by Lolah Lace
“A few days ago we had a conversation about Jagger being drawn to you, an older woman because of the loss of his mother. Is this something that you felt or were worried about? This is a safe space. I want you to do completely honest.”
“Jagger was being flirty with me in the beginning. I don’t think he’s with me because of my age or his mother. When I think about it, I don’t know maybe it’s just because he knows me.”
“David thinks I have abandonment issues. My mum didn’t leave me she was taken away.”
“Taken?” I didn’t know what meant. He didn’t say anything so I looked at David.
“Jagger’s mother was murdered.”
Oh my god! I didn’t remember seeing that when I was Googling his name.
“I didn’t know that,” I said.
“She was murdered by a home invader when I was ten.” I was hearing this for the first time right from Jagger. “A drug addict with a gun. You would think I wouldn’t do drugs if a drug addict killed my mum. Life is full of surprises.”
“Jagger, one thing has absolutely nothing to do with the other. Childhood trauma manifests itself in many ways.” The room went silent. “Katrina, how are you doing? You feeling ambushed?”
“Ah, not ambushed, just misinformed.”
“Well, I’ve said a lot. I’ve given you a lot to think about for one day. I’m going to turn in.” David stood. “It was nice to meet you, Katrina. I’m not sure if I’ll see you again. Probably scared you away.” David approached with his hand extended. “There isn’t anything wrong with being scared away. Your instincts and feelings matter.”
I took his hand. “It was nice meeting you too.”
Jagger stood next to me. We watched David leave the room.
“That was bloody intense.”
“Yes, it was.”
“I hope this didn’t scare you away from me.”
“No.” I shook my head. “Why don’t you ever talk about your father?”
“He is dead.”
“Oh.”
“I’m a real orphan.”
“What happened to him?”
“He wasn’t murdered.” He nervously chuckled. “Are you running to your car or do you want to go make out in my room?”
“The second thing for sure.” He changed the subject and I let him do it.
He grabbed my hand and led me out of the room. We jogged our way up the back staircase and down the hall to a bedroom in the back of the house.
My eyes roamed the plain room, a bed, a chaise lounge, a lamp, one end table, a closet, a dresser and—
“You have three guitars.”
“I do, a bass, electric and acoustic.”
He was standing behind me and pulling my shirt over my head. His hands unhooked my bra in the back and it was tossed somewhere. His hands cupped my breasts better than any underwire. My nipple twisted into points when his lips nibbled at my neck. His hands were fast as lightning and I was pulled out of my shoes, jeans, and socks. I was in my birthday suit sprawled out on the bed. Jagger gave the best missionary. He actually gave the best everything. I watched him undress and it was a real gun show. All his muscles flexed and stretched. My eyes drifted down to his second-best assets, his dick. I placed his smile as his best asset because I didn’t want to be a complete slut. Who was I kidding? I never had this level of desire pointed toward me and I would gladly be slutty for him.
He crawled on the bed a positioned his body on top of mine. He dipped down to kiss me.
My eyes rolled back when he entered me. The glide was smooth. I was wet but that didn’t stop me from holding my breath. There was something about being in his room that seemed dangerous and forbidden. It was like we were sneaking around.
Jagger loved kissing and he blessed me with his mouth and tongue. He could kiss in rhythm, which was a hard thing to do. My chin arched up as he licked my lips and trailed his way from my chin to my neck. He sucked my collarbone and I gasped. His body stayed warm when I stayed cold. He was above me and I needed to have him on top of me, I loved feeling crushed and smothered by him.
When I tugged at his body he knew what that meant. He lowered himself on me and I took in his heavy frame. The tightness of our connection turned me on. I removed my hands from his back and run them up to his neck. I scratched my fingertips through his wet hair.
“Fuck!” He groaned into my ear as he stirred his dick inside me and rendered me helpless.
Just when I thought he was going to bring me to orgasm he lifted his body up. My eyes crept open and he was looking down on me. My mouth was open, my chest was heaving I wanted to come all over his cock.
“I have something to tell you.” He picked now to confess?
“Tell me,” I muttered with a dry starchy throat.
Jagger placed both his hands on the sides of my cheeks. “I’m in love with you.”
The world stopped along with my heartbeat. “No, you’re not.”
“Yes, no bullshit. I’m in love with you.” His glare was penetrating and mesmerizing.
“Has anybody told you, you’re not supposed to make any declarations of love when you have your dick inside someone.”
“Is that a bloody rule?”
“It’s a law.”
“American laws are rubbish. I don’t abide by your laws.”
I giggled. “You are full of shit.”
“And you are full of my big ass cock.”
“Yes, I am.” I was tickled.
“Seriously babe, I love you. It’s okay that you don’t love me back. I have weeks to win you over.”
“How are you going to do that?
“I’m going to enchant you with my magic wand. Treat you like a Queen and probably do some nasty kinky things to you.”
“I look forward to it.”
“I wish we could stay this way forever. I’m happy here.”
