by Lolah Lace
“I love Kat. I want her in my life.”
“At first I did question the connection you had with this older woman. But she doesn’t look forty. She doesn’t even look thirty. She is very beautiful so I can understand how you weren’t aware of her actual age. Regardless of her exterior, she has a grown daughter and a teenage son. Being in her life also affects their life. I believe you love her. Do you love her enough to leave her in her safe space, away from the chaos of your day-to-day life? Are you sure she can deal with your hectic life on the road, the groupies, the invasion of your privacy on a daily basis? This is a legitimate concern that you’re going to have to address if you decide to bring this woman into your real life.”
I couldn’t speak. I knew every bloody thing he was spewing was the truth.
“I love Katrina Sweet.”
“I’m sure you do. Do you love her enough to let her live freely is only a question you can answer for yourself.”
Everything he said after that didn’t matter because I wasn’t listening. I was done with this chinwag. He poked me in the chest with a harsh dose of reality. How could I subject her to my life? She was kind, peaceful and normal. I never even asked her if she wanted to be apart of it. I could continue to talk to her and just keep my distance. I loved talking to her. She was my friend and lover. Now she could just be my friend. I could learn to just be her friend. I could still communicate and keep her safely in her peaceful pocket in the world.
That would be best for her. I couldn’t blow up her life just because of my own selfish desires. This was a sacrifice I didn’t want to make but wasn’t it the gallant and righteous thing to do. When you loved someone didn’t you go out of your way to protect her? I protected Winston. He was like a brother to me. I failed at protecting my mum and my dad. I couldn’t in good faith drag the woman I loved into this unbridled circus that was my life.
I didn’t have much to pack. I had my guitars, my clothes and a few pairs of running shoes. I had folders full of new music and it was a must that I didn’t forget the music. I gathered my belongings. I was saddened by the revelation that Kat and my relationship weren’t going to go the way I dreamt. It wasn’t happy about this future without her. I was relieved to see Glynn pull up in a truck. I loaded all my gear into the truck while Glynn was settling up with the good doctor.
I’d said my goodbyes and I didn’t want to make an entire spectacle out of my departure.
Chapter 21
KATRINA
Arriving home was a gift and a curse. I never thought I could miss Galena. I missed Jagger already. I was depressed. I believe I did a good job of hiding it from my son. I was happy to see Jagger packed the guitar from Sweet Treats in the trunk of my car. He’d also written all these little love notes in my luggage. It was thoughtful. Unzipping a pocket and finding a note made my heart skip beats. It also made me keep extra batteries on hand for my vibrator.
Jagger was here in spirit. I would get a few texts every day and a phone call every other day. There were days he called multiple times. There was even some day I got FaceTime calls. After an entire month apart, he didn’t stop talking to me. I really thought he was going to just cut off all communication. He said we were going to stay in touch but I didn’t believe him.
Jagger was this exciting memory I had. I thought he would just stay that way. It felt like I was in a long-distance relationship but we never defined anything out loud. Back in Galena, we were exclusive. Now that wasn’t even a possibility. I was sure he was out doing him. I was too old to be stupid. A guy his age with his sexual appetite had to have a few young women satisfying his needs.
I didn’t want to know things that would make me feel jealous. Talking to him made me feel like we’d never left Galena. Hearing him play his music for me made me feel special. When he sent me unfinished tracks and asked my opinion I felt like his friend. He trusted me with his unreleased tracks and it made me value the one on one time I’d spent with him. I was still in love with him and I undoubtedly wanted the feeling to fade away. We were no longer lovers. We were long-distance friends and I was okay with the demotion. I thought he was going to disappear altogether. Maybe one day he would stop calling and texting but now he was still brightening my life with his music, his sense of humor and his optimism for the future.
I smiled so much when I got a text I had to tell my son I’d met someone while I was in Galena. Aaron just looked at me like I was crazy. He’d never seen me smiling for no reason. There was a reason, a really good reason.
