Love Me

by Quinn Ward

  “Maybe,” he conceded. Dane turned, took my hands, and looked directly at me for the first time since I’d walked into the bar. “I’m sorry I assumed you were part of his scheme. It hurt to hear him making it sound like this was all a game and you were his pawn.”

  “You’re used to people hurting you when you let them get too close,” I pointed out.

  He nodded, his cheeks flushing slightly as he looked away. I wasn’t having any part of that, so I crooked a finger under his chin and forced him to meet my gaze. “I get it, Dane. And I hate that that’s how you view the world. But as long as you’ll let me, I want to prove to you that not everyone leaves. Not everyone is trying to figure out how to fuck you over. There are people out there who want nothing more than to help you and love you.”

  As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I realized what I’d just said, but I found I didn’t care. He needed to know how I felt about him. I wanted him to understand that this wasn’t an early-summer fling for me. Dane was everything, and I was going to fight to get him to stay here.

  11

  Dane

  The storm came, just like they said it would. I’m not sure how, but when I came out to see if the mailbox was gone, I found it still standing. It’s like the universe wants to keep this space safe for those who have no one to talk to. -C

  I couldn’t believe what a fool I’d been. The inn had started feeling like home, but once again everything was being yanked out from under me. Brook knew how upset I was throughout dinner and offered for me to spend the night at his house, but I needed to be alone. I’d ignored the hurt in his eyes as we said goodbye outside Bomber’s, knowing he probably thought it was goodbye forever. Which would have been pretty shitty of me, since he’d made an off-handed comment about loving me.

  Once I had my head screwed on straight, I’d call him and apologize. It probably didn’t help matters between us that I’d snuck back into the suite, shoved all my shit in a bag, and left. I didn’t have a destination in mind, which was foolish. It was only because of a late-night cancellation that I was able to find a hotel room now that the beach was bustling with summer tourists. I had until noon today to figure out what I was going to do.

  Watching the numbers on the clock flip closer to checkout time, I was running out of options. I snatched my cell phone off the nightstand and dialed.

  “Hey, stranger.” Jen’s melodic voice made me smile even if she wasn’t who I wanted to talk to. “Grady’s getting Pax dressed, so he asked me to answer for him. How’s things at the beach?”

  “Oh, if only you’d asked that questions twenty-four hours ago.” I wished I could turn back time. Yesterday morning had been amazing. It felt right waking up next to Brook. I’d been filled with hope, seeing him still sleeping in my bed when I returned from my walk on the beach. I looked forward to our nights together and often found myself wandering into the lobby of the inn just to watch him work, hoping to catch a stolen glance or smile as he talked to the guests.

  “Awww, boo, what’s wrong?” she asked. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through this story twice, but maybe Grady wasn’t the person I needed to talk to. Jen was the financial wizard of the family; she’d have a way out of this problem.

  “I know better than to go against my gut,” I started, recounting everything that’d happened at lunch. James insisted I’d be stupid to hang on to the inn when there was such a lucrative offer on the table. The man had no idea how little appeal money held for me at this point in my life. I’d been born poor, lived a comfortable life thanks to Dad’s hard work, only to have it all stripped away by order of a piece of paper. It was a rags-to-riches-to-rags story, and while I hoped to never find myself destitute again, I sure as hell didn’t need money to be happy. I needed a place in life. A connection. Something to call my own. Sometime after two in the morning, I realized I had everything I wanted, if only for the moment. I wouldn’t let James take that away from me, but I wasn’t sure how to save it either. When I finished rambling, I could hear Jen tapping her fingernails against the table.

  “And you’re happy down there?” she asked. With everything I’d just told her, that was the first question that came to her mind? “I mean, other than the fact it sounds like your uncle is a class A dickhead. If you take him out of the equation, are you happy in Sunset Beach?”

  “Yeah, I am,” I admitted, not holding back the smile as memories of the times Brook and I shared trickled into my mind. I didn’t want to leave him. Maybe it wasn’t the inn at all, but the man that I wanted to share my life with.

  “Shit, if I didn’t know better, I’d say it sounds like someone’s in love.” She dragged the last word out a few syllables.

  I snorted at the absurdity of her observation. I liked Brook, but I wasn’t sure I’d hit the point of love just yet even if he loved me. It could happen, probably would happen, but it was way too soon. And before that could happen at all, I needed to believe I could trust him. He deserved my trust, because the more I replayed our time together, the less likely it seemed that he was manipulating me. Bile rose in my throat because everything seemed to come down to that one complicated concept.

  “I haven’t even known him a month,” I reminded Jen. “I wouldn’t be pulling out the bridal magazines to plan our wedding just yet.”

  “You say that as if there’s some set time you have to know someone to fall in love with them,” she countered. “I knew Grady was the man I’d eventually settle down with the first night we met.”

  “You mean the night you swiped on his profile picture and the two of you fucked?” I teased.

  “Yes, asshole. It may not have been a conventional introduction, but there was something about him that was like a flashing neon sign that he was it for me.”

