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A Beautiful Composition of Broken

Page 2

by r. h. Sin


  the silent.

  you can tell, you just know

  you always do

  no man on this earth

  could keep secrets

  from a woman like you

  but i hate this idea

  of knowing everything

  and saying nothing

  i hate this idea

  of a woman being silent

  the realization.

  here’s the thing

  i realized that being loved

  by you

  was completely overrated

  the lies.

  sure enough

  an honest love exists

  but we’re too busy

  entertaining the lies told

  by the people we think love us

  the choice.

  i didn’t quit

  i simply chose myself

  instead of continuing to try

  for someone who wouldn’t

  try for me

  the better.

  placing you behind me

  pushed me closer

  to something better

  the thought.

  i like to think

  that all the pain

  and heartache

  is simply preparing me

  for a love that heals

  the craving.

  sometimes the love you crave

  can’t be found in the person you want

  and wanting someone is not enough

  to have them love you

  the women.

  thank you to the women

  who never get a thank-you

  thank you to the women

  who never get acknowledged

  thank you for your softness

  thank you for your toughness

  thank you for your strength

  your endurance

  your ability to take pain

  and transform it into power

  the ability.

  i admire your ability to fight

  i admire your ability to go to war

  for all the things

  you know you deserve

  the bridge.

  sadly, i watched from the other side

  as you burned the one bridge

  that you never deserved to cross

  the further.

  you went missing

  when i longed for you the most

  while my heart didn’t grow fonder

  my mind grew further

  how quickly i went from sadness

  to feeling nothing at all

  the coffee shops.

  there’s this thing about coffee shops

  for the life of me

  it’s hard to put into words

  the experience my soul feels

  when all of my morning thrills

  sit at the bottom of that circular

  ceramic cup

  the atmosphere

  the people

  the lovers sitting hand in hand

  the friends, laughing silently

  me, gazing into the eyes of my lover

  speaking without saying words

  sipping slowly

  the sweet life

  the brown hue of enjoyment

  and delight

  sitting near the window

  in search of the perfect light

  the tights you wear.

  wrapped around both thighs

  black hues and heather grays

  beginning at the waist

  ending just at the ankles

  forcing me to pay homage

  to your curves

  the days.

  30-plus days

  without hearing the voice

  of my nephew

  30-plus days

  of frustration and disregard

  30-plus days

  i was angry in the beginning

  30-plus days

  i’m more accepting of it now

  it’s been 30-plus days

  of missing this interaction

  30-plus days

  of wondering what the fuck happened

  30-plus days

  one day i’ll tell him about it

  30-plus days

  i’ll write about it for now

  the return.

  i should hate you

  but even then

  that would be way more

  than you actually deserve

  and so i’ll give you nothing

  to match the nothing

  you gave me in return

  the becoming.

  for so long

  the only one deserving

  of me

  was myself

  for so long

  i transformed

  into everything i needed

  for too long

  i’ve been disappointed

  by people who were never capable

  of becoming

  what i’ve always been

  struggling to find a love in others

  that i could easily cultivate

  on my own

  the internet.

  everything is fake deep nowadays

  life plagued by internet gurus

  teaching about a love they’ve

  yet to provide to the women

  in their lives

  fooling these hurt women

  who follow in search of clarity

  but confusion is all they’re selling

  stringing together words to create sentences

  to manipulate the masses

  of women who wish for nothing more

  than to be loved and cherished

  this hurts me . . .

  the social media.

  don’t drink their water

  don’t sip from their wells

  show no interest in what they offer

  stop buying what they’re selling

  silence their lies

  by not listening at all

  remove them from your timelines

  block their accounts

  don’t repost

  don’t like

  don’t bookmark

  don’t screenshot

  beware of deceitful people

  exploiting your vulnerabilities

  while filling their pockets

  by your desire to have the quick fix

  for your heartache that they’ve promised

  to provide but never do

  the questions II.

  are you tired

  are you weary

  are you unhappy

  have you accepted

  this fate

  have you allowed

  them to destroy you

  have you settled

  for this type of relationship

  knowing that you could have

  done better

  or are you unaware

  that something better exists

  the cold.

  next to you felt lonely

  next to you felt cold

  your presence felt like absence

  your love felt like pain

  the nights.

  we move on

  or at least we think we do

  hiding our pain with a smile

  locking away the memories

  behind the bars of our subconscious

  but the things

  we force ourselves to forgot

  creep up beside us

  in the middle of the night

  the questions III.

  are you awake

  i often wonder


  have you thought of me

  like i think of you

  is this as painful for you

  as it’s been for me

  i’m tired of needing you

  suffering from the realization

  that you never needed me

  wasn’t ready.