Aaron had hot gossip from his father’s house. I listened to it but I didn’t care. Good sex with a man half my age made me say— Erik who? Apparently Erik’s current girlfriend LaTasha found out he had a three-year-old daughter with the other chick named Stephanie. That news had me a little messed up when I first heard it but now I could care less. Like these young folks were saying, zero fucks given.
Kennedy came home for a weekend with a lot of dirty clothes. I washed all her stuff and neatly folded it. I went to the grocery store and packed her a lot of food to take back to her UIC apartment with her. I tried to pry into her love life and she said she didn’t have time for fuckboys. I’m sure she was right but the problem was most women didn’t know these men were fuckboys until later.
Kennedy left Sunday night and she made sure to text me when she made it into her apartment safely. I finished up the last edits on a young adult science fiction wizard book we acquired a few months back. I sent the last draft off to my boss and decided to watch a little TV before bed.
I was in a deep sleep when my cell phone buzzing woke me. I opened my eyes and reached for my cell. It was on my bedside table but it stopped buzzing. I grabbed it and placed it as close to my face as possible. Parents panic hit me in my chest. Aaron is at home. I saw him in bed but I worried about Kennedy who was an hour away at college. My eyes focused on the screen and I had three missed calls, all from Jagger. It was three in the morning. He never called me late but that was his name JBA. He knew the time difference everywhere he landed. He had one of those nice expensive watches that displayed multiple time zones.
I went to return his call and it rang again. I answered right away.
“Hey,” I whispered because my voice had been asleep with the rest of my body just seconds ago.
“Kat, come here.” His voice flowed like hot chocolate.
“Come where?”
“To your front door.”
“My front door?”
“Yes.”
“Right now?”
“Yes, love, right now.”
I jumped out of bed and thankfully landed on my feet. My cell went dead. He’d hung up. I looked at the screen just to be sure. I slipped my feet into my slippers and headed to my open bedroom door. I turned to enter the hallway and Aaron was peaking out of his bedroom door across the hall. Why? I tiptoed toward him with a look of worry on my face.
“Ma.” He called out in a whisper. “There’s a man on our front porch.”
“What?”
“A man on our front porch. Should I call the police?”
“No,” I whispered back. “I think I know who it is.”
“You think. You better know.”
I gave him my best motherly scowl. “Boy.”
“It’s three in the morning Ma.”
“Yeah, just go back to your room and close the door. I’ll be back in to tell you what’s up. I know who’s at the door.”
“Who? Is he dangerous?”
“Aaron.” I gave him a stern look.
“Okay. I’m calling the police if you don’t come back.”
“Boy, I’m coming back. Gone back in your damn room.”
Aaron ducked back in his room but he didn’t close the door. I made my way down the hall. I quickly ventured down the stairs. The stairs were right at the front door and I could see someone was standing right outside my front door. I could only see the shadow of a body but I knew it was Jagger. I knew his built.
I opened
the door and he was standing there with a huge duffel bag over his shoulder. My motion censored porch light was bright and shining directly on his six-four powerful frame. He looked like a Greek god with that heavenly glow behind him. He picked up a few pounds and it looked good on him.
“Hey, love.”
“Heyyy.”
“Kat.” My name coming from his voice gave me chills. “Can I come in?”
I shook off my fairy-tale haze and opened the door wider. I took three steps back and watched him as he entered my house. I couldn’t believe he was here at my house. It had been an entire month since we’d seen each other in person.
I looked out the door and saw nothing out of the ordinary in my driveway. How did he get here? He was in London. I hurried and closed the door behind him. I made sure I locked the door. I had a really valuable person in my house. Now I had to worry about the safety of my son and this famous guy.
