Arrested Desires

by Pillow Michelle M.

  “I think it makes you sound like an honest person.”

  Juliana had friends, but since they were the wives of his associates, she couldn’t discuss her marriage or feelings with them. There had always been that image to maintain. She didn’t have family to call and any of the off-planet friends she did have were no longer close to her and didn’t understand the lifestyle she led. To be truthful, she wasn’t sure she understood the lifestyle she’d led. It was like waking from a long dream to find she was right back where she started, only older and hopefully wiser.

  “Jeff has started the comet rolling, so to speak. Being that he is a partner at his law firm, the divorce will be pushed through by the end of the week.” Juliana trembled. “It’s strange to say aloud.”

  “I understand, really I do. But it will get easier.”

  “If you don’t mind, I’m really tired of thinking about it. All I’ve done for the last five years is think about it.” She gave a half-hearted laugh, doing her best to keep the conversation light. “I’m just relieved that it’s finally happening. I’m scared because I don’t have any idea what I’m going to do with myself but mostly just relieved that it’s going to be over.”

  He didn’t answer, just listened patiently.

  “Okay, I’m done talking about it for sure this time.” She shook her body in a dramatic shiver, as if she could throw everything off her soul and cheer up.

  “All right,” Maverick stood and started clearing plates. “But just so you know. I think you’re handling this very well. You seem like a strong person and I’m sure you don’t deserve what’s happened to you today. And I know it’s hard to talk about, but know that I don’t mind listening if you do need to talk.”

  A small tear came to her eye when he wasn’t looking. How could she ever repay such sweetness? What great deed had she done to deserve this cop, this man, showing up at her door with the restraining order? It could’ve been any number of officers, but it was him. Maverick. Her savior. Her friend.

  Was it too soon to call him a friend? It didn’t feel like it. Not when she felt closer to him than she had to anyone in a long time. There was the unspoken undercurrent between them, a connection, an instant easiness and understanding that made it feel like she didn’t have to explain herself to be understood. The conversation just flowed, and it was like they’d known each other for years instead of hours. There had even been a few times while they talked that they finished each other’s sentences. Surely that meant something. Or was she so desperate, so lonely, that she had imagined all this?

  Juliana shook her head, pushing up from the table to help him clean up. No. She wouldn’t think like that. There was a connection between them. A strong, deep connection that had been there from the moment their eyes met.

  They did the dishes together, their arms touching as he washed and she dried. The plates were a nice, antique china set she’d found in his cupboards. They’d been too pretty not to use. There was something cozy about being next to him, doing something so domestic and primitive like hand-washing dishes, but she was losing her nerve to seduce him—no matter how badly she wanted to. It had just been so long since she made the first move, she couldn’t remember how.

  Maverick leaned against the counter and glanced down. His uniform shirt was wet from the dishwater. “I must’ve been busy today. I can’t believe I’m still in uniform. I usually take it off when I get home. Either that, or the smell of food distracted me.”

  “It’s fine.” Juliana looked over the shirt. It was more than fine. He was more than fine. Her voice dipped. “I like the uniform. I bet you get a lot of dates with it.”

  “Some.” His voice was a little hoarse and she saw his throat work as he swallowed. Their eyes met and she was sure she felt the sparks igniting between him. She unconsciously leaned forward, her head tilting as if she would welcome his kiss. He began to bend down, his face coming toward hers. She waited, breathless, her lips tingling for that first bit of contact. To her surprise, he pulled back. “I just got a new copy of an old Earth transmission. The movie was supposed to be something called a cult classic. I’m not sure what that means, but the guy who sold it to me said it had a huge following for years after it came out.”

  “What’s it called?” she asked, curious.

  “Ah, I can’t remember. The title was strange, but he said there’s singing, dancing and that it’s pretty scary. Could be interesting. Anyway, if you’re not too tired, would you like to watch it with me? I can’t promise it will be high-quality.”

  “I’d like that,” she said, nodding. Maybe a transmission would take her mind off everything.

  Moments later they were on the couch, a small distance between their bodies with the strangest Earth transmission they’d ever seen on the screen. But, despite the men dancing around in women’s lingerie and campy songs, neither one of them wanted to turn it off. Slowly, without Juliana knowing for sure who moved closer to whom, she found herself snuggled into his warm, strong side. His arm wrapped around her so she could feel each rise and fall of his chest, each subtle shift of his muscles when he moved. He didn’t make a move to touch her other than in comfort. Feeling protected and safe, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter Three

  Three days passed at Maverick’s house. He’d go to work, she’d stay at the house watching his transmissions and trying to figure out her next move. She programmed his cleaning droids to take care of the household functions and added more recipes to the food simulator like she’d promised, at least the ones she could remember off the top of her head.

  It was relaxing, not having social duties to attend to. She did call one of her volunteer functions and excused herself from the responsibility. One of the other women on the charity was more than excited to take over her spot and practically hurried her off the phone like she’d change her mind and take the council seat back. Juliana felt bad letting the position go, but she needed her mind focused on putting her life back together. When news spread about her divorce, she’d probably be nicely encouraged to step down anyway. It was depressing to think about so she chose not to dwell.

