Love You...Never

by Francesca Penn

  This may sound crazy, but I feel something when I see you that I don’t think I’ll ever feel again. From the moment I first saw you, I knew you were special. Seeing you makes me think of every sappy love song I’ve ever heard, yet I cannot find one that truly captures how I feel when I’m near you.

  The last thing I want to do is freak you out, but I can’t shake the feeling that we are supposed to play a major role in each other’s lives. Like our love would be epic. Do you believe in soul mates?

  My parents met in high school, fell in love, and never looked back. I know it’s possible to find your other half early. Is it crazy that I think that could be us? Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not asking you to run away with me, but it would be my honor to take you to prom. We can take the rest one day at a time if you’ll have me.

  Love You Forever,

  Emiliano

  P.S. If my feelings are too much for you to handle right now, just know that I feel part of me will always want you.

  I’m destroyed. It’s the only way I can describe the despair I feel. Hurt is not adequate. Wounded is weak. Devastated is for babies. Obliterated is better. No. Annihilated. If my life were a video game, it would be Mortal Combat. This is the moment where I would be swaying, too weak to fight, and I would hear the loud, ominous voice yell, “Finish her.”

  I’m not just mourning for myself; I hurt for Emiliano. Up until a few days ago, he’d believed I’d received this letter. He’d thought I’d caustically rejected him in his most open, vulnerable, naked confession probably ever. I have killed half a box of tissues and am still in the middle of one of the most epic ugly cries in the history of ugly crying ever when Cher finds me.

  “What happened?” She rushes inside, probably looking for anything a suicidal person would use just in case she needs to remove it from my reach.

  I pass her Royal’s note. She reads it then takes a deep breath and grabs Emiliano’s letter from the desk. She sighs then gasps. I watch her sink in the chair across from me with her eyes pooling with tears. I slide the box forward. By the time she makes it to the end, were ugly crying together.

  “Poor Emiliano,” she laments. “This is why he left school for most of the week! He was crushed.”

  I nod and cry harder. “I know…”

  “This is why he knows so much about you!”

  “I know…”

  Cher jumps out of her chair. “Oh, my god, Caris! This means it’s you!”

  I snap my head up. I’m lost. “What’s me?” Cher moves around the office and starts packing up my stuff. I stand because she’s making me nervous.

  Cher starts speaking in a rush, “Dinner at Amy’s; I asked if he’s ever been in love. He said he had one potential love…” her sentences fragment as she packs me up. “Felt the sparks. Turned to shit. One true love!” Cher’s having trouble zipping my purse. She pushes it in my arms with a flustered huff. “Bitch, we got to go!”

  My adrenaline kicks in when my scrambled brain catches up. “I’m the reason he can’t love another!”

  “Yeeeeees! He’s never stopped loving you! He even told you that in his letter! Love you forever…part of me will always want you....” she supplies on the way out the door. Cher swipes my keys when we get to my car. “I’m driving. You drive too slowly, and you have to fix your face.”

  Caris

  I can’t find him, but I will. According to Loli, he doesn’t work on his birthday. Once Cher explains what happened to Loli, she is a little nicer. I keep my distance, though. She looks like she would still cut me over Emiliano. He’s not home. I’ve done a thorough perimeter search. No sign of him or his SUV. I take a deep breath as Cher knocks on Amy’s door. She’s a buffer. I have no idea if Amy will try to fight me on sight. I’m not scared of her; I’m sure I can take her, but it’s just not my focus right now. I need to hunt down my man.

  Her door swings open, and the usually open and inviting hazel eyes are suspicious slits of distrust. “What?” is the way she greets us as she leans against the door jamb and crosses her arms.

  I don’t know if it’s because she’s a familiar welcoming sight, or if another wave of sadness just hits me, but I turn into a big ball of pathetic.

  “It’s me!” I cry. Now, I’m the one affected with fragmented speech. “Royal…notes switched…you…Emiliano…one love…was me!”

