"I can check with Gunner to see if they need anyone here."
"Let me know. She may be nervous about working in a bar, but at least it would be an option."
"I will," Charlie said, drinking a large sip from her water.
"I talked to Hope House. I think that my contribution will help a lot of women."
"That's amazing," Charlie said excitedly. The amount of money that the men took from my family's estate was more than what I needed. I decided to donate money to Hope House, which was the house I stayed in while I was gone.
"Thanks, I'm also considering opening places more like it. We'll see, though. I don't want to... What's the saying? Bite more off than I can chew?"
"Take your time. You don't have to rush into anything."
I nodded in agreement. I knew she was right and that there was no rush. A second later, I smiled coyly at Charlie, "I decided to take you up on your offer."
"Which offer is that?" she asked hopefully.
"My counselor thinks that it might be good for me to take one of your classes. She thinks I might regain some of my own sexual identity if I do it on my own terms."
"Oh, honey. I can't tell you how happy for you that makes me. I have a class tonight at five or one in the morning at nine."
"I'll do tomorrow's class. What should I wear?"
We spent the rest of our lunch discussing her class. Charlie, at one point, was a successful exotic dancer, and she opened a studio to teach women how to work a stripper pole. It was more than that, though. It was all about women understanding their bodies and building self-confidence. For me, I knew how to use my body, but I needed to gain power over my body. I'd had that taken from me my entire life, and taking her class would be all about taking some of that power back.
"IF YOU GET ANY BETTER at this, I'm going to offer you a job," Charlie yelled over the loud music. I was upside down. My thigh wrapped around the gold pole. The woman next to me was currently on her ass, having fallen. I was at this for over a month now, and I loved it. It was exhilarating.
"One more time, everyone!" Charlie paused the music, and I knew in a second she would start it back up again. I slid down the pole as she moved to each of the women, instructing them on what they’d done wrong. I envied her sexual prowess, and I hoped that one day I would feel as freely as she did.
The music started again, and I immediately got lost in the bass. I grabbed the pole and danced around it for several beats. The women around me were doing the same, and I could distantly hear Charlie giving instructions to other women. I climbed hand over hand until I was near the top, then I hooked my thigh tight around the pole, and I spun. A huge grin broke out over my face. I loved this part—the speed—the way my muscles were worked felt freeing.
I briefly registered the ding, signaling someone had walked in the front door. I still spun for a minute, completing this part of the dance. Charlie paused the music, "Sorry, everyone."
I was still high in the air and tilted slightly back when I looked towards the door to see why we stopped. I was so shocked that I almost lost my grip. Ace was standing there, holding a case of water. He looked good. His hair looked freshly trimmed, and it looked like he had just shaved. He had sunglasses on, so I couldn't see his eyes. Even though I couldn't see them, I could tell that they were trained on me. He wore all black, from his vest down to his motorcycle boots. I had only seen him in passing just a handful of times since I'd been back, and each time, I wanted to talk to him, but he didn't make it easy. If I was honest, I felt like he was avoiding me.
"Sorry for interrupting. Gunner was working on his truck, and he asked me if I could drop off the six cases of water you picked up at Costco."
"Thanks for bringing them. Everyone take five."
I slid down the pole, never taking my eyes from him. A few women grabbed robes. I had on small black booty shorts and a fitted tank top. Most women were dressed similarly to me, but a few liked to dress more provocatively. It helped put them in a different headspace. I could understand that, but they also seemed to be the first to rush to put something on if someone suddenly entered.
I straightened myself then adjusted my tank.
Ace looked away from me and to Charlie. "Where do you want these?"
"The office is good."
He walked into the office to set down the case of water.
"Talk to him," Charlie hissed under her breath, and I knew right then that she and Gunner had orchestrated this.
I wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I quickly slipped my feet into my flip-flops. Ace was already out the door, when I hurried behind him.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
I picked up a case of the water, "I'm helping."
"With no pants on?" he growled.
"I have pants on. They're just not very big," I said with a smile to my voice, then grabbed the case of water and walked inside, all while feeling his eyes still trained on me. I dropped the case of water on top of the case Ace had already brought in. He was right behind me dropping another case.
"I got it. I don't need your help, Alex."
"Really, I don't mind."
"I mind."
Ouch. Well, that hurt. My face must've portrayed the disappointment that I was feeling.
"Look, Princess. It's not about you helping me. It's about you with half your ass hanging out, so every Tom, Dick, or Harry doesn't wind up with a hard-on."
There was a lot there. First, he hadn't called me Princess in a long time. Second, he was worried about men seeing me. It made me think he still cared. Maybe Charlie was right, and there was a chance after all.
I'd given up hope when each time I saw him, he seemed more and more distant, but maybe there was hope.
"Tom, Dick, or Harry?" I asked cheekily.
"Never mind. It's a saying. Just stay inside. I'll get the fucking water."
"Fine, I'll leave you to the fucking water." I left the office and left Ace to it. If he wanted to handle it, I'd let him handle it. I walked to Charlie. "He's going to deal with the fucking water."
