Mother's Reckoning : Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy (9781101902769)

by Klebold, Sue; Solomon, Andrew (INT)

  One thing is certain: when we can do a better job of helping people before their lives are in crisis, the world will become safer for all of us.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I would not have been able to complete this book without Laura Tucker. Hundreds of pages of writing and thousands of hours of heartache might have died with me had Laura not transformed them into a publishable manuscript. During the years we have worked together, Laura has been much more to me than a writer. She has been midwife, therapist, surgeon, researcher, architect, navigator, workforce, spirit guide, and friend. She was both mortar and mason, completely responsible for turning a pile of broken bricks into a solid structure. Until we teamed up, I was mired in problems that seemed unsolvable. How could I tell a story effectively when readers already knew the ending? How could I explain real-time experience when critical information about facts was learned later? How could I craft my voice when I started out as one person and ended up as someone else? Laura solved these and countless other problems. She has an uncanny ability to weave disparate incidents into threads of logic. She knew how to mine for detail and when to abandon it. I was continuously stunned by her sensitivity to nuance and her ability to hear what lay in the silence between words. Having the opportunity to work with Laura has enriched my life. I will always be grateful that she had the fortitude to undertake a book with such painful subject matter and “walk the walk” with me—even when it was difficult for both of us. I am, and will always be, in awe of her skills and deeply indebted to her.

  My agent, Laurie Bernstein, from Side by Side Literary Productions, Inc., found me to ask if I might want to publish a book at a time when I was trying to find the right literary agent for the book I was writing. Her appearance on the scene was eerily prescient. After our first conversation, I knew that Laurie was the right person to safeguard my interests and help me realize my vision. To that end she assumed more roles than I can name. But I am especially grateful for her vision and guidance in helping develop a book proposal that made such a difference in all that would follow, and for steering me to Laura and to Crown Publishers. She’s my champion and defender, and I thank her for her hard work and deft hand throughout the writing and publication process.

  I thank Andrew Solomon for so many things. Before we met, I heard him speak at a mental health event in Denver and was so inspired by his message that I immediately purchased and read his book The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression. When Andrew later asked if he could interview Tom and me for a book that would eventually become Far From the Tree, I didn’t hesitate to accept the offer (and encourage Tom to participate). In the years that followed, I have appreciated every moment spent with Andrew, not only because he is witty, articulate, sensitive, and brilliant, but because he has encouraged and supported my desire to publish from the moment we met. He read not only excerpts but complete drafts of my manuscript at various stages in its development. His comments were invaluable. And ultimately, I am grateful for his willingness to join me at the finish line by contributing the Introduction to this book. I am very honored to know him and perpetually grateful for his generosity.

  My appreciation for my partners at Crown Publishers could fill pages. I thank this extraordinary team for gently walking me along the path to publication. There is not space to list everyone by name, but I am sincerely grateful to everyone who contributed their excellence and support. Special thanks go to my editor, Roger Scholl, for his superb editorial eye, his great sensitivity, and his willingness to champion this book from day one. Thanks also to his wonderful assistant, Dannalie Diaz. Publisher Molly Stern’s brilliance and heartfelt enthusiasm for the project and its mission have been breathtaking. My publicity team far exceeded any hopes I could have had for the experience of publishing. Working with Deputy Publisher David Drake, Director of Publicity Carisa Hays, and Associate Publisher Annsley Rosner has been a gift and a joy. I hope they know how grateful I am for their guidance and friendship. Thank you as well to Assistant Marketing Director Sarah Pekdemir. And many thanks to Crown Senior Production Editor Terry Deal, copy editor Lawrence Krauser, Director of Interior Design Elizabeth Rendfleisch, to Creative Director Chris Brand for designing the extraordinary cover for A Mother’s Reckoning, and to Subrights Director Lance Fitzgerald, for expanding the book’s reach around the world. And last but not least, my heartfelt thanks to Maya Mavjee, President of the Crown Publishing Group, for her faith in me and for helping me to get the message of the book out to the reading public.

  Many thanks go to Dave Cullen for talking with me about his research on the Columbine tragedy, and for helping me recount specifics of the incident. He generously searched through piles of material to fact-check references when I needed his help with accuracy.

