Thinking of Zoe

by Daria White

“You met someone else, haven’t you?” she asked.

  “I need to change. The band’s meeting up with the press.”

  Tabitha nodded. “Right.” She ran a hand down her neck. “I shouldn’t have come.” Her eyes narrowed at him. “You’re exactly who I thought you were.” She stormed down the hall and Alex closed the door after her. He looked at his phone. Zoe had hung up.

  His body temperature rose. Why didn’t he mute his phone? He called her back, but she didn’t answer. She had to have heard Tabitha. This was bad. He called again. Nothing. Maybe she needed a minute or perhaps he assumed the worst.

  What if the call dropped? Maybe she stepped away and heard nothing. Alex groaned. She heard. He could explain if she gave him the chance. He called a third time. Voicemail.

  “Zoe, call me back. It’s not what you’re thinking.” His palms sweated. “Let me explain, okay? I’m not playing you and I’m not lying. I meant what I said. Call me back, please.” He hung up. His chest tightened. Another knock came at his door. If Tabitha came back, he would call security. Instead, it was Tommy.

  “You ready?” he asked. Tommy eyeballed him. “You haven’t changed yet?”

  “I’ll be out soon. I had to make a phone call.” He wouldn’t tell Tommy how his personal life had crumbled in less than ten minutes. No, it didn’t. Alex would fix it. “I’ll be out in a few.”

  “Alright, man.” Tommy walked down the hallway and Alex closed the door. He hurried for the shower. As soon as they finished their interview and got back on the bus, he would call Zoe again. He only hoped she would pick up.

  ***

  Zoe snapped more photos with her camera in the park. Taking a break from her studies had been the best idea, plus she got some incredible shots with the sun rays as they peaked through the clouds. The lunch hour proved to be one of the best times, so she headed to the park after lunch at Pam’s Diner.

  She didn’t return Alex’s calls. Zoe needed to think. Who was that woman in the background? She figured there would be groupies, but he knew her name. Was she an ex? She sounded quite seductive, and Zoe hung up without listening to the rest of the conversation.

  A part of her berated herself for not listening in further, but she couldn’t stand hearing the woman’s voice. She panicked. What did Alex do? She wouldn’t know.

  Zoe’s phone buzzed in her purse. Taking it out, she spotted her friend’s name. Why did she think it was Alex again?

  “How’s it going?”

  “Great. Taking a break from studying and getting a few pictures. How are you?”

  “Well...”

  Zoe sat on a nearby bench.

  “Xavier and I are done.”

  Zoe’s body jerked. That was a surprise. “I thought you liked him?”

  “I do.” Roslyn’s voice softened. “I did, but he doesn’t want a long-term relationship. What’s the point of me wasting my time to see if a man’s going to figure out how he feels about me? I may be blocking my husband.”

  Zoe crossed her legs as she sat. “I get it, and I don’t blame you. I’m glad you love yourself enough to walk away.”

  “I deserve better than that. Anyway, how are things with you? How’s drummer boy?”

  Zoe laughed. “What?”

  “That’s what he does, right? How is he?”

  Zoe sighed. “I think he’s playing me. He called the other night, but I heard another woman’s voice.”

  “No he didn’t!”

  Zoe sighed. Her mind told her to leave him alone. A man like him probably had a list of women. Zoe didn’t want to be another on his checklist. Yet, her heart wanted him to be sincere. She tugged at her earring, thinking about their last conversation.

  “Zoe?” Roslyn said. “Are you there? What did he do?”

  Zoe’s lips parted. What did he do? She thought hard. Had he been honest? She thought so. Did he call when he said he would? Yes. Did he pressure her into a date? He was persistent, but he didn’t make her uncomfortable. She’d seen his softer side, especially when he was with baby Celine.

  Alex took care of Lisa, supporting her after her divorce. Not perfect, but who wanted perfection. Her past wasn’t squeaky clean, and he had been understanding when she shared her story. Zoe rubbed her head. What did Alex do again?

  “Nothing,” Zoe said.

  “What do you mean nothing?” her friend asked.

  “I mean... I might have assumed the worst.” She groaned. Zoe had to stop second guessing herself.

  “Why’s that?”

  “He has a reputation for being a...”

  “Bad boy? Player?”

  “Exactly. I don’t want to make a stupid decision. I don’t want to get hurt when I could have avoided it.”

  Roslyn sighed. “I get it, Z. This love thing is a gamble, but do you want to know how I knew with Xavier?”

  “How?” Zoe had been in a toxic relationship before and didn’t want to repeat her mistakes. She couldn’t disappoint her parents, Jackson, or herself.

  “He never told me how he felt. Three months of dating and he never told me his intentions. So, I decided for him.”

  Zoe mulled over her friend’s words. Confusion. She knew that all too well with guys. They would keep her in limbo, never expressing themselves. Alex wasn’t like that. He’d been vulnerable with her. He shared about his childhood and his mother abandoning him and his father. Alex had been clear with how he felt about her. He wanted her.

  “Thinking over there?” her friend asked.

  “Yes, a lot,” Zoe said.

  “And? What’s the verdict?”

  “I think I need to apologize.”

  “Don’t beat yourself, Z. Even if Alex is a player, a man will change for the woman he wants.”

  Zoe smiled. “How do you know all this?”

  “My older brother. I’m so glad he talked to me growing up.”

  Zoe thought of her brother, Jackson. He’d been the same along with her dad, giving her advice with men. Neither one of them would approve of her choice now. Her choice? She wanted Alex. How would her family take the news? Zoe blinked. She wouldn’t worry about it now. She had to fix things with Alex first.

  Chapter 13

  Alex gulped his drink at the bar and grill, where the band celebrated their Houston performance. Customers chatted around him and even a few offered congratulations for their show. Alex had been on edge, though he tried not to show it by forcing a smile. Zoe hadn’t called him back, and it only made his heart hammer inside his chest.

  His adrenaline spiked. He didn’t know what angered him more. Her ignoring him, Tabitha showing up, or that his past was catching up with him. He never worried about women blocking his calls. He’d blocked a few himself, including Tabitha’s since the last time he saw her.

  Alex pulled out his phone. He’d lost count of the numbers he had. The women he’d dated. The hearts he had disappointed. He browsed through the names. Some he hadn’t talked to in months, but kept their numbers “just in case.” Alex’s nostrils flared. Just in case for what?

  Without another thought, he deleted numbers. One by one. Name by name.

  “Having a good time?” Tommy asked, as he approached the bar.

  “Yeah.” Alex stuffed his phone in his jacket pocket.

  “You coming back to the table?” he asked.

  “I needed a moment to myself.”

  Tommy nodded. “Cool. We’re talking about hanging out later by the pool when we get back to the hotel.”

  Alex didn’t want to be the fifth wheel—again. Tommy and Jackson had their women with them. His was back in Bridge Point. He’d never fought this hard for a woman. He didn’t know how he would get Zoe to talk to him, but he’d come too far to give up. Was it a lost cause though? “No, I think I’ll crash. You guys have fun.”

  “Alright. See you in the morning.” Tommy grabbed two glasses and headed back to the booth to the rest of the group.

  Alex paid for his drink and headed for the door, only for a woman to stop
him. Her pixie haircut fit her heart-shaped face. Despite the dim lighting, her dark brown skin look radiant. Alex’s eyes met her chestnut eyes, detecting a fruity aroma with her perfume.

  “I don’t think I have your number,” she said. Then she held out her hand for him, batting her long eyelashes. “I’m Shelby.”

  “I’m Alex, and no thanks.” He moved past her and continued out the door.

  “What? You have a girlfriend?” The woman called out.

  Alex paused, seeing Zoe’s brown eyes in his mind. “Yeah, I do.” He turned again and headed to the hotel. The walk helped clear his thoughts and confirmed his decision to delete the rest of the numbers of women he’d collected.

  The more names he deleted, the shallower he felt. What was happening to him? He never felt guilty for dating multiple women. Even growing up, his friends cheered his player antics.

