It was where people went to let loose.
But the party going on at Cassian’s house took everything I thought I knew about high school parties and cranked them up several notches. The sound system seemed to cover the entire property—not just the house. Music seeped from trees, the driveway, and even echoed out over the lake behind the house. Small pockets of people dancing were spread everywhere from the front yard to the second floor of the house, which was walled in with nothing but glass.
There was some sort of makeshift bar set up and even a grown man mixing drinks for clearly underaged kids on demand. I had no idea how Cassian managed to pull that off.
Zoe had insisted on coming with me, and she was hovering protectively by my side. Normally, another girl might not have felt like the most physically imposing escort, but I had a feeling Zoe could probably kick a fair share of ass if it came to it. She really was an impressive specimen. I was already making a mental note to set time aside to see her at one of her track or swimming events in person soon.
The lake behind Cassian’s house was spotted with little islands of grass. Most were too small for trees, but there was a central chunk of land with a couple trees on it and hammocks spread between them. I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I saw two barely clothed kids somewhere between having sex and making out in one of the distant hammocks.
I shook my head. “This is wild.”
Zoe nodded. “Honestly, I don’t really come to parties the Greeks throw.”
“The Greeks?” I asked.
She laughed, almost self-consciously. “It’s kind of stupid. But everybody calls them that, and it’s just easier to go with it. But yeah, ‘the Greek Gods.’ Tristan Blackwood, Cassian Stone, Logan Cain, and Gage Winters. Kings of the football team and the school, basically.”
“People don’t seriously hold them on that high of a pedestal, do they? They’re just high school guys.”
“Who happen to be drop dead gorgeous. Three of them are filthy rich. All four could get scholarships for football in a heartbeat… What else am I forgetting?”
I laughed. “I get it. I don’t know, though. I’ve been to several high schools now. Every school has popular guys, and they’re really all the same once you get down to it.”
“I’ve only lived here, so I couldn’t say. But all I know is no girl ever comes away from getting tangled up with the Greeks for the better. Well, I guess until Kennedy Stills, at least. But she’s the exception to the rule. Everyone else? They get used up and spit out.”
“I’ve known Cassian forever, though.”
“You knew him forever ago, you mean?”
I sighed. I was tired of being told who he was. I wanted to see it for myself. “Where would he be, anyway?”
“Cassian’s probably inside, I’d guess.”
“Let’s go, then.”
Reluctantly, Zoe followed me into the house.
The music was even louder inside, and people were draped all over the expensive furniture. It was all chaos, and I couldn’t help loving it a little bit.
We eventually found Cassian lurking in a multi-level room that was set up like a theater. I recognized Logan, Gage, Tristan, and Kennedy. There were a few other pretty girls as well, but I had no idea who they were.
Cassian stood when he saw Zoe and me. He had a beer bottle in one hand, which he lifted high and turned to get everyone’s attention. “Do you fuckers even know who this is?”
Logan squinted past him. “That’s Zoe. The one who is always breaking records.”
Zoe grinned beside me, clearly proud to be recognized.
“Not her. Her.” He thrust his beer toward me.
I was hardly comfortable being scrutinized by a room of people who looked like supermodels, or maybe more like a harem of vampires in the pale light.
“Cassian,” Kennedy said. “Be nice.”
He spread his arms to her. “Why wouldn’t I be nice? This is Charli Rhodes. I haven’t seen her since I was a kid.”
Tristan was watching carefully now, too. Why was everyone staring at Cassian like he was about to lunge forward and start throttling me?
He did look huge and imposing. High school boys weren’t supposed to be able to carry that much muscle on their frames. I tried to imagine the force he probably was on the football field, and I suddenly felt bad for the opposing teams.
He fixed his eyes on me, which were just as icy and blue as they’d always been. Except I didn’t feel the way I remembered when he’d look at me. I didn’t feel safe or like I was home.
I felt like prey.
Like a tasty morsel being dangled in front of something hungry.
Something dangerous.
“Uh, hi?” I waved, hoping to dispel some of the tension.
Two of the pretty girls detached themselves from the group and cut in front of Cassian to approach us. I had enough time to decide one was probably the popular cheerleader type—she had the sporty, short blonde hair and the posture that said she was full of pep. The other looked like the type whose only hobby in life was trying to be pretty. Tall, willowy, and almost not there.
The cheerleader stuck her hand out. “I’m Chelsea. Gage’s girlfriend.”
Gage tilted his head and made a face like he was about to object, then shook his head and shrugged, leaning back.
The willowy one smiled in a way that felt more like she was baring her teeth. “I’m Violet.”
Nobody’s girlfriend? I wondered which guy she was trying to sink those impressive teeth into.
Cassian clapped his hands and rubbed them together. Everyone was watching him again. I couldn’t help noticing the way he seemed to command a room, like it was impossible to forget he was there.
I knew I couldn’t. And why wasn’t my mouth working right? Why wasn’t I saying all the things that were bouncing around in my head? I missed you. I’m happy to see you. Can we go somewhere and talk alone? I can meet your friends later…
But nothing came out.
All I did was stand and stare with everyone else, like we heard the ticking of some unseen time bomb and were just bracing for the explosion.
“Come here, Charli.” Cassian didn’t ask me to come. It had been a command.
Something glinted in his eyes, too. Was he taunting me? Challenging me?
I laughed a little nervously, scanning the room and seeing how on edge everyone was. “Why?”
“Come. Here.”
I felt Zoe tug at my wrist, a clear, let’s get the hell out of here signal if I’d ever seen one. But I still didn’t have the answers I’d come for. I didn’t understand why the boy I grew up with was supposedly the devil as far as everyone in Silver Falls was concerned.