“Inside me.”
“Yes, of course.” I let out a hearty laugh. His accent was so adorable. “Hey, your laughing is going to make me come prematurely.”
“Whatever?” I grinned.
“Your insides contract and vibrate when you laugh. I’m going to blow if you do it again.”
“I’m sorry. It’s your fault. You shouldn’t be so funny.”
“What? Do you think of me as your personal clown?”
“Yes, I do. Definitely.”
“You’re a cruel evil woman. I’m so glad that you’re mine.”
“Oh, you’re taking ownership of me now.”
“Yes, of course, I am. Don’t you want to be claimed caveman style?”
“Any style you’re using will work for me.”
“Cool love.”
Jagger pushed deeper inside me. I whimpered in his ear. My hands clawed at his back. His hips were rolling into my body. His rhythm was unmatched. He could beat my pussy and keep the beat. He was not from this planet.
When our time was up I was going to miss this. I was going to miss him. I loved that he was in love with me. I refused to put a label on how I felt about him but there was something there.
Chapter 20
JAGGER
I couldn’t believe this dreadful day had come. Kat was leaving the shop, leaving town, leaving me. It was bound to happen. The days went by so quickly. She’d made an impression on me. She accepted me in all the damaged glory. She didn’t understand how much she helped me transition from a blank canvass to a piece of art.
I had one more day before I left. Glynn was going to fly into Chicago and drive down here to fetch me. He was coming by himself because this was all top secret. I was supposed to be in London working on a new album. So far absolutely nothing leaked about me being in Galena or me being in drug rehab. It took a lot of skill to keep salacious information like this out of the tabloids and gossip blogs.
I helped Kat pack her stuff. She had a few suitcases. I copped a pair of small lace panties that I fancied. Her ass barely fit into them and that was a sight worth remembering. I stayed the night at
Kat’s flat with David’s permission. He knew the significance of our last night together. I got a chance to meet her sister Cherise. She didn’t much like me or that was the impression I got. I was being a proper gentleman but she was hell-bent on giving me the evil eye.
I loaded Kat’s things in the trunk of her car. I stayed outside while she had a long talk with her sister. They needed privacy and I needed to get my shit together. This was it. The end of the road.
After fifteen minutes Kat came out back. She was carrying a huge handbag. I stopped leaning on the garage when she walked toward me.
“So.” She said as she tried to smile at me.
“So.”
“I can’t believe I’m so emotional.” Her eyes were glossy.
“I know why.” I smiled and tried to lighten the somber mood.
“Why?”
“It’s because you love me.” I winked at her and she smiled.
“I do, love you.”
“I love you too.” I placed my hands on her shoulders and leaned in to kiss her forehead. “Hey Kitty Kat, can you do me a favor?”
“Sure.”
“Keep your mobile with you. Pick it up when I ring. Answer my text.”
“Jagger.” She smirked. “Really?”
“What?”
“So when you leave Galena, you fly to London to lay down tracks for a new album. Then you fly back to the US to California to go back into the studio with some American producers. You plan a tour for this new album. You go on the road to promote this new album. You practice for this new tour. Then you go on a Worldwide Tour. Do I have all this right?”
“Yea, sounds about right.” I shrugged. She knew my future plans. I’d even shared that I wanted J. Balvin, Mark Ronson and Labrinth to produce a few tracks. “What are you trying to say to me?”
“We did our time together and I enjoyed every minute of it but you don’t have to do this.”
“Do what?”
“The, I’ll call you routine. You are going to be so busy.”
“Yes, I am. I’m always busy when I’m working.”
“You will not have time. You might not even remember me.”
“I’ll make time and you’re unforgettable. Katrina, you’re so cute. I love you too much. It’s bloody disgusting.”
From out of nowhere Kat broke out into tears. I looked down at her. I didn’t know what to do. Did I say the wrong thing? Seeing her upset made me upset. I really didn’t want to be anything but in the moment.
“Why are you crying?”
“I’m going to miss you.”
“Christ, stop crying.” I wiped her wet face with my fingers. “We’re going to see each other soon. You can’t drive with tears in your eyes. You’ll get into an accident.”
I grabbed her and pulled her into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her. I mashed her into our burrito. When she stopped and I felt comfortable I released her.
She got inside her car I stood there and next to Cherise and we watched her drive away. I soaked up everything I could about Katrina Sweet. No matter what she thought I knew it wasn’t the end.
“So today was your last day. Is there anything you need to take with you?”
“Yeah, my backpack and my bike.” I pointed to both. They were only a few feet away.
“Do we owe you any money?”
“No, I didn’t get paid with money.” I couldn’t hold back my grin. “Katrina paid me with sex.”
“That’s great. That’s wonderful. I hope you got all your shots. I don’t want my sister to catch anything.”
“You and Kat have the same bloody sense of humor.”
She rolled her eyes. “She never said you were British.”
I leaned my bike off the side of the garage. I reached down on the ground for my backpack. I placed my arms in the pack.
“Thanks for helping out around here. Katrina said you did most of the work. She said you painted all the rooms downstairs and organized the basement.”
“Yea, she had books to edit.”
“You look so familiar.”
“People say I have a really common face.”
“It’s the complete opposite. Your face isn’t common that’s why I think I’ve seen you somewhere before. I don’t know.”
“All Brits look like.”
“You’re corny. Must be why she liked you.”
“Likes? No, she loves me.”
“Corny and cocky. I really can see it now.”
“It was very nice meeting you Cherise.”
“You still look familiar. What’s your name again?”
“Jason Smith.”
“That shit sounds fake. Good luck and goodbye.”
Cherise started walking toward the back door. I hopped on my bike and rode off into the literal sunset. There was a hitch in my throat but I refused to get emotional. This wasn’t the end. I’d written twenty-one new songs while I was here in Galena. It was twenty-one and counting. After dinner, I had some rad chords and some killer lyrics. I had this vision of duet with a talented female singer.
(Me)
Just when I think you’re out my life
You can back without a fight
We pick up, right where we left
Because I know this is the best
(Her)
What we had has never gone
No one is right no one is wrong
We were destined to be one
I can feel it in my bones
Chorus
You walk right up to me
I melt right at your feet
We can dance the night away
Cuz with you I’ll always play
I’ll always play
I’ll always stay
Always give and always take
When the clouds start to fade away
We can dance the night away
I had a few lyrics and I would have to complete it later. There were so many beautiful voices that could pull this duet off. I even wrote a shortlist of female artists that came to mind.
Sza
Her
Normani
Dua Lipa
Tinashe
Dionne Bromfield
FKA Twigs
Lion Bae
Summer Walker
Ella Mae
This was the list of artists to sing this duet with me. The label could make it happen with someone. I’d never felt so alive. I’d never felt so proud of the music I was composing. There were enough songs for a solo project. A solo album was something I had been opposed to before but now I felt different. Toxic Shock was home to me but that didn’t mean we all couldn’t pursue our own individual dreams.
The next morning I had an exit therapy session with David. He wanted to wrap things up. He probably wanted to put a bow on it as well.
“Dr. David, this is my last session before you turn me loose on the world.”
“Yes, for now, but you know you have my number and you can call me twenty-four seven.”
“I know. I hope I don’t have to use it.”
“But there is no shame if you do. That’s what I’m here for.”
“I don’t think they pay you enough to babysit from afar.”
“Not everything is about money. What are your immediate plans?”
“Get in the truck with Glynn. Fall asleep while he gives me a lecture. Get out of the truck and walk to the plane. Find a seat, buckle up and fall back to sleep. Plane lands and I’m back home, my home in England, meet up with my mates and start recording.”
“You do understand that you are going back into a lifestyle that glorifies drug and alcohol abuse. It’s impossible for everyone around you to stop indulging because you’re around. This is a true test of your will.”
“I know there will be temptation.”
“And you won’t be the first person to resist it. Put your future before your present. There isn’t anything wrong with removing yourself from toxic situations and toxic people. You’re Jagger Bowie Adkins. I would t
ell Joe Blow off the street the same thing. You have to put your mental and physical welfare above everything and everybody else. It’s not selfish. It’s survival. Being the best you, takes time. You shared there were two occasions were you left this house and actively went searching for drugs. You were able to stop yourself. Think of your cravings like that bike. You can paddle your way to the demon. Or you can make an upturn and peddle in the opposite direction. You can get off the bike altogether and stand still. What I’m trying to say is you have options.”
I took a deep breath. This was a lot of information to ingest off the heels of losing my wifey. She would die if I called her that to her face.
“You’re right. I have options.”
“We haven’t talked about Katrina.”
“What about her?”
“She’s gone, back to her family. Do you feel a sense of abandonment?”
“No, and she didn’t go back to her family. She went back home to her kids, her son actually. Her daughter doesn’t live at home. She’s away at university. She only comes home on American holidays and some university breaks.”
“I think you missed the point. Katrina has returned to her life. She didn’t sign anything.”
“You mean a non-disclosure agreement. You think she will talk but I know her. She would never. She’s too classy.”
“For your sake, I hope you’re right. She seems like a nice woman but people would do a lot for money.”
“She doesn’t want money and she’s not a clout chaser. And if she wanted money I would just give it to her.”
“Have you considered going your separate ways?”
“What do you mean?”
“This could be the end if you make it that way.” His words were starting to get me pissy— his bloody unsolicited opinions about Kat and me.
“I don’t want it to be.”
“Jagger she lives in a completely different world than you. Do you think it would be fair to turn her world upset down? Your life is hectic. She’s a mother. She doesn’t leave her house and get criticized for her hairstyle and clothing choices. She is free to move around her life without the intrusion of the media. She can go to the grocery store. As soon as her name is placed into a sentence with yours her life will be turned upside down.”
