A Five-Minute Life

by Emma Scott

  “Okay, so we wait one more day. It’s not like I’m in a huge hurry to leave New York and I feel fine.”

  “You said you lost time at the coffee shop.”

  “But I haven’t since.” I moved to him. “Let’s get the license and have one more night in the city. We’ll drive back to Virginia as newlyweds.”

  Jimmy put his arms around me. “Delia is going to lose her shit.”

  “Yes, she is,” I said with a laugh. “But after tomorrow, it won’t matter what she thinks.” I kissed his nose. “You make sure City Hall can take us tomorrow and I’ll tell her the change in plans.”

  “Whatever you say,” Jimmy said, kissing me back.

  “Spoken like a true husband already.”

  I called Delia and, incredibly, my call went to voicemail.

  Her wedding gift to us.

  “Hi, Deel, it’s me again. Change of plans. We’re staying for one more day. I’m not taking the meds, I promise. I threw them away. But we want to do one more thing before we leave the city. We’ll drive out of here tomorrow morning and be back late tomorrow night. Or maybe the morning after that, if it gets late and we need a motel.”

  Our road trip honeymoon.

  “Please don’t call me or Jimmy a million times. I’m fine. We’ll keep you posted so you don’t worry, just like we have been this entire trip. Okay?”

  I started to end the call, but happiness coursed through my veins now.

  “I love you. Bye.”

  “You didn’t tell her the plan,” Jimmy said, looking up from his own phone.

  “She’ll know soon enough. Ready?”

  “Let’s do it.”

  I wanted to save the dress for the ceremony, so I changed back into shorts and a tank. Jimmy held my hand, our fingers entwined, as we got in the elevator.

  “I love you, baby,” he said.

  “I love you, too,” I said and leaned my cheek on his arm. The elevator doors closed and then opened again immediately to reveal the hotel lobby. Like a magic trick.

  I froze.

  “You okay?” Jimmy asked.

  My head nodded faintly. “Fine.”

  We crossed the lobby and into sunshine that seemed too bright. The heat wrapped around me too, and I broke out in a sweat. Jimmy let go of my hand to hail a taxi. I glanced around at the bustling corner; the cars driving past and the pedestrians striding toward their destinations. So much noise and color and searing sunlight. I put on my sunglasses, then reached for Jimmy’s hand when he came back.

  “It’s so busy today—oh, God!”

  My heart crashed in my chest; Jimmy’s face had rearranged itself into blue eyes, a bigger nose, smaller chin… I dropped the stranger’s hand and stepped back. “I’m so sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

  “No problem, lady.”

  My heart pounded as I turned a slow circle. I wasn’t on the corner anymore but down the sidewalk, in the middle of the block.

  “Thea!” I spun and Jimmy was hurrying toward me. “What the hell happened?”

  “N-Nothing,” I said. “I got confused. I’m okay now.”

  Jimmy rubbed his hand over his mouth, thinking. “I think we should go back.”

  “No, I’m fine. I’m okay, I promise.”

  “You’re not fine.”

  “I am. It’s really hot out today, that’s all. And if we go back to Virginia without being married, Delia will keep you from me.”

  “Maybe not,” he said. “We can talk to her. But I don’t think—”

  “That I’m of sound mind?” My hands made fists in frustration; my fingernails bit into my palms. “I can do this, Jimmy. Let’s not waste any more time.”

  He hesitated and I could see the conflict warring behind his eyes. He finally nodded and we returned to the corner to grab the cab he’d flagged down. He kept his hand clasped tight to mine and didn’t let go. I concentrated on keeping myself present, focusing on the city outside the windows, until the cab pulled over to the corner of Worth and Centre.

  “Twenty-two fifty,” the cabbie said.

  I dug in my backpack. “Here, I’ve got cash.”

  “I got it,” Jimmy said.

  Suddenly I was standing on the sidewalk and he was reaching for my hand again.

  “Oh God,” I whispered.

  “What is it? Fuck, another one?”

  I sucked in a shaking breath. “Jimmy, I—”

  My phone rang, and I hurried to fish it out of my bag so I wouldn’t have to look at his anguished face.