  In the evening, she would have dinner ready for when Maverick arrived home. They’d eat and talk about nothing and everything. Evenings with Maverick were the happiest part of her day. Then, after dinner was cleaned up, by hand each time, they’d move to the couch and watch one of his transmissions together. He would hold her, and each night her body would ache even more for him. She tried to get up her nerve to kiss him, to take their cuddling one step further, but every time she held back. Maverick never made a move, always acting like a gentleman.

  On the third day, Juliana answered a knock on the door only to find one of her husband’s law firm’s couriers. He mumbled something about her being incredibly hard to find as he handed her the divorce notice. She signed the clipboard, instantly getting verification that her divorce was finalized. It was over. Jeff was no longer her husband.

  Just like that. Simple. Quick. Finished.

  Juliana stared at the confirmation, the uninspired, emotionless words telling her she wasn’t legally married to Jeff anymore, but also reminding her that their assets still needed to be divided in an Assets Distribution Form or Hearing.

  “Do you mind if I come in?” the courier asked.

  Feeling a tad spiteful, she remained in the doorway, blocking his way as she read the clipboard he handed her and said, “No, you can stand right there.”

  He huffed, but didn’t argue.

  “It means that you are now divorced but in a legally recognized state of needing to separate assets,” the courier said. Juliana already knew what it meant, but she let him talk. “The court recognizes your divorce but also that they need to end the ‘business of marriage’.”

  Thankfully, it wasn’t like the old way of waiting months before someone got their freedom back. It was hard enough for most people to petition, but with Jeff’s connections, she was sure he had no problem. It didn�
�t matter anyway what the court thought about it. Her heart hadn’t been married to him for a long time. Seeing the words in front of her was actually a relief. She was done with Jeff. Well, besides the Assets Distribution.

  “Think of it as a business closing its doors, but the inventory still being there,” the courier said, speaking down to her as if she were a child.

  Juliana looked up from the board. “I assume you have another document for me to look at?”

  “Yes,” the man lifted up another electronic clipboard. “This is the Assets Distribution Form. As you see, your ex-husband has already had it drawn up. If you just sign here and give me a thumbprint, it will all be over. No need to even go to court.”

  “Hmm, I think I’ll read it first. I’ll call you when I’m ready to give my answer,” Juliana said, shutting the door on the condescending man. He gasped, clearly exasperated with her answer, but she refused to sign it and finalize the Assets Distribution without going over the document first. It was a good thing she did, because Jeff had tried to take everything.

  “Greedy bastard,” she mumbled, eyeing the cleverly hidden clause surrounded by a ton of legal jumble. What Jeff seemed to have forgotten was that she’d helped him get into law school and had even done some of his homework for him when he got too frustrated or lazy.

  Making several changes, which she thought were fair, she called the law office and had them send the courier back. When he knocked, she opened the door, handed him the clipboard and said, “The assets are in dispute. Be sure to send my court date here.”

  Attached to the clipboard was a note, telling Jeff to stop being mean and sign a fair agreement. There was also a mild threat about him not wanting her to contact the intergalactic law board about his schoolwork. She felt wrong doing it, like she was sinking to his level but knew Jeff well enough to know that he wouldn’t want the partners suspecting that his wife had done his homework. It was the only way she could think of to get him to sign a fair agreement, splitting everything in half, without resorting to a long, drawn-out battle that would only get ugly.

  “Good for you,” Maverick said, nodding in approval when she told him that night over chicken cordon bleu. He took a bite, moaning slightly like he did each time. “Wow, this is great. I can’t thank you enough for the recipes.”

  She smiled. “So you don’t think it was too petty to threaten him?”

  “Not at all. I think it’s justified. From what you’ve told me, you did help him during his school years. And, the man did evict you unfairly from your home. I’ve seen divorces get much messier than this one.”

  “Yours?” she asked. He’d alluded to it before but hadn’t gone into great detail.

  “Yes. She wasn’t happy being married to a cop and wanted more. She took the house, my hovercraft and for a while my sanity. I was hurt, so I tried to fight it, but in the end, I just let her have it all. I shouldn’t have done that, but it is what it is. That’s why I had myself transferred to this Earthbase four years ago. I wanted a clean start.”

  “So it’s been four years?”

  “Six. It took time for the transfer to come through.”

  “Do you miss her?”

  “No, not really.” He gave a small sigh. “We were young and neither of us had seen much of the universe. We should never have gotten married.”

  After dinner, Maverick poured wine. The deep red blend was stout, but tasted wonderful. It also made her a little giddy.

  Leaning against the countertop, she eyed him. “Why don’t you date?”

  He gave a little laugh. “I haven’t found anyone worth asking. Most of the women I know are criminals or colleagues.”

  His eyes held untold meaning and she shivered. She couldn’t take it anymore. He was consuming her mind, and her body was so tight with desire that she felt it like a sting to her soul.

  “It’s been a long day,” she said, nervous. “I should get to bed.”

  “Oh, are you sure?”

