Slow Heat

by Leta Blake

  “Because that, combined with a smaller hip-size and lack of flexibility in an omega’s ligaments, all contribute to the danger omegas face in birth. It’s why, during pregnancy, they have to take synthetic hormones to help their bodies handle the rapid expansion of the baby and to help ease labor.” Jason rattled it all off in an neutral tone, though his heart had skittered wildly in class imagining Vale with their child growing inside, his body struggling to accommodate their creation. He’d sweated with fear and a strange arousal he simultaneously loved and hated.

  “The Old World babies grew slower?” Xan tugged at his scarf, pushing it back into place, still not looking Jason in the eyes.

  “Yes. Apparently, human women gestated their fetuses for four months longer than our omegas do.” Jason shifted to his other foot; an eagerness to get home so he could go to Vale hummed inside him, but he kept his tone open and friendly. “It’s all there in the notes. But you’ll have to go watch the movie about heat Stage 3 and impregnation in the library. It was intense.”

  His mind supplied him with images of the same dark-haired omega in all the educational movies he’d seen so far. In this one, the man crowed with joy and pleasure, quaking visibly, as his alpha’s knot swelled and filled him with bursts of semen. The film had explained in dispassionate tones that the head of the alpha’s cock was lodged in the omega’s descended womb, which would be filled with the alpha’s semen. This would hopefully result in insemination of the egg that had dropped earlier in the week and which the hormones of heat had readied for fertilization.

  Jason’s fevered brain had barely been able to process what he was hearing. As the omega had come on the alpha’s knot, writhing with an anal orgasm before shooting a sticky white load of his juices from his brutally hard penis, Jason had almost jizzed his pants in class. Several of the other alphas around him actually had come, their moans and musk bombarding him along with the images from the film. Just thinking about it all flustered him again. Heat rose up his neck.

  “You should make sure to watch it,” he repeated. “There’ll be questions about it on the next test for sure.”

  Xan nodded and examined the papers in his hand before hesitantly meeting Jason’s gaze. “So, how are you?”

  A cold breeze blew past them and washed away Jason’s renewed arousal. He was able to smile genuinely when he answered, “I’m all right. How about you?”

  Xan shrugged, his mouth wobbling a little before he ducked his head. “Not so great.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I miss you and…things aren’t the same.”

  Jason threw his arm around Xan’s shoulder. “C’mon. I have half an hour before I have to leave or risk being late for another obligation. Let’s head back to the dorm and talk.” Xan tried to shrug him off, but Jason just held on tighter. “You can still talk to me, you know. Just because we aren’t roommates doesn’t mean we aren’t best friends.”

  Xan’s attempt at rejection collapsed miserably under Jason’s insistence, and he let Jason steer them to the dorms.

  Once in their old room together, Jason released Xan to remove his coat and flop down on the stripped mattress that had once been his. “Wow, it looks weird in here without my stuff.” They’d hired beta movers to come in and gather all of Jason’s belongings. The boxes were still untouched in his closet at home.

  Xan didn’t say anything, taking his time unwinding his scarf and neatly hanging up his jacket in the closet.

  “So what’s up?” Jason asked finally. “Why did you skip class today?”

  Xan sat down on his bed opposite Jason’s. Covering his face with his hands he was silent for a long time before coming out with, “I get too turned on by the movies.”

  “We all do.” After class, he’d had to make a long stop in the bathroom, along with half the alphas in their year, to deal with his problem.

  “It’s different,” Xan whispered.

  Jason cocked his head, considered Xan’s creeping flush, and winced at the pain in his voice. “Because you like to play omega?”

  Xan choked on a sob, nodding desperately.

  Jason sat up and leaned forward, trying to understand. “When you watch the films, Xan, do you never imagine yourself as the alpha? As the one on top?”

  Xan shook his head and his shoulders quaked. Sobs spilled from him. “I’m made wrong, Jason. I’m unmanned. I’ve always been this way, even before we started. I’m a disgrace to my family name. I hate myself.”

