by Lolah Lace
“You have feelings for Katrina. Does she feel the same way?”
“I don’t know. How would I know what a lady thinks of me? I’m not a lady.”
“You put your fist through glass at her store.”
“Yes, I did and I’m going to pay for the damage.”
“Contrary to your beliefs, everything can’t be fixed with money?”
“I fucking know that. I can’t bring my mother back to life. I would pay anything for that.”
“You are off-topic. Do you think Katrina is afraid of you?”
“Hell no.”
“How do you know that?”
“I just know.”
“Addiction can be transferred onto people. If you’re doing violent things around this woman I want to ensure that she is safe. Does she know about your addiction issues?”
“I mentioned it.”
“Jagger, I have to be brutally honest with you. None is this is healthy. I don’t know what you’ve told her but I’m sure she doesn’t know your story in its entirety. When you lie or withhold information from the people around you, you take away their ability to make smart decisions. Now I’m worried about this woman.”
“I didn’t do anything to her.”
“You’ve been lying to her this entire time. How is she going to cope with that?”
“I don’t know. I’m not a bloody therapist. I’m an entertainer.”
“And I’m sure she doesn’t understand just how dire your situation was just months ago. Does she know about the overdoses? Does she know you stopped breathing?”
“No, of course not. She doesn’t know any of the bad stuff.”
“She should know these things. She needs to have all the facts so she can make informed decisions that benefit her mental health and well-being.”
“What, how do I tell her all these sodding bad things?”
“I don’t know the answer to that. Only you know how you want to present the truth.”
“Can you just do it for me?”
“What do you mean?” He leaned forward in his chair.
“You can invite her over, like for dinner.”
“That’s a good idea. Have you thought about what happens if she declines? You can’t make her come into your world.”
“No, I can’t make her but she’ll come. She’s a very curious person.”
“Invite her to dinner and we can talk about this situation over food.”
The rest of the session was a blur. I had to get my girl over here without scaring the shit out of her.
Chapter 18
KATRINA
I woke up naked and alone, which could be the name of a reality TV show. Jagger was gone so I didn’t have to care about my bed hair or morning breath. I sat up in bed and stretched my arms out and above my head. There on the other pillow was a handwritten note. I reached for it. It looked like a poem. I was aware of the wide stupid smile on my face. I read it to myself.
You by Jag
A beauty when we met
A beauty as you slept
A beauty when you’re wet
A beauty drenched in sweat
A man was in a rut
A man has you to fuck
A man has so much luck
A man whose heart you took
I read it again. There was a heart drawn at the end of the poem. I loved it. Seriously loved it. I scanned my brain searching and searching. At my age, no man had ever written a poem for me. That made this gesture extra special. I couldn’t stay mad at him. Every moment with him was memorable and unique.
I finally could recognize what this relationship was. Every woman I was close friends with had experienced it. I was the only one that hadn’t felt it until now. I was whipped. The sex with Jagger so bomb I couldn’t let him go. I’d never been sexed so good and it was clouding my judgment.
I’d been with attractive sexy men before but they didn’t put it down in the bedroom like Mr. Adkins. This was what my friends used to talk about. This was the reason Tracy let a man that made more money than her stay in her house rent-free for two years. This was why Keisha let that jobless low-life with four baby mamas drive her Jaguar around. This is why Pam kept going back with that guy that gave her chlamydia three times. I was probably going to do some dumbass shit too.
I was happy that I could admit that I was dick-whipped. I was afraid of what that could mean. Jagger didn’t want anything financial. I didn’t have to worry about that. Maybe all he wanted was sex. That’s something I could freely give. I wanted the same from him.
I wanted to push all negative thoughts away. I had to just go on for a few months. Then I could leave this stuff behind me. I showered and dressed. I got a text from Nelson that we had a date tonight at Log Cabin restaurant. I didn’t have the heart to cancel.
I opened the store with Jagger. Something was refreshing about him being around all the time. He was strong, reliable, encouraging, supportive and I hadn't had those things in such a long time from an adult man. It was strange calling him an adult but he wasn’t a small-town guy. He had traveled the world and seen things. The drug addiction was the part that didn’t fit. He didn’t seem to have any addictions. Jag didn’t even smoke cigarettes. He didn’t even do that new vape pen crap. My brother was a pothead. He smelled of weed every day. I never smelled marijuana on Jagger.
Jagger called someone to come in and replace the glass. He apologized profusely. He went for coffee. He also returned all the checks I gave him for working at the store. He said he was working for free. I couldn’t argue with him. He clearly didn’t need money from me. He was being gracious, helpful and generous. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
After sweeping up the sidewalk outside he strolled back in the store. He had a bit of a light sheen across his brow. It was a sexy look for him. I had a perfect seat behind the counter to watch him walk and talk and be himself. Now I knew why he wore all those concert and musician t-shirts. He was one of them. Today he was wearing a Sex Pistols tee. I heard of them but couldn’t think of a single song.
“It’s hot out there.” He pushed his hair back off his forehead. He put the broom near the basement door.
“It’s supposed to get up to 95 degrees.”
“It has to be bloody 90 now.”
Jagger walked behind the counter and took the seat next to me. I grabbed a paper towel off the roll behind me and wiped the sweat from his forehead.
He found my eyes with his. “I know this may be a bit overwhelming but I’m okay with this and I want you to be.”
I knew exactly what he meant. “This is a lot.”
“The fame thing, the age thing, but I’m an adult.”
“Barely. Do you even know how old I am?”
“Yes, of course, I know.” He smiled and I had to shake it off. He mouthed the word forty-four.
“And you’re okay with it?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Is this a thing for you?” I needed an explanation.
“A thing?”
“Yes. Do you have a thing for older women?”
“Uh, that’s what you mean. Huh, I wouldn’t say that. This is a unique situation.”
“How so?” I was curious.
“I’ve been with women that were older than me by a few years. No one in their forties.”
I let out a nervous giggle. “Well, that’s not a comfort at all.”
“I told you who I am. It’s in my best interest to have sex with women older than me. My fans are young. It’s been drilled into me for years to never take a chance on someone younger. The laws are different in different countries and I’ve been all over the world. Some places fifteen years is acceptable, other places fifteen is statutory rape. My actions feed people. If I fuck up, I don’t just fuck up for myself. I fuck up for my management team, my record label, my bandmates, my video director, my stylist, my hairdresser, my security, everyone employed under all these people. I don’t have the liberty to get arrested or to sleep with a grou
pie three years younger than me. I have to be responsible. I have to be a thirty-year-old man in a twenty-year-old body.”
His words came out like this huge burden even though he said them in such a nonchalant manner. Everything was true. He had a huge responsibility on his shoulders and I could see how it wore him down.
“Kat, I am not trying to be a martyr. I’m just not this young naïve boy that you think I am. I know what I’m doing.”
“Yes, you do. I just don’t want you to fall into anything that will damage you in any way. With age comes this regret that will live with you forever and you can’t turn back time.”
“I appreciate you looking out for me but I like you. You like me. There’s no reason we shouldn’t be together. You promised.”
“I did. I was naked and you were inside me when I did that. So does it count?”
“Yea, it bloody counts.”
“You told me you were only going to be here for three months.”
“True.”
“Why three months?”
“That’s how long my rehabilitation lasts.”
I was quiet as I tried to figure out what he meant. “For addiction, what kind of addiction?”
“Drugs, alcohol. I don’t have sex addition if that’s a real thing.”
“Are you sure about the sex addiction?”
“Lusting after you doesn’t make me a sexual addict. It makes me horny and smart.”
“What kinds of drugs?”
“Uh, smack, coke, whatever.”
“Smack? What’s smack?”
“Heroin.”
“Oh.” I tried to choose my words carefully and not looked too surprised. “You seem normal.”
“I’ve been clean for a few months.”
“Is it hard?”
“Yes. Do you know anyone that’s ever been on drugs?”
“My brother but I think its just weed. Do you want to stay clean?”
“I want to, yes. It’s bloody hard to write music when I’m using. Sometimes I slip into a dark place and I don’t know. It’s hard to cope. There’s a lot of pressure that comes with what I do.”
“I can see that. I went to your Instagram and I saw that you were posting. It says that you’re in London.”
“My assistant is posting on all my social media accounts. I have to have a social media presence at all times.”
“You have a personal assistant?”
“Yes, he’s been with me for two years. He doesn’t know I’m in rehab. He thinks I’m on a vacation. Everything is top secret. My label keeps things from the public. Being in Galena has been good for me. Being with you has been good for me. You know I live with my therapist and his wife.”
“Yeah, Glass.”
“Dr. David Glass, he invited you to dinner tomorrow.”
“Really?”
“He wants to probably make sure you’re a real person. It will be after we close to the shop. You have to say yes.”
“Yeah, and speaking of dinner, I have to meet Nelson tonight for dinner.”
“You made a date with him?”
“It was before—”
“You didn’t cancel.”
“You told me who you really were and I forgot all about it. Now it’s too late to cancel. It would be rude.”
“You can’t be rude to one random bloke.”
“No, I cannot. He’s a friend of my family.”
“How noble.” He smirked.
“Don’t act jealous.”
“I’m not acting. I’m literally a jealous fucker.”
I sighed. Jagger was so dramatic. Were all British people this extra? “There’s no need to be jealous. We’re going to eat. He’s going to tell me all the Galena gossip and then I’m coming right back here.”
“Can I forbid you to go?”
I rolled my eyes. “No, but you can wait here for me to get back.”
“Naked.”
“Why would you be wearing clothes? I need you to be naked in my bed with a guitar between your legs. Can you make that happen?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
We were staring at each other grinning broadly. I loved the way he made me feel. I loved the way I felt when I was with him.
