Keep It Classy

by Vale, Lani Lynn

  I walked over to where she was sitting and sat on the arm of the couch, my eyes glued to the screen.

  “You did those subtitles?” I asked, grinning.

  Turner giggled and I turned and looked down at her.

  “Yeah,” she answered honestly. “I got a little creative with this one since he told me to ‘make it funny.’”

  I just shook my head as I watched the screen.

  “Squelching sounds?” I teased.

  She shrugged. “Hey, it’s hard to explain the sounds of a cock tunneling between a pair of tits. And since she’s not moaning or anything, I have to put something there!”

  A low moan came from the screen, causing me to turn back.

  The scene had changed from the tit fucking to the couple lying on the bed kissing, the man’s hand now buried in the girl’s pussy.

  “A cop and a what?” I asked, looking at the screen.

  She snickered. “You’ll never believe me.”

  I looked over at her and said, “Why do you say that?”

  Turner hit a few buttons on the computer, and suddenly the entire thing was starting over from the beginning.

  It starts with the male cop sitting in his cruiser sipping on a cup of coffee. Seconds later, the radio beside him squawks, and the man’s looking over at the radio with a look of annoyance on his face as if he’d had his break interrupted.

  “There’s a domestic disturbance again, Officer Big,” the woman’s monotone voice drawls over the ‘airwaves.’

  I looked over at Turner

  “Officer Big?” I lifted a brow.

  Turner snickered and gestured to the screen with her chin, causing me to turn back and continue watching.

  The screen then goes black and seconds later reappears again, this time with Officer Big stepping out of his police cruiser and rounding the hood, heading to the building of a…funeral home?

  What the fuck?

  “That’s not really a funeral home,” I deadpanned.

  She snickered. “It gets better.”

  I couldn’t see how.

  But, watching him walk into the funeral parlor and walk into a shit storm, I couldn’t stop myself from grinning.

  “…I can’t believe you had the balls to come here! This is where I work. I do hair, you prick. I’m not a goddamn hooker or anything. You need to leave.” There was a woman—the same woman who’d gotten her tits fucked later in the movie—with her arms crossed tightly over her chest as she was glaring at the man or ‘prick.’

  “I’m not leaving. I don’t have to leave,” the prick disagreed.

  “Yes, you are,” the police officer answered. “Right now.”

  The prick whipped around, dramatically and in full flourish, face turning from hard to a look of feigned surprise.

  The woman on the screen looked pleased to see the officer—in more than one way.

  “This is my woman,” the prick on the screen said.

  “Sorry,” the officer said. “But you’ll be forced to leave or this could get ugly.”

  The man struggled, and suddenly the officer was ‘forced to get ugly.’

  There was a farce of an altercation, and the prick accidentally fell into an open casket. That open casket comedically fell shut at just the right time, and the man became locked inside without any work on the cop’s part.

  The woman on the screen that was starting to look more and more like Turner the longer I watched the video walked over to it and flipped a latch, making sure the man wouldn’t be able to get out no matter what.

  “Oh, Officer,” she cooed. “That was so well done.”

  Then the woman offered the officer a kiss in thanks.

  That’s when the officer turned his mouth when the woman meant to only kiss his cheek.

  And that, folks, was all she wrote.

  “If you want,” I teased, raising my hand up to my chest to scratch at an itch just under my pec. “We can recreate this later.”

  She grinned at me and leaned over, leaning her body onto the arm of the couch that I was straddling, and subsequently me.

  I could smell her lotion that she’d put on this morning, and I couldn’t help but notice just how warm she felt.

  When I’d left the house earlier, I also hadn’t put much thought into how fuckin’ cold it was. And since Turner hadn’t been spending much time in the RV, she’d cranked down the heat.

  She was covered up with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and I had ideas.

  Great ideas.

  “Scoot over, baby,” I ordered as I started falling into the couch.

  She did, and I allowed myself to fall completely before reaching for her and the blanket.

  “Share your warmth with me, woman,” I ordered. “My nipples are hard as fuck right now.”

  She immediately unwrapped the blanket from around her shoulders and leaned into me, offering me half the blanket.

  I took her and the other half of the blanket, being sure to pull them both close.

  “Officer, can I interest you in a haircut in thanks for your time and strong muscles?” the woman cooed.

  Turner scoffed. “Yes, let’s offer the man a haircut.” She snickered. “I, of course, saw these parts as I was writing the dialogue, but it still blows my mind that this was even made.”

  Turner’s hand absently went to my bare chest underneath the blanket and started stroking.

  I had no idea if she was meaning to make me want her, but the way my dick once again started to stiffen in my pants, I couldn’t help myself from pulling her closer and letting my own hand drift over her hip.

  “Sure, I’d love a haircut,” the officer replied. “I’m in need of one, anyway. I was actually about to do that just before I came.”

  Of course, how convenient it all was.

  The woman patted his hand and said, “That’s great. Let me go get my clippers.”