  Jason’s heart twisted, and he shook his head. “No, it’s not like that.” He moved over next to Xan and gathered him into his arms, kissing the top of his head. Xan trembled against him, stinking of fear. Throat tight, Jason whispered the only thing he knew to say. “It’ll be different when you find your Érosgápe.”

  Flinty rage poked through Xan’s misery as he hissed, “And if I don’t find him? If I don’t have one?”

  “You’ll feel differently about whatever omega you contract with.”

  “And if I don’t? Then what?”

  Jason held him tighter. “I don’t know. We’ll figure it out, though.” His chest ached. “You’re not unmanned. You’re Xan and you’re my best friend.”

  Xan turned slightly, his face wet with tears as he nuzzled against Jason’s throat. He pressed an open-mouthed kiss where Jason’s collar rubbed and moaned softly.

  Jason didn’t want to let go, but he wasn’t going to do this again. In the long run, it’d just hurt Xan more anyway.

  “Don’t.” Jason pulled back far enough to tip up Xan’s tear-wet chin. “I can’t do that with you anymore.”

  “Why?”

  “You know why. But it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person to want that. It just means…”

  He didn’t actually know what it meant. Xan was in danger if he continued to pursue that kind of activity. If he asked the wrong alpha to help him satisfy his urges, being ashamed of himself was the least of his concerns. He could be beaten or reported to the authorities as unmanned—as unnatural. Jason didn’t know what consequences might come of that, but they couldn’t be good.

  “I wish I’d been born an omega,” Xan murmured, tugging away from Jason and wiping at his eyes.

  “But why? Omegas have to give up everything to their alpha once they contract. They don’t have any social or financial control. And then there’s heat and childbirth.” Jason shuddered thinking about all that his pater had suffered over the years. “I wouldn’t want to be an omega for anything.”

  “Because you don’t want what I want!” Xan shouted, standing up. He paced the room, blue eyes wide and wild. “You don’t understand how much this hurts! All this hiding. All this lying. You were the only one I could be myself with and now you’re gone.”

  “I’m right here, actually,” Jason said, as patiently as possible. He didn’t know how to keep a grasp of Xan and his slippery fears. “I’m here listening to you.”

  “But you’d rather be with him.”

  Jason sat up straighter, putting some firmness into his voice. “He’s my Érosgápe. You’re my best friend. There’s no comparison. But I’m not going to leave when you’re this upset.” He reached out, but Xan avoided his grasp, so he patted the bed next to him. “Calm down. Sit with me. It’s going to be all right.”

  Xan ignored him, opened a window to let in some fresh, cold air, and pushed his head out. He took deep, gulping breaths. When he’d settled, he turned back to Jason, arms crossed over his chest.

  “It’s going to be okay,” Jason said again.

  Xan shook his head. “It’s easy to say that when everything in the world is going your way.”

  Jason sat quietly for a few moments, until Xan left the window to sit down on Jason’s old bed. Tension and anxious despair were all that seemed to be holding Xan together. Tears leaked from his eyes in a steady stream.

  “Everything isn’t going my way,” Jason said. “I’ve got struggles, too.”

  “I know,” Xan murmured, palming away a tear. “Y
ou’ve got omega troubles. Everyone’s weirded out by you now.”

  Jason hiccupped a laugh. “Don’t sugarcoat it, asshole.”

  “Okay, everyone’s been talking about your old, used up omega and how you’ll have to take a surrogate and—”

  “Shut up.” His fists tightened. “Why are you being this way?”

  “I’m being honest.” Xan’s blue eyes flashed hard and angry. “That’s what they’re saying. If you contract with him, that’s how it will always be. You’ve seen how they’ve treated you lately, acting like you’re a leper, acting like you’re going to give them all bad luck just by being near you.”

  The other alphas were distant with him now, it was true, but he figured it was something that would pass sooner or later, just like everything in life did. But maybe Xan was right. Maybe if he contracted with Vale—when he contracted, rather—he’d be ousted from the better parts of society forever.

  It hurt, but so what? He’d have more time for gardening, microscope slides, and scientific journals. More time for his planned research into the wolf genes that had created the alpha, beta, and omega genders. More time to spend with Vale and whatever family they made together.