I took a step toward him.
His full lips curved up at the corners. “That’s it. Come on, Charli.”
I swallowed, then decided this was ridiculous. It wasn’t like he was going to hurt me. At worst, he had some kind of joke planned, and I would survive. I closed the remaining distance between us in a few confident steps.
He stretched out his long arms and pulled me in to hug me. I felt my head jerk back in surprise, but it was easy to melt into the contact. I had missed him. God, I’d really missed him.
Holding him felt like opening a temporary gateway back to the time before we’d lost mom. Before everything had gone to shit. It felt like I was home again.
“I missed you,” I whispered into his chest.
“I’ve got a surprise planned for you.”
I pulled back, scrunching my forehead at him. “What kind of surprise?”
“If I told you, it’d be a pretty shitty surprise, wouldn’t it?”
I licked my lips but let him lead me and the rest of the people from the room through the house and toward the backyard.
* * *
The cold bit again my bare skin like an icy knife. Each gentle gust of wind felt like an assault, and I was becoming more certain by the minute that I’d officially lost my mind.
When people wanted to live a little, they were supposed to do slightly wild things. Maybe riding a roller coaster. Having a few too many drinks. Kissing a boy.
I was fairly sure I’d taken it too far by agreeing to this, but at least I wasn’t the only one standing half naked by the shore of the lake in freezing temperatures.
My clothes were in a pile that was practically being guarded by a small formation of guys from the football team. My body was clad in a pair of black panties and a mismatched red bra I’d thrown on because it happened to be clean. Four other girls stood on the bank of the lake beside me in their underwear, too. Behind us, the entire party was gathered and waiting to see us take the plunge.
The crowd parted for Cassian, who came striding down the bank like some dark god. He was clad in black jeans that hugged the muscular shape of his legs and a simple, dark gray shirt. It was impossible to miss the way he radiated command. Everybody seemed to feel it.
People shied away from him, yet there was still a longing kind of flicker in the eyes of girls who looked at him. Stupidly, that thought sent a prickle of jealousy jolting through me.
I watched as Cassian wordlessly compelled the five of us half naked girls to gather around him. I felt the pull, too, and found myself inching closer, my bare feet already going numb against the freezing dirt.
The only consolation was how dark it was. I was almost certain nobody could see much in the faint moonlight, so the main consequence of what we were about to do was dealing with the ridiculous cold.
Cassian pointed to a little smear of grass and dirt a little ways into the lake. It was like an island, but hardly big enough for three people to stand shoulder to shoulder on. “First one to the island gets to ask me for something, and I can’t refuse.”
I scoffed, but he didn’t seem to hear me. I was still feeling a little bitter towards him, considering I’d been expecting a sort of personal surprise. Not the kind of surprise that had me stripping to my underwear and playing along with this insanity. I wasn’t quite ready to believe all the warnings I’d heard. A stupid, hopeful part of me still thought the Cassian I’d known was going to smile and pull me into another hug once this was over—that this was just a formality everyone had to go through.
Besides, I’d learned a long time ago that embracing the old cliché of “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” was one of the few ways to keep my sanity. Granted, there might be a slight chance that swimming in a freezing lake could kill me.
Don’t think about that. Just do it.
We all gathered right at the water’s edge a few moments later. Lake water gently rolled up over my toes, so cold it almost felt hot. I could hardly imagine willingly jumping into it, but I was going to do it. There was no way I wanted my first impression at a new school to be the one who was too much of a wuss to participate.
The island looked like it was only about ten yards away. At most, I’d be in the water about a minute if I swam fast.
Cassian walked behind us, whispering something to each girl in the line. They nodded, some grinned or smiled like he’d told them a private little joke. When he got to me, his voice was a low, goose-bump inducing rasp in my ear. “You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted you to come back.”
I swallowed, turning to smile back at him, but he was already heading up the sloping grass that led to the lake to join the others.
I felt emboldened, though. He was happy to see me. Even with excitement flooding through me, waves of shame roiled just beneath it. Why did I care so much what he thought of me? Why did I want everyone to be wrong so badly?
I didn’t have time to think, because someone shouted, “Swim!”
I didn’t give myself a countdown or try to go in slowly. I rushed into the water, feeling the frigid cold bite into me. I dove forward, letting it engulf me until all the air was forced out of my lungs.
I thrashed uselessly, feeling like my body was an anchor and I’d forgotten how to swim.
My brain shut down, filling my head with nothing but a black void.
The only thing was struggle. Paddling. Clawing at the water like my life depended on it.
In a way, it did.
Little by little, I got some of my senses back and started making progress toward the small island. I stole a quick glance to either side and didn’t see the other girls.
I was in front.
“Charli!” I heard a girl calling. Was that Zoe’s voice? I wasn’t sure, but I needed to focus on going forward. Winning.
A rush of exhilaration took me and propelled me forward. I pulled at the water, yanking myself forward inch by icy inch. Stupidly, I wondered if Cassian would feel any pride to see me winning.
It felt like I’d swam a mile by the time I reached the small island. I got shakily to my feet, shivering so hard I could hardly see straight. That was when I realized the entire party was gathered on the shore—including the girls who had been standing beside me in their underwear. Except they were all dressed now. Someone had turned on floodlights that were blasting the shore with so much light it might as well have been broad daylight there.
I saw Zoe then, standing by the water’s edge with my clothes in her hands and what I thought was a sad look on her face.
The life drained out of me. I was already beyond cold—colder than I’d ever been. But I still felt the frozen sensation in my stomach swirling around. