Thinking of Zoe

by Daria White

  Alex explained everything to her from the beginning. His cousin’s mouth fell open.

  “Now you see my problem,” he said.

  Her mouth twisted into a grin. “I’ve seen that look. You had it with Layla.” Then she sat next to him. Lisa rubbed his shoulder. “For the record, you’re not a dog. You’ve been hurt too many times, so you figured you’d get to the women before they got to you.”

  Alex frowned. “I guess…”

  “Guess what?”

  Alex didn’t respond. Thankfully, Lisa took the lead.

  Her eyes softened. “I’m always on your side. We’re family, but I want you to get out of your own way and choose something good for once.”

  “I thought it was better to stay single. Now… all I think about is wanting to make things work with Zoe.” He rocked Celine in his arms. Her eyes were closed now.

  “It works for some, but most of us want real love. If you’ve found it with a good person, fight for it. Zoe’s a good one. I can tell.”

  Alex looked at his cousin. “I know.”

  “Good.” She then rested her head on his shoulder. “Because if you didn’t, I’d say get ready for another lecture from my mother.”

  Alex gave a slight smile. First his father and then his cousin. The last thing he needed was a lecture from Aunt Pam.

  Chapter 20

  Thank goodness Lisa gave Zoe the day off, assuring her that her mother could take care of Celine. Zoe didn’t hesitate to pack a bag and drive to Houston. She never considered seeing Jayden again, but Dr. Burns’ advice rang in her ears.

  “Maybe this is a good thing,” she said.

  Zoe’s forehead wrinkled. “It won’t rehash old wounds?”

  “I think this is what you need to finally forgive yourself,” Dr. Burns pointed out. “Have you done that?”

  Zoe gripped the steering wheel as she drove down the highway. The guilt had weighed on her like a heavy stone. It was time to release it. It was the only way to fully move on with Alex. What would she say to Jayden? Would he want to see her?

  Roslyn wasted no time when Zoe arrived, only giving her time to freshen up once she arrived at her apartment. Zoe laced her fingers in her lap as Roslyn drove them to the university.

  “You ready?” her friend asked.

  Zoe nodded as they approached the university lecture hall. Walking through the double doors, students and faculty gathered in the fold-down seats. Audio sounded from the projector on the wall. Zoe sat along with Roslyn in the back of the room, inhaling the floor cleaner in the air. She stared at clips of Jayden on the screen. His baritone voice reverberated through the room. He looked well, and the smile on his face in his profile picture proved it.

  She clapped along with the others as he rolled himself onto the stage.

  “I wasn’t expecting that,” he said. The audience laughed. Jayden continued. “I’m grateful you all are here. I appreciate it. How many of you is this is your first time?” A few people raised their hands. “Thank you again. Some of you know my story.” Then he pointed to his wheelchair. “I wasn’t always crippled, but I can honestly say, my accident made me a better man.”

  Zoe’s eyes widened. A better man? This was not the Jayden she knew.

  “I wasn’t a good man at one point in my life. I made some bad decisions. I even ruined the heart of a good woman.” He paused as his chin dipped to his chest. “That night changed everything. I said some things I regret. Has anyone else been there?” A few others raised their hands. “I want you to know that no matter what happens in life, you can change. I never thought I would be here, but with the love of my family and faith in God, I can stand here and say I’m better. I’m stronger. You can be too.”

  Zoe sniffled. Jayden wasn’t even fully into his lecture, but he already had her in tears.

  Jayden smiled at the crowd. “Will you choose to be a victim or will you move forward?” He paused. “Only you can answer that question. I know for me, I had to decide to move forward. There’s always someone else worse off than you.”

  Zoe played with her necklace. The man before her was a complete transformation from the bad boy she dated in college. Jayden Henderson. A changed man.

  “You want to stay afterwards?” Roslyn asked.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Zoe swallowed. She’d already made the effort in coming to hear him speak. She wrung her cold fingers together, recalling Dr. Burns’ advice. Only Jayden’s reaction to her presence played in her mind, running to and fro like a frightened sheep.

  When the audience applauded, Zoe joined in and clapped. She and Roslyn stood, and she spotted a few students and faculty members joining Jayden on stage and shaking his hand.

  “I hear he’s signing a few books,” Roslyn said.

  Zoe’s limbs shook. “I don’t know why, but I’m...”

  Roslyn gave her a side hug. “We can leave. I don’t want you to think I’m pressuring you.”

  She walked along with her friend into the hallway. “You didn’t.” She gave a soft smile. “I appreciate you encouraging me. You’ve been a great friend. In spite of everything.”

  Roslyn hugged her. “You’re my best friend. No matter what.”

  Zoe patted her back and broke their embrace.

  “Talk to Alex yet?”

  “Not today.”

  “You think you two will be okay?” her friend asked.

  “I hope so.”

  Her stomach rolled, noticing Jayden signing books at a nearby table. His smile was bright along with the people who flocked around him.

  “Let’s go,” Roslyn said.

  Zoe nodded and turned her back.

  “Zoe?”

  The ache in Zoe’s throat increased. Jayden recognized her. After all these years, he didn’t forget her. She pivoted to face him. He rolled his chair closer to her, his mouth falling open.

  “I thought that was you, but...” His voice shook as if in disbelief.

  Zoe hoped her voice didn’t crack. “I heard you were speaking.”

  “I’m Roslyn.” Her friend shook Jayden’s hand. He returned the gesture. Then Roslyn turned to Zoe. “I’ll meet you at the car.”

  Zoe bobbed her head, leaving her and Jayden alone.

  “You look great,” he said. His smile reached his eyes.

  “Thanks.” How did she return the compliment? He looked the same, but his small afro was gone. He was bald, his brown skin still smooth, despite a few scars above his eyes. His smile still gleamed. He was still suave as she remembered.

  “It’s okay. It doesn’t bother me anymore,” he said, pointing to his wheelchair.

  “Are you happy, J?” Her nickname for him came out without her realizing.

  He smiled. “No one’s called me that in a long time. Yeah. I’m happy. How about you?”

  She exhaled. “I’m getting there. I can’t tell you how sorry I am—”

  Jayden shook his head. “Don’t be, Zoe. It was an accident. Besides, that was a long time ago.”

  “But I ruined your life.”

  Jayden bowed his head for a moment. “I shouldn’t have said that, Zoe.” Then he lifted his gaze. “I had no idea how angry I was. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

  Her chin quivered. Despite the surrounding chatter, she only saw Jayden. After all these years, the weight lifted from her chest. “I’m glad you’re doing well. I heard you got married.”

  “Last year. How about you?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “Not yet.” Alex’s face flashed in her mind.

  Jayden reached out his hand. Zoe took a deep breath but shuffled forward. Clasping his hand in hers, she exhaled. Jayden didn’t speak, but his eyes lowered to their joined hands.

  “It’s great seeing you,” Zoe said. An unexpected release of all tension left her body. The anxiety that hung over her like an impenetrable cloud dissipated. Was this what she needed all along?

  Jayden’s mouth curved into a smile. “Same to you, Zoe.”<
br />
  ***

  Alex read over his post once more. The downside of social media? No matter what he said, there were going to be naysayers. Most of Infinity Signs’ fans defended them on their Facebook account, but their manager, Liam, suggested that he make a public post. Things like this would blow over, but the longer Alex stayed silent, Liam noted the more the public would assume his guilt.

  He recognized a few of the names in the comments. Alex didn’t read them all since he didn’t care. All he cared about was Zoe. People could call him a “player,” “liar,” and a “cheater.” He’d made his share of mistakes, but he was changing. If they couldn’t see that, it was the public’s loss. He wouldn’t be the first celebrity to mess up. He wouldn’t be the last.

  Alex pressed his fingers to his forehead. One touch of a button, and he would make a public statement. Posted. Done. Infinity Signs had its first interview at the radio station. Alex grabbed his jacket and headed out the door for his car.

  No music played in the background. The only sound he wanted to hear was Zoe’s voice, and he would call her later to check on her. Pulling into the parking lot, he cut the engine. The interview started in ten minutes. He had time to spare to clear his mind. Once inside, he made eye contact with Jackson. They hadn’t spoken since he and Tommy showed at his home.

  Alex didn’t break his stride but moved forward. Jackson didn’t speak. Bailey and Noelle appeared from behind the corner, while Tommy sipped from a Styrofoam cup.

  “You guys can come in now.” A woman invited them inside the room. Alex shook her hand as she introduced herself as Miranda, the host of the show. He returned the gesture, took his seat, and adjusted his headphones on his head along with the microphone in front of him. Noelle stood outside, looking through the glass. Tommy sat next to Alex, while Bailey and Jackson sat adjacent to Miranda.

  The interview started with questions of how they formed their band, but Miranda then asked Jackson and Bailey about their relationship.

  “I’m excited about the future,” Bailey said, looking lovingly at her fiancé. “I love that we share a love for music, which carried over into bringing us closer together.”

  Miranda seemed to beam at their love story. “When’s the wedding?”

  Jackson cleared his throat. “We’ll let our fans know, but for now we’re focused on pre-marital counseling with our pastor. We want to make sure we give ourselves a solid foundation.”

  “I love it.” Miranda practically squealed. Then she directed her attention to Tommy. “I’ve heard that love has found you too. Do you credit the band on bringing love into your life?”

  Tommy practically brightened at the subject. “I can’t say our band has magical powers, but I did find love again. For those that don’t know my story, I lost my wife and child a couple of years ago. I thank God that I’ve been able to experience love twice in my lifetime.” He then looked through the glass and winked at Noelle. Her face glowed.

  “So... Alex?” Miranda didn’t sound as chipper as she faced him. “There’s been a lot of backlash on social media about you and your past relationships. I’d like for you to give your side of the story?”

  Alex cleared his throat. “I’d rather talk about our album, but I understand the fans’ concern. Our band is known for our love songs, so I can see this bringing bad blood to our brand.” He paused. “I’m not perfect. I can admit I’ve been scarred in life and unfortunately, I took it out on others. Hurt people hurt people. If I could, I would invite them one on one to apologize. Instead, I’ll do it here. I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for the pain I caused.”

  Miranda gave a dumbfounded look. “I wasn’t expecting that, including the post you did not too long ago, that’s trending. Do you mind if I read some comments?”

  Alex nodded. He then looked over at his band members. Tommy gave him a nod, but Jackson didn’t make eye contact.

  “One comment says, ‘he says this now, but wait.’ Another says, ‘all men lie. Don’t believe him.’” Miranda stared at him. “What would your response be?”

  Alex rubbed his sweaty palms together. “Again, I’m sorry. I’m getting better every day.”

  “Word around is you’ve found love too. Another photo leaked with people claiming it’s Jackson’s younger sister,” Miranda said.

  Jackson cleared his throat. “My sister has nothing to do with this.” So far he kept his voice calm. “Her involvement with Alex is between them. Why don’t we go back to talking about our tour?”

  Tommy added. “I agree. Why don’t we talk about the new music we’re writing?”

  Alex adjusted in his seat, hearing the groan. He figured Jackson only spoke up to protect Zoe. He raised his hand to get Miranda’s attention. “I would like to say one more thing.”

  Miranda turned her head to face him. “Go ahead.”

  “This band is a family. I see these guys as some of the best people in my life. Zoe, Jackson’s sister, is one of them too. Whatever backlash she’s gotten, she doesn’t deserve it. If anything, she’s motivated me to change. I’m better with her. I love her.”

  Miranda quirked an eyebrow. “From the sound of it Alex, I think the love bug has bitten the whole band.”

  Alex’s heartbeat doubled in speed. Now he only needed to tell Zoe. How would she take him professing his love over the radio?

  Chapter 21

  “You got a minute?”

  Alex pivoted to see Jackson behind him. He leaned against his car door, anticipating what her brother would say. He meant what he said during the interview. Jackson wouldn’t convince him otherwise. “What’s up?”