  Screw society. He wasn’t a big fan of it anyway, and neither were his parents, though they skated the edges, always going to the right events and parties to keep from being deemed outcasts. He came by his avoidance naturally.

  “We’re the same, you and me,” Xan said. “For different reasons, maybe, but it doesn’t matter. What we instinctively want isn’t up to the standards of our culture, and because of who we are, we’re screwed.”

  Jason didn’t know what Xan wanted him to say. As far as seductions went, convincing him that they were both doomed to a life of isolated misery wasn’t a compelling one. As far as anything else, well, what was he supposed to do about it? He couldn’t change his attraction to Vale any more than he could change Xan’s desire to be fucked like an omega.

  He took the opportunity of Xan getting up to close the open window and adjust the flow of air from the heater to check his watch. He needed to leave soon if he was going to get home, get into nicer clothes, and make it to Vale’s before the rest of the dinner party arrived. He’d wanted to be first in hopes of capturing a few precious moments alone with Vale. Even if it was on the front porch for propriety, it’d be amazing to have his undivided attention.

  “How’s it really going, by the way?” Xan asked, calmer now. “How are things with Professor Aman?”

  It was a step in the right direction for Xan to refer to Vale by his title at the university rather than the sneered ‘your omega’ he’d tended toward before, or the veiled way he’d tried to keep from saying his name at all the last time they’d seen each other.

  Jason pushed the flop of hair off his sweaty forehead again. The intensity of the last few minutes had left him clammy and in need of a shower. “I’m going to a dinner party alone at his house tonight.”

  “Your parents allowed it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Alone? Really?” Xan’s eyebrows rose toward his hairline.

  “Oh, not alone-alone. I mean without my parents. Vale’s friends will be there.”

  The nasty sneer came back. “That alpha he’s been screwing?”

  Jason tensed. He wished Xan wasn’t so determined to make him hurt as much as he was hurting. As Jason’s closest friend, Xan sure knew which stick to use for the most painful poking. But Jason had taken his alpha quell and wouldn’t be provoked. “Yes, he’ll be there. And two beta friends.”

  “I’m surprised your parents agreed anyway.”

  “Me, too.”

  It hadn’t been easy. Father had been especially wary, but Pater had eventually pointed out, damaging Jason’s pride a bit, that Urho seemed more than up to the task of taking Jason down if necessary, and they’d make sure he was dosed with plenty of alpha quell before he left. “He’ll be fine,” Pater had said. “They both will.”

  Jason shrugged. “They know I’d never hurt Vale.”

  “Ha! You didn’t see yourself in the library. You probably left bruises. I hope you apologized to him.”

  “Of course I did.”

  He had, hadn’t he? He couldn’t remember. He hoped so.

  Jason glanced at his watch again. “Are you okay? I need to get going, but I don’t want to leave if you’re still upset.”

  “Oh, I’m going to be upset forever,” Xan replied with wide-eyed cynical honesty. He waved toward the door. “Go on. I’ll still be an unmanned mess tomorrow, and next week, and next year, and when I’m trying to get an omega pregnant.” He smiled with a grim misery that made Jason’s stomach hurt. “No rush to make me feel better about the shit show of my life.”

  Jason hesitated but, as awful as Xan’s predictions sounded, he was probably right. He rose slowly, brushed the wrinkles from his pants, and grabbed his discarded coat and scarf. As he put them on, he wracked his brain for something soothing to say.

  “See you next week,” Xan said, standing. His eyes were puffy and his cheeks were still red. “I’ll try to make it to Alpha-Omega Relations next week. Old Shriner will flunk me if I miss every class with films on the syllabus.”

  “Yeah, he will.”

  Xan reached out a hand and then let it fall. “Hey, I’m sorry.”

  Jason paused with his hand on the doorknob. “For what?”

  “For being an asshole to you. You’re a good friend. And I…” Xan looked away, the words clearly stuck in his throat. “I can’t help the way I feel, but you could still shun me for it. No one would blame you. Not even me. But you don’t. You don’t even try to make me feel bad about it.”

  Jason let go of the knob and pulled Xan into a hug again. “I love you. I wish it was the kind of love you needed.”

  “Why? Then we’d both be in this mess.”

