Whose Midlife Crisis Is It Anyway? : A Paranormal Women's Fiction Novel: Good To The Last Death Book Two

by Robyn Peterman

  “I’d suggest Lindsay recite something the entire time you’re in the mist so you can find your way back. If Gideon agrees to come back, you’ll have an easier time returning. If he doesn’t…”

  “If he doesn’t, then what?” I pressed. I was going to do my best, but it was not a done deal by any means. I had no clue if I could convince Gideon to return with me.

  “If he doesn’t, I’d suggest that Lindsay speak very, very loudly.”

  “Sssiiiiiiinngea. Sssiiiiiiinngea looouwd,” Lindsay said. “Yausssss, Dausseeeeee.”

  “Hear me out,” I said, giving Lindsay a quick hug. “I walk into the darkness while Lindsay sings. I won’t touch the walls. Turn left always, and then wing it. Get a lift from Gideon if he agrees to come back. If not, hope like heck Lindsay can sing loud enough for me to hear.”

  “Yes,” Tim said with a curt nod of approval. “Oh, and Gideon will not be as you knew him.”

  “Will I recognize him?” I asked, ready to scream. The hidden curve balls just kept coming.

  “Did you love him?” he asked.

  It was a little personal, but I was about to walk right into Hell… “I still love him.”

  “Then you will know him no matter what form he has chosen,” Tim told me. “Are you ready?”

  “Umm… two things,” I said, knowing I was probably going to regret number one. “Will you stay here and watch over my dead squatters and my dogs while I’m gone?”

  “You trust me to stay at your home?” Tim asked, shocked.

  “Actually no, now that you mention it. However, if we’re going to try this friendship thing out and you want to be my friend for real, you will not mess with my stuff.”

  “Reasonable.”

  “You will not steal anything.”

  “Again, reasonable.”

  “You can eat anything you want but you will not hide, throw away or destroy my vibrators.”

  “How many do you have?” Tim inquired, clearly appalled.

  “None of your business.”

  “I can make that work,” he said. “And the second request?”

  “I need about fifteen minutes,” I told him as I stood up. “I have to say goodbye to Steve.”

  Tim nodded respectfully. “The window to the dark side is easiest to traverse this time of day. Fifteen minutes will not affect the outcome. I will be waiting for you when you are ready… friend.”

  “Thank you, my friend,” I replied without hesitation.

  He was an odd one, but then again, so was I.

  Steve did not need to say a word. The appalled look of shock on his decaying face said it all.

  “Yep,” I said, glancing down at myself in despair. “I know it’s awful. But the story is too long to explain why I have to wear it.”

  “Awwwwwufahul,” Steve grunted with what sounded like a laugh.

  “Maybe if I belt it and roll up the pant legs?” I suggested with a grin.

  “Naawwwooo.”

  “Hoop earrings? My black stiletto heels?”

  “Naawwwooo,” he said as his normally still body shook with the little laughter. “Gaaaayah maaaaaauns niiiiiitamaarah.”

  “You did not just call me a gay man’s nightmare,” I said, laughing.

  “Yausssss.”

  “You are correct as usual,” I said, sitting down next to him. “I’d have to go out on a limb and say gay or straight, I’m definitely a nightmare in this sexy outfit. However, I have to roll up the legs or I’ll trip in the darkness.”

  “Caaaaarahfuuuwl,” Steve said.

  I nodded. “I promise I’ll be careful. I’ll be inside Lindsay’s mind and my new friend Tim the Immortal postman, who does indeed x-ray and steal mail, has given me a few tips.”

  “Naawwwooo,” Steve said with a smile so scary it warmed my heart.

  “Yep, and get this… he pilfers and rehomes vibrators,” I said, and watched with delight as Steve’s body trembled with laughter.

  My friends were so wrong about me not being hilarious. Dead people thought I was a riot.

  “So anyhoo, I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone since time runs differently on the other planes, but I plan on getting in and getting out. And just so you know, I chatted with Heather this morning. If for some absurd, ridiculous, unheard-of reason I can’t get back, Heather will go to Clarence Smith and demand mercy for you. She said Charlie will back her, and everyone is terrified of Charlie. And I added an extra surprise for John Travolta if he plays hardball.”

  “Waaahat?” Steve asked, trying to reach for my hand.

  I saved him the effort and took his hand in mine.

  “It’s not exactly ethical. Or at least not very nice,” I said with a wince. “As you know, I’ve gotten a taste of living on the edge, so I made a deal with the ghosts. If John Travolta gives Heather a hard time, the ghosts have pledged to make his life unbearable for the rest of time. Birdie was thrilled with the prospect and the other thirty in residence agreed. The man won’t have a moment of peace for eternity.”

  Steve gave the tiniest shake of his head and smiled. “Naawwwooo, Dausseeeeee,” he said. “Dausseeeeee stuuuucuk innnn daaaaaaurk. Meeeeeee coooum daaaaaaurk wiiiiuth youuuuah.”

  “Oh my God,” I choked out as tears filled my eyes. “I’m making a choice here. Yours was stolen from you by a vindictive bitch. You’ve been wrongly accused because Clarissa is jealous. You belong in the light, babe. I need you to be in the light. Promise me you won’t follow me into the dark. Promise.”

  Steve was quiet, but he smiled.

  I was going to take that as a yes. If I had the time, I’d make him say it. I didn’t have the time. I also had no intention of getting trapped in the darkness. So, the entire conversation was moot. Hopefully.

  “I love you, Steve,” I said, gently kissing his forehead and tucking in the blankets around him. “I’ll see you soon.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  The cold. The cold went all the way to my bones and tore through my body like sharp, frozen daggers made of ice. Trying to catch my breath, I gasped for air but stayed calm.

  My head pounded violently and every single cell in my body screamed for oxygen. I knew it was momentary, but it still sucked.

  My mind went numb and my body felt weightless.

  I knew where I was. I’d chosen to come. Pride, terror and determination consumed me. It was my decision to be here. There were no alternatives and it was the right thing to do.

  This time was different. My emotions were in a freefall. The thought of seeing Gideon—no matter the circumstances—was intoxicating and chilling. Holding my breath for a moment, and then exhaling slowly, I touched my arm with my bandaged hand. I’d never thought to find out if my body felt corporal when I was mind diving.

  It did.

  The shock of being in a solid form was bizarre.

  A wildly uncomfortable sensation of feeling a knife to my throat, daring my heart to keep beating, was unsettling.

  Stop. I couldn’t let my mind send me into the starring role of a bad B horror movie. That would be counterproductive and stupid. Been there, done that. I’d already been stupid enough for one lifetime, especially where Gideon was concerned. I didn’t need to add any more stupid to my resume.

  Forward not backward was my motto. Beyoncé was my guide. To the left. To the left.

  “Lindsay,” I called out softly. “Can you hear me?”

  “I can,” she said. “Open your eyes, Daisy.”

  “Can’t.” I kept my eyes squeezed shut. “I was told never to open my eyes when I was inside someone’s mind.”

  “Do you plan on walking into the darkness with your eyes closed?” she asked with a giggle.

  “Was that a loaded metaphor on top of a question?” I inquired with a laugh as I cautiously opened my eyes.

  In the past, I’d gotten glimpses of the nothingness. I hadn’t been able to see a thing. It was pitch black.

  Not today.

  There was no floor. No walls to speak of—mo
re of a vast landscape of nothing. Lindsay and I floated in a silvery mist. It wasn’t necessarily frightening, but it was devoid of any kind of joy.

  “Did you do something?” I asked.

  Lindsay stood in front of me looking like she had before she was murdered. She was lovely.

  “Tim explained that I could light your way when you were talking to Steve. I’m relieved to see it’s a golden glow.”

  “Is that important?” I asked.

  “It means that when it’s time for me to move on, I’ll be going into the light,” she said as the golden light shimmered, making her appear celestial.

  “No brainer,” I said. “I could have told you that.”

  “I hoped I’d be going to Heaven, but it’s nice to get confirmation,” she told me with a wide smile, and then winced. “Oh. Wow. I’m so sorry.”