  Jackson scratched at his beard. “What you said in there, was it true?”

  Alex stared at the concrete for a second. Licking his lips, he faced Zoe’s brother. “Yes. I love Zoe.”

  Jackson nodded. “I believe people can change.”

  “Me too.”

  He stared at him. “I still stand by what I said. Don’t hurt her. If you love her, show her. If you—”

  “I won’t. She’s not another woman on my roster. I got rid of that. All of it. I don’t know who’s spreading these lies, but I would never do anything to hurt your sister.”

  Jackson said, “I hear you. I respect it too.” He then extended his hand.

  Alex accepted the gesture. “I am sorry about all of this. I didn’t mean for this to affect the band.”

  Jackson blew out his cheeks. “The way social media is, I hope this will blow over soon.”

  Alex bobbed his head.

  “Have you guys seen this?”

  Both men watched Tommy walk towards them, with Noelle and Bailey trailing behind him.

  “What’s going on?” Jackson asked.

  Tommy handed his phone to Alex. “Guess who started all this?”

  Alex’s skin prickled as he stared at the Instagram post. Tabitha? “I should have known.”

  “Read what she said though,” Noelle said.

  Alex’s stomach burned. This woman almost ruined his relationship with Zoe. What did she have to say? Yet, he couldn’t resist.

  I want to address the issue of Alex Miller, drummer of Infinity Signs. We dated a while back and I fell in love with him. He didn’t feel the same way. Like most, I didn’t take the time to heal. Instead, I tried to force things to work out. That NEVER works. You have to love you. I see that now, and I can’t be angry anymore.

  I want to apologize to him. Since I bashed him in public, I’m apologizing the same way. If anyone thinks it’s a bad idea, it only shows your own brokenness. We can’t heal holding on to the pain. Others may have caused it, but we can choose how we handle it. Not only am I apologizing here, I’ll say it to his face.

  It’s a shame we use social media to hurt others. We have to stop the hate. I know I will. I won’t be online as much. I’ll be taking a hiatus to heal and better myself (I’m already in the process). If you care, keep me in your prayers. If not, unfollow me since I don’t care to hear your opinion on how I choose
to live better. #stopthehate #loveyou #forgiveAlex

  Alex’s lips parted. What did he say to respond? She wanted to apologize face-to-face?

  “Are you okay?” Bailey asked.

  “That’s uh... a lot,” he said.

  “You think she means it?” Tommy asked.

  “I hope so.” He handed Tommy back his phone. “I’ll see you guys later. I need to take care of some things.” Alex didn’t waste time getting into his car and starting the engine. He didn’t forget the way to her place. His engine hummed. He’d been there over enough times when they dated.

  Pulling into the neighborhood, he spotted Tabitha’s town home. Her Honda was parked in her driveway. She was home. Cutting the engine, he exited his car and headed to her door. She opened it before he knocked.

  “I saw you pull up,” she said. “Want to come in?” She gestured to inside.

  “I’d rather talk out here.”

  She nodded and closed the door behind her. Tabitha folded her arms. “I take it that you read my post?”

  “I did.”

  Her eyes glistened. “I was so angry at you, Alex. I thought you were the one.”

  Alex didn’t respond. He didn’t care to see her cry. He let her continue.

  “It wasn’t until after I made that original post that I saw I hit rock bottom. It wasn’t me. I knew that much. So... I ended up calling a life coach. I talked to her for about an hour and I just vented.”

  He bobbed his head.

  “I saw the comments. No one deserves to be dragged through the mud, especially not on social media.”

  “It is brutal.” His chest heaved with a sigh.

  “I am sorry, Alex.”

  He shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. I should have been honest with you.”

  She stopped him, holding up her hand. “You were. You said you wanted nothing serious, but like most women, I thought I could change your mind. I thought I would be different. I saw what I wanted to believe. I let the fantasy of us run wild.”

  “It doesn’t excuse hurting you. I take responsibility for that.”