  The next couple of minutes pass on the screen as Turner slowly began to drop lower and lower with her rubbing, stopping just a few scant centimeters from actually touching the waistband of my dress pants. The waistband that was hanging out low around my hips due to me shedding the belt and the gun inside my door.

  “Unbutton my pants for me?” I teased. “The button’s digging into my gut.”

  She snorted. “Gut my ass. But yes, I’ll unbutton for you.”

  Seconds later the button was unbuttoned, and she was once again running her hand over my belly, going slowly over each ridge and dip as she did.

  This time, she didn’t stop at the waistband where she’d recently been stopping, but at the thatch of hair that was about an inch above the root of my cock.

  Maddeningly slow, she moved it back up the length of my belly, brushing lightly over my left nipple before pausing there.

  She held the palm of her hand flat over it as she said, “They are hard.”

  I snickered. “Uh-huh.”

  “Officer, if you’ll come sit in this chair, I’ll get you going.” The woman on the screen once again captured my attention.

  “Do you think they’re gonna do it the entire movie with that guy in the coffin?” she asked.

  I snickered. “Fast forward back to where you were. The buildup is always the worst part,” I teased, giving her rump a push.

  She leaned forward, and my hand fell to the couch in her absence.

  My eyes went to her ass, which was covered in a pair of shorts that were short enough that I could see her underwear from the back as she leaned over.

  I reached forward and gently tugged the shorts out of her ass, causing her to say, “Thanks, that was bothering me.”

  I grinned and said, “No problem. Anytime.”

  Seconds later she was back, and the screen was once again showing where we’d left off earlier.

  “Is that the coffin they’re on top of?” I asked.

  “Two,” she answered. “One fell off while they were exuberantly fu
cking earlier. They’re both on the ground side by side now.”

  I shook my head as I watched the man bury his fingers in the woman’s pussy up to the webbing.

  “Slurping sounds?” I wheezed.

  She shrugged. “You have to put something there!”

  I gave her a squeeze and sucked my belly slightly in when she went even lower this time, stopping to drag her fingernails through the thatch of hair just above my cock. She was only a hair’s width away from actually touching my cock.

  And I was hungry for her touch.

  I wanted her hand on me so bad that my cock was pulsing with it.

  She flattened her palm and then separated her fingers until there was a large separation between her middle and index, then went farther down.

  She didn’t touch my cock at all, and I groaned.

  “You’re killing me,” I muttered darkly, focusing intently on the screen.

  The man was now climbing on top of the woman, his mouth going to her breast as his knees kicked her legs out wider.

  I groaned and resituated myself on the couch, feeling like I was about to burst if she didn’t actually touch me.

  Yet she only continued to tease me as the man on the screen lined his cock up with the woman’s entrance.

  I groaned as he slowly started to push inside.

  That’s when the hammering of the man that was still in the casket really amped up, but the couple didn’t pay it any mind. The man’s ass flexed as he pushed deeply into the woman in one stroke, and I felt my dick twitch. Again.

  “We can’t do that,” she whispered. “You’re way too big.”

  I snorted. “Maybe you’re just small, and I’m not big. Ever thought about that?”

  I mean, I was big. Don’t get me wrong, but every time I fit my cock into her, it was more than obvious that I couldn’t just go sticking it in all forceful like. I had to take my time or I could hurt her. She was that tight.

  The man on the screen reached down for the woman’s thigh, then brought it up so that it was pressed flat against the shiny wood of the coffin. With each flex of his hips, her face would turn euphoric.

  “You know,” I said as I watched. “This video is pretty realistic. I mean, other than the cop/funeral home aspect of it, there isn’t any fake moans going on. Other than the guy in the casket.”

  Turner looked up at me and grinned. “You do know that the cop/funeral home aspect of it could be true. We’re true.”

  I looked down at her and grinned. “True enough.”

  Then my grin turned lazy when she finally—finally—touched my cock.

  Sure, it was only the edge of her fingers on the base, but it was enough for my entire body to tighten and a hiss to break free from my lips.

  My eyes went hooded, and she smiled slyly up at me.

  “Want something, Cas?” she asked.

  My hand tightened on her hip, but I didn’t pull her on top of me like she was probably expecting.

  “Not at all, baby,” I said. “Just enjoying this movie here. The subtitles are amazing.”

  Instead, I stayed in control and went about my business, keeping my eyes straight forward on the television even when I wanted nothing more than to yank her on top of me, part those pretty thighs, and fuck my way into her until I was buried so deep neither one of us could draw breath.

  “That one was especially hilarious,” I murmured, recalling the words. “Put that fat cock into my love box and work me like a fuck toy?”

  She shrugged. “A lot of these I was thinking about you when I wrote them. But then I remembered I had to be funny, so every once in a while, I got imaginative.”

  I resituated myself on the couch, which caused her hand to slip slightly, one of her fingers brushing my balls.

  I licked my lips and felt my abs tighten.

  I saw the moment that she decided ‘fuck it.’

  Out of the corner of my eye, she bit her lip, then her fingers closed all the way around me inside my pants.

  I closed my eyes as euphoria ripped through me.

