by Katee Robert
This is rapidly spinning away from me. It was one thing when I was guiding the action, but Broderick has effectively yanked control from my grasp. “Maybe?”
His chuckle is dark and full of promise. “Guess we’ll find out.” He releases me slowly, and when I wobble, he catches my elbows and keeps me on my feet. That tiny touch undoes me almost as much as the sexual ones did. No reason to look into it. No reason at all.
Once he’s certain I’m steady, Broderick releases me. “I’ll see you tonight.” Then he’s gone, striding away and leaving me shaking in the closet.
I finish dressing quickly and circle back to the bathroom to do my hair and makeup. By the time I’m ready to leave, I almost feel like myself again.
Almost.
Chapter 19
Shiloh
I’m an unforgivable coward. Instead of having a conversation with Monroe and Broderick like a mature adult, I slipped out of the bedroom while they were still sleeping. I even go so far as to beg Iris to take my shift in the Amazon territory for me today.
She gives me a sympathetic look as she pours herself a cup of coffee in a to-go mug. “Sorry, Shiloh. I have some stuff going on, and I can’t move it. Maddox got a little anal with the assignments and shifting them now will cause problems.”
She’s right. I know she’s right. There’s a reason I’m on Monroe duty and a reason Maddox has assigned Iris to Matteo, Finnegan’s Bride, the son of the Mystic. It might have to do with the fact that Iris and Finnegan are dating and have been for a long time, or it might be because she’s deadly with a shotgun and Maddox thinks her skills are needed. If he and Cohen are as concerned about Fallon and the Mystics as they are about Monroe and the Amazons, then it makes sense.
That doesn’t stop me from wanting to stomp my foot and throw a fit like a child. “Okay,” I say miserably. “You have a point.”
She passes me the mug. “You want to talk about it?”
Yes, but I’m too embarrassed to admit how out of control things got last night. It’s expected for Broderick to sleep with Monroe. Not required, not after the consummation, but hardly something to raise eyebrows at. Even me sleeping with Monroe isn’t exactly against the rules. There aren’t any rules about fraternization with this group or this faction. We’re a close-knit group, and sometimes that means friendship, but there are plenty of people who have paired off over the years. Iris and Finnegan and Maddox and Cohen are just two examples of it.
But explaining that I got myself off while watching Broderick fuck Monroe, that I joined them in the bed and crossed so many lines? I can’t do it. It’s too messy. Iris and I are friends, and I won’t be able to stand if it she looks at me like I’m as out of line as I feel.
I try for a smile. “Maybe later.”
“Offer stands.” She shrugs. “We’re definitely swimming in the deep end now, aren’t we?”
“You can say that again.” My phone beeps, a reminder that Monroe and I need to leave now if we’re going to make it to Amazon territory on time.
There’s no help for it. I have to go get her. With one last smile at Iris, I leave the kitchen. I find Monroe standing at the front door, looking absolutely stunning in a fitted green dress that hits just above her knees. Her blond hair is styled in messy waves that my hands itch to sink into, and she’s got her customary bloodred lipstick on. I stare at her mouth for a long moment. Impossible not to be hit with the memory of how good it felt to have her between my thighs, using that wicked tongue to bring me to orgasm.
She smiles widely. A real smile that reaches her green eyes. As if she’s actually happy to see me. “Good morning, love.”
I’m not a nickname kind of person, but from her it feels remarkably natural. “Hey.” I hesitate. Should try to explain why I wasn’t there when she woke up?
But it seems to be a moot point. Monroe loops her arm through mine and turns us toward the door. “It seems the baby Paine has drawn the short straw of delivering us today. Poor thing.”
Sure enough, Gabriel is in the courtyard, standing next to one of the identical trucks we use to get around. He nods at me, though his gaze flicks to where Monroe is plastered to my side. I open the door for her and raise my brows at him. “I would think you’d be with Fallon.” Like Monroe, as heir, she gets to travel to and from the Mystic’s faction to work during the day.