  “And yet, how long did you two screw around before I got the boot?” If she knew the whole time that she wanted him, why did she let him keep fucking me whenever we got together? How was she okay with stepping aside when I had a rough visit with Dad and told Grady I needed him more than she did? Her admission raised her to saint status in my mind because I wasn’t sure I’d have been as charitable if I’d been in her shoes. Actually, I knew I wouldn’t, because I could still remember how it felt the night I stayed alone in Grady’s apartment while he was out banging the girl he’d been with before Jen. I hated it. I had never been a fan of sharing even when we were all casual.

  “You know that’s not the way it was.”

  “Yeah, I do. And I think Grady made a good call when he proposed to you. Doesn’t mean it didn’t sting at the time.” We’d had this conversation several times over the past couple of years. I was happy for them, truly. I paused a moment, taking stock of my thoughts, realizing I honestly meant it this time. I had the other times, too, but this time it wasn’t laced with bitterness over once again being cast aside. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

  “Dane, when you love someone, you have to think not only about yourself but about them and their needs as well. When Grady and I met, he was still on his never-settling-down kick. If I’d pushed him into a relationship, he’d have bolted. And it worked for me too, because I knew I didn’t have the time to commit to him but didn’t want him to be alone either. And he wasn’t, because you were there. As for you and Brook, I stand by my statement that you’re in love with him, possibly also in denial, but you definitely love him. If you didn’t, you’d have rented a car and you’d already be sitting on our couch, bitching about what a piece of shit your uncle is and how much you hate Grady for telling you it’d be a good idea for you to go down there.”

  “Would not.”

  “Yeah, you would,” she argued. “It’s your way. When shit gets too heavy, you run like Forrest Gump. But sometime, you have to stop running.”

  “I know.” Fuck, I couldn’t argue with her. Not today and sure as hell not before caffeine. “But that’s not what I called about. I need to figure out what to do about the inn. When I came down here, I thought it was just to get to k
now James and feel him out for Dad. Then I found out the grandfather I thought had abandoned me because of my egg donor left half the damn hotel to me and wished he’d been able to know me.”

  “An inn,” she corrected me.

  “Same difference.” I was too groggy for semantics. “Oh, and not only that, but before I can even come to grips with this news, my asshole uncle plans on using my boyfriend to coerce me into selling the place.”

  “Do you want to?” Bless the woman for glossing right over the part where I’d called Brook my boyfriend. We hadn’t placed a label on what we were doing, but it felt right to call him that. Or it did in the fantasy world I was choosing to live in, the one where the past twelve hours were nothing but a cold-sweat-inducing nightmare.

  “What in the hell am I going to do with an inn? And there’s the little problem of the asshole wanting to sell the place because he owes so many people money. He can’t sell without my signature, but that doesn’t mean the inn will be safe. Brook said he’s pretty sure the people James owes money have been hanging around. What if one of the people who are after him decides to send a message?”

  “Good point. Now, let’s slow down for a minute and think about this….” I could practically see Jen grabbing a scrap of paper, drawing lines on it to make a pros-and-cons list; that was her answer to everything in life. Sure enough, she asked me to list off all the reasons selling made sense, followed by what was holding me back. The pros list was short but impactful: having something to tie me to the family I had never known, staying with Brook, giving Dad a place to start over once he got out.

  “Okay, so let’s say I decide I don’t want to sell it,” I continued, after running through both lists again. “That means I’m stuck with James as a business partner, and I don’t trust him. As far as I’m concerned, he’s just another piece of shit who’s trying to fuck with my life.”

  “So buy him out,” Jen suggested bluntly. As if it was that simple. I didn’t know what the inn was worth, but it wasn’t like I could just run to the ATM and pull out the cash. Everything I owned was tied up in investments, thanks to the numbers geek I was speaking with. “And do what with it? I work with computers, not people.”

  “You have Brook to deal with the day-to-day shit,” she pointed out.

  “And when he leaves?” Brook’s grandpa would eventually pass away, leaving Brook to get on with his life. He’d shared some of his dreams with me: how he wanted to take a road trip through the entire country, hitting all forty-eight continental states, maybe even detouring up to Alaska. He wanted to go to college. He wanted to explore the world so he could figure out what life away from the beach looked like.

  “What if he doesn’t leave?”

  “He will.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “He’s only still here because of his grandfather. Once the old man dies, he’ll leave.”

  “What if he finds there’s a reason for him to stay?” Staying home with Pax had turned Jen into a total sap. She’d obviously been watching too many Lifetime movies.

  “Dane, it’s time for a little tough love. You’ve lived your entire life waiting for people to let you down—”

  I opened my mouth to dispute her, but she shut me down within the first syllable.

  “No, this is time for you to listen. Don’t tell me you don’t do it, because you do. And I understand why. You’ve had a lot more shit thrown your way than most people. But you’re never going to be happy if you keep living that way. At some point you have to decide that you’re worth being loved. That loving someone else is worth the risk. If you’re always looking back at how many people have violated your trust in the past, you’re going to miss all the great things ahead in your life.”