He bent to place his black duffel bag on the floor. I wanted to ask questions but I took a step toward him and fell into his outstretched arms. I cozied into his broad chest. He smelled so good, like roasted nuts. His arms held me tight and I was transported back to our time at Sweet Treats. I closed my eyes and prayed this wasn’t a dream. I’d had this dream so many times since that summer in Galena.
When he pulled me back I was able to look up at him and ask, “Are you really here?”
“Yes, love. It’s really me. I don’t have a doppelgänger.”
“How are you here?”
“I took the jet and flew into Midway airport, then I took a taxi here. I needed a break from everything. I had to see you.”
“I’m happy you’re here.” I couldn’t hold in the goofy smile on my face.
Jagger bent to kiss me on the lips before I could say anything else. His long arm snaked around my body pulling me close. When he pulled away his face looked strained. Maybe he was just tired. He had to have been on a seven or eight-hour flight. I didn’t think he was back using. I hated myself for even thinking it. He wouldn’t do that.
“Babe, I’m totally exhausted.”
“Oh yes, come get in bed.”
“I need to shower first.”
“Okay, follow me.”
I watched Jagger pick his duffel off of the floor. The bag looked too heavy for me to pick up. I hoped it meant that he was going to be here for a few days. I walked around him and started up the staircase. I tried to be as quiet as possible.
I turned as I walked to look at Jagger behind me. I whispered. “My son’s here, in his room.”
Jagger shook his head without saying a word. I never stopped moving. He followed me down the hall and into my bedroom. I knew Jagger didn’t have a house of his own. He stayed in hotels. He sometimes stayed in a house that the record company owned with his band. That house was somewhere in California. He’d told me he was always on the road and renting places for brief periods of time. That was how he and the band lived. Quite often, when he was in certain cities he would just stay at other celebrity’s houses.
“The bathroom is in there. I have towels in there, soap, everything.”
“Thanks, babe.”
There was never any serious discussion about us seeing each other in the flesh. I couldn’t believe he was here. He just popped up out of the blue. I was concerned and happy about it. Any other man showing up unannounced at 3 AM would’ve pissed me off but Jagger was different. He was special to me. It wasn’t because he was famous? I just had a rare set of feelings for this man, deeper, more intense feelings. Simply put, I loved him.
Once I heard the shower water I crept from the bedroom. I didn’t have anything rehearsed to say because I was in shock. I didn’t think I was ever going to have to tell my son anything about Jagger. I initially thought I would never hear from him again.
After the phone calls and text messages, I thought I would never see him in person again. I had it all wrong, completely wrong because Jagger was in my shower inside my home.
I reached my son’s room and walked into his open bedroom door. He was sitting on the bed in the dark. The moonlight piercing the window gave the room a blueish glow. Aaron was waiting for me with a Negan replica bat from The Walking Dead. There was no real bob wire but it was heavy like an actual bat. I closed the door behind me.
“You can put the bat down.”
He placed the bat in the small space between his headboard and his bedside table.
“Ma, what’s going on?” He asked in a hushed tone. My son was truly my protector. I had to make sure he didn’t worry about me but I still hadn’t figured out exactly what to say.
“My friend just got in from out of town. He’s going to stay the night.”
“What friend?” He asked.
“Jay.”
“You don’t have any male friends.”
Well, that was sort of true. “Look, child, I do now. We met over the summer.”
“Where?”
“Galena.”
“You know him well enough to spend the night.”
“Boy, it’s almost morning and yes I know him very well. He flew a long way and he’s tired and he’s staying over. You need to go back to bed.”
“What’s his name?”
“I told you Jay, Mr. Adkins.”
“He sounds like a grumpy old man. Is this the dude you always smiling into your phone for?”
“Ugh, boy. Go to bed. I will tell you all about this man tomorrow.”
“Is he supposed to be your boyfriend?”
“No, we’re friends.”
“I was supposed to meet him first before he stays overnight. That’s in the parenting handbook. You don’t know how to do this Ma.”
