The first hour of the drive, they sat in silence as he waited for her to start talking. They careened through the mountains, the timber flashing by as they rolled past pristine rivers and blue skies. The snow was gone from the mountains, but there was still an icy chill in the air. When the peaks finally gave way to rolling plains, it was as if the mask of the mountains had lifted and so had Summer’s mood.
Finally, she looked over at him. “I told Jess we were coming, she said she would be around with Joe anytime. I think she is looking forward to getting a bit of a break. She has had him for the last week.”
“I’m excited to meet him. Seriously.” He wanted to ask her how often she left Joe in Jessica’s care, but he didn’t want to come off sounding judgmental in any way, so he remained quiet. Tension reverberated through the air as it was; he didn’t need to add more. “And I’m glad Jess has been so great.”
“I’m glad she is so willing to help me out. I have come to really understand the adage that it takes a village to raise a child.”
“Well, I hope you know that I’m more than happy to help in any way I can. I want to be a part of your support system. Money, housing...whatever.”
She gave him a sidelong glance, like she was looking for the truth in his words.
“I mean it,” he repeated. “And I’m not going to say it again, but I want you to know that I will always be sorry for how things played out between us.”
She raised her hand, silencing him. “Let’s not talk about it. What happened... Not anymore... We have more pressing things to deal with and if we go there, ever...well, it’s not good for either one of us.”
He nodded, agreeing. There was no fixing the past. “Here’s to moving forward.” He raised his coffee mug in salute.
She smiled, and the simple action lifted the heaviness that had blanketed him. Maybe there was some kind of hope for a budding friendship, after all.
Twenty miles and a pit stop later, she let him take over driving. She stared out the window as he drove the straight, long road that led to the north. He’d always hated this drive. Many people thought of the rolling prairie as beautiful in its languid hills and lolling grains, but he found it monotonous. The only thing that changed was the crops. Though, maybe it wasn’t the prairie that was at fault; maybe he had too many mountainous ridges and sharp crags around his soul.
Regardless of where he was in Montana, at least he was in the state he called home. These roads, these mountains, hills and valleys were where he wanted to be forever. He’d spent far too many days overseas and in foreign lands longing for this place to take it for granted.
“Do you miss it?” she asked.
“Huh? What?”
“Now that you are working in surveillance, do you miss your old job gunning down bad guys?” She was staring at him.
“I forgot how well you can read my thoughts.” He chuckled, trying to dispel some of the pressure of her question.
“It’s in your face. You always get that look when you’re thinking about the Sandbox, it’s like you’re a million miles away.”
He pinched his lips as he nodded. “I always thought I had a good poker face.”
“Maybe you do, but you will never have one when it comes to me.”
And that right there was one of the reasons he had forgotten—until now—that he had fallen in love with her. She seemed to see him in a way that no one else in the world ever would.
“Do you like the work you are doing with STEALTH?” she asked.
“Yeah, you know me. I’m happier working in the shadows, and the team lets me do that.”
She laughed. “I hear you there. Lately, I’ve been working more in the open and I have to say that I miss the old days when I worked more behind a desk.”
“So, you don’t like your new job?”
She shrugged. “It’s fine. But they are asking things of me that I’m not loving.”
He didn’t dare to question her about what in her job she didn’t enjoy. Those kinds of conversations, in their lines of work, were places they could never go.
“I heard about the shooting at ConFlux. I’m glad you made it out unscathed. Did they ever find the shooter?”
He glanced over at her, surprised that she would press anything work-related. “We got as far as we could with the information we had. As far as I know, the feds are still digging into that one. And us talking about my job? I’m done. I told you before, this isn’t something I’m going to open up about, especially when we don’t even play for the same teams.” He tried to ignore the way his hackles rose. Summer was someone he could trust and yet his professional instincts kept him silent on any details related to STEALTH jobs.
She huffed. “And I told you that we’re playing for the same team.”
He opened his mouth to challenge her, but she didn’t pause long enough.
“But I respect your need for privacy. If I was your boss, I would be proud of you for your hard line on this. You are the kind of employee I strive to be.”
Did that mean she had secrets she wanted to tell him? Was there something she needed help with, but was too afraid to ask?
“Are you okay, Summer? Safe?” Sometimes he hated the way they had to speak in the nuanced code that came with their lifestyle.
Her hands tightened into balls in her lap; he’d stumbled onto something. But what?
She chewed on her lip, but she didn’t respond.
Silence rolled by along with the miles until the grain silos and hotels marking the Great Falls skyline came into view. Pointing to the upcoming exit, she gave him a few simple directions toward Jess’s house. The home was a simple box-style, as if built in the 1950s when resources were limited and people only built exactly what they could pay for out of pocket and with little residual expense.
As he pulled to a stop, Summer finally turned to him. “Mike, I won’t compromise you or your job, but I could use your help.”