"He said that? He cussed at you?"
I gave her an irritated look conveying exactly how that made me feel.
"Give me your shoes. Mine are in the back. I need to have a word."
"You don't need to say anything to him," I pleaded.
"I do too. Give them," she ordered.
Charlie was as strong-willed as they came. I knew she wouldn't back down, so I slipped my feet out of my flip-flops and watched as she rushed outside to Ace. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but I knew a lot of words were exchanged. I could only hope she didn't make it worse.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ace
I grabbed two cases of water. I needed to get out of here and fast. Walking in and seeing Alex on a fucking stripper pole was the last thing I’d ever expected. It was also single-handedly the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. Her legs were beyond strong. I could see the arched muscle along her calf and her toned thighs leading up to the most perfect ass. And then, she fucking came after me. Anyone could see her, and that tore me up because she wasn't supposed to be for anyone, she was supposed to be for me. It was something that I would've bet my life on. I'd never believed when people said that they found the woman for them, and that was it. Two people in the entire universe made for one another sounds like a load of bullshit, but Alex had momentarily made me believe differently, except, when she was gone I had never really registered as a person she should reach out to. I learned that months before she came back, she'd talked with Charlie and Gunner. How did I never factor into that? So, I stayed away from her, because it was easier that way. Seeing her was like reopening a wound.
I heard the door to the studio ding, and I turned to yell at Alex again for following me. "I thought I told you..." I turned to say.
"Told her what? That you'd deal with the fucking water."
I sighed, "Look, Charlie."
"No, you look. She was out here helping you. Why do
you think that is? You think she doesn't know that you can do it yourself? You think she hasn't been trying to talk to you every chance she gets? Gunner and I both see it. Every chance you get, it seems like you're taking off in the other direction. We thought once you saw her dancing today, you wouldn't be able to help yourself."
"It was a setup," Ace hissed.
"Don't act all wounded bird. We saw that you had your head up your ass, and we thought we'd do something about it. Now, if you're not going to go in there and ask her out, then I will tell her to back off. Gunner will back off, and I most assuredly will back off, but what is not cool is you cussing at her for trying to help you.
"You know what? I'll have Gunner bring you the water later." I closed my tailgate, shook my head at Charlie, and started to get in my truck when she called, "You know, Gunner always said you were the smart one." I could hear the disapproval in her voice before I slammed my truck door and took off.
WHAT WAS I DOING? I was outside of Alex's apartment. I owed her an apology. Charlie opened my eyes to me being a dick. I was nervous, which was stupid, and made me think that I'd been behaving irrationally for too long. More, what shocked the hell out of me was Charlie saying that Alex has been trying to talk to me. Once I took ten minutes to think about this, I knew Charlie was right.
Nervously, I knocked on the door. I heard an unfamiliar voice on the other side of it. I figured whoever it was, peered at me through the peephole because I heard her say, "Alex, there's a man at the door that I don't know."
A few minutes passed, asI waited patiently. I was glad that they were cautious with opening the door.
I heard several bolts slide, and the door opened. Alex's hair was in a messy bun on the top of her head, and she had on a Bleeding Scars T-shirt as well as a pair of sweats.
"Ace," she greeted, standing in the doorway.
"Hey, Alex. Can I come in for a few minutes? I'd like to apologize for earlier."
She stepped aside, and I could hear the smallest intake of breath as I passed.
I looked around her place. It was cozy. She had a large, deep blue couch that looked like you’d sink into it. The apartment was decorated with vibrant colors that almost had a bohemian theme to it. It worked. It was interesting to see that Alex had developed her own sense of style. It was so different from the villa that I had first rescued her from.
There was another woman who was leaning against the kitchen's counter that was open to the living room. I glanced at her. I knew Alex lived with someone. I'd seen her with her once before, but I didn't know much about her.
"Ace, that's Erin. Erin, Ace."
"That's him?" she whispered like I wasn’t supposed to hear her, even though I was standing right there.
"Yep," Alex said. I marveled at how casually she now spoke English. When I met her, she was so much more rigid with her word choice.
"Can I get you something to drink? Pepsi? Beer? Water?"
"I'm good, Princess."
"Erin, do you mind?" She tilted her head towards a room that I guessed was Erin's bedroom.
"No, problem." she turned from the counter, then looked at me and said," It's nice to meet you, finally."
I wanted to grin because that meant that she'd heard about me. Maybe everything Charlie said was true, and Alex had been waiting for me to come to her.
I waited until she retreated behind closed doors then sat on the couch, hoping Alex would do the same. I was correct; the couch was comfy as hell.
She stood waiting for me to begin talking. I wanted her to feel comfortable. I wanted to get in there, and not be easily dismissed.
"Princess, sit down. We're going to get deep."
"We are?"
I just stared at her, hoping she would relent. A second later, she sighed and sat on the opposite end of the couch. She moved so that her feet were tucked under her bottom, and grabbed a large throw pillow and clutched it to her chest.
"All right," she prompted. Apparently, she was ready for me to talk. There was no more delaying this.