  My stomach tightened. My heartbeat sped up and thumped like a jackhammer in my chest. “For what?” I asked, dreading she’d changed her mind.

  “That outfit.” She scrunched her nose. “It’s really some serious bad.”

  “Oh shit,” I moaned, glancing down. “I was hoping since I’m not technically physically here that the shitshow I was wearing wouldn’t have made it through.”

  “No such luck,” Lindsay said. “You’re still beautiful, Daisy.”

  “Thank you,” I replied. “However, I do believe you’re a little biased.”

  “Possibly,” she agreed. “But you are truly beautiful—inside and out—even in that eyesore of an outfit.”

  There was nothing to say. I didn’t agree, but I was thankful she believed it. My outsides were hereditary, thanks to my mom. Pretty shells could hide a multitude of sins within. I was aware that I was a good person—or at least I tried to be. However, beautiful on the inside? No. I was immensely and tragically flawed.

  “You ready to sing?” I asked as a tingle of anticipation and dread danced through my body.

  “Yep. You have any requests?” Lindsay inquired.

  “Umm… do you know Journey?”

  “Not really,” she said, shaking her head. “A little before my time.”

  “Right,” I replied. “What do you know the words to?”

  “I know Beyoncé’s entire catalog.”

  I was stunned to silence. It was an omen, and not like the omen Gram had so eloquently grossed me out with recently about the devil child smiling like he’d had an excellent BM. Nope. This was a good omen.

  Feeling light-headed and more hopeful than I had in days, I grinned.

  “Do you know ‘Irreplaceable’?”

  “Like the back of my hand,” she replied. “To the left. To the left.”

  “Do you mind singing that one over and over again?”

  Lindsay raised a delicate brow and giggled. “How long will you be gone?”

  “A few minutes… a week… a year?” I estimated with a shudder, hoping my first guess was correct.

  “Seeing as I’m dead and have nothing on my social calendar right now, I think I can manage that.”

  The absurdity, the irony, the danger and black humor of the situation, did not escape my attention. If someone had told me two months ago that I was going to stroll into Hell in search of the man I’d loved and lost to save my dead gay husband’s afterlife while listening to a sweet ghost who was murdered by her brother sing Beyoncé songs, I would have laughed until I passed out.

  I wasn’t laughing now.

  “Lindsay, I can’t find the words to say thank you appropriately,” I said, reaching out and touching her soft cheek. “If it looks like it’s going to Hell—unfortunate pun intended—I’ll turn around and come back. I don’t want to harm you.”

  “Silly Daisy,” Lindsay said, placing her hand over mine. “You made it possible for my bones to sing. You’ve already saved me. While going into the light sounds cool, I am happy where I am. If this is my destiny, so be it. I’m more worried about your destiny.”

  I was a little worried about it too, but at this point there was no turning back. Life had been a lot less complicated not so long ago. The past was just that. The past.

  “I’ll be fine,” I said with far more confidence than I felt. “I punched out a tree and won.”

  “Would you like to know why?” Lindsay inquired, looking very serious for such a young soul.

  Her question was unexpected, and I was so tempted to let her explain.

  “Will it help me survive the darkness or freak the shit out of me?” I asked, only able to focus on one thing at a time.

  “I’d have to go with freak.”

  “Then hold that thought and start singing.”

  “You’ve got it,” she said with a thumbs up.

  Turning away from the hauntingly lovely sound of Lindsay’s voice singing the song that would remind me to turn left, I took my first step into the darkness.

  It was surprisingly simple. As soon as I took the third step, Lindsay’s voice became a soft, distant echo. The silver-gray mist thickened, but I could still make out the path.

  The emptiness was devastatingly depressing.

  “To the left,” I muttered as I came to the first turn in the path.

  As I continued to put one foot carefully in front of the other, a bone-chilling breeze blew and clung to my body. It pressed against me and tugged at my soul. Trying to counteract the sadness and despair flashing through my mind, I hummed an off-tune version of ‘You Are My Sunshine’. The song was the only good memory I had of my mother. The rest of my memories had faded with anger over time. I wasn’t her sunshine. If I was, she never would have left me for a dead man.