He would give her anything. There was so much he needed to make up for. But he could never compromise his teams—not even for her. And sometimes even letting out a small seemingly inconsequential bit of info could put a colleague in jeopardy.
Yet maybe there was something he could do to help, something he was sure wouldn’t put a single life in peril. “What, exactly, do you need?”
“I need to find out what you know about Rockwood.”
“Why?”
She shook her head, refusing to give him more. “If I tell you, I’m as good as dead.”
His hackles rose even more. “If you don’t tell me exactly what the hell is going on, there is nothing I can do to help you. You can’t give me half-truths. It’s all or nothing, Summer.”
The front door of the little thrifty-looking house opened. Jessica stepped out, her blond hair whipping around her face as she lifted the little boy’s chunky arm and helped him to wave at them.
He was upset with Summer, but as soon as he saw the sweet, cherubic cheeks of the little blond boy in Jessica’s arms, he forgot about everything but the baby. This boy, this little ball of chunk.
He stepped out of the car, slipping the keys in his pocket as he rushed toward the front steps. Summer exited the vehicle and he could make out the sound of her laughing softly behind him.
Walking up the sidewalk to his son, he could feel a single tear slip down his cheek.
As he approached, the little boy smiled and wiggled in Jessica’s arms. He thrust out his arms, surprising Mike in the way he motioned for him, a stranger.
Jessica sent him a warm smile as she lifted Joe up and handed the baby over.
As he took him, he smiled through the tears that streaked his face.
This. This moment was what his entire life had led up to.
This angel was his now, and forever more, his everything.
Chapter Four
Watching
him with their son drew memories to the front of Summer’s mind, memories she had believed long forgotten. As Joe touched his face and giggled, then coyly tucked his face in Mike’s neck, the simple innocent action reminded Summer of the first time Mike had made her laugh. She couldn’t remember the exact joke—some dad joke about bees—but she could still remember the flames of love that had burned away her mask and exposed the real her.
She had thought herself capable of compartmentalizing love from work. And yet now, standing there and watching the two men who had brought so much joy to her life, she knew there was no such thing as compartmentalizing, not really. Sure, a person could shift attention and focus, stuffing away inconvenient feelings, but in life’s quiet moments, those truths always returned...with more pain than any type of physical injury. Though she couldn’t go back in time and make different choices, she could learn from them. And her greatest lesson to date? Love was a weakness.
Mike looked over his shoulder at her, his cheek damp. Had this man, this chiseled-from-granite man, really shed a tear?
Her weakness for him rippled through her like a piece had broken from his hard façade and dropped into the lake of her life.
Allergies. He had to be suffering from allergies.
“You didn’t tell me he was so freaking cute.” He glanced back at the boy. “He has your eyes.”
“And your nose,” she said, walking over and giving Joe a little bop to the round tip.
He giggled as she smiled down at him, making funny faces and blowing raspberries.
Mike looked up at Jessica. “It’s nice to see you. Been a long time.”
Even though she had warned her friend that Mike would be coming with her to Great Falls to meet his son, Jess looked at Summer like she wasn’t entirely sure how she should respond to the interloper on her doorstep. Summer gave her a faint nod, hoping it would show her that this was all okay, this was what needed to happen for everything to fall into place.
Jess composed herself and plastered a smile on her lips as she moved her gaze to Mike. “I’m glad you are here. Joe has been waiting to meet you.”
There was a pained expression on Mike’s face, as though Jess’s words were some sort of razor wire that had wrapped around him, piercing him with each syllabic burst.
“I would have come sooner, but...well, you know...” He cleared his throat.
“Let’s not worry about the past,” Summer said, walking by him and waving off his discomfort like it wasn’t going to haunt him.
She didn’t need a reminder of the pain that would always rest between them.
Jess followed her in, letting Mike stand alone with the boy for a moment before walking into the house behind them.
“Want some coffee? Tea?” Jess asked, giving Summer a pointed look.
Jess wanted to meet with her alone in the kitchen. Sometimes she hated having a friend who could speak through only a glance.
“I’d take a glass of water, you know me...nothing too fancy.” Mike smiled, but he didn’t look away from Joe.
There was no doubt Mike was just as much in love with his son as she was.
Jessica’s living room looked like something off Pinterest with its cute farmhouse-chic décor and earthy tones. Everything was in its place, not even a speck of dust on a single surface. For a woman who spent her days working as an analyst for the FBI, Jessica always impressed Summer with her ability to keep things spotless as well as lend a helping hand with Joe. Summer could barely keep up with her job in intel, let alone be perfect in every other facet of her life.
The kitchen was an extension of the rest of the pristine house; even the flour container was perfectly centered and devoid of any residue.
One day, maybe, she would be able to keep a house like that of her friend. Then again, she could barely keep her car clean.