  For pointing me in the right direction when I began my research, and for reading the finished manuscript to offer input and recommendations, I thank Dr. Christine Moutier, Chief Medical Officer, and Robert Gebbia, Chief Executive Officer, with the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (AFSP). Their willingness to share their expertise on the topics of suicide and mental health was an invaluable contribution.

  I thank many additional subject matter experts for their willingness to be interviewed, to share resources, and to connect me with others who could answer specific questions. Whether or not their research related directly to the Columbine tragedy, all of these individuals helped me understand the complexities of brain health and the challenges of trying to prevent violence toward self or others. By making themselves available, they provided answers to some of the mysteries I had been struggling to comprehend for years. Many thanks go to Dr. Victoria Arango, Dr. Brad Bushman, Dr. Dewey Cornell, Dr. Dwayne Fuselier, Dr. Sidra Goldman-Mellor, Dr. James Hawdon, Dr. Thomas Joiner, Dr. Kent Kiehl, Dr. Peter Langman, Dr. Adam Lankford, Dr. J. Reid Meloy, Dr. Terrie Moffit, Dr. Katherine Newman, Dr. Debra Niehoff, Dr. Matthew Nock, Dr. Frank Ochberg, Dr. Mary Ellen O’Toole, Dr. Adrian Raine, Dr. Marisa Randazzo, and Dr. Jeremy Richman. I am also grateful to Dr. Marguerite Moritz and Dr. Zeynep Tufecki for their input on the importance of appropriate media response to high-profile incidents of violence.

  Many thanks go to my attorneys, Gary Lozow and Frank Patterson, not only for their ongoing care during the harrowing years after the tragedy, but also for allowing me to interview them for the book. Our conversations helped me recount some of the legal aspects of what we had endured together.

  I am deeply grateful to Nate for being a dear friend to Dylan, and for continuing to be Dylan’s friend and ours in the years since Dylan’s death. He made it possible for me to vicariously enjoy many of the happy times they shared. For Nate’s willingness to relive the past with me, and for his desire to do whatever he could to help with the book, I am truly thankful.

  With humble gratitude, I thank many dear friends, neighbors, colleagues, and fellow survivors of suicide loss for their ongoing kindness and support. There are too many individuals and too many instances to cite, but in myriad ways, they gave me the sustenance to keep going when I didn’t think I could.

  I thank my brother and sister for shoring me up and watching over me like angels during a long and difficult journey. The constancy of their devotion is the wind beneath my wings.

  Finally, and most important, I thank Byron and Tom for not opposing or hindering my efforts to publish, despite their discomfort with the idea. Though they both made it clear that they did not want to churn up difficult memories, sacrifice their privacy, or focus on a time in their lives they would rather forget, they honored my determination to do what I felt was necessary. For this I will always be grateful. I thank them both for their love, courage, and understanding.

  Byron, your love and support are the greatest blessings in my life. Without them, I would not have had the strength to write this book. And Tom, I will always treasure our friendship, which has weathered so much and will always endure.

  NOTES

  Chapter 7

  Robyn, Dylan’s prom date, had bought
three guns for the boys My source for this, as well as for many of the other facts in this book, is the Jefferson County police report. These documents are available on a number of online sites, including http://​www.​columbine-​online.​com/​etc/​columbine-​faq.​htm, accessed May 2015.

  Chapter 10

  The massacre had been carefully planned I remember very little of what Kate and Randy told us that day and was not able to take notes, so I have reconstructed the events using the Jeffco report and others. I am profoundly grateful to Dave Cullen for his fastidious attention to detail and the help he gave me to ensure that this section is accurate. That said, any and all errors are my own.

  Notes from a conversation Conversation with Dr. Zeynep Tufekci, February 12, 2015.

  An investigation by ABC News published in 2014 P. Thomas, M. Levine, J. Cloherty, and J. Date, “Columbine Shootings’ Grim Legacy: More Than 50 School Attacks, Plots” (October 7, 2014), www.​abcnews.​go.​com/​US/​columbine-​shootings-​grim-​legacy-​50-​school-​attacks-​plots/​story?​id=26007119, accessed May 2015. A months-long investigation by ABC News identified at least seventeen attacks and another thirty-six alleged plots or serious threats against schools since the assault on Columbine High School that can be tied to the 1999 massacre.

  exposure to suicide or suicidal behavior can influence other vulnerable people A roundup of that research can be found at reportingonsuicide.​org. I strongly recommend that all journalists reference these guidelines for covering suicide (reportingonsuicide.​org/​wp-​content/​themes/​ros2015/​assets/​images/​Recommendations-​eng.​pdf), which were developed in collaboration with the American Association of Suicidology, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Annenberg Public Policy Center, Associated Press Managing Editors, Canterbury Suicide Project–University of Otago, Christchurch, New Zealand, Columbia University Department of Psychiatry, ConnectSafely.​org, Emotion Technology, International Association for Suicide Prevention Task Force on Media and Suicide, Medical University of Vienna, National Alliance on Mental Illness, National Institute of Mental Health, National Press Photographers Association, New York State Psychiatric Institute, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, Suicide Prevention Resource Center, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), and UCLA School of Public Health, Community Health Sciences.

  mass shootings in the United States is inextricably linked Zeynep Tufekci, “The Media Needs to Stop Inspiring Copycat Murders. Here’s How,” The Atlantic, December 19, 2012, www.​theatlantic.​com/​national/​archive/​2012/​12/​the-​media-​needs-​to-​stop-​inspiring-​copycat-​murders-​heres-​how/​266439, accessed May 2015. Christopher H. Cantor, et al., “Media and Mass Homicides,” Archives of Suicide Research, vol. 5, no. 4 (1999), doi: 10.1080/13811119908258339.

  Meg Moritz, a journalist and professor Moritz directed the documentary Covering Columbine, which explores the effects of the media coverage of the tragedy on both the community and the journalists who covered it.

  Dr. Frank Ochberg is a psychiatrist Conversation with Dr. Ochberg, February 2, 2015.

  In 2014, a conservative Canadian network As reported by Public Radio International: www.​pri.​org/​stories/​2014-​06-​10/​canadian-​news-​network-​refuses-​broadcast-​mass-​shooters-​name, accessed May 2015.

  Chapter 11

  According to Dr. Jeffrey Swanson, who has spent Jeffrey Swanson, et al., “Violence and Psychiatric Disorder in the Community: Evidence from the Epidemiologic Catchment Area Surveys,” Psychiatric Services, vol. 41, no. 7 (1990): 761–70, dx.​doi.​org/​10.​1176/​ps.​41.​7.​761.

  “most attackers showed some history of suicidal attempts” Bryan Vossekuil, et al., “The Final Report and Findings of the Safe School Initiative: Implications for the Prevention of School Attacks in the United States,” www2.​ed.​gov/​admins/​lead/​safety/​preventingattacksreport.​pdf, p. 21, accessed May 2015.

  the result of a conversation I had with Dr. Jeremy Richman I spoke with Dr. Richman March 13, 2015. For more information or to support the Avielle Foundation, dedicated to “preventing violence through research and community education,” see www.​aviellefoundation.​org.

  I started into the stack of books that Sharon had brought me Some of these were books that I now recommend to every survivor of suicide loss. They include: Kay Redfield Jamison, Night Falls Fast (New York: Vintage, 2000); Carla Fine, No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One (New York: Harmony, 1999); Iris Bolton and Curtis Mitchell, My Son…My Son…: A Guide to Healing After Death, Loss, or Suicide (Atlanta: Bolton Press, 1983).

  Someone in America dies by suicide every thirteen minutes www.​afsp.​org/​understanding-​suicide/​facts-​and-​figures, accessed May 2015.

  Indeed, the problem of suicide—and how many people we really lose to it every year—may be even worse than we believe. Many researchers believe that a large number of deaths categorized as accidents are, in fact, suicides.

