All I could think about was hurting her. Making her pay for what happened. Except I realized the kind of pain I wanted her to feel wasn’t physical.
No. I wanted her to feel even half as broken as I had—like her world was about to cave in on her. I wanted her to look back and wish she’d never been arrogant enough to walk back into my life like nothing ever happened.
Gage stopped outside my class. “So is the party still on for tonight? Or does that creepy ass look in your eyes mean you’re going to go murdering instead?”
“What? I have to choose?”
Gage shook his head, then laughed. “Seriously psychotic, man. You’d probably make a good character for one of my dad’s books. I picture a Ted Bunny type. Did you see that movie version they did with Zac Efron? You kinda look like him, you know.”
“Did you just compare me to the guy from High School fucking Musical?”
Gage looked up, squinting. “Yes. Yes, I did. Try to hold in your murderous intentions, by the way. We have a game this Friday and Logan hasn’t been quite the same since he tweaked his ankle. We need you.”
“No shit, you do.”
“You’re great at taking compliments, too.”
“Fuck off.” I waved over my shoulder with a grin as I headed into class. I actually liked Gage, despite how it probably seemed to him at times. Logan was a little too saintly for my tastes, but I tolerated him well enough. And Tristan was too much like me. We had always clashed because of it. Gage, though. I always thought he had a little bit of his dad in him, even though I’d never heard him so much as mention wanting to write anything himself.
He was more of an observer, and I think that’s what drew him to me. It also meant we rarely clashed over the dumb shit Tristan and I fought over, like girls. And he didn’t always try to step in and lecture me about how I was being an asshole like Logan.
Gage just liked to watch, and that was okay with me.
People liked to see chaos. They liked fireworks and fights. Violence.
To Gage, I was primetime television, and I could live with that.
3
Charli
I set my backpack down on the kitchen table as quietly as I could. Today had been my first day at Parker High, and it had kicked my ass. My head felt so full of information, projects, and upcoming tests that it might as well have been jelly. The only silver lining was that the other students had more or less left me alone. I’d managed to make it through nearly the whole day without saying a word to anyone, which I considered a small victory.
I did my best to stay quiet as I unpacked my things, but it still woke my dad.
He stirred, sitting up on the couch and rubbing his hand through the thinning patch of brown hair on his head. He’d been handsome when he was young. No, I thought. That wasn’t entirely true. He still would’ve been handsome if he wasn’t so dead set on self-destructing. Maybe if he just smiled, for once.
“You’re back.” His voice was flat and thick with sleepiness, or it might have been alcohol—there was really no way to be sure.
“I’ve got a lot to work on, so I’ll be in my room.” I tried to slip away, but I heard him stand from behind me and knew better than to flee.
I stopped, waiting. What would it be, this time? I knew what I was to him.
I was his outlet.
He looked down at me, eyes lit with a malicious fire. “I expect these boxes to be unpacked by tonight.”
“My teachers loaded me with homework and study material today. I really need to—”
“You need to listen to your father. Do I need to repeat myself?”
I lowered my eyes. “No.”
He swayed where he stood, then half fell back onto the couch. My submission seemed to be enough to satisfy him, and he was snoring again in moments.
I gritted my teeth as I looked at the piles of boxes, and then my backpack. Grudgingly, I set to unloading the boxes and hoped that if I worked quickly enough, maybe there’d be time to at least start my schoolwork.
A few hours later, there was a quiet knock at the door.
I pulled the front door open and found a girl with her hand raised to knock again.
She flashed an excited smile. “Hey, new girl.”
“Hey?”
“I’ve come to drag you out of here and take you to Dead Ringers. It’s basically the default hangout spot for all the upper classmen after school.”
I gripped the edge of the door, shifting on my feet. I took a close look at her, trying to decide if I could dig her name from some dark recesses of my memory. She was pretty, even if it was in a little bit of a boyish way. She had squared off features and somewhat broad shoulders, with shoulder-length brown hair. “I’m really not trying to be rude or anything, but—”
“Oh, no worries. I’m Zoe. We kinda knew each other when we were kids. I know you and Cassian were thick as thieves, but you and I were in the same Kindergarten class. Remember, I was the one who always traded my sandwiches for your candy?”
A memory popped up in my mind of her smiling as I handed her a couple chocolates at a brightly colored cafeteria table. A smile slowly spread across my face. “Oh my God!” I was careful to keep my voice low, but I reached out and squeezed her in a hug. There hadn’t been anything good about coming back yet, so even finding an old acquaintance felt like a major victory.
I closed the door behind us so we wouldn’t risk waking my dad. Thankfully, our freezing house meant I was already dressed for the cold. “How’d you find me here?”
“Everybody knows you’re back. It was the only thing people talked about at school today.”
“What? Seriously? Nobody said a word to me.”
She laughed. “They were too busy talking about you behind your back, I guess? Nothing bad,” she added quickly. “I mean, mostly nothing bad. You know how people are.”