“We needed a break.” His tone discourages me from asking more questions. I still don’t understand why Abel gave Fallon to Gabriel, of all his brothers. He’s twenty-seven, so he’s hardly a baby, but he’s been sheltered to some degree in the way the other Paine brothers haven’t. And, best I can tell, Fallon is fucking feral. She’s like some wolf you’d find in the mountains, cold and predatory and all too willing to rip out your throat if you infringe on her territory.
I hate to say it, but Gabriel is outmatched.
The trip across the river into Amazon territory passes in uncomfortable silence. For once, Monroe doesn’t seem interested in poking at me and flirting; she’s too busy thinking. Or maybe things have changed after last night, and this is just the first indication of it.
I don’t like the pang that goes through me at the thought. While I can’t deny that things weren’t working before, I’ve come to value my time with Monroe. I don’t want to lose it.
I manage to keep my silence until we’re in the elevator up to Monroe’s office, but once the doors close, the words spill out. “Are you mad at me?”
Her surprise doesn’t appear feigned at all. “What? Why would I be mad at you?”
“Because I slept on the couch last night after…what happened. And left this morning before you woke up.”
She blinks and then laughs. “Shiloh, you’re not the first skittish person I’ve seduced.” Her smile warms me right through. “To be clear, I am seducing you. Present tense.”
I blink. “What?”
She catches my hand and flips it over to run her nails lightly over my wrist. “That is, if you want me to.” She steps closer. Not quite close enough to be inappropriate, but she’s certainly in my space. Monroe looks up at me. “Do you want me to seduce you, love?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
She doesn’t move. “Even if that means Broderick is involved?”
My body flushes hot and then cold. I was so incredibly reckless last night, but I can’t quite bring myself to regret it. “He’s my best friend. I don’t want to ruin that.” I don’t mean to say it, but I don’t mean to say a lot of things when it comes to Monroe. She has this way of pulling back my layers and shining the light on the parts of me I keep close to my heart. It’s unnerving in the extreme.
“You won’t,” she answers so easily, I almost believe her.
It’s tempting, so goddamned tempting, to tell her that I don’t want Broderick to be involved. I can’t be that selfish, though. Not only would it be a lie, but it would ultimately endanger Monroe herself. She and Broderick need to figure things out in order to preserve peace. That is more important than anything, even my potential heartbreak.
It’s just sex.
No reason to complicate things more simply because I’m scared.
I swallow hard. “Then yes, even if it means Broderick’s involved.” A small part of me can’t help wondering if maybe blowing up our old friendship is the only way to fix it. I miss him. I miss him showing up, seemingly at random, during my night shifts sometimes, and keeping me company. I miss the long meandering conversations we used to have, ones about everything and nothing, but felt so fucking safe because Broderick always cared about what I had to say. I miss the movie nights, and the after-shift drinks, and having him drag me to some hole in the wall pub he discovered.
I just flat out miss him.
“It’s hard when a friendship jumps the tracks and you don’t know how to get it back, isn’t it?”
The question sounds sincere enough, so I answer honestly. “It’s the worst.”
“Stick with me, love. We’ll figure it out.”
&
nbsp; The elevator doors open before I can summon a response, which is just as well. Falling to my knees and begging her to touch me so I can stop thinking so fucking hard about things best left alone is out of the question. I manage to hold it together as I follow Monroe out of the elevator and down the hall to her office.
We barely get a chance to settle in before her mother arrives.
It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen her in the last two weeks; Aisling Rhodius is a terrifying woman. On the surface she’s no different than any other posh CEO with expensive style and a ton of money invested in her appearance. But beneath? Every time she looks at me, I can practically see her categorizing all the ways she can kill me with the fountain pen in her hand. She wouldn’t hesitate, wouldn’t blink, and once she’d taken me down, she’d methodically ensure any evidence of my presence disappeared from the face of this city.
She would certainly kill me if she knew the truth about me.
