“I know, and that’s fine. But my work isn’t why I’m really here.” She paused, chewing on her bottom lip as she clicked on her phone. “I have something—someone actually—you need to meet.” She lifted her phone and he had to step closer to see the picture.
Smiling up at him was a baby. He had big blue eyes and appeared to be giggling at something off-screen.
“This is Joseph. I call him Joe.” There was a soft cadence to her voice, an unmistakable tenderness that came when a mother looked upon her child. “Joe is our son.”
Chapter Two
Summer really hadn’t intended to tell Mike about the baby this way. There was such a deep, aching sadness in Mike’s features, she wanted to wrap her arms around him. To bury her face in his chest and say how sorry she was. How she had wanted to give him the news for so long; how many times she had tried to call. She moved toward him, but stopped her advance.
Wait. No. She wasn’t the one who needed to feel bad about how this had all played out. This was on him.
She had called. She had tried to contact him. He was the one who had refused to talk to her, to take her calls. And telling a man he was going to be a father wasn’t something that anyone should do over a voice mail or a text. If he was upset, then he could only be upset with himself. He had been the weakling who couldn’t face her after he had broken her heart.
Sucking in a long inhale, she collected herself.
Life had a dark sense of humor.
“You named him Joe?” Mike’s voice cracked, breaking away some of her anger.
She nodded. “Joseph. After your dad. I thought it was only right.”
Mike had never been one to cry, not even when he had told her that he wasn’t going to marry her...right in the middle of the makeshift bridal suite twenty minutes before their wedding was set to begin. The church had started to fill with their guests, and the caterers and florists had everything in place. When he’d spoken those words, those heartbreaking words, I can’t... I can’t be your forever, the string quartet had been playing “Ave Maria.” Ever since, she had hated that song; before it had been one of her absolute favorites. But that day, there were many things she had thought she would love forever that had turned to ash in her mouth.
It was crazy how, in a single moment, everything in a life could change.
“Can I see the picture again?” He sounded plaintive, as if unsure she’d agree, his voice soft, even wavering.
She noted the way he didn’t say his picture. It was the picture. As if the baby whom her whole life now revolved around was simply an image, nothing more. But then again, she had no doubt she was gunning for a fight. For the last few weeks, she had been trying to imagine every possible outcome of this meeting, but every scenario she had imagined had ended with a fight. No matter how badly she wanted things to be amicable between them, her pain was likely to stand in the way.
She pulled up Joe’s picture and handed her phone over to Mike. He stared at the screen and there was a well of tears growing in his eyes. Would he let them fall?
Regardless of her personal feelings, they had a child together. A child who deserved to know his father and his entire family; even if that family wasn’t really hers. Regardless of her feelings for him, Mike deserved to have a chance...a chance he didn’t have to take, a chance he didn’t have to grasp with both hands. More, he deserved to have a choice, one that didn’t include her getting in his way or keeping his child from him.
Though she hated him for what he had done to her and the way he had made her feel, there was no doubt there was still a part of her that loved him, and would always love him. That part of her soul was deep, and she would have to keep it buried, but only love could make her feel this confused and so up in the air.
“He is so handsome. How old is he?”
“Seven months, yesterday. He has started to crawl and is starting to get into everything. He loves to be at my feet when I’m working in the kitchen.” A smile took over her entire being as she thought about Joe’s tiny fingers against her skin and the feel of picking him up and putting him on her hip, laughing as she moved. “He has a laugh that can light up the world. You’d love it.” There was a bright timbre in her voice that made her wish she hadn’t spoken the last bit aloud.
Mike nodded and there was a strained silence between them. She cleared her throat, knowing he could outwait her in any uncomfortable situation; it was basically one of his many superpowers.
“He is staying with my friend Jessica right now.”
“Ah,” he said, nodding as he looked down at Joe’s picture. “So, you are still living in Great Falls?”
She wasn’t really living anywhere, but she didn’t want to admit to him that her new job was keeping her from being the mom she had always wanted to be. Yet, survival and putting food on the table were forcing her to make choices she’d never thought she would have to make.
“Right now, I’m staying in Missoula. Doing some training and certification courses, then I’m going to head back up to the high-line.”
He nodded, but she could read the many thoughts flickering out and over his features, and yet, he still said nothing. His silence was going to be the death of her.
“Jess has been really good with him. She is such a good godmother.”
“I bet,” he said, his words filled with a pain that spilled over and poured straight to her core.
“If you want, you could come and meet him. You are welcome anytime.”
A smile stretched over his lips, but there was a tiredness in his eyes. “I’d love that. To meet him, that is. When works for you?”
Oh, she had walked right into that. Of course, he would want to see their son this very minute. If she had been in his position, she would have wanted the same thing. Yet she couldn’t drop everything and make the three-hour trip to Great Falls, spend the night, and then make the same trip back.
Her bosses wouldn’t allow her to just arbitrarily take time off.