  It was Delia.

  “What do you mean, you’re staying one more day?” she demanded. “You can’t stay in New York if you stopped taking the Hazarin. Dr. Chen said Milton’s patients who stopped taking it started to regress almost immediately.”

  I stared out at the city, my hand trembling.

  “God, Thea, I’m sorry,” Delia said. “I’m so sorry. I don’t want to scare you. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you…”

  Jimmy’s brows were drawn, his face pale. “What’s she saying?”

  “What else did Dr. Chen tell you?” I managed into the phone.

  “That you need to come back immediately.” Delia’s voice was soft now. “Or go to a hospital.”

  “Absolutely not,” I said.

  “You need to be in a safe, controlled environment as the Hazarin leaves your system. External stimuli could be too much for you. You need quiet and calm, not a seven-hour road trip in a car with that man.”

  “I just need a little more time.”

  I blinked.

  “—then let us know where you are, and we can come and get you. Thea? Are you there?”

  I missed what she said.

  No, it’s the phone. Not me. It’s not working. It’s breaking down and soon it won’t work at all.

  A muffled sob erupted out of me. Jimmy took the phone out of my shaking hand and wrapped his free arm around me.

  “It’s Jim,” he said. “What’s happening?”

  I buried my face in his chest as he talked to Delia. I heard him ask if I needed a hospital, and in the next second, I was sitting on a bench with him outside the city offices.

  “We’re going back to the hotel,” he said. “You’ll be okay there so long as you stay quiet and calm. They’re coming to help us.”

  “No,” I cried. “We need to get married…”

  “We can’t,” Jimmy said, his voice breaking. “Not like this. It’s time to go back. Or to a hospital.”

  “No,” I said. “No hospital. I’ll scream and never stop if I have to spend the last hours or minutes of my waking life in a hospital.”

  “If anything happens to you, I’ll never forgive myself.”

  I shook my head; the sobs tearing out of me now. “God, I’m so stupid. Why did I throw the pills away? Why? I should have married you first. I should have…”

  “No,” he said, his voice choked with tears. “You’re not stupid. You’re braver than anyone I’ve ever met. You did the right thing.”

  “It doesn’t feel right.” I clutched his jacket. “It’s happening so fast. Why does it have to happen so fast?”

  The terror was beginning to unravel me. I fought for breath as Jimmy began to sing. Low and wavering, his voice rumbled under my ear, “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” as I clung to him.

  I concentrated on his voice as he gently got me to my feet, led me to the street corner and into another cab. He sang the entire time, his voice anchoring me to the present, and I clung to it like a drowning woman.

  Once in our hotel room, Jimmy helped me take off my shoes and get under the covers. He drew the shades across the windows, then lay down beside me. I curled into him while he stroked my hair. His face was so impossibly beautiful, so full of love and care, and my heart broke that someday soon, when he looked at me like that, I might not know why.

  You will. Down in your deepest self, you’ll recognize his love for you.

  “I love you,” I told him, tears spilling acro
ss my nose and dampening the pillow. “I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too,” he said, his eyes shining.

  “You don’t have enough to keep loving me. Only five minutes.”

  “That’s all I need. That’s all I ever needed.”

  He held me until sleep came. I fought it for as long as I could, terrified I’d wake up back in the prison. But exhaustion won out and when I woke again. I knew where I was. I knew when I was. Here. I was still here. The dark, quiet room seemed to keep the amnesia at bay, but I could feel the invisible vastness, infinite and claustrophobic at the same time, surrounding me. Suffocating me with emptiness.

  Jimmy lay asleep on his back, one arm thrown over his eyes, his mouth drawn down. I wanted to wake him and kiss him and talk to him. Tell him everything. To get in a lifetime’s worth of words and thoughts and life in one night. But I was fading away.

  I slipped off the bed and went to the desk by the window. It was late afternoon, but with the shades drawn, it was dark. I clicked on the desk lamp, then looked to Jimmy. He slept on.

