Don't Rhine on My Parade

by Erin Evans

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Home was not the peaceful oasis of calm that I had hoped for. It was clean, that was for sure. I didn’t want to admit it, but it was rather shocking to open the refrigerator and discover that the shelves were not, as I’d always thought, frosted glass! Maybe I have a glass issue, because I also noticed that I had a hard time telling if the sliding glass doors were open or closed. I’d always claimed that the smudges were a safety device. If the glass is dirty then no little children will accidently slam into it thinking that the door is open. Man, that maid was good!

  So, clean, yes, relaxing, no.

  First off, Carolyn took forever to leave. She kept reading “just one more story” and playing “one more game” with Cassidy and Megan. Then, after multiple hints from me, when she was finally loaded up with all her stuff, the girls threw the mother of all temper tantrums. They didn’t want Granny to leave. This set off a whole new round of hugs and kisses and assurances that she would be back as soon as Mommy let her. Grrr.

  “When, Mommy? When can Granny come back?” they chorused, the little love-starved, neglected orphans.

  My smile felt more like a death rictus at this point but I didn’t have the energy to fake something more convincing. “We’ll see her soon, don’t worry.”

  Another fifteen minutes of tears followed, but finally I was standing in the driveway and watching Carolyn’s car pull away down the street. I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to pretend for a moment that all was well and at peace in my life.

  “Hsst!” My peace was instantly interrupted. I gazed up into the gathering dust.

  “If that’s my cowardly neighbor, who dropped me off two houses away so that there was no chance of her running into my mother-in-law, then I have nothing to say to her,” I called out still looking up at the sky.

  I could see the first star appear in the sky. Ooops, no, it was an airplane. Just as well, I don’t know what I would have wished for. World peace seemed beyond the powers of a humble star, and peace between my mother-in-law and I seemed even harder to achieve.

  “No, this is the neighbor who saved your rear-end today!” Cecily whispered loudly. She was standing just at the property line, looking refreshed and energetic. It might have had something to do with the gathering dusk, or maybe she had taken a shower and gotten something to eat while I was hustling Carolyn out the door. God knows there was enough time.

  “If I recall,” I still didn’t turn to face her, “I saved the reproductive abilities of two species today and defeated a coven of evil witches all on my own. Last time I checked, ‘rear saving’ was not defined as ‘showing up after the fact and looking around.’”

  “Okay,” her voice came inches from my ear. Wow, she could move fast! “So you did most of the work yourself. But I would have saved your rear if it had needed saving.”

  I turned towards her at last. “I know, and I’m grateful. I’m just still processing.” I watched the airplane cut across the sky for a moment, “What’s going to happen to that shelter?”

  Cecily’s face flickered through some unreadable emotions. “Nothing,” she said at last. “There is still officially a truce between our species and we cannot retaliate against them for something that they are doing that we couldn’t know they were doing if we hadn’t broken the truce ourselves.”

  I slumped. “However,” she continued, and I perked back up, “unofficially, there are times when tragic circumstances, completely outside of our control or knowledge occur, and while officially we would be devastated to learn of any harm befalling another species’ business, unofficially, well, let’s just say that vampires can’t cry.”

  “You can’t?” I asked, momentarily distracted.

  “Nope. Dead men don’t cry.”

  I heard a car coming down the street and looked up to see Mark pulling into the driveway. He waved and hopped out swooping me up into a big hug and kiss.

  “Hey, honey!” I greeted him.

  “How was your day?” he asked.

  I thought about my day and almost started to cry again. I wanted to do something for that homeless man. I knew it was too late for him, but maybe it wasn’t for someone else. “Hey Mark?” I asked. “Could we donate some money to a homeless shelter?”

  “Sure,” he said in surprise. “What brought this on?”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” I lied. “I’ve just been thinking today how blessed we are with our house and cars and family and children, and how other people are not so fortunate. I’d like to help out somehow.”

  “Sounds like a great idea, babe,” he said, kissing the tip of my nose. “Let’s look into it and pick a good one.”

  I smiled, feeling a little better, but knowing that nothing was going to make me forget that poor man’s death. Then I yelled, “Daddy’s home!”

  Megan came running and squealed in delight at being tossed up in the air. Cassidy was still lying on the floor and weeping.

  “What’s up with her?” Mark asked.

  “Granny left.”

  “Oh. Say no more.” He crouched down beside her. “Hey sweetie, you want to give Daddy a hug?”

  “Nooo!” she wailed.

  “Ok. I love you.”

  “Me ‘ove Ganny!” she sniffed.

