Cade have been happier if she’d had accountants for parents?
Selena considers herself a “fuck-up.” Is she? What things in her life symbolize the fact that she hasn’t quite mastered adulting?
Cade is almost thirty and she’s only had sex six times, and she feels bad about it. Would she feel the same way if there were no societal expectations about when and how often a person has sex? What pressures, expectations, and judgments does society place on women’s sexuality? On young women? On older women? What pressures have you felt?
What roles do Selena’s friends play in her life? Are they good friends?
Cade and Selena’s ex-lover Professor Alex Sarta are both in the art world, but they play very different roles in Selena’s journey as an artist. How are they different? How is Cade’s appreciation for Selena’s art different from Alex’s appreciation?
Before Selena cleans up Satisfaction Guaranteed, Cade thinks the store would make a lot of people feel out of place. Why does she think this? Have you been to sex toy stores? What made you feel comfortable or uncomfortable?
Why can’t Selena see that she’s a great painter? Have you ever had the experience of being really good at something and not knowing it?
When Cade goes back to New York, she and Selena both play it cool, pret
ending they aren’t that into each other and saying they’ll just see what happens. Why is this so hard on them? After all, they didn’t have a huge fight or breakup.
Throughout the book, Selena wants to save Satisfaction Guaranteed so that she can work there and live in Ruth’s house, but at the end of the book she decides she wants something different. Why does she change her mind?
When Selena paints someone, she captures who they truly are and presents that image with love and acceptance. If Selena painted you, what would the portrait be like?