Where She Was Loved

by Sarah Tomlinson

  We talked much of the night and well into the morning. We both took turns opening up about our lives and filling each other in on all the things that had happened since we last saw one another. Ashley told me of her father's abuse, the reason she hadn't called me for help, and his failing health. Then she mentioned how he tried to trade her to pay off his debts.

  I could barely stay still, my fists clenching as I listened to the woman I had loved since our first meeting retell the traumatic events she had endured. Ashley would never live abused, scared, or unloved ever again for as long as we both lived. I would give her the kind of life she deserved and she would always know how much I loved her. Every. Single. Day.

  The girl I had known–the shy, almost skittish at times, beauty I remembered, was long gone and had been replaced by a confident, no nonsense, intelligent, alluring woman. As she spoke, her hands animatedly expressed her tragic story.

  As her head moved back and forth with fervor, her silky brown hair tickled me where she was tucked under my chin; it had grown so long, now almost reaching her waist. This woman was mesmerizing and I could happily look at her forever, which I promised myself I always would.

  I should have knocked Liam Nash into the ground all those years ago and just ran away with Ash. I should have done a lot of things differently; I would not make the same juvenile mistakes ever again.

  As the talk turned lighter, her sweet voice a melody, rising and falling like peaks and valleys as she spoke of all she had accomplished since being back in Ligonier. Her adoration for Ava and Sharon was apparent and their kindness and a sense of family emanated when she spoke of them. She also expressed a sweetness when she spoke of my father. I had no idea they had grown so close. There was still a part of me that felt the crushing weight of my father's actions. I understood what he was trying to do as a parent, but to knowingly keep me from the person who changed my life all those years ago crushed my soul. Yet I had no doubt that our relationship would recover, in time. I also had to remind myself that God has a hand in everything. I may not always know what is going on, and I may question Him at every turn, but He has always been faithful to me.

  Ashley broke my wandering thoughts, unaware I had retreated into myself.

  "So that's pretty much everything that happened in the last several years." She giggled, unsure of herself as she turned her body a little to look up at me. I squeezed her against my side and kissed her forehead. "So… what about you?"

  I ran my fingers up and down her arm, relishing the silky softness of her knitted sweater against my calloused fingers. Her porcelain features were a treasure to behold but it was her sapphire blue eyes that held me captive. I didn't need to see them to know they still held power. Every one of her features were seared into my mind.

  I forgot what her question was, as the joy and realisation of her being here sank into my heart and my emotions drifted without a lifeboat, making me happier than ever. I couldn't imagine life getting any better than this, this moment of connection that was happening between us. All the pain, the hurt, the disorientation I had lived with for so many years had faded. There were no more yesterdays that could be changed, no more what ifs to be played over. Now we had the present and all the tomorrows after it–I couldn't wait to dive into our future.

  She untucked herself from under my arm and leaned over to the bedside table, switching on the bedside lamp to illuminate the room. Her eyes darted to mine. I wondered if she was searching for that same feeling, that pinch yourself moment, contemplating if this was really happening. I think she wanted to look at me in the light as much as I wanted to look at her.

  I broke the appreciative moment that fell between us, where no words were needed. “Do you want to stay the night? Or do you want me to drive you home?" If she stayed, I was certain there would be more kissing, and a temptation I would struggle to fight against. And even though I wanted to honor God, the flesh could only take so much. I had a feeling she was wrestling with the same thoughts.

  "I should probably go home, seeing I only have a few hours before I start work. We have all the time in the world, a few hours apart won't kill us. I mean, we did six years without one another so what's a few hours?" I wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince me or herself, maybe both that we could be apart. If I could marry her on the spot I would… Heaven knows I would.

  I jumped up from the bed, and placed my hands on my hips, and gave her my best Superman pose. "Quick, go before I change my mind and keep you here forever."

  She covered her mouth, trying to stifle the laughter but I leaned over the bed and removed her hands—I never wanted her to hide the smile that could power the sun. Beautiful, life giving, bright and blindingly perfect. I felt like the luckiest man alive to see it.

  I hadn't driven my truck since I returned home, but I knew my father had taken good care of it. Opening up the shed, I jumped into the Ford and cranked the engine. Turning the heaters on full blast, I let the cab heat up before pulling it out and around to the front of the house where Ashley was waiting. She climbed in and we set off for Ava's.

  "So, tell me," she turned to me, about to throw a question out. "How are you and Aiden? Seriously, I feel so horrible. I think I hurt him pretty badly."

  My hands tightened on the steering wheel as my eyes stayed focused on the road. "We're… getting there. He came to apologize and some unfriendly words were exchanged. Ah, truth is if I was in his position I probably would have done the same. I think one day we will be friends again, but, he knew how I felt about you."

  Silence settled between us. I think she tried to love him as more than a friend, but her heart would always belong to me, as much as mine belonged to her.

  I was the first to change the subject, a diversion we both needed. "So, I was hoping you would like to go on a date with me tomorrow night." I peered over at her as she smiled back giddily, nodding her head up and down. I chuckled, "I'd like to take you back to our spot, except that might have to wait until warmer weather because it's freezing."