  Cher comes through for me. “Royal switched the notes in high school; she just found out she’s the potential soulmate.”

  Amy’s eyes roll back and her face tilts towards the sky. “Finally! Twelve fucking years later. You two were stressing me out!”

  “She’s flustered because she can’t find him.”

  Amy’s eyes squint again. “Why would you want to find him. You said…”

  “She was pulling the leave-him-before-he-leaves-me bit. She thought he was in love with some unknown woman and could never love her.”

  Amy looks at Cher. “See what I mean! They’re stressful!”

  “I know,” Cher agrees. “Twelve long years of stress. Best friend to best friend, help me out. Where can I leave her, so they can be complicated together and give us a break?”

  I frown at them through my tears. Amy softens. “If I’m going to break BFF confidentiality, I need to hear it from Caris.”

  “I didn’t know, Amy. I had no idea I was hurting him. I truly thought I was someone he loved to hate. I pushed him away because I thought he was pining away for someone else, and I didn’t want to be the next Jessie.”

  “Jessie? You’d never be her. That crazy bitch has been popping up on him for months because of a relationship she created in her head. She needs meds or something. He actually cares about you.”

  “I need to tell him I love him.”

  Amy perks up to her normal self. “Shit. I needed to hear that almost as much as he does.”

  Chapter 28

  Emiliano

  Twelve years later, and my birthday still hurts like a bitch. Of course, It’s worse this year because I’ve had words instead of flowers thrown in my face. Hurtful words from the woman I love. I had the sentiment loaded on my lips ready to go when she told me she didn’t want me anymore. I wanted to call bullshit, but my heart disintegrated. How could she be so cruel? Now, I’m perched on the deck steps, and I stare out at the lake. The serenity of the water’s soft rippling makes my world a little less gloomy.

  Where did we go wrong? Why can’t we get it right? My brain has floated between those two questions since I walked out and left her at the diner with Royal. There is some solace in knowing she hadn’t rejected my love then. She didn’t know. Still, the adult version of Caris is an asshole. What happened to the sweet girl who glowed on the inside? I rub my chest to ward off some pain. All I want is to be with the woman I love and have a family. I’m not asking for much. Why is it so hard?

  I close my eyes, opting to feel the sun on my face. Maybe God will grant me mercy from heartache. I flinch when I open my eyes again. Caris is standing a few feet away. Great. Now I’m hallucinating.

  “Emiliano,” she said. No, I’m not. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

  “Why? You have a few more insults?” She looks delicious as usual, but I can’t lose focus no matter how much I want to peel that black fitted dress off her.

  “No,” she denies. “Apologies. Lots of apologies.”

  That bastard called hope comes running. He's beaten up, bruised, and wrinkled, but he’s plucky. “Apologize for what, exactly?”

  She waves her hand with a weak smile. “Everything. Pick a topic.”

  “At breakfast, you said…”

  “Lies. All of it. I didn’t mean anything I said. I was pushing you away…”

  “Why, Caris?” My voice breaks a little; I stop trying to hide the pain radiating inside my body.

  Her eyes water, and her bottom lip trembles. Part of me wants to comfort her, but I refrain. “Because the more time we spent together, the more I wanted you.”

  “Why is t
hat a bad thing?”

  Caris wipes away a tear as she moves forward. “Because I thought it was one-sided. Amy said you stopped trying to have relationships after The One got away. You’ve never kissed me, and you told Jessie you don’t kiss women you don’t love. I’d never considered I was the one attempt that turned to shit because, thanks to the switched notes, I thought you’ve always had a low opinion of me.”

  I feel her pain, but we’ve had plenty of time as adults to fix it. “I tried to resolve our issues several times…”

  “I know. And I would lash out because I was trying to hide my love for you.”

  Everything freezes, and my mind plays the last part in slow motion. Hope reappears with a new outfit and a toothy grin. “Your what for me?”