  “Hello, anyone home?” I called out, and then laughed at the ridiculousness of my words.

  No one answered. I didn’t think anyone would. This wasn’t going to be easy—not that I’d expected it to be. However, it was nothing like what I’d imagined.

  I’d expected so much more than the eerily silent void. Maybe clanking chains, blood-curdling screams, fire, howling, grinding, hissing, moaning…

  Nope. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was enough to make a person go insane.

  “Bingo,” I whispered as I tried to figure out if I’d made any progress. Everything looked the same. There were no points of reference to hold on to. “Slowly going insane is definitely a form of hell.”

  Since I had no clue where I was going or where Gideon might be in the expansive oblivion, I simply kept walking.

  “How much time has passed?” I wondered aloud as I studiously avoided the wall along the path. I saw no teeth, but decided not to test Tim’s theory that the walls could bite. My hands were already a mess from my altercation with the tree. Bandages were fine. Amputation? Not so much.

  From the mist came a noise that chilled me to the bone and made me want to run. It was a sound no living being could make. An explosion of screams, crashing waves and pure agony—like thousands of sharp metal nails on a chalkboard made of glass—reverberated through Hell.

  “What the…?” I choked out as I crouched down and waited to die.

  I’d made a wrong turn. At least I hoped I had.

  “Mother humper,” I gasped out as I stood up and ran headfirst into a wall that I couldn’t see. “What now?”

  Tim had neglected to inform me that Hell was filled with paths that led to dead-end walls with monsters behind them. Fine. Slight change of plans. I’d simply turn around and keep going to the left like Beyoncé wanted me to.

  Except the path had disappeared. Beyoncé and Tim hadn’t prepared me for this part.

  “Time to wing it,” I whispered, gingerly touching the wall with my bandaged hands, hoping it didn’t sink its teeth into me.

  I’d punched a tree and knocked it down. Could I break a teeth-sporting wall in Hell?

  Only one way to find out.

  “Okay, God,” I said with an internal eye roll. I figured covering all bases at this point wasn’t a bad plan. “I’m still not completely on board, but just in case, I’d like a little help h
ere. Not for me… I want it for Lindsay, Steve and Gideon. That’s all and… umm… thank you for your time.”

  I thought the thank you was a nice touch on the off chance that someone was actually listening.

  “Nothing is impossible. You just have to believe,” I said in full voice as I cocked my arm back and punched the wall with everything I had.

  The shock of the contact threw me back about ten feet. I landed on my ass with a thud and was grateful for the thick back pockets in my postal pants and all the extra material in my muumuu top. It cushioned what could have easily resulted in a broken tailbone.

  The floors in Hell were seriously hard.

  I stayed low. If the monster came at me, I’d have to fight. While I was thankful for my self-defense classes from the Y, we hadn’t covered sparring with Demons.

  The wall creaked ominously—and then turned to dust, creating a sandstorm that rivaled anything I’d ever seen in the movies. It came down with a blinding crash and I closed my eyes against the onslaught.

  I hoped there were no more walls to punch. I could feel the blood seeping through the bandages. A burning pain shot from both hands all the way up to my shoulders. I hadn’t broken them on the tree, but I was fairly sure they were broken now.

  As the dust settled, I opened my eyes and gasped.

  My gaze was drawn to the most beautiful monster I’d ever seen.

  He was shirtless and furious. As his ire mounted, he began to growl and speak in a language I’d never heard. My damaged hands went to my mouth involuntarily as shimmering black ebony wings erupted from the monster’s back and a golden glow surrounded him. The span of his wings had to be six feet and the glowing light made them sparkle.

  The juxtaposition of the light around him in the darkness didn’t surprise me. The monster was dark, but he was also good.

  Sadly, I’d figured that out too late.

  His eyes were a glittery blood-red and they narrowed to slits when they landed on me. His beauty as a human was only amplified in this form, and I longed to touch him. Gideon was the absurd kind of gorgeous—messy blond hair, ridiculously muscular body, full lips and eyelashes that most women would kill for.