  "Our spot, huh?" Ash looked at me mischievously.

  "You know it. That night in the woods was the last real happy moment we spent together... well, except for today, I mean and last night." Lifting my backside off the seat, I reached a hand into my back pocket and pulled out my wallet. I handed it to her. "Open it up."

  Ashley unfolded my wallet and reached into the note compartment, withdrawing the folded Polaroid, now bent and aged. It had been everywhere with me since the day it was taken. It was dirty, scratched, and had been handled a thousand times too many, but it was my most sacred possession. She stared at it silently, causing me to worry she was thinking I was some kind of obsessed weirdo.

  She placed the photo on the seat between us and reached into her satchel, pulling out the very same book I had seen her reading the second time I ever met her; now it was discolored and, by the looks of it, well read. Opening to the back page, she pulled something out, holding it between us. My throat constricted when I saw what she had in her hand.

  "I've had this Polaroid since that night, too. It goes everywhere with me. There's barely a day I haven't looked at it and longed for that moment again. That was the night I knew I could never love another boy like I loved you," she admitted.

  I pulled the truck up onto the curb outside of the B&B and gently tugged the photo out of Ash's hand and stared at it. My heart almost exploded from the overwhelming emotion I had about that moment, and about this woman.

  "I knew I loved you the first day I came into your campsite–you stole my heart and soul, Ash."

  The air was thick between us as our eyes met once more. I leaned over and kissed her tenderly, my lips lingering and not wanting the moment to ever end.

  Ashley was the one to break the contact as she opened the passenger door. "So, I'll see you tomorrow? Or should I say later today?" she smiled, causing my heart to skip a beat. If it didn't stop doing that, I was afraid it would stop working altogether.

  My grin widened.
"You bet."

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Ashley

  I reluctantly said goodbye to Eric, even though I really didn't want our time together to end. I dragged myself away from his truck and ran around the back of the B&B into the house.

  I was floating on the clouds as I replayed the last few hours in my mind. I expected to pour my heart out to the boy I had missed and longed for, but what I didn't expect was the man he was now. How did anybody get anything done in life? My heart was barely in one piece; just thinking about Eric caused an ache in my chest that was almost too much to bear. It was as if my small frame couldn't contain all the love I felt for him. How could your heart feel like shattering into a million pieces even when it was so full?

  I practically skipped into the kitchen, my mind in a far-off place. I think I thanked God about a million times over, for guiding me back to Ligonier, for giving me a family, and for bringing the boy I had dreamed about for so long back into my life. Nothing could break the happiness I was feeling or pull me down from the high I was riding on.

  But I spoke too soon. It only took one look at Ava, sitting at the kitchen table, to wipe the giddy smile right off my face.

  She looked up at me; her smudged mascara and dark circles around her tired eyes made her look a lot older than forty-nine and I knew something was really wrong.

  I dropped my satchel in the kitchen doorway and rushed over to her. Crouching down in front of her seated frame, I took her small hands in my own. "Ava, what's wrong? Is it Sharon?" I asked. Panic replaced the feelings I had felt just moments before.

  Ava covered her face with one hand and cried a gut wrenching torrent. She could barely breathe and I had no idea what to do.

  "Ava, tell me what's wrong, please. You're scaring me." I had never seen her like this before.

  She wiped her eyes, pulling her remaining hand from my grip. "I'm a terrible person, sweetie. Something horrible happened today and I don't want to tell you, but I have to. But that's not all. What I tell you afterwards will make you hate me more," she sniffled, barely containing control as she fidgeted with her hands in her lap.

  "It can't be that bad." I shook my head. It was Ava—a woman uncapable of ever doing a horrible thing to anyone. Surely, she was overreacting.

  "No, I have. Please, Ashley, promise me no matter what I tell you, you will remember I have always loved you and I did what I thought was best, okay? Please, you have to promise me." She reached out to take my hands again.

  I started to panic and a lump formed in my throat.

  "Your father died this morning."

  I slumped to the floor. I knew this day was coming. Truthfully, I wondered if I would have ever been contacted when it finally happened. No one knew where I was except my former employer, Mr. Holt. Maybe he called the house while I was at work or with Eric.

  I didn't think it would hurt so much to hear of my father's passing. There were too many times to count over the years when I wished he was dead, for the evil man to vanish and no longer hover over my very existence. But now that he was, I just felt somber. We parted with hate in our hearts and that's not how anyone should go.

  "How did you find out?" I pulled myself off the floor and sat on the chair beside Ava.

  "I was his emergency contact."

  I gasped and Ava flinched. "What? No, that's ridiculous. You hated each other." I was dumbfounded; there was no way what I just heard had any truth to it.

  Unable to look at me, she turned her face away and continued. "No, I am. After you came back to Ligonier to live with us, I was so happy. Finally, we were back together, all of us–the way it should have always been. But your father, even as sick as he was, couldn't just let us be."

  I sat in silence as I waited for her to continue her story.