I nodded, then tried to shift my head a little so my hair would fall across my scar. I still felt a little pang of shock every time I saw how short it was. I missed my long hair. It had been like my shield. Without it, I felt so naked.
“I’d ask if you want to come in, but my dad is taking a nap right now. Where did you say you were trying to take me again?”
“Dead Ringers. I guess you were too young to really remember it. They have milkshakes and hamburgers. None of it is that great, but anybody who is anybody goes there to hang out.”
“And how will they feel if a nobody shows up?”
“They are all actually dying to talk to you. You’re like the great unsolved mystery of Silver Falls, I mean—” She trailed off at the look on my face. “I’m sorry. That was really insensitive. I know your mom, and…” She stopped and made a show of breathing out slowly. “Can I start over?”
I gave her a sideways smile. “It’s okay. I get it. I’d be curious too if I was on the outside looking in.”
She shrugged a little apologetically. “Something like that. I’m just saying people remember you and I think you’d be surprised how many of them would be happy to see you there.”
I thought about my backpack, which was loaded to the brim with assignments and material to study. I thought about the boxes, which were still not finished being unpacked. And then I thought, fuck it.
There wasn’t enough good in my life to pass up an opportunity to do something fun, even if it might cost me later. “Yeah. I’ll go. Just give me a minute to touch myself up.”
Zoe fist pumped. “Yes!”
I chuckled, then hurried inside and did my best to make a few quick touch ups. I fiddled with my hair and made sure my makeup was still okay. I looked myself in the eyes and leaned on the sink. “Come on, Charli. This is your chance to get a good start somewhere. Maybe you could even have a normal school year. With friends. Just be cool…”
I blew out a breath, then rushed outside.
4
Cassian
I was throwing a party later but heading to Dead Ringers after football practice was pretty much a tradition.
So I rode with Gage and met up with Logan, Tristan, and Kennedy in the parking lot out front.
The place was a glass box, and there were at least fifty high school kids mulling around. Some were inside at tables—where six and even eight kids tried to squeeze into booths meant for four. Others leaned on their cars outside while sipping milkshakes and snacking on burgers wrapped in greasy tin foil.
Some shitty old music crackled from speakers, too.
We had taken my car, which was a limited-edition Aston Martin. At times, I still felt weird having such expensive shit. When dad was still around, we’d been the family of one beat up truck and coupon cutting. Now our t-shirts cost hundreds of dollars, our cars were collector’s items, and our house was a fucking palace.
The dumbest part of it all was how the kids here practically worshipped me because of it.
I nodded absently as a group of girls that had swarmed Gage and I once we got out of my car babbling about something. It all felt so empty.
Didn’t they realize I hadn’t done shit for the money? My mom had married some soft businessman and spit on the memory of my dad for it. But people didn’t give a shit. They just saw the shiny toys and could barely keep it in their pants.
I left Gage to the girls and headed inside. I was craving a milkshake, and Dead Ringers had a half decent strawberry shake. I was waiting in line when I saw two girls walk in. One was Zoe Ringwald. I knew her because she was something of an athletic phenom. They were always broadcasting school records she was breaking over the intercom in everything from swimming to track and field.
But the girl she was with set my heart pounding.
Charli…
Warring emotions played in my head. The first thing I noticed was how much she’d grown up. The glimpse I’d caught of her in the halls hadn’t even done her justice, because I’d only seen her face. Now I could see the curves that age had given her. She wore leggings that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Below the bulge of her coat, I could see the tantalizing swell of her hips and her long, toned legs.
Briefly, I wondered how good it’d feel to have my hand between her legs—to watch her squirm for me and cry out with pleasure.
But just past the hunger I felt, rage boiled.
I hated her. I could look back on my life and draw a bright red bullseye around her. She was the thing that had gone wrong. The tipping point. The catalyst. Whatever you wanted to call it; Charli was the problem. She’d ruined everything, and I knew I wasn’t ever going to be satisfied until I returned the favor.
Instead of going to her, I headed back outside with my milkshake, careful not to be noticed. Someone like Gage or Logan probably would’ve walked up to her and spoke their minds right then and there. That was too easy, though. It’d be letting her off the hook.
I needed to think properly about this.
Breaking someone was an art, and she was going to be my fucking masterpiece.
5
Charli
I was crammed in the corner of a booth, listening to a guy from Zoe’s swim team tell a story about the “legendary swim meet at Calvary High.” It sounded like a story he’d told before, but everybody seemed more than happy to listen to it again. I could see why, too.
The guy’s name was Clint, and he was really cute. He had a nearly perfect complexion with strong, masculine features and the build of an avid swimmer. Most of Zoe’s friends, in fact, seemed to be in near perfect physical shape. I felt a little bit like a melted candle, by comparison.
But like she’d said, they all appeared more than happy to talk to me, and I already felt like part of the group.
I took a sip of my milkshake—it was some kind of chocolate monstrosity with more types of chocolate in it than I cared to remember. It was probably about a million calories, but I didn’t really care.