  “But we’d be in it together. I’m sorry I can’t go through this with you as more than a friend.”

  Xan crumbled, gentle sobs shaking his shoulders. Jason held him tight until he’d calmed down again.

  “I take it back. You’re a terrible friend. You were supposed to go and leave me with some dignity.” Xan shoved at Jason’s chest. “Don’t say another word. Just go.”

  Jason kissed the side of Xan’s head and left without looking back. If his friend needed him to pretend he didn’t know he was in love with him, then he could do that. He could pretend it all day long. And as far as protecting Xan’s secret went, he could do that, too.

  Jason would do whatever he could for Xan. He loved him that much.

  Jason rang the doorbell at Vale’s house three minutes past the time he’d been asked to arrive. He straightened his tie and used the reflection in the tall window by the door to make sure his hair looked all right. The extra alpha quell he’d been dosed with before his parents would let him out the front door left him feeling distantly calm, like there was a space between his excitement and his experience of the excitement. He could almost step into that space, dance a waltz in it, hum a tune, and then return to himself before the emotion touched him. It was weird.

  Still, he was excited. He hoped that he’d arrived before the others, but he doubted it. Not only had he spent too much time with Xan, but he’d gotten waylaid by Wilbet Monhundy and his pals again on his way to meet the car that waited to drive him home.

  They’d teased him, of course, mocking his omega as sad and ‘used up’. But with Vale waiting for him, he hadn’t let them get under his skin. Vale was much more important than idiot alpha schoolyard posturing. He wasn’t going to be late because he got into fisticuffs with some dummies who didn’t understand what it meant to imprint yet.

  The door swung open, and much to Jason’s disappointment, Vale’s friend Yosef stood in the doorway. His smile was wide and welcoming.

  “Jason! Happy Autumn Nights!” He stuck out his hand and Jason took it, his fingers enveloped in a warm, dry palm. “Vale wanted to greet you, but Zephyr tripped him on his way d
own the stairs earlier.”

  “Is he all right?” Jason’s heart leapt into the space between his feelings and the alpha quell.

  Yosef released his hand to wave away his worry. “Oh, he’s more all right than not. Rosen’s coerced him to elevate his twisted ankle while Urho’s forced him to ice it. It’s all been very loud and dramatic.” He tugged on his beard and smiled. “The usual for our group. Come on in.”

  As Jason stepped into the foyer, dust motes swirled around him. Piles of books were lined against the baseboard to the right, and dusty ceramic figurines of alpha-omega pairs paraded around on a table to the left. Voices rang from deeper in the house, one of them Vale’s, full of laughter and annoyance, the other two clearly Urho and Rosen disagreeing with him.

  A silver streak darted across the hallway while Yosef relieved Jason of his coat and scarf.

  “That’s Zephyr,” he said calmly, hanging Jason’s things on a rack near the door already laden with many coats and scarves. “Demon cat. Only likes Vale and Rosen. Bites Urho whenever she gets a chance. Tolerates me.” His eyes twinkled at Jason. “I’ll be curious what she makes of you. This way. They’re in the kitchen.”

  The ruckus from the back of the house seemed to have calmed. Jason tried to take in as much of Vale’s home as he could—everything from the rose-patterned wallpaper in the hallway, to the furnishings in the rooms he glimpsed looked dated and out of fashion. In a darkened room they passed, there was a piano and a guitar. He wondered if there might be an opportunity to play for Vale tonight. Pride puffed in him at the thought, pleased with himself that he’d been practicing more often.

  Everywhere and everything was dusty. The rooms were stacked with newspapers, magazines, and books. As they passed an open door there was even a giant pile of what looked like socks and underwear next to another pile of clothes—dirty or clean, Jason couldn’t tell. But Yosef rapidly shut it as they passed, saying, “Vale won’t want you seeing his laundry room just yet.”

  Then they passed an open room near the back that Jason recognized as Vale’s study, the one he’d seen from the window. They turned down a short, warm hallway, covered in dusty photographs of various tourist destinations and two men Jason didn’t recognize, but both of whom looked enough like Vale for him to assume they were his pater and father.