  Alex sat on his hotel bed not long after arriving to his room. He stayed up another hour deleting numbers. By the time he finished, all he had left were his Aunt Pam, his cousin Lisa, and Zoe.

  ***

  “You’re going where?” Zoe’s mother asked.

  “I’m visiting Roslyn in Houston for the weekend.” Zoe packed her duffel bag, along with her laptop and a few textbooks. She could study in the evening. Thank goodness Lisa didn’t have to work this the weekend, since she had pulled double shifts the last few days. She had called earlier informing Zoe she’d be off and not to worry about Celine. That only confirmed Zoe’s decision to visit her friend.

  “What about school? You just started classes, right?” her mother asked.

  “Mom, they’re online. I can take them anywhere there’s Wi-Fi. I’m being responsible so don’t worry.” Did Zoe’s mother detect the sarcasm in her voice?

  “Zoe?” She did. Her mother never missed a thing. “I just don’t want you to get behind. You’re so close to finishing.”

  “I know and I will.” Zoe stared at her feet. “I’ll be back in Bridge Point on Monday.”

  “Be careful. Have fun.”

  “I will.” Zoe hung up only to see a FaceTime call from her brother. She didn’t hesitate to answer. “Hey, bro.”

  “Checking on you. What’s up?”

  “Not much.” She tossed another pair of jeans into her bag.

  “You going somewhere?” Jackson asked, his forehead wrinkling.

  “I’m visiting Roslyn in Houston.”

  “Z, why are you—”

  She held up her free hand. “Before you tell me anything, I’ve already decided. I’ve already convinced Mom, so don’t get me started with you.”

  Jackson’s mouth twisted in a grin. “What am I going to do with you?”

  She tilted her head to the side. “Let me live my life and figure things out on my own.”

  “Okay.” Then his eyes widened. “Wait, a minute.”

  “What?”

  “Why don’t you guys come to our show?” her brother asked.

  Zoe gulped. That meant seeing Alex. What would she say to him? He probably didn’t want to talk to her since she hadn’t called him back. There were no recent missed calls from him either. Was he giving her space? “We may have other plans.”

  Jackson’s eyebrows raised. “Other plans? What’s more important than supporting your brother’s band?”

  Zoe had to think of a way out. She didn’t want to face Alex with the band around. “I thought you guys played in Houston already.”

  “No, we have one more show here tonight. It’s not a long drive so you can make it,” he said.

  Zoe swallowed.

  “Is there something you’re not telling me? Does this have something to do with Alex?”

  She gave a mirthless laugh. “What? Why would this have anything to do with him?”

  “You tell me?” Her brother’s expression softened. “I’m not trying to run your life sis, but is there something going on?”

  Her scalp prickled. “No.” It was the truth. She and Alex weren’t a couple. Nothing was official. It may not even happen now since she panicked.

  Jackson nodded. “Okay, if you say so. I would like for you to come to the show tonight. I’ll text you the address in case you change your mind.”

  Zoe forced a smile. “Okay.”

  “Be careful,” Jackson said. Then he hung up.

  Zoe’s shoulder’s drooped. Things were getting worse by the minute. Shaking out her arms, she packed the rest of her bag, loaded it in her car, locked her apartment, and got on the road.

  She bobbed her head to the radio, ignoring the love songs on other stations. What would she say when she saw Alex? While on the highway, she admired the open skies with clouds, sunlight, and planes flying overhead. Horns honked around her between the cars and motorcycles, roaring and revving beside her. She even detected the faint smell of car exhaust.

  Zoe made only one stop for gas, but continued her trip until she made it to Roslyn’s apartment. She entered the code her friend had texted her and searched for the building number as she drove through the parking lot.

  She spotted Roslyn outside waving her arms in the air. Zoe giggled, parked, and cut the engine. Her friend bounced on her toes and ran to meet her. Zoe got out the car and hugged her friend tight.

  “What’s wrong? You’re frowning.” Roslyn asked.

  “My brother called.”

  “And?”

  “There still here in Houston. He wants us to come tonight to their performance,” Zoe said. Her insides quivered.

  Roslyn’s eyes widened. “Okay.”

  “Okay what?”