  “Part of me has felt unusually drawn to you since high school. I thought it was crazy, so I never voiced it. I thought we had a moment before third period. My hopes were so high that once I received your flowers, I’d thought this is IT! I finally get the guy! The note attached killed my spirit.” She sniffles but continues. “After high school, I’d continued to be unlucky in love. I believed it was because of you – indirectly. Then you showed back up and turned my world inside out. You’d hurt me, turn me on, give me hope, then take it away…”

  I grab her because she’s in touching distance. Her story mirrors mine, and I want to create a new narrative. I’m fucking sick of the old one. “Your what for me?” I repeat while wiping more tears from her face.

  “Emiliano, part of me has loved you since high school, but all of me loves you now…”

  My lips cover hers before she can finish her sentence. She tastes like mint and vanilla. Her full lips part for me, giving me access. I moan into her delicious mouth. Her kiss is more than I’ve ever imagined. I’m instantly hooked. Caris's arms wrap around my neck, returning my kiss with fervor. The pain inside of me begins to heal. Caris loves me; she is mine.

  She whimpers a protest when I break the kiss, “Wait! I’ve been waiting twelve years for that. I knew your kisses would be magical.”

  “We have plenty of time to kiss. I love you, too. I’ve been waiting to love you since we met.”

  “I know.” Caris pulls a folded piece of paper out of her pocket. “Royal sent me a dozen red roses with the real letter. His note said he wanted me to have the gift I was supposed to receive senior year.”

  Part of me still wants to punch him, but I smile and take the letter. I read it for the first time since writing it. All my emotions on paper. “I was right,” I confess, looking her in the eyes. “And, it’s still true.”

  Caris

  I’m so happy I’m scared to blink. Everything I thought was lost has been upgraded to the deluxe package. I didn’t just get the man; I also received the gift of his undying love. Emiliano loves me!

  “You love me,” I whisper in awe as if he didn’t just tell me.

  His gorgeous lips, still wet from my saliva, part into one of his wicked smiles. “With everything I have,” he confirms.

  I shake my head, still trying to wrap my mind around it. “This is so surreal. You’re saying exactly what I’ve wanted to hear for years…”

  “Ditto. It hurts being rejected so much. I was just about to tell you at the diner when you ripped me apart.”

  My soul aches with the memory; I don’t want to hurt the man I love. “I can’t apologize enough for those lies.” I cup his face. “I don’t want to hurt you. Ever. When I read your note, I cried for the teenage version of you. It must have been horrible thinking I’d hated the beautiful letter you wrote me. I love it now, and I would have loved it then.”

  I initiate the kiss this time. I must get another taste of him. I must seal my statement with a kiss. Except, this is not the kiss of sweet nothings. The kiss he returns is hot and brimming with sexual promises. I’m okay with that. No. I’m more than okay with it. I welcome it, but I end it only for a moment.

  “Wait. I have two questions. One, when did you get a lake house?”

  Emiliano’s chuckle rumbles his chest and teases my nipples. “What? Did you think you were the only millionaire?”

  My mouth falls open, literally. I didn’t see that coming at all. “Wha…Wai…Huh?”

  “I’m damn good at advertising, remember?”

  “Yes, but the firm- “

  He puts a finger over my lips. “I work there because I like it. I may not own a business, but my parents have owned one since I was little. I took my advertising skills and worked the hardest I could on my first and favorite clients. Papa may have started with a simple lawn mowing business, but his son helped him build an empire. He has a full-blown landscaping business with several greenery nurseries throughout Texas.”

  I’m so proud of him and his love of his family. “I didn’t think it’s possible; you’ve somehow gotten sexier. It’s not the money. I have that. It’s the devotion that shines in your eyes when you talk about your loved ones.”

  Emiliano nips at my lips. “What’s the other question, nena?”

  “Does, Valentine’s Day paraphernalia really give you panic attacks?”