  we’re young, we’re just kids

  setting ourselves on fire

  for tainted love

  placing labels of forever

  on temporary people

  we’re so young

  and yet we’re so hurt

  we’re just teens

  acting like adults

  but no one taught us

  how to love correctly

  no one prepared us

  for this

  version of disappointment

  and we fall in love

  before we’re ready

  mold.

  pain shapes a woman

  into a warrior

  truly.

  a man who truly loves you

  chooses you every day

  he chooses you forever

  zero explanation.

  you don’t have to explain

  why you left

  to the person who made you leave

  quiet.

  don’t respond when you’re angry

  you end up saying things

  you don’t actually mean

  you end up hurting people

  you’re not supposed to hurt

  you end up saying things

  you’ll never be able to take back

  12 is hell.

  at midnight

  you haunt me

  at midnight

  i stay awake

  thinking about

  everything

  we used to be

  his confusion.

  a man who sends you mixed signals

  is a man who doesn’t deserve you

  the night is coming.

  briefly

  the sky a devilish red

  the sun setting behind

  the earth’s face

  i feel so alone

  sitting next to you

  my soul screams out

  in silence

  beneath the tension

  consumed by darkness

  bits of broken.

  break my heart

  and you’ll find fragments

  of all the love letters

  i wrote to you

  on each shattered piece

  the failure.

  i fail so often at love

  that i choose seclusion

  over the expectations

  that come with being

  in a relationship

  certamine.

  you struggle with love of self

  and so when someone truly

  adores your heart

  you struggle with believing them

  positionibus.

  i’m always apologizing

  when you hurt me

  after assuming that i was trying

  to hurt you, when i wasn’t

  no love near death.

  there is death

  in loving the wrong person

  i sit and watch so many

  of my peers die slow

  sine sensu.

  in love, alone

  overrun with the desire

  to feel nothing

  suffering from the curse

  of feeling everything

  for someone

  who feels nothing for you

  12:53.

  people who don’t feel good

  about themselves

  are always ready

  to make others feel bad

  about themselves

  spem.

  i hope you find someone

  who never makes you feel bad

  for being all that you are

  the empty and blissful.

  your apologies began to feel empty

  “i’m sorry” triggered no emotion

  to feel nothing for you

  was everything i thought

  it would be

  peaceful in the absence

  of your presence

  empty union.

  you not acknowledging

  the love i showed you

  will always be the worst part

  of our union

  always after midnight.

  i’m left rereading old messages

  sitting beneath the rubble

  of everything we used to be

  haunted, near the moon

  by everything we didn’t become

  quaestio.

  the only thing you were good at

  was making me feel like i was the problem

  in poetry.

  tears become words

  pain becomes strength

  heartbreak becomes a testimony

  of how i found myself

  after losing you

  me, you.

  encounter me

  and find the love

  you deserve

  untitled I.

  stay close to the people

  who remind your soul

  to remain strong

  Marie.

  i want to live on the pages

  of your heart

  i want to find life

  in the stories

  that make you smile

  you, your heart.

  falling apart doesn’t make you weak

  a strong heart is capable of breaking

  no solutions.

  i wanted to try

  i was willing to fight for this

  you wanted a way out

  you never cared as much as me

  takes time sometimes.

  every time you answer their call

  or reply to their text

  you have to restart the process

  of moving

  assist.

  she doesn’t always

  have to save herself

  the queen doesn’t have to be

  content with standing alone

  being strong doesn’t have

  to feel lonely

  it’s okay to let someone take care of you

  while you work on loving yourself

  3:27.

  the person who deserves your love

  won’t treat you poorly

  love is not an excuse

  to stay with someone

  who can’t love you correctly

  no courage.

  i could have been your everything

  but you didn’t have the courage

  to love me in the way i needed

  newfound.

  sometimes i miss the anticipation

  that attaches itself to new love

  the longing and newfound desire

  to learn everything about a beautiful stranger

  all the tales we tell.

  incapable of facing the painful reality

  of a love that’s been lost

  we lie in the form of false memories

  re-creating disaster and chaos

  into beautiful moments

  that never happened

  after all, in the end.

  oftentimes

  tragedy transforms

  into beauty

  delightful things occur

  in the aftermath of chaos

  just be patient

  to our seeds.

  one day i may have daughters

  and i don’t want them to believe

  that their i
ndependence is a burden

  or restriction on love

  no restriction.

  your independence is not

  some curse or restriction

  your independence doesn’t have

  to be an excuse as to why you’re single

  you still deserve to be loved correctly

  your independence should be celebrated

  and supported while in a relationship

  being independent doesn’t make you unlovable

  being independent doesn’t mean

  you always have to fight alone

  independent women still deserve

  the deepest love

  and wanting to be loved

  and cared for

  doesn’t have to compromise

  a woman’s strength and independence

  7:14.

  strong women only intimidate

  the type of men that’ll never

  be able to comprehend

  or understand their worth

  all of her.

  a body betrayed

 

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