  “Yeah, I’m fizzled,” she lied. “It’s been a long day, you know.”

  “Good night, Juliana.”

  “Mmm, night,” she answered, making her way quickly to the door and up the stairs. Once there, she shut herself in the guest room, which was her room.

  She looked around, taking deep breaths as she made her way over to the bed. Aside from an adjoining bathroom, the room was a lot like Maverick’s. The dressers were modern and controlled by electronic scans unlike his antiques, and the bed was a perfect square unlike his rectangle.

  She’d wanted to kiss him so badly that she had no other choice but to run from her feelings. Her mind whispered that she was now free to pursue him, but how could she? It had been so long and it didn’t seem right with the divorce only being finalized today. Part of her said to think of it as a celebration, another part of her said she was scared and using divorce as an excuse to hide from sex and from her feelings.

  Regardless of the reason, she wasn’t going to act on those feelings tonight. Closing her eyes, she refused to touch herself as she had been. Maybe the fantasizing was what caused her uncontrollable libido. Or was it that Maverick had the greatest smile she’d ever seen?

  Sighing, she turned on her side and did everything she could to get to sleep.

  The next day, Maverick was gone when she woke up. It wasn’t surprising since her conflicting emotions didn’t let her get to sleep before dawn. Not wanting to face him when she was still so easily aroused by just thoughts of him, she left dinner out and went to bed early. Yes, it was cowardly, but her theory on not pleasuring herself to keep her libido down wasn’t working. The next morning, she found a note he left, hoping she was all right and telling her to call if she needed anything.

  It wouldn’t take a shuttle engineer to figure out the first thing her brain came up with in the department of needed anything.

  Heading out of the house, she went for a walk, picked up a newspaper chip and, holding it in her palm, she pushed the button on the small square. A holographic screen popped up from the chip. Walking and reading at the same time, she could see through the transparent screen well enough not to bump into anything, even as she touched the menu items floating above her hand. Unfortunately, there was nothing in the advertisements about work to be had, at least nothing she was qualified to do. Most of it was for intergalactic spaceship pilots to haul import loads off planet. There was one for Galaxy Brides, advertising for willing females to go to distant planets to marry humanoid males.

  “No, thanks, just got out of one marriage,” she mumbled. Yet, somehow, the idea of not staying at Maverick’s bothered her more than anything. She liked him, a lot, and didn’t want to lose someone who was fast becoming one of her best friends. His nearness had helped her through a rough ordeal. He was still helping her. Just being there, caring.

  Chapter Four

  “There you are.”

  Juliana looked up from the newspaper chip, surprised to hear Jeff’s voice, even more so to see him standing on the front step of Maverick’s home. His face was thin, his jaw weak and it struck her how much she wasn’t attracted to him. It had only been a few days since she last saw him, but the image she’d carried of him wasn’t what she now saw. Were her eyes finally opened to what kind of man he really was? Or had she known for a long time and chosen to ignore it?

  Glancing to the landing pad out front, she saw their luxury hovercraft parked on Maverick’s spot. San de Val le, Jeff’s little aerobics instructor was sitting in the passenger seat, toying with her handheld makeup case.

  San de Val le. Whoever heard of such a ridiculous name? Apparently, it was some sort of stage name for when she became an intergalactic star. But, Juliana had never heard of Galaxy Playmates hiring no talent space trash. Even those exotic dancers seemed to have some kind of skill.

  San de couldn’t be any more than twenty years old. Her hot pink hair was straightened and cut at her chin. She looked like a hooker and from what Juliana could see of her low cut, cleavage popping red top
, she was dressed like one too.

  “What do you want, Jeff?” she asked, turning off the paper chip.

  “Wow, so this is where you’ve been hiding. The courier was having a stellar time trying to find you.”

  “I’m not hiding. I’m renting,” Juliana said.

  “Hmm, really? I heard you were having an affair with a cop.” Jeff wrinkled his nose in disgust.

  “It’s not an affair if I’m single,” she quipped, not bothering to deny the accusation. Somehow, she liked him thinking that Maverick was her man. “I could fuck the entire force if I wanted and it wouldn’t be cheating.”

  “I see slumming it has made you crass.” He frowned.

  “And sleeping with bimbos hasn’t changed the fact that you are a jerk. Now, is there a reason you’re here? Because I’m not legally obligated to pretend that I like you.” Juliana gave him an expectant look. “Well?”

  “Sign the Assets form, Juliana,” he said, as if giving an order. “I have it right here.

  “I take it you didn’t like the changes I made.”

  “If you think you’re getting half, you’re mistaken,” Jeff said. “I earned that money. I worked.”

  “And I earned your degree,” she answered. “And helped secure your partnership, and your home. Besides, you know it was my inheritance that bought that house. They left the money to me, not you.”

  “We were married. It makes it both of ours,” he said.

  “Glad you agree. Give me half and I sign,” she said.

  “Twenty-thousand space credits. Right now.”

  “Um, half and I sign right now.”

  “Juliana,” he warned.

  “Jeffers,” she mimicked his tone.