  I rolled my eyes. “Ooookay. Girls, Mommy and Daddy need to talk for a minute. You go play in your room.”

  “I can’t!” Cassie was still crying.

  “You can and you will. Now march!” Even without the Voice, every mother has a tone that her children know must be obeyed without question. Megan and Cassie hopped up and ran back to their room. The door slammed loudly behind them and I winced.

  Mark started opening the mail, “What do we need to talk about, babe? What’s my mom done now?”

  Otis decided that the coast was clear of little children and came out of hiding to rub orange hair all over my pant legs.

  I groaned and squatted down to scratch his ears, “Don’t even get me started. No, it’s worse than that. It’s what has Sarah done now.”

  Otis was lying on his back purring loudly.

  Mark shook his head, “What has she done now?”

  I relayed the drinking, speeding, mooning story to him and he laughed.

  “Mark!” I stood up and slapped his arm. “It’s not funny.”

  Otis, offended that I’d stopped paying attention to him, hissed and ran back to wherever it was that cats disappear to.

  “Yeah it is!” Mark was still grinning.

  The corner of my mouth betrayed me and quirked up.

  “Okay, so it’s a little funny. At least the mooning part. But not the drunk driving. She is totally out of control. I think I need to go talk to her tonight. Calling Mom won’t get me anywhere. Sarah has her wrapped around her little finger. Any time I try to talk to Mom I get this whole story about how I don’t know everything that Sarah is going through and I need to cut her some slack.”

  Mark came up behind me and wrapped me in a hug. His breath tickled the back of my neck and for the first time that day I felt loved and protected and safe.

  “If you think you should talk to your sister you go ahead. I’ll hold down the fort here. Just remember that you love her, Piper. She’s your sister, and you love her, and everything you say needs to come from that love.”

  I snuggled closer to him, “Okay, Dr. Phil. I’ll try to remember that when we’re screaming at each other.”

  He bit my ear lightly, “Two peas in a pod.” I bristled at that and he patted my head mockingly, “It’s okay. I knew it before I married you.” He held up a strand of my hair, “This may look brown on the outside, but on the inside it’s a fiery red.”

  I stuck my tongue out at him. “Fine, I’ll control my temper. You control your daughters. Oh crap!” I suddenly remembered that Harvey had been home alone all afternoon and Carolyn never remembered to make him go out to the bathroom. “Harvey!” Mark smacked my butt and headed off to the girls’ room.

  “Who wan
ts pizza!” I heard him yell and the answering screams seemed to say that pizza was a great idea. I wished that I was staying home with them.

  Forty-five minutes later, after making Harvey go out, and helping Mark get a frozen pizza going for the girls, I was on my way. A fact finding phone call had revealed that Sarah was staying at her friend Amy’s house. I wasn’t sure if Amy was the mooner or if a third culprit was involved but I was going to find out.

  A tap at my window as I pulled out of the driveway made me shriek out loud and almost run over the mailbox. Cecily stood there looking worried.

  “Are you going out alone?” she asked.

  “Yes,” I answered shortly. “I need to handle a family matter.”

  “A family matter,” she said flatly.

  “Yes, a family matter. As in, a none-of-your-business matter.”

  “Don’t you think I should come along?”

  “Obviously I don’t. If I thought that you should come along I would have asked you to come along.” Thinking about Sarah had put me in a bad mood.

  Cecily threw her hands up in the air in mock surrender. “Okay. Just remember that I offered if you get into trouble.”

  “What kind of trouble could I get into driving across town?” I refused to think about the multiple answers there could be for that question. “Anyway, I’ve gotten along just fine for twenty odd years without you and I think I’ll be safe tonight as well.”

  Cecily gave in way too easily. “All right, see you when you get back!” she waved like a good neighbor who was just being friendly.

  I finished backing the van out and looked back to where she was standing. Per usual, she was already gone. I had a sneaking feeling that she might be following me. Was she speedy enough to keep up with a car? Could vampires fly? Or maybe she’d just turn into a bat and fly after me. I had a sneakier feeling that maybe I felt better at the thought of being watched by an unseen protector. This way I could pretend to be big and brave and still know that someone had my back.

  Worries aside, I made it safely across town and arrived at Amy’s house. I sat in the car and screwed my courage to the sticking place and hoped that the place was sticky enough to hold it there. Something about dealing with Sarah always brought out the worst in me. And in her as well. One day I hoped that we would get past all this and be close, but today was probably not going to be that day.

  Amy’s mom was surprised to see me at the door.

  “Hello?” she asked.

  “Hi, I’m Piper. Sarah’s older sister.”

  “Oh! I didn’t know you were coming over. Is there a problem?”