  An intense tingle started at the base of my spine, and I wanted to rip my pants off so I could feel her hand without the restrictive confines of my clothing.

  Yet I stayed still and allowed her to work, grinning wickedly when the guy on the screen pulled out and ‘accidentally’ started to put his cock back into her asshole.

  When the girl said, “Oh, that’s my brownie station. Not in there,” I started to laugh.

  “Seriously?” I snorted. “Brownie station?”

  She shrugged. “Whatever. This is supposed to be funny, remember?”

  I did.

  So I shut up, even though the guy was still pushing his dick inside the girl’s ass despite her adamancy that the guy had the wrong hole.

  “Ever wanted to try anal?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant and failing.

  “Yes,” she answered honestly. “At least, I did before I saw your cock.”

  I snickered and looked down. “If it’s done correctly, it doesn’t hurt. Much.”

  Her eyes went hooded. “You’ve done it before?”

  I nodded.

  There was no use in lying about my past life. I wasn’t ashamed of it.

  “Did she enjoy it?” Turner asked.

  I remembered the one and only time that my ex-wife had allowed me to do that—after months of bringing it up—and shook my head. “She thought it was dirty. My ex. We did it once, and it was the best sex we’d ever had. She was ashamed about it later, and it was never brought up again.”

  But thinking about doing this with Turner had my dick so impossibly hard that I was sure there wasn’t an inch of space left in it. I’d never been that hard before.

  “I need these pants off,” I blurted. “My cock is starting to hurt.”

  She started to take her hand out of my pants, her fingers loosening on my cock, and I shook my head.

  “No, leave it there,” I suggested. “Push it down against my leg.”

  She did as instructed, and I shifted until I could get my slacks off my hips. When they finally slid free, she helped reposition my cock, and then jacked it four times in rapid succession.

  I nearly came undone.

  The only thing that saved me was the fact that she stopped just as suddenly as she started.

  I was panting when I said, “Do that again and I’ll come all over your hand and this blanket.”

  I could feel the soft press of the blanket against the head of my cock and liked it. Looking down at the blanket, the way it was tented obscenely where my cock pushed the fabric up, had me smirking as well.

  “Fuck the blanket.” She started to work me again.

  That’s when I started to realize that I needed something to do with my hands.

  And two could play the game she was playing.

  Pulling my arm from around her waist, I instantly repositioned it and pushed her thighs apart.

  She easily parted them for my seeking hand and burrowed my way under the waistband of her pants and panties. I found her honeyed pussy seconds later, soaking wet. So soaking wet, in fact, that she was slick and coated with her juices.

  I’d be able to slip right in.

  I circled her entrance with just the tip of a finger, over and over again, swirling those juices around and around even though I had no need to.

  She was wetter than I’d ever felt her before.

  Which was saying something.

  “God,” she said. “Just stick your finger inside of me already.”

  I snorted.

  “You’ve been teasing me since I walked in the door, that’s been a long fifteen minutes at least, and you want me to hurry up and stick my finger in you?” I asked. “I think not.”

  She growled under her breath and lifted her hips, hopeful that the move would help sink me inside.

  It wouldn’t.

  But it was a nice try.

  Except,
just when I thought that I had myself under control, she moved her hand from my cock and cupped my balls, touching the space of skin just underneath them and pressing down.

  My balls drew up on their own accord, and I closed my eyes as a groan slipped free of me without conscious thought.

  “Put your finger inside of me,” she ordered, squeezing lightly.

  Liking this more assertive Turner, I did as she instructed, slipping just the tip of one finger up to the first knuckle, inside of her.

  She growled. “The whole finger.”

  She didn’t squeeze my balls any tighter, but the threat was there.

  Thinking I’d follow her directions for a few minutes, I did as she asked and pushed deeper until my finger was buried to the webbing.

  “Better?” I flexed it inside of her, curling it slightly.

  She moaned.

  “Get it nice and wet,” she ordered.

  I did, pushing it in and out of her for a few seconds.

  And it did get nice and wet.

  It was impossible not to. Not with how wet she was.

  How wet she continued to get.

  Hell, I could feel her juices sliding down my wrist at this point.

  “Fuuuuck,” I muttered, unable to stop myself when she pressed down on the sensitive skin under my balls. “I want your pussy.”

  She moved, with my finger still buried deep inside of her.

  When I was forced to pull free as she stood, I brought my hand up to my lips and was about to clean my fingers free of her juices, but she shook her head. “No, wait.”

  I paused, wanting to lick them so badly, but decided to see where she was going with this.

  I was glad I did when she slipped her panties and pants off, then ripped her shirt off over her head.

  She was braless, which I found was a common occurrence with her the moment she walked into the door and planned to stay.

  Her breasts swung free of the shirt, and I groaned.

  I wanted to suck those nipples into my mouth, bury my cock in between them and fuck her while she held her mouth open, willing and waiting, for me to come inside of it.

  I bit my lip and looked at her.

  My belly tightened when she slowly turned around and presented me with her back.