  Her friend shrugged. “I guess we’re going to a concert.”

  Zoe gasped. “What? I can’t.”

  “You need to. I bet you still haven’t called Alex back.” Roslyn tilted her head to the side, waiting for her answer.

  “No.” Zoe rubbed the back of her head. “I’m not sure what to say to him.”

  “I figured. So we’re going. I hope you brought a cute outfit.”

  Zoe walked to her trunk and retrieved her bag. “It’s not as if I don’t want to make things right.”

  “But?” Roslyn folded her arms over her chest.

  Zoe’s bottom lip trembled. “Haven’t I done that enough to hurt people?”

  Her friend draped an arm around her. “Looks like we have a lot to talk about before tonight’s concert.”

  Zoe walked alongside her friend inside her apartment.

  Chapter 14

  “You don’t sound too excited,” Alex’s father said.

  Alex twirled his drumsticks in one hand, while holding his phone in the other. He was off to himself in the dressing room. “I am.”

  “Alex?”

  He sighed, as if he could lie to his father. Thank goodness Aunt Pam wasn’t on the phone with him. “I got a lot on my mind.”

  “What did she do now?” his father asked.

  “Why do you always assume it’s a woman?” Alex asked. “Maybe I’m stressed with touring.” His fist tightened around his drumstick, hating that his father was right.

  “You’ve loved the drums since you were a kid. I had to stop you from playing so you could go to sleep at night. I know you, son. It’s something else,” his father said.

  Alex plopped on the couch. “I told you about it already.”

  “It must be serious. Does she know how you feel?”

  He dropped his drumstick to the carpet floor. “I told her. I thought we were connecting. Then...”

  “Then what?”

  He rubbed at his forehead. “I guess... my past caught up with me. She heard another woman’s voice.”

  “Now I see. Well, you have a decision to make.”

  “How can I when she won’t talk to me? I haven’t heard from her,” he said. The pain in his jaw increased.

  “Then give up,” his father said.

  “What?” Give up? That was the last thing he wanted to do.

  “If she’s not worth it, then give up. Save yourself some sleep at ni
ght.”

  His father had to be kidding. “I can’t, Dad. Zoe’s she’s... special. She’s sweet. Funny. Smart. Celine loves her. Aunt Pam and Lisa think the world of her. When we talk, I can share my...”

  “Well?” his father said. “Go on.”

  “Oh no.” Alex rubbed at the tightness in his chest.

  “Listen son, if she’s worth this much to you, then you commit to doing whatever it takes to show her. You’ve made mistakes, but you know the best way to handle them is to accept the consequences and move forward.”

  Alex blew out his cheeks. He couldn’t be falling in love with Zoe. The realization hit him like a bucket of icy water.

  His phone beeped. His eyes widened when he saw her name on the screen. He swallowed. He wanted to talk to her, but deep down he was angry. Did she hate him that much? Was she calling back now to put him out of his misery? “Dad, I got to go.”

  “Okay, but think about what I said. Have a good show.”

  Alex clicked over. He released a deep breath. He had to remain calm. “Hey.”

  “You have a minute?” she asked.

  His skin prickled. That’s all he wanted from her. “Sure. I guess you didn’t see my phone calls.” He lost count of how many times he called.

  “I’m sorry.” she asked.

  Alex sighed. Despite his annoyance, all he wanted was to hold her. Kiss her. Tell her that he wanted her. Only Zoe. “No, I’m sorry.”

  Her tone softened. “No, when I heard that other woman, I thought you were playing games with me. I thought the worst of you and you’ve done nothing to make me think otherwise. I… don’t want to be just another woman to you. I like you but I can’t be in your life if there are others.”

  Commitment. His father’s voice echoed in his ears. He figured Zoe didn’t mean marriage, but she wanted exclusivity. Most of the women he met did. The problem was, he didn’t know if he could give it. Love was a gamble, and he’d seen enough people lose, including him.

  The scars were deep, but with Zoe, Alex wanted to heal. Could he try? She wasn’t like the others. She’d proved to be more than what he thought. Despite the sweat building on his palms, he would be a fool to let her slip away.