"I was a dick this morning. I didn't need to be, but I was, and I'm sorry."
"Okay," she said, not giving me any more than that.
"I was hurt when you left with only a note as a goodbye. I understand why you did it. But still, coming home from Colombia and you being gone stung. Then, knowing everyone was in contact with you and I didn't get that luxury also stung. But even with that, I didn't need to be a dick."
She gripped the pillow closer to her chest, and her expression changed to one filled with remorse.
"Ace, you changed my entire life. You gave me hopes and dreams, and those are both things that I never imagined happening. I should've found a way to talk with you in person, and for that I'm sorry."
She wasn't saying anything about the two of us. There was no indication that she wanted something more. I felt let down.
I nodded my head, not sure what else should be said. I began to rise from the couch when Alex started to urgently talk. "I was in a dark place, and I couldn't see beyond that. All I felt all the time was despair and unworthiness. I felt like I was hurting everyone around me. My self-worth had never been much. After Sokolov...," she trailed off as my eyes flashed with anger at the mention of his name.
She gulped, then continued. "After that happened and knowing there was something between the two of us, I felt shame. I'd never felt that before. I was always just a vessel. I always tried to separate myself, but caring about you and having you reciprocate felt too big. It made everything that happened to me feel real, and I couldn't ignore it.
"While I was with the Hope House, I learned so much about myself and why I withdrew, and I should've contacted you, but I was afraid.
There was so much there to unpack, but I needed to understand the last part the most. "Why were you afraid?" My voice came out gruffer than normal, and I watched her inhale deeply at the sound of it.
"I was changing. I'm not who I was. What if you hated me for leaving the way I did? What if you no longer liked me? What if since I no longer needed saving, you were no longer interested in me? What if I wasn't ready for a relationship? What if I wasn't ready for you? I have a lot of fears."
"Remember when I told you I wanted you to figure out whoever it was you wanted to be? I want this for you. I want you to get to know what you like and what you don't like. What I absolutely don't want is for you to live in fear, not anymore. Never again."
I sighed, "We haven't talked about this, but you know I took care of your past, don't you? He's dead. I did it slow and I made him pay. You want to know the particulars, I'll tell you, but if I can spare you from that horror, I want to."
She gulped and nodded. "Gunner told me. I trust you and that you made him pay."
"I don't have a hero complex if that's what you were worried about. It's not like I've ever saved anyone else besides Charlie, and that was with Shane and Gunner. It's not about saving people, it was only ever about you."
"Why?"
Such a simple question with a not so simple answer.
"It's just you. I don't know why, but everything about you draws me to you."
"But I didn't even know me. How could you be drawn to me when I had no clue who I was? I'm only now starting to figure that out, and it's taken a ton of therapy to understand that."
"I know you. So, you have to figure out your likes and dislikes. You want to figure out what you want to do with yourself, but that doesn't mean I don't know you.
"You love your coffee black and the silence in the early dawn. You love the way dancing makes you feel. You love being on the back of my bike. The way you see things for the first time and the awe that spreads over your features. But more than what you like and don't like, you're courageous. You're strong both in mind and body. Do you think most women could've hung on the way you did for as long as you did? You're resilient. You don't give up, and you're the strongest person I know. Life was too hard for you while staying at my house, and you fought for yourself and got your
self to the place you needed to be. Maybe you're still a work in progress, but Princess, we all are."
She momentarily closed her eyes, letting my words soak in, then opened them and looked at me with boldness, I hadn't seen from her. "So, where does that leave us?"
Us. She said, us. Hope bloomed in my chest.
"Where do you want it to leave us? Because I can tell you what I'd want. I want you. I never stopped wanting you. I want you in my life in every possible way. I want to laugh with you. I want to fall asleep holding you in my arms. I want it all, but if you're willing, we can start with dinner."
Her face cracked into a wide grin. "I could eat."
Chapter Thirty-Three
Alex
"He'll be here soon, won't he?" Erin asked me from behind the bar. She was working at Scars, and I'd seen her blossom into herself.
I looked down at my watch, "He said they would be arriving sometime after six, and it's six-fifteen, so yeah."
"Have a drink. Your nerves are making me anxious."
Ace had been gone for a few days with Gunner and Shane. They were at a bike show, showing off some custom work and I missed him.
We'd been seeing each other several times a week. It was always light, flirtatious and fun but ended with me going home. We'd had a few small pecks, but nothing of substance, and to be honest, it was driving me insane. He was like a drug. I thought about the times when I'd seen him naked and how I wanted him then, but had never actually gone through with it.
In hindsight, I understood why he was reluctant, but since I had the visual in my mind, all I could do was daydream about it. There had been this tension, and I couldn't understand why he didn't make a move.
Erin lined up a shot glass in front of me. "Here, it will take the edge off. She poured a clear liquid, and I immediately shot it back. I wasn't a huge drinker. I rolled my shoulders around like I was a fighter bouncing on my heels.
"So, want me to take your mind off of him?" Erin asked, wiping down the bar and collecting my shot glass.
Explosive (A Bleeding Scars MC) Page 21