“No, I do not. He had a long flight. He’s tired. I’m tired. I will fill you in at a later time.”
“Where did he fly from?” This child had more questions then Alex Trebek?
“London.”
“London, I thought you met him in Galena.”
“I did.”
“Is he going to be here when I get out of school tomorrow?”
“I don’t know. If he is I can introduce you to him.”
“I don’t know if it’s safe to leave you alone with old man Adkins.”
“He’s very safe. Good night. I love you.” I stood. “Lay down clown cause you going to school tomorrow.”
Aaron fell back into the mattress. I walked over and kissed him on the cheek. I backed to the door and turned off his light. I pulled his door closed leaving just a small crack in it.
Chapter 22
KATRINA
Sleeping next to Jagger all night was challenging. He was really tired and he didn’t try to make love to me. He kissed me, told me he loved me and snuggled his clean, lean body into mine. He held me close. I fell asleep with his strong arms wrapped around me and with his face buried in my big hair.
My alarm went off and that meant I had to get up and see my son off. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I brushed my hair into a poufy ponytail. I didn’t normally cook breakfast every morning but today I made pancakes, bacon, and eggs for Aaron. Last night his sleep was disrupted and I wanted to make sure he got some real food in his belly this morning.
I had already finished cooking when Aaron ambled into the kitchen making more noise than necessary. At sixteen he was already taller than me. He was five-ten and he still had more growing to do. After middle school, he lost all his body fat. That’s why I was so worried about all the fast-tailed girls that were looking to lock boys into lifetime commitments in high school. If I could just get him out of high school with being a teenage dad I would be so proud of myself. Even though Aaron had a father I always felt like I was doing the parenting all by myself.
“I don’t know Ma. I feel weird about leaving you here with this man.”
“Little boy, don’t you know I spent time alone with men before you were born and before I was married.”
“That’s a good point.”
“I told you. You ca
n meet him after school if he’s still here when you get home.”
“I could meet him now.”
“Aaron, he’s still sleeping. He was very tired. He hasn’t moved. He’s really knocked out.”
“Did he really fly in from London?”
“Yes.”
“That’s far. Is he British?”
“Yes.”
“He seems old then. How old is he?”
I twisted my lips. “He’s not that old.”
“Good. You look too good to be with some bald-head old gray man. My friends think you’re a legit MILF.”
“I know what that means and I take it as a compliment. My guy is not bald or gray or old.”
“Your guy?”
“No, I meant the guy.”
Aaron eyed me curiously. “Whatever. Ma, you’re not going to eat?”
“No, I just want to coffee. Don’t forget to brush your teeth after you finish.”
Aaron pushed a huge chunk of pancakes into his mouth. “Ma.”
“Chew first.”
He chewed his food and swallowed. “Dad would be so surprised to see you with a man.”
I shot a look over at my child. “Good thing he’ll never see. Don’t nobody want to surprise him. He has enough drama in his life.”
“He would be sick. He still asks me questions about you. He would freak out if he knew you had a man in your bedroom.”
“He will never know that.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not his business.”
“Don’t you want to mess with him? I could have my camera ready to snap a picture of his face. That would be the bomb Tik Tok story, on period”
“I don’t want you to bother that man. I don’t care what he’s doing and that’s on period.”
“What does this Jay dude look like?”
“He looks normal. You’re going to miss your bus.”
“Ma, wrap that up please.” He pointed to his unfinished plate of food. “I want to finish it at school.”
I jumped up off the chair at the island in the kitchen and went to the cabinet. I grabbed a plastic container with a matching top. I put the rest of Aaron’s pancakes, eggs and bacon into the container and sealed it. I went to the extra miscellaneous kitchen drawer and found a plastic set of utensils. I placed them on top of the food container. I pulled two paper towels from the roll and placed them under the utensils. I started on my quest to find a plastic bag and Aaron bursts back into the room with his backpack slung over one shoulder. He scooped up the leftover food.