  He laughs again. “No, I was in the cereal aisle thinking about how much I love you and trying to pinpoint when I was going to kiss you. Then, you called me a commitment-phobe and took both boxes of cereal. I was amused, thinking I’m the exact opposite of a commitment-phobe when you turned down the aisle. I got a flashback then started to question if you would love me back this time.”

  I hate that I was unknowingly causing so much turmoil. “Your panic attack made me sad that some woman hurt you so much that you didn’t have space for me in your heart.”

  “You are my whole heart.”

  “Good, because I happen to be wearing the ultimate lingerie underneath this dress.”

  “Really, something from the Eros line? All Wrapped Up?”

  “Even better. I call it ‘Birthday Suit.’”

  I would like to claim I’ve seen the inside of his lake house, but that would be a lie. Emiliano picked me up and rushed inside. I saw a blur of wood, browns, and teals. Before he deposits me on the big bed in his master suite, he reaches for the hem of my dress, but I block him.

  “No!” I squeal. “You first!” I move to the center of the bed. I’m on my knees waiting for him to lose his clothes.

  Emiliano strips Sonic the Hedgehog fast; his shirt flies, and his jeans and underwear follow promptly after. I stare at him in awe like I did during our first booty call.

  “Your turn.” Oh, that damn accent. My whole body wants to be claimed by him; it wants to be one with the man I love.

  His hot eyes are on me, and I grab the hem of my dress and inch it up slowly. My desire for him tickles my inner thighs. As I slowly reveal my naked body, we’re locked in an intense stare down when he reaches out and pulls me close. Our naked skin is pressed together. Our lips hover. I band my arms around his neck; he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me tight.

  “Now I understand your random hugs,” he teases, his lips brushing mine. I giggle against his lips; he tempts me with a peck. Pulling back a little, he looks me in the eyes. “How did you get here?”

  “Let’s just say both of our best friends are very tired of us.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yup. They took me to my house and insisted I’d pack an overnight bag. Amy drove with Cher riding shotgun, parked outside, confiscated my phone, kicked me out, and sped off,” I admit.

  “Why did they take your phone?”

  “To ensure I wouldn’t chicken out and call an Uber.”

  I moan when he nibbles my neck. “Did you plan to run?”

  I answer him honestly, “Hell, no.”

  Emiliano attacks my lips; we kiss with the urgency of two people who’ve been kept apart far too long. My legs wrap around his waist when he cups my ass cheeks. In seconds, I’m on my back in the middle of the bed with him on top of me. He breaks the kiss; his almost copper irises roam lovingly over my face.

 
“I love you so fucking much, Caris,” he proclaims as he enters me. My eyes roll back. I’d awakened this morning mourning the loss of him – us. A few hours later, he’s inside me and professing his love. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” Emiliano moans into my ear.

  I hold him tightly with tears of joy glittering in my eyes. “Fuck Valentine’s Day. Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.”

  I shiver when he rocks into me just the way I like. “I finally get my birthday wish.”

  “I want to make love. You know, the kind where you take it slow, look each other in the eyes, and get lost in each other’s bodies…eventually.”

  “Eventually?”

  “Yes.”

  “What do you want right now?”

  “Don’t fuck with me, Señor. Do your worst.”

  The wicked glint in his eyes signals the return of the dirty bastard. “I hope you told Cher to hold down the fort because I’m about to put you out of commission.”

  Emiliano

  I scoop up another piece of butter chicken as I stare at my practically naked love. Caris is sporting one hell of an after-sex glow. My shirt falls off her shoulder, and I can see her nipples through the cotton. Her hair is a mess, sticking up in different places, but she’s never been more beautiful to me. After I fucked her into a puddle, I carried her (since her legs didn’t work well) to the bath where I bathed her and got her off with my fingers in the process. Starving, we had agreed on Indo-Pak and made-out like teenagers until it arrived. I’ve never felt so complete. There’s nothing like going at it when both parties are in love with each other.