I can definitely see this woman ordering a squad of her people to slip into Raider territory and set a strategic fire to their base, one that blocked the exits and ensured mass casualties. I’ve heard the story; it’s a damn miracle Broderick and his brothers escaped.
She narrows icy eyes in my direction, but her words are for her daughter. “I need to speak with you.”
Monroe doesn’t look up from the paperwork she’s paging through. “You know the rules, Mother. Shiloh has to stay, or the Paine brothers will get cranky.”
Aisling gives me another long look, and I can’t shake the feeling that she’s mentally murdered me and shoved me out a window. She finally sighs. “Very well. I have it on good authority that Abel Paine threatened your life yesterday.”
“I see.” Monroe pauses, a paper still in her hand. She doesn’t look at me, which is just as well. I didn’t even know that happened until Broderick told us. How the fuck did Aisling find out? Monroe hasn’t had any contact with her; if she had, there’d be no reason for Aisling to inform her now.
“Either handle the situation, or I will.”
At that, Monroe shakes off her surprise. She narrows her green eyes and pushes to her feet. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” Aisling doesn’t move. She’s got a few inches on Monroe, is closer to my height, and she uses it to her full advantage. “I will respect the rules of Lammas and the Bridal handfasting, but that only goes so far. You are the Amazon heir, and I will not have you threatened by Raider scum.”
“Being fucked by one of them is fine, though.”
The temperature in the room seems to drop ten degrees. “There is no shame in being a Bride. It’s an ancient tradition, one that’s kept our faction from war more than a few times. There’s a reason that tradition endures and it will be respected.”
“You’re saying all the right words, Mother, but your tone leaves something to be desired.” Monroe props her hands on her hips. “If you move against the Raiders, you know very well that you’ll endanger Winry and Jasper.”
“They’re Amazons. They’ll be fine.”
I probably shouldn’t find her coldness shocking. After all, one doesn’t hold the position of queen of the Amazons for decades without being ruthless to a fault. But she’s talking about her daughter and brother. Her family.
I hold perfectly still, barely daring to breathe, as Monroe stiffens. “I would happily sacrifice my life if it meant they stayed safe.” She means it, too.
“You are the Amazon heir. That’s not an option.”
Monroe gives a bitter little laugh. “So the truth comes out. You’re willing to wager Winry’s life on this. She’s my sister. She never asked for any of this, and you’ll throw her to the wolves to keep me safe when I don’t need it.”
Aisling lifts her brows. “Your information leaves something to be desired, daughter. Cohen Paine is approaching an obsession with your sister. He won’t allow anything permanent to remove her from his grasp until his feelings have run their course. I’ll have the situation rectified by then.”
If anything, Monroe looks more horrified. “That doesn’t make your hedging your bets better. You don’t know what he’ll do to her.”
“She’s an Amazon,” Aisling repeats. “She’ll survive.”
Not exactly a ringing endorsement. It’s never been clearer how differently the Amazons and Raiders function. Things weren’t great in the Raider faction under Bauer Paine, but Abel is a different kind of leader. He’s just as ruthless—when it comes to other people. That’s the distinction. When it comes to his people, especially his brothers, he’ll lie, cheat, and steal to keep them safe. I’ve witnessed it countless times over the years. He would never, ever pull some shit like this, purposefully endangering one of them to punish an enemy. He’d find another way.
“Ultimately, it’s in your hands, daughter. Fix the situation, remove yourself from danger, and I won’t have to take any steps.” She glances at me and then to Monroe. “You know what I’ll do otherwise. The ball is in your court.”
“You’re a real piece of work.” Monroe’s face goes red with fury, a break in control I’ve never seen from her. “Excuse me, I need some fresh air.”
I go to follow her out of the office, but Aisling steps in my way. I glare. “Move, or I will move you.”
“You will certainly try.” Her lips curve, but her eyes remain icy. “You might even land a few blows, being an Amazon yourself.”