Clint spread his hands dramatically, then stole a quick look at me as if he was making sure I was listening. His blond hair had that messy, over-dried look of someone who was recently in a pool. “And it spread out like squid ink,” he continued. “Right in the middle of the pool. God. It was so disgusting.”
Kyle, the star of his story, was red in the face but smiling along as everybody laughed. “You could make an argument that it was noble of me to show up when I was dealing with such a serious stomach bug. I just wanted to help the team.”
Clint laughed, then looked at me again as he spoke. I felt a little spark of excitement from his attention. “Yeah, you did help us. We were going to come in third if they hadn’t evacuated the pool and shut it down for two weeks.”
Everyone laughed again, including Kyle.
I listened for another half an hour, occasionally chiming in when someone asked me a question, but mostly just listened and enjoyed the feeling of being somewhat normal. I made a mental note to profusely thank Zoe later.
Little by little, some of the kids headed off for various reasons until it was only me, Zoe, and Clint at the table. She nudged me under the table, then apologized and said she needed to use the bathroom. Once she was behind him, she turned, winked, and gave me a double thumbs up.
I bit back a smile.
Clint grinned at me. “I hope you don’t think we’re too weird.”
“Weird? No. Definitely not. We’ve actually had to move around so much that it’s…” I paused, not sure I wanted to openly admit I’d basically been a friendless nobody for the majority of my life. “It’s nice getting invited to something like this. I’m glad Zoe asked me to come.”
Clint smiled. “And I’m glad you came.”
There was a meaningful silence, and I found myself needing to swallow. Except it felt like swallowing would be comically dramatic, so I just let the saliva build up in my mouth, feeling like an idiot.
Clint was about to say something when his eyes shot up to something behind me.
A shadow passed over our table as Cassian Stone came to stand over us. God. He was huge. The little boy I’d known looked like he’d been eating well. Really well. He was a carved wall of muscle, and when I dragged my eyes up to his face, I felt my stomach sink even further.
He was gorgeous.
Not a little gorgeous. Not textbook gorgeous.
He was the heartbreaking kind of gorgeous. It was the kind of face teenage girls would want on posters so they could stare at their wall every night and daydream.
His jaw was squared off and sharp. His eyes were rimmed with thick eyelashes beneath dark, black eyebrows. And he had full lips that were currently curved into the hint of a cruel smile.
“Cassian?” I said, a hint of hope in my voice. I stood to hug him. I hadn’t planned it, and in any other circumstance, I’d have been too terrified to even speak to a guy who looked like him. But this was Cassian. My little Cassian who I’d spent endless afternoons with lying in the grass and exploring Silver Falls.
He let me hug him, and I couldn’t even get my arms all the way around him. He was like a warm rock. He put his arms around me, then he lowered his voice to a whisper. “I’m having a party tonight. Come find me.”
His words shot through me with an electric crackle.
Come find me.
It should’ve been a ridiculous thing to say. From anyone else, I thought I might’ve actually laughed out loud. But when he pulled back and fixed is blue-gray eyes on me, all I felt was exhilarated.
“I’ll come.”
The corner of his mouth curved upward. “Yeah. You might.”
With that, he left. I saw a group of two equally huge and gorgeous guys join him outside as they walked toward a row of fancy cars. Although the tall one with shaggy, dark hair got into a beat-up truck.
I realized I’d been staring after them while Clint was still sitting there, watching me.
“God,” I said, sitting back down. “I’m sorry. That was so rude. Cassian was a friend of mine when we were kids. It has been like ten years since we’ve seen each other.”
Clint nodded, though he looked sad. “Just be careful with
him.”
I frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”
He got up, shouldering his bag just as Zoe came back from the bathroom. “It means he’s a fucked up dude.” Clint licked his lips and shook his head. “Look. I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I just want you to know that he has a reputation. Be careful.”
Zoe stopped beside me, watching Clint go. “Wow. It seemed like it was going well. I kinda thought you two would be making out by the time I got back. What’d you do?”
I groaned. “I don’t know. But Cassian came up and invited me to his party. Then Clint got weird and left?”
“Yeah,” Zoe said slowly.
I threw my hands up, feeling frustrated. “Why is everyone acting like Cassian is literally the devil? First the old guy at his old house. Then Clint. Now you? Can anyone just tell me in plain English what is so dangerous about him?”
“Cassian is cold. He uses people up, and he fools around with any girl he decides is pretty enough to be worth an hour of his time. But it never means anything to him. He fights anybody who pisses him off, and he is always getting thrown out of football games for injuring people on purpose. He’s bad, Charli. I don’t know how else to say it.”
I didn’t want to be short with Zoe because I already appreciated what she’d done for me. She had plucked me from my house and done her best to bring me into her social circle. So I stopped myself from saying the words that wanted to come. Instead, I smiled. “I’m going to go to the party. But I will be careful. I promise.”
6
Charli
Despite never being particularly popular, I’d been to parties. They were mostly all the same. Hormones flew, bodies grinded together, and people drank.
That’s all it really was. The high school party was essentially an outlet for all the carnal desires kids had to suppress at school and in front of their parents.
Savage Love Page 2