  Only a small percentage (18 percent to 37 percent) of people who die by suicide leave a note. (Valerie J. Callanan and Mark S. Davis, “A Comparison of Suicide Note Writers with Suicides Who Did Not Leave Notes,” Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, vol. 39, no. 5 [October 2009]: 558–68, doi: 10.1521/suli.2009.39.5.558). In most police departments, there is not enough staff or money to do a thorough investigation of many suspicious deaths—even when there are no brake marks at the site of the crash, or when an experienced hiker makes a rookie mistake.

  suicide is the third leading cause of death “Suicide Prevention,” http://​www.​cdc.​gov/​violenceprevention/​pub/​youth_​suicide.​html, accessed May 2015.

  A 2013 study looked at almost 6,500 teens M. K. Nock, J. Green, I. Hwang, et al., “Prevalence, Correlates, and Treatment of Lifetime Suicidal Behavior Among Adolescents: Results from the National Comorbidity Survey Replication Adolescent Supplement,” JAMA Psychiatry, vol. 70, no. 3 (2013): 300–10, doi: 10.1001/2013.jamapsychiatry.55.

  the overwhelming majority—from 90 to 95 percent “Understanding Suicide: Key Research Findings,” www.​afsp.​org/​understanding-​suicide/​-​key-​research-​findings, accessed May 2015.

  biological (and possibly genetic) vulnerability Conversation with Dr. Victoria Arango, March 12, 2015.

  a Venn diagram with three overlapping circles Thomas Joiner, Why People Die by Suicide (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2005).

  E-mail from Peter Langman, February 9, 2015 Correspondence with Dr. Peter Langman used with permission.

  This was one of the first things Dr. Peter Langman noticed Dr. Langman’s website, www.​schoolshooters.​info, contains many resources on the topic, including his annotated transcripts of some of Dylan’s writing, schoolshooters.​info/​sites/​default/​files/​klebold_​journal_​1.​1_​2.​pdf.

  Dr. Langman told me he had originally intended to leave Dylan out Conversation with Dr. Langman, January 21, 2015.

  may mean he suffered from a mild form of avoidant personality disorder Peter Langman, PhD, Why Kids Kill: Inside the Minds of School Shooters (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2009), Kindle locations 259–60.

  nine out of the ten school shooters Langman, Kindle locations 259–60.

  The breach between what we know and do is lethal Kay Redfield Jamison, Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide (New York: Knopf, 1999).

  Even if a person does not discuss their intention The CDC lists the following as risk factors for young people: a history of previous suicide attempts; a family history of suicide; a history of depression or other mental illness; alcohol or drug abuse; stressful life event or loss; easy access to lethal methods; exposure to the suicidal behavior of others; and incarceration. A complete list of warning signs that someone may be thinking about suicide is available at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s website: www.​afsp.​org/​preventing-​suicid
e/​suicide-​warning-​signs, accessed May 2015. The more warning signs observed, the greater the risk.

  Ed Coffey, a physician and vice president at the Henry Ford Health System C. Edward Coffey, “Building a System of Perfect Depression Care in Behavioral Health,” The Joint Commission Journal on Quality and Patient Safety, vol. 33, no. 4 (April 2007): 193–99.

  Chapter 12

  Psychopathy is characterized Those interested in psychopathy will be interested to read Robert Hare, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us (New York: Guilford Press, 1999, 2011).

  A 2001 study of adolescent school shooters J. R. Meloy, A. G. Hempel, K. Mohandie, A. A. Shiva, and B. T. Gray, “Offender and Offense Characteristics of a Nonrandom Sample of Adolescent Mass Murderers,” Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, vol. 40, no. 6 (2001): 719–28, forensis.​org/​PDF/​published/​2001_​OffenderandOffe.​pdf.

  Dr. Meloy, a board-certified forensic psychologist and a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego, has authored or coauthored more than two hundred papers and eleven books on psychopathy, criminality, mental disorder, and targeted violence. He is a consultant to the Behavioral Analysis Units, FBI, Quantico, Virginia. Dr. Meloy’s website, forensis.​org, provides a wealth of academic publications for those interested in violence prevention, threat assessment, motivations for terrorism and mass murder, and related subjects.

  these deadly dyads mean it’s absolutely critical Conversation with Dr. Reid Meloy, January 26, 2015.