Then again, this could be turned into a positive. If anything, this was the perfect opportunity to bring her and Mike closer; and maybe she could get him to open up to her a little bit. She could see if she could mine some more information about Rockwood for her team at the DTRA—the Defense Threat Reduction Agency, a division of the Pentagon’s Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, also known as DARPA.
She would have to make a few phone calls, but maybe her boss would go along with this idea. Heck, she could even play it off like this had been her plan all along. Though she couldn’t have predicted this any more than she could predict the nature of the wind. Just when she thought she understood the man she had once promised her future to, he would swirl away and carry her dreams off with him.
“If you wanted, I have to button a few things and then head up in a couple of days. You can follow me up, or whatever.”
His brows rose, like he was surprised she would suggest they take separate cars for the long drive. He shouldn’t have been. As much as she wanted to ply him for information about their teams’ common enemy, the last thing she wanted was for them to be in such close proximity without a clearly defined exit. She needed to be careful around him; he always had a way of pulling her back in even when everything inside her shouted for her to stay away. Come hell or high water, this time she was going to listen to the little voice that told her to be wary when it came to any kind of relationship with this man—even a relationship of convenience.
“I have to work,” he said, looking back in the direction of the chalet where the reception was now in full swing.
Okay, so maybe he didn’t need to see his son just this minute. Work, once again, came first.
Even from where she stood, she could make out the sounds of someone making a speech and a round of applause.
That should have been their moment. And yet here they were, once again, standing so close to happines
s that they could almost taste it, but still a world apart. She was fated to starve in a world filled with tasty morsels of happiness. Ah, the irony.
“If you wanted, I could go in there and talk to whomever I needed to talk to. Who’s your team leader? I bet if I explain the circumstances, some allowances can be made.”
He gave her a surprised look, like he thought she was calling his bluff in some way. “Do you really want to go in there?” He nudged his chin in the direction of the party.
Anywhere had to be better than standing there, alone with him and forced to face their uncomfortable reality.
“I could use some chicken or fish.” She patted her belly. The action was oddly familiar and, as she moved, he smiled.
“When aren’t you hungry?” Mike chuckled.
Right after a breakup, she thought, but she didn’t dare say the words aloud. She simply walked past him and toward the reception.
There were two seats in the corner, and for once she had wished there’d been assigned tables so she wouldn’t have been forced to sit next to him.
Guests enjoyed the buffet, and the entire simple and pioneer-style wedding spoke of Troy. Kate must have been just like the man she married, and the realization made her instantly like the woman. Summer had always loved the entire Spade family, even AJ, who, as the family patriarch, always seemed to have a spine welded out of steel.
AJ was sitting at Troy’s side, the only groomsman in the wedding party. Kate’s sister was sitting beside her, wearing a blue dress that looked as beautiful with its A-line waist as it was comfortable. Yep, Summer definitely liked her; this woman that could have been her sister-in-law if only Summer had played her cards right. Summer should have known that getting married was the one thing that Mike feared above anything else.
He had always talked about how much he hated the entire institution and the symbolic ownership that came with the arrangement. Ownership was slavery and, regardless of who owned whom, freedom was something he would forever lay down his life to protect.
And while he had remained free—thanks to his actions—her heart would never be freely given again. It would always be chained to the past.
They moved through the buffet line, putting together their plates of food, and they made small talk as they went to the table. Servers came around with drinks and after she’d had a beer and he’d had two, the conversation between them started to become a little looser, easier as they slipped back into their old ways.
As they talked, the world around them slowly began to disappear. More and more people moved to the dance floor as the DJ played the worst and best of all wedding songs. Right now, the chicken dance was blaring and even the older folks were out on the cedar floor, flapping their arms like makeshift wings.
“You want to dance?” Mike asked, motioning toward the craziness on display in front of them.
She didn’t answer right away; instead she watched Troy, who was laughing as he waddled around his bride like a teetering bird. Oh, it was going to be a long, drunken night. Under no circumstances could she fall into some old habits...habits that led her toward the bedroom with Mike.
He was off-limits. He’d hurt her too bad.
And yet, as he slipped his hand around hers and helped her to her feet and then to the dance floor, his touch was like a salve on the burn of their past.
Chapter Three
In a million years, Mike would have never thought his life would make a complete about-face in just a matter of hours.
The morning after the wedding, he walked down the hallway that led to his bedroom at the Widow Maker Ranch, STEALTH’s headquarters, and he peered through the crack in the door. Summer was stretched out across his bed as if she owned the place. Her dark hair was haloed around her head and her arms were up, giving her a look as if she was floating in a pool of water.
He had always loved to watch her sleep. She was serene and, for once in her life, she looked at peace with the world around her.
With Joe in the picture now, he couldn’t help but wonder when was the last time she had actually had a good night’s sleep.