  I took a pen and paper from the hotel stationery and began to write. Three times, I went away and came back to find my pen in midair or scraping an errant line on the paper. I pulled my focus as best as I could and when I was finished, I folded the page in half and crept back across the room, to the wall where Jimmy’s guitar case leaned.

  I kneeled down and…

  Why am I on the floor in front of Jimmy’s guitar?

  A paper was in my hand, folded in half.

  It came back to me in a rush and I grasped onto the consciousness with my entire being.

  Stay. Please, stay.

  Quietly, carefully, I set the guitar case on the floor and clicked open the little latches. I laid the note on the warm, pale wood of his guitar, shut the case, and set it back against the wall.

  Jimmy rolled onto his side when I slipped back into bed. I lay face-to-face with him. My beautiful man. Peaceful in sleep.

  My eyes were already falling shut. My thoughts breaking apart and I somehow knew they weren’t coming back. I wasn’t coming back. Not all of me. Not the way I had been.

  “I love you, Jimmy,” I whispered.

  I leaned in and softly kissed him goodbye.

  Chapter 37

  Jim

  A knock came at the door around five in the morning. I opened it to a crowd of people: a hotel security guard, two EMTs, Dr. Chen, and Rita Soto.

  Chen went immediately to Thea, who was still asleep. Rita hugged me and I held on tight, happier to see her than I thought possible.

  “I wasn’t expecting to see you,” I said.

  “I wasn’t expecting to still have a job,” she said.

  “Is Delia here?”

  “She’s waiting in Roanoke.”

  “Miss Hughes?” Dr. Chen said. “Hi. I’m sorry to wake you but—”

  “Where’s Jimmy?” Thea murmured, sitting up.

  I rushed over, Rita following, and took her hand. “I’m right here, baby.”

  Thea’s empty gaze darted between Rita and Dr. Chen. Then the light turned on in her eyes.

  “Rita, what are you doing here?”

  “Hi, honey.” Rita hugged her over the bed.

  “What’s happening? Why is everyone here in New York?” She looked at me. “Are we still in New York?”

  Fuck, this is already too hard.

  “Yeah, we are,” I said.

  Dr. Chen pulled a penlight from her pocket. “Thea, can I look in your eyes?”

  “Why are they here?” Thea demanded with rising panic. “What’s happening?”

  “It’s time to go back, honey,” Rita said. “We’re going to take care of you—”

  “No, please,” Thea cried. Her gaze swiveled to me. “I changed my mind. I can’t do this. I don’t want to go back. Please…” She clutched my shirt. “Please don’t make me go back.”

  Tears stung my own eyes as I held her. “This isn’t right,” I said to Dr. Chen. “Can’t you do something for her?”

  “There’s nothing else to do,” she said, her voice low and heavy. “Not right now. She has to go back.”

  She has to go back. To Virginia and to that tiny prison.

  Thea trembled in my arms, her hands clenching and unclenching my shirt. “Stay with me, Jimmy,” she begged. “Please…”

  “I won’t leave you,” I said. “I swear. Not for a second.”

  “If it makes things easier, I can sedate her,” Dr. Chen said, with a nod at Rita.

  “No,” Thea cried, her hands releasing my shirt. “No. I’m not going back drugged up. I want whatever time is left.” Now her tone turned strong and defiant. “Can we have a moment, please?”

  She waited until everyone backed away, then put her forehead to mine, letting her hair fall to shield us.

  “I’m so fucking scared, Jimmy.”

  “I know you are, and I hate it,” I whispered. “I’d give anything to do this for you.”

  “Remember for me.” Tears spilled down her cheeks and over my fingers, and then she pulled me to her, her voice tremulous. “Remember us… when I can’t.”

  A hospital van idled in front of the hotel in the early hours as dawn started to break over the horizon. Clutching my hand, Thea walked to the van, stopping once as a blank spot hit. She’d had three more blanks as we packed our hotel room and made our way down.

  Dr. Chen and Rita hovered close, but Thea refused to let them examine her in any way.

  “It’s almost over,” she said dully, curling up against me in the van. “You can have me when I’m gone.”