The room takes a sickeningly slow spin around me. Surely she didn’t say what I think she just said. “Excuse me?”
“Honestly, it was rather clever of you. I had no idea I should be looking for your past right under my nose. Shiloh Demaki, daughter of Esther and Lucas Demaki, both priests to the crown.”
Holy fuck. She knows. I clear my throat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I think you do.” Her gaze flicks to my legs, and there’s no way to deny it further. She knows exactly who I am and exactly what happened to me. Aisling’s face doesn’t exactly go soft, but something almost like remorse appears, there and gone so quickly I’m half sure I imagined it. “That was a great failing of mine. I didn’t realize the extent of their abuse until you were already gone and they’d moved on to other children. Children who didn’t stay silent.”
Rage whites out my vision for one long moment. An echo of Monroe’s voice in my head layers over her mother’s. We don’t blame victims. Apparently that’s only true for the next Amazon queen—not the current one.
When I finally manage to speak, my voice is hoarse. “I know you are not blaming me for my parents’ actions.”
“Of course not.” Her tone is less than convincing. “However, it’s been dealt with, and it’s important to me that we move on.”
Understanding comes in slow waves, spiking my fury higher, hotter. It loosens my tongue and has me spitting words best kept internal. “I see. You fucked up and let precious Amazon children be hurt by people who were close to you. An unforgivable sin in your daughter’s eyes. If Monroe knew my parents were Amazons, that you knew—”
“I didn’t know,” she says it so sharply, I almost believe her.
If not for her own words. “You just said you didn’t know the extent of it, which means you did know something.”
Aisling’s expression goes even colder, a confirmation in and of itself. “It’s in the past.”
In the past, and yet it’s shaped my entire life, my future even. If not for what I experienced at my parents’ hands, I wouldn’t find coming to Sabine Valley so challenging. I wouldn’t have started pushing Broderick away when he needed me to pull him close and have his back. I wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.
“If that’s true, you wouldn’t be bringing it up now, trying to smooth away the sins the past.” I don’t move, don’t shift in any way that could be construed as a physical attack. Why bother when my words will do the trick? “Monroe cares about me, you know.”
“I’ve been made aware.” Her mouth twists. “Which is w
hy we’re having this conversation. It’s in your best interest to keep your mouth shut about your childhood. I will not interfere with your relationship, but I will also not allow you to interfere with my relationship with my daughter.” She turns to the door. “No matter what the cost. It will hurt her to lose you, but only in the short term.” Then she’s gone, closing the door softly behind her.
It takes several beats for me to reconcile the fact that she just threatened me. I have absolutely no desire to tell Monroe that her precious Amazons are responsible for the abuse I suffered as a child. No matter what else is true of her, she’s got rose-tinted glasses when it comes to her faction. If I were another person, I wouldn’t hesitate to rip them off her face and force her to see the truth—that monsters lurk everywhere, and Amazons aren’t exempt—but it would hurt her to discover that.
I don’t want to hurt her.
I…care about her.
The door opens again, and Monroe stalks back into the room. She drops into her chair. “Well, this is a giant clusterfuck.”
I’ve never seen her look so off-center. I don’t make a conscious decision to move. One moment I’m standing there, still trying to process the enormity of what Aisling dropped on me, and the next I’m moving, crossing the office in giant strides to pull Monroe into my arms. I half expect her to push me away. She’s not the type to lean on someone, let alone someone like me. Someone who’s technically an enemy.
But…she does lean on me.
Monroe hugs me tightly to her for one long moment…two…three.
It turns out I need this hug just as much as she apparently does. I close my eyes and inhale the sunny scent of her, letting her presence wash away the shadows clinging from the past. I knew my parents had a connection with the Amazon throne, that they were protected by it, but I had convinced myself that Aisling didn’t really see me that day, that she had no clue what they’d done to me.
At some point, I’m going to have to process that information, but not right now. Nothing that happened to me as a child was Monroe’s fault, and right now, Broderick is in more danger than I am.