  “So, you’re saying forget all the other shit and profess my undying love to a man I just met?”

  Jen growled into the phone. I heard Grady in the background, asking what was wrong. “Your best friend is a fucking idiot. That’s what’s wrong.”

  The line went silent, and I knew damn well Jen was recapping our conversation for her husband. Sure enough, when a voice came through the line, it was Grady. “You really are an idiot, aren’t you?”

  “I thought you were supposed to be on my side,” I whined. After all, he was the king of don’t-fall-in-love until Jen came along. And he’d never acted like one of those annoying assholes who thought that because he was living in domestic bliss, everyone else should be too.

  “I’m Switzerland here. Plus if you get your head out of your ass, you’ll realize both of us are on your side. You need to talk to Brook, find out what’s going on instead of drawing conclusions based on what your uncle told you.”

  “I do believe him,” I insisted.

  “And that’s why you’re sitting in a hotel room after checking out of the place you’ve been staying? When Brook goes in today, what do you think the odds are he’s going to go to your room and find it empty?” It was too damn early for Grady to make sense.

  I spied a small coffee maker in the alcove between the bedroom and bathroom. As I listened to Grady walk me through everything he thought I should do, I offered up a silent prayer as the room was filled with the aroma of heaven in a cup. When it finished brewing, I sipped as I started the shower. I felt better after talking to Grady, but that meant I had a long day ahead of me.

  “Do you think I should tell Dad about this?” I asked as I adjusted the water temperature and unwrapped the little bar of soap. Unlike the generic toiletries at the inn, these were branded for the hotel and smelled like lime and something else. Not an overpowering scent, but something that carried a subtle air of luxury. Funny, until this moment, I’d never once considered all the amenities hotels provided to keep their guests happy. Shit like this would have been a better way to spend money than fancy furniture that was already getting dinged up every time a guest ran their suitcase into the wood.

  “Dane, are you even listening to me?”

  “Yeah,” I responded, repeating the highlights back to him. “Talk to Brook, don’t say anything to Dad until I know what’s going on, ask the asshole what it’ll take to buy him out, call you back so you can crunch numbers.”

  “Good. Now, finish your coffee, shower, and work on putting your life back together.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Grady chuckled at the exaggerated tone in my voice. “Oh, and stop by the store on your way back to the inn. If this Brook is half as good as you make him out to be, you’re gonna need kneepads for the groveling you need to do.”

  12

  Brook

  The honeymoon phase always ends, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier when it happens. I’m scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen now… -V

  Even though I expected it, seeing our room empty this morning crippled me. I curled up in the unmade bed, burying my face in Dane’s pillow, and tried to convince myself he’d be back, that there was enough chemistry between us that he wouldn’t have left without at least saying goodbye. And not that stilted bullshit outside Bomber’s. In my mind, if Dane was leaving me, he’d kiss me passionately, holding on to me until the last possible second, whispering lies about how he wished it didn’t have to be this way. I’d beg him to stay, and he’d point out all the reasons that wasn’t possible.

  My cell phone chimed in the other room, but I ignored it. James could man the desk himself for today’s checkouts because I wasn’t in any mood to deal with people. My chest physically ached every time I thought about Dane, which happened about every two seconds. There was no part of this inn that didn’t contain a memory of him. Hell, the entire town was tainted at this point.

  I bolted upright when the door to the suite slammed open. So help me, if James thought he could barge in here and demand I get my ass to work when I rarely took a full day off, he could—

  “Brook?”

  I clenched my eyes tight at the pained inflection of my name crossing Dane’s lips. When I opened them, he stood at the door to
the bedroom, duffel bag in hand, as though he couldn’t cross the threshold without permission.

  “I… I thought you’d left.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry. I thought about it, but I couldn’t do it,” he admitted. “The old me probably would have run away rather than facing everything that was thrown at me yesterday, but I don’t want to be that man anymore. It gets old, trying to figure out all the ways people can hurt me and dodging the blows before they come. But I didn’t know how to fight this.”

  “Do you now?” I slid out of the bed, smoothing my work uniform.

  Dane dropped the bag to the floor and held out his arms as I crossed the room. He held me close, whispering apologies into my hair. I wanted to tell him it was okay and that I understood, but it wasn’t, and I didn’t. Not really. I knew about his past but couldn’t imagine a life spent trying to stay one step ahead of the pain.

  “I’m starting to, but I’m afraid it won’t work,” he told me. I led him into the kitchenette and started a pot of coffee, ignoring the memories of the mornings that coffee led to sex and me rushing to get downstairs. The days when we’d been unable to keep our hands to ourselves felt distant, and I wanted that to be our normal.

  “Do you want to talk it through?” I asked as I poured each of us a mug of coffee and led Dane out to the balcony. There were already families setting up on the beach below, surfers enjoying the morning waves.