  Rita shook her head as her eyes met mine. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  I nodded and held Thea tight to me and sang as the van pulled away from the hotel. I sang to Thea or hummed to her the entire ride, as her blank spots grew wider and deeper. Mercifully—and yet frighteningly—she slept for most of the drive.

  “She’s been sleeping a lot,” I said to Dr. Chen. “Is that supposed to happen?”

  “It’s the Hazarin leaving her system. External stimuli become draining and make the onset of her amnesia more aggressive.”

  “Will there be another d-d-drug?” I asked, trying to keep my shit together. “Is M-M-Milton going to try again?”

  Dr. Chen’s expression didn’t change, filling me with dread. “Things in Sydney are quite chaotic right now. It’s unclear where Dr. Milton or his project’s funding stand. However, his procedure is still a breakthrough in medical science and the entire neurological community is rallying around its potential. Obviously, it’s the medication—the bonding agent—that requires more work. I think the chances of a new drug coming out are very good. I just can’t say when.”

  Months. Years. Never.

  I held Thea tighter.

  We arrived at Roanoke Memorial Hospital around three that afternoon. Thea was groggy and sluggish as I carried her inside, refusing the gurney that was brought out. Dr. Chen and her staff directed me to a room, where I laid Thea on the bed.

  Her eyes fluttered. “Jimmy?”

  I brushed the hair from her face. “Shhh. Rest now, baby.”

  She fell back to sleep. “Now what happens?” I asked Dr. Chen.

  “Now you leave.”

  Delia stood at the door, her eyes soft when they took in her sister on the bed but glinting coldly when she trained them on me. A man stood behind her—thin, hawkish nose, and with a gentleness that made Delia look even more rigid. Roger Nye, I guessed.

  She and I stared each other down.

  Inhale. Exhale.

  “I want to be with her as much as possible,” I said slowly. “Before she goes away again. And after—”

  “I think you’ve been with her quite enough. You’re done here.”

  My fists and jaw clenched. “That’s not what she wants and you know it.”

  “Ms. Hughes,” Rita said softly. “Don’t do this. They’re together.”

  Delia’s jaw clenched. “I’ll bet.”<
br />
  “I promised to visit her every day,” I said. “That’s partly why she agreed to stop taking the medication.”

  “She never would’ve risked her life over it in the first place, if you hadn’t taken her away.”

  “She wanted to go,” I said. “She would have gone without me—”

  “Can we please take this conversation outside?” Dr. Chen said, ushering us into the hallway. I could hardly stand to leave Thea’s side, but I had to make Delia understand without losing my shit or she’d ban me forever.

  “Now let’s have a friendly discussion,” Roger said.

  “She broke out of Blue Ridge with your help,” Delia said, ignoring him. “She has a tattoo that she’s not going to understand when the medication wears off.”

  “So fucking what?” I hissed. “She’s a grown woman who can get a tattoo if she wants one.” I sucked in a breath to fight for calm. “We kept in contact. We knew you were worried about her—”

  “Don’t tell me how I was feeling about my sister. You have no idea how much I love her.”

  “I love her too,” I whisper-shouted. “You’re not the only one who loves her, who would fucking die for her. Who wants to protect her—”

  “Protect her? You took her away from the safety of medical professionals so you could sleep with her. You took advantage of what she thought she felt for you—a big, strong man willing to rescue her from her prison.”

  My fingers tore through my hair. “You’re out of your goddamned mind. You never listened to her. You can’t hear her. You never could. Or worse, you fucking could and chose not to.”

  Delia’s eyes flared again, and a heavy anchor of dread sank to the bottom of my stomach. I’d fucked up.

  “I’ve listened to you for the last time. Go. Get out of this hospital or I’ll have you arrested.”

  Fuck me to fucking hell.

  “Delia, wait. I’m sorry.”

  “Get. Out.”

  Two hospital security guards talking down the hallway looked up and grew curious. They started toward us from one direction, and then, like an ancient apparition, Alonzo Waters was at my side.

  “Ms. Hughes,” he said with a nod of greeting. “Jim. How we doing here, folks?”

  “Everything okay?” one of the guards asked.