  “Well,” only if you define your teenage daughter drunk driving as a problem. “Not really. I just need to talk to Sarah for a minute. Is that okay?”

  Her manners kicked in. “Of course, of course, come in! Sarah! Amy! Piper’s here!”

  Sarah stalked out of a hallway and glowered at me. She was in full black war paint and either she was Amy’s clone or Amy was hers. Needless to say, they both probably thought they were being original and unique. Just expressing their own personal style. Totally oblivious to the fact that it also happened to be the “personal” style of every other goth, emo, or whatever they were calling themselves these days.

  “Piper,” she threw my name out like a challenge.

  Amy’s mom (still hadn’t caught her name) suddenly remembered something she had to do in another room and disappeared. I don’t blame her. We were probably helping her with her air-conditioning bill. At this rate she would have to turn her heater on soon.

  “Sarah,” I tried to sound mature and loving. To my own ears I sounded strained, doubtless to her it sounded condemning.

  I sat down on the couch and tried to reign my temper in. “A Mrs. Starr called me this afternoon,” I started and stopped when I saw the looks of disgust and rolled eyes that Sarah and Amy shared.

  “What was she complaining about now?” Amy wanted to know. “That old bag is, like, totally on our case all the time.”

  “She said she saw both of you coming out of a liquor store with alcohol and driving off.” I decided not to mention the mooning. I might snicker and that would ruin my air of authority.

  “What!” I could have sworn I saw a look of guilt pass over Sarah’s face but it was gone instantly. A haughty, martyred look took its place, if it had ever been there to begin with. “And just when did she see us doing this?”

  I felt like I had missed a step in the dark. She didn’t sound like someone who had just been caught red-handed in a crime.

  “Last night,” I said carefully.

  Triumph blossomed on her face, “It’s a lie.”

  I narrowed my eyes, “Explain.”

  “We were here all last night,” she said coolly. “We had dinner at six with Amy’s family and then stayed here all night playing games and watching movies.”

  Amy was staring at her with wide eyes. Either she was surprised at what Sarah was saying or else she always looked like a shocked raccoon. With all the eyeliner it was kind of hard to tell.

  “Really,” I drawled.

  “You don’t believe me.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement of saddened reproach.

  “I don’t.”

  “You never believe me,” she hissed.

  “Sarah, give me one good reason why I should believe you!” I exclaimed. “It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done something stupid!” Oops. Not the right thing to say.

  “How about you believe me because I’m your sister and that’s what a good older sister would do. Oh, but I forgot, you’re a lousy older sister!” We sat there and glared at each other for a full minute. Sarah broke off first.

  “Amy could you go get your mom?” she asked.

  Amy scampered off and returned, followed by her mother drying her hands on a dish towel.

  “Mrs. Baker,” Sarah said sweetly and respectfully, “could you please tell my sister that Amy and I were here for dinner last night at six and then stayed home for the rest of the evening?”

  Mrs. Baker looked puzzled, “But of course you girls did! I remember telling Tom how nice it was to hear you two giggling over whatever movie it was you were watching. Why, is there a problem?”

  I looked around at the three other faces in the room: triumph, amazed suspense, and befuddlement. Something was off. Maybe Mrs. Starr had her nights mixed up. Well, I definitely was not getting anywhere now. I stood up and smoothed out the hem of my shirt.

  “I’m sorry, Sarah,” I said smiling, “I was wrong. I should have believed you at first. Thank you, Mrs. Baker, for clearing it all up for me. It was just a misunderstanding.”

  I let myself out the front door and decided to put off calling my mom until I knew a little more. Perhaps I could find out when Mrs. Starr’s choir practice was, that might help pin the story down. Heaven forbid that Sarah was actually telling the truth, the sarcastic side of my brain said. Oh no, anything but that!

  On the way home, I rehearsed in my brain everything that I should have said but hadn’t and everything that I had said but shouldn’t have. What a mess. Speaking of mess, there was something smeared all over the front door. What in the world? I wondered.

  I parked the van in the garage and came around to the front of the house to see. It was dark now but the lights from inside illuminated the front door enough so there was no mistaking the sight. I cried out and fell to my knees, hands clasped over my mouth to stop any louder screams. A large circle had been painted on the white front door. A circle with a five pointed star within. I would have thought it was done with black paint if the macabre paintbrushes were not lying crossed on my door mat. They were the two hind legs of a cat. The flesh had been sliced neatly around the joint, showing the interior white bone surrounded by red oozing muscle. The fur was matted with blood but the color was still discernable. It was an orange and white striped cat.

  Otis was an orange and white striped cat.