“Thanks for watching Joe. I hope he was good for you.” Summer walked to the cupboard and pulled out a bottle and a can of formula. “Did you have enough of everything while I was gone?”
Jessica nodded. “You know Joe, all he wants to do is make everyone smile around him. And I had more than enough of everything, no worries. You done training? It go well?”
For a split second, Summer wondered what it Jessica was talking about—her meetings for work or her seeing Mike. Of all the possible meanings, she chose the one that would be the least uncomfortable to talk about.
“Work was good. We weren’t buttoned up, but after I talked to the higher-ups, they decided I needed to handle things here and waved me through.”
No doubt, given Jess’s work in acronyms, she knew there was far more about Summer’s work in Missoula than she was telling her—thankfully, Jess didn’t press for answers.
Ah, it was great to have a friend who just got it.
Jess nodded, like she could hear all the things Summer wasn’t saying. “So, we gonna talk about the big, burly elephant who is standing in the middle of my living room?”
“I would call him a jackass, but if you want to talk about him...ask away.”
Jess laughed, grabbing the pitcher from the fridge and setting it out to get him a glass of water. “How did it go?”
“Fine. Better than expected.”
Jessica nodded. “Did you guys discuss a parenting plan? Does he want to get back together?”
“Geez, Jess. He’s only known about Joe for a matter of hours. Don’t you think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself?”
Jess turned and faced her. “You know you have thought through all of these things, probably a thousand times faster and more often than I have. You have to have some kind of idea how he is going to work through all of this. You know him.”
Correction, she had known him. Or rather, she had thought she had known him. And yet Mike always had a way of surprising her at the most inopportune times.
“I’m sure he is going to want to get some sort of parenting plan sorted out, but his life is generally even more all over the map than mine.” Summer moved to the sink, filling the bottle with water and adding the powdered formula. Shaking it, she thought of his time in Syria, working with STEALTH. There were weeks in which she had not been able to hear his voice and had barely gotten more than a sentence or two in messages.
Though he was now working a different job for the company, it didn’t mean he would be at home that much more. And how could a man who had no stability in his personal life be able to be a father?
It struck her that maybe that was the reason Mike had left her...maybe he had been right in his assessment of his life. Maybe he really wasn’t able to be her everything—even if they loved one another. Hell, what if he had been right?
If that were true, perhaps it had been a mistake to tell him about Joe. This would put a whole hell of a lot more pressure on him—and her. He had crumpled under the possibility of being a husband. How would he respond when it came to feeling the burden of being a father?
There was a wail as Joe’s cry filled the air.
What if she was making a huge mistake? This telling him about Joe and bringing him here without their thinking about all the potential consequences for both of them... All of it... She should have stayed silent, stayed home, stayed in the shadows.
Why did doing the right thing have to feel so wrong? It would have been so much easier to just let things remain as they had been, her blaming him for leaving her and their son, and then resenting him for the mistakes he hadn’t known he had made.
Then again, telling him wasn’t entirely about him.
She would be lying if she tried to say that it was all about Joe, either.
This was all too much about her and her needs, both personal and professional.
She needed answers for work and she needed to get the cloud of secrets out of her head. Now that the truth of Joe was out in the open, she didn’t have to be caught up in the whirlwind
of questions anymore. Now they could deal with the hurricane as it came.
Joe’s crying intensified and, shaking the bottle, she walked out to the living room. “You want to feed him? I bet he is just hungry.” Mike looked even more upset than Joe did, even with his little chubby red cheeks and tears. In fact, Mike’s face was so pinched and tense that it made her wonder if he had somehow hurt himself in the few moments she had been in the kitchen.
“Are you okay?” she asked, not waiting for him to answer.
“I’m fine. Just hand me that bottle,” he said, shoving out his hand like the bottle was the pin that could be put back into the grenade.
She bit back a chuckle as she gave him the bottle.
When Mike stuck it in Joe’s mouth, the baby started to suckle so hard that there were audible gulps as he swallowed the milk. Though she was aware such a greedy feeding would lead to a gassy tummy, she still loved that sound. It was as if it thrummed some primal motherly chord, the music of fulfilling her baby’s needs and helping him to grow. The timbre of success and pride. Making it even better was that it was coming from her baby in his father’s arms.
Their family was whole. Their village was strong.
Instinct screamed that this, this was what Joe needed.
And yet, logically, that wasn’t true. They had been doing fine on their own. She was a strong, independent woman.
She readjusted her footing, straightening her back with pride and consternation.
Mike loved this baby, but if he walked out and left them, she would be fine. They would be fine. The world would keep on going with or without him.
“Here, why don’t you let me take him?” she asked, moving to take the baby.
“No, I got him. Really,” Mike said, moving Joe away from her.
Rescue Mission Page 3