  "He called me two days after you arrived and demanded you come home. Hah! Stupid fool, thinking I would send you home to him, like every other year I had to let you go. Well, not this time, I refused. I hung up on him and planned to tell you everything. Liam though, always used you against us."

  Ava began to mumble as I tried to wrap my head around what I was hearing. Used what against them? He didn't even like Ava.

  "You're not making any sense. Stop mumbling and speak to me, damn it!" I shouted, scaring myself in turn.

  She sat up straight and turned to look me in the eyes. "Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is hard for me," she whimpered. "After I hung up on your father, he called me back, told me he needed you to look after him because he was sick, which I already knew because you told us. I made a deal with him that I would hire a homecare nurse to look after him around the clock and send him a little extra money to cover rent and amenities if he would allow you to stay here with us. The stupid fool laughed, but accepted. I thought that was the end of it until he told me he still owed a lot of money to the guys he tried to bargain with the day you ran from him."

  A shiver ran up my spine at the memory, even after so long it felt like yesterday.

  "He owed close to sixty thousand dollars. He said he was going to send the collectors to our front door to retrieve either the cash or you. I was terrified, so I paid it. Please believe me, I was going to tell you everything–I always wanted to–but while your father was still breathing, I just couldn't. You have to understand we could never be free of him while he was on this earth, Ashley."

  My stomach clenched as I began to feel this was only the tip of the iceberg. This whole conversation overwhelmed me. Sixty thousand dollars! I remembered the two henchmen saying two thousand was just scratching the surface.

  I wanted to throw up. If they had taken me that day, I would be working off that kind of money for the rest of my life and who knew what else Archer would have made me do. I shivered again just thinking of the possibilities.

  Clearing my throat, I glanced back at her. "Finish, Ava. Tell me the rest. I can sense your story is far from over. Words cannot express how thankful I am to you for caring about me so much and I'm truly sorry my father blackmailed you. What stumps me though is there has always been something that never made sense about this town and I think you know why my father returned here every summer."

  Ava nodded her head, fresh tears streaking her cheeks.

  "I also never understood why you know so much about my mother, yet you never reveal more than a sliver to me."

  Ava looked down at her clasped hands, her voice remaining silent.

  I couldn't bear the tension any longer. A sudden explosion of anger emerged from my throat. "Tell me! I deserve to know!" I stood from my chair, hovering above her "Tell me!"

  Ava burst into tears and said the words that would forever alter my world. "Sharon is your mother!"

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Ashley

  My lungs deflated and my chest felt as if it was being pierced over and over again with an ice pick. I couldn't breathe, the revelation was too much for me to cope with.

  I believed every word of Ava's last admission. I clutched my throat, gulping in air but still unable to breathe. The walls closed in around me and I fought to suck in the oxygen I so needed. My chest moving rapidly in and out as I hyperventilated.

  Ava rushed towards me. "Breathe, sweetheart, it's okay, you're panicking. Just breathe."

  I stepped out of her reach. Falling to my knees, I lowered my head to the floor fighting for air, the walls now spinning. Ava tried to help me again, but I shot back at her. "Get. Away. From. Me."

  She backed away, her face whipping to the side as if I had physically slapped her. I could see the hurt from her admission was cutting Ava just as deep as it was me. Maybe she understood the agony I was grappling with. She sat back down at the table waiting for me to calm.

  My breathing eventually slowed enough so I was able to stand back up and leave the kitchen. My mind was still cloudy and unable to fully face the truth of what I just heard but I couldn't be there anymore, in the same room as her. As birds began to chirp in the background welcoming the new morning, I ran up
the stairs and into my room. I needed time to process Ava's confessions. I mean Sharon was my… and Ava was…

  I couldn't fathom how I had been living there for months and all the while I had been under the same roof as my own blood! The betrayal I felt at being left in the dark was crushing, the weight bearing down on my chest.

  I knew there was so much still left unsaid, more I was sure to find out, but I didn't think I could take another blow. I had to get away. I began to pack a suitcase, pulling things from the closet and flinging everything onto the bed. I didn't know where I was going to go, but staying there was not an option.

  "Please, Ashley, you have to hear me out. Please!" Ava said as she appeared at my bedroom door into the room.

  "Why Ava? How could you not have told me before now? All these years I thought my mother ran off, or worse–died. But here she was—in the same house!" We both fell silent, listening for the sound of Sharon stirring in the next room, my voice loud enough to wake the entire neighborhood.

  When nothing was heard, Ava sighed. "I need to tell you from the beginning how all this started." She held her hands out, palms up begging for me to just hold still and listen.

  I stopped packing and turned away from the suitcase on my bed. I crossed my arms and glared back at her. "Please, by all means, continue because this is absurd. I can't for the life of me think how your story can make anything better."

  "Maybe it won't, but it will clarify it a bit for you."

  "I'm listening."

  "Give me a minute. This isn't the way I envisioned telling my niece the truth." She took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "When Liam was younger, your father was passing through Ithaca, which was where Sharon and I were from. Gosh, it seems like another lifetime when I look back on it. Did he ever take you there?"

  I nodded. My father had taken me there twice during apple picking season, but he never said a word. Not that I would have expected it.