Learning about Joe had been a gut punch. He wanted to be angry at her for not telling him sooner about the baby, but he couldn’t be...not when he thought of all the phone calls he had gotten from her, phone calls he had sent straight to voice mail. This wasn’t her fault. He was the jerk, the weaker one, because he couldn’t face her. This was on him. And now he was going to have to make things right. At the very least, he would try.
He had already missed seeing the ultrasound and hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. He had missed holding Summer’s hand while she went to her prenatal appointments and learned about the sex of the baby. He had missed watching his son come into the world and take his first breath. More, he had missed supporting the woman he had once pledged his life.
Though things had gone well between them last night. They had spent the night dancing and laughing during wedding—his cousin Savannah had been even more wild than he’d anticipated, getting up on the wedding party’s table at one point—but the night had ended with him pouring Summer into his bed and her whispering a series of simple words that he would never forget. “I’ll never forgive you. You left me... Us.”
No doubt, she wouldn’t recall what she had told him, but he would. Beer had been the truth serum that had unlocked what had been hidden in her heart.
If he had a choice, he would vow to never leave her adrift again. No matter what she or Joe needed, he would provide it; all while keeping his heart out of the mix. Old feelings would complicate things, open wounds. If he was going to be able to stay in their lives, he couldn’t risk losing them for any reason—and especially one as selfish as love.
Summer shifted in the bed and looked over in his direction through a squinted eye. “How long have you been there?” she asked, her voice raspy from sleep.
So much for being stealthy. He opened up the door a tiny bit more. “I was just walking by, thought I’d check in on you. Need anything? Water? Pain meds?”
She groaned slightly as she stretched and must have done a mental inventory of what exactly had gone on last night. “I’d ask if we...you know...but—”
“You know my hard pass on any woman who isn’t in control. And last night, you were well out of control.” He sent her a soft, understanding smile. “Besides, you made it abundantly clear you were not interested in me—or any man until the end of time.” He made air quotes as he recited her words back to her.
She shoved her face into the pillow, not bothering to deny her boycott of relationships.
Oddly enough, he found the idea of her not dating anyone—even him—reassuring. Though he didn’t have a shot with her, ever, at least they could be alone together. Though, in all truth, she deserved to be happy and find love with a man who would treat her like the princess she was.
“See you in a few?” he asked, and when she nodded, he went downstairs for breakfast.
Twenty minutes later, she was fresh-faced after a shower. She walked into the kitchen, grabbed a cup of coffee and her keys and started outside. “Coming? It’s a long drive to Great Falls,” she said, not looking back at him.
“What?” he called after her. Last night she had said that it would take her a few days to get things lined up with her work, that she couldn’t just drop everything and take him to see his son. And yet, she was now tearing out of the house like her feet were on fire.
Whatever, he wasn’t going to look this gift horse in the mouth.
Luckily, his family and the rest of the crews were in the main house, or they would have had a ball ribbing him for Summer coming home with him. As it was, he was surprised he wasn’t getting a slew of texts after the dancing and frivolity last night. Maybe they were all too hungover to be too full of snark this morning; regardless, it was only a matter of time until a few of them started asking q
uestions. Especially after the conversation he’d had with Zoey Martin, their STEALTH boss, telling her that he was going to need a couple of weeks off so he could go meet his son.
Oh, that tidbit of information was going to sweep through the family like wildfire.
He really needed to stop going to weddings.
He stood and, grabbing his coat and a travel mug of coffee, he made his way outside after Summer. She was standing beside her car. “Do I want to know how we got home last night?” she asked, nudging her chin in the direction of his pickup.
“No worries, I went out this morning with AJ and we got your car. No drinking and driving.” His hard pass on drunken anything ran the gamut.
“So, AJ knows I came back here...with you... And...” She gave a resigned sigh. “Crap.”
“You know AJ, he isn’t going to say anything to anyone,” he said, walking over toward his truck.
“Where are you going?” Summer called after him.
“I thought you said we weren’t going to drive together?” he asked, confused by her about-face.
“Saves gas if we just go together.”
He had never known Summer to turn on a dime, but maybe she had changed more than even he could understand since the last time he had spoken with her. From what he’d been told, motherhood changed a person. In the few hours since he’d found out he was a father, he could feel himself changing too. Suddenly, his life had taken on a new meaning and a fight he hadn’t known he’d had within him—he would do anything for this boy whom he had never met. He would give his life. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the transformation in Summer, one she’d gone through alone because of his failure to respond to her. His chest ached.
He would understand if she never forgave him for his missteps in life. He doubted he would ever forgive himself.
As he got into her car, he peeked into the back seat. He expected to find a car seat base or something to give her role as a mother away, but it was conspicuously devoid of any whispers of a child. He could understand it, though, her need to keep her personal life out of any sort of public view. In their line of work, private lives were weak points. That was part of the reason he had told himself he couldn’t get married. If they had...they would both have been weakened. Others could have used their love against them.
Rescue Mission Page 2