The bells on the door jingled. The lovey-dovey trance was broken. I had to look away from his bronze eyes. We had a customer.
Jagger didn’t break anything before I left on my dinner date with Nelson. I changed into a cute long sleeve wrap dress. I didn’t want to look like I didn’t care no matter how I currently felt. Jagger had a few snide remarks but he didn’t throw a tantrum. He told me I looked nice before he kissed me so passionately my body purred for more.
I left the store a few minutes early and Jagger locked up the store. It was dark outside but I walked only a few blocks to the restaurant. There were plenty of people out and about on Main Street on a Friday night.
Nelson was waiting for me at a table by the window. Dressed in dark pants and a lilac button-up, he looked handsome. He stood as I approached and he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before we both sat. I glanced at the menu but I knew I only wanted to have something light, something that wasn’t beef. I settled on the glazed pecan chicken.
Catching up on old times was a relief. Nelson couldn’t speak freely in the house with my church-going mother. He had me laughing while he gave me the 411 on all the drama that had gone down with our crew after high school graduation. I hated that I didn’t stay in contact with anybody but I started a new life went I went away to college. After graduation, I got married to Erik and we had Kennedy. Nelson didn’t have to know that Erik had been unfaithful to me. I just told him we’d grown apart. I was sort of embarrassed. Nelson’s wife had died. My ex-husband was just a regular cheating whore.
Chapter 19
KATRINA
Saturday night we were having dinner with David and Fiona Glass. I was nervous. I didn’t quite know why but I had a floaty feeling in my stomach. I didn’t know anything about addiction. I didn’t know much about heroin and cocaine but I did know they weren’t good for you. Maybe all celebs did recreational drugs. I didn’t know what that Hollywood life was all about.
My first impression of Fiona and David were good. They looked to be in their fifties. Fiona looked like redhead Stevie Nicks and who doesn't like Stevie Nicks. David had brown and gray hair and a beard. He looked like a mental health professional. He preferred I call him David instead of doctor.
Dinner was delicious. I wasn’t sure I believed that Fiona cooked it. It was seasoned well I thought. I wouldn’t dare say out loud. We had pot roast, potatoes, corn, broccoli, and Texas toast. There was no wine offered with dinner and I remembered that Jagger couldn’t drink. I felt so bad having drunk wine in front of him. I probably shouldn’t even have it around him.
We retired to a sitting room and Fiona didn’t join us. I sat on a couch next to Jagger. David sat in a huge chair in front of us. It felt really formal.
“I’m so glad you came.”
“Thanks for inviting me.”
“Jagger is my responsibility so I wanted to meet the person who was currently playing a significant role in his life.”
I took a deep breath. “You mean me?” I joked because I was facing a bit of anxiety.
They both laughed and I was relieved for a few seconds.
“David didn’t think you would show up. He probably thought you were a figment of my imagination. But you’re real.”
“He’s exaggerating. I did want to meet you because it was important that you understand what you were getting into. Jagger told me he revealed his true identity to you. Being honest is a big part of the recovery process. I wanted to make sure you understood the severity of his condition.”
“You’re going to tell me.” I wasn’t trying to sound like a bitch but I was ready to cut to the chase.
“Jagger overdosed twice in the last six months. He stopped breathing. Addicts in recovery have strict rules. When they break the rules there is cause for
alarm.”
“I didn’t know about the overdoses.”
“I want you to be aware. You should have all the facts if you wish to engage in an intimate relationship with Jagger.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I turned my head to address Jagger.
“I didn’t want to scare you away.”
“You can tell me anything.”
“I wanted to share but I’m not proud of any of it. You know me like this, sober.”
“Everyone has a past.” I countered.
“Not like mine.”
“Katrina, is this too much for you?” The doctor asked.
“I don’t think so. I would like to know everything.”
Jagger leaned forward. “I get drug tests regularly. I had to be clean before I arrived here. I have a confession, the day I came into Sweet Treats I was looking for drugs. I didn’t know anyone in this town. I didn’t find drugs. I saw the shop and came in for candy. You thought I was someone else and I just went with it.”
“What do you want me to do with this information Jagger?”
“I don’t know. I just didn’t want to leave anything else out here.”
“Katrina.” David brought my attention back to him. “Honesty means a lot to people in recovery. Jagger has been clean since he’s been here in my care. He’s broken rules that I set in place. Addicts shouldn’t get into intimate relationships while they are in the beginning stages of recovery. But you two have something going on.”
The good doctor knew Jagger and me were sleeping together. “I didn’t know it was against recovery rules. I don’t know anyone in recovery. This is all new to me.”
“Jagger has been able to have this job and this relationship with you without slipping back into his bad habits.”
“Seems like you’re doing a good job,” I said to David. I was being snarky but I wasn’t in recovery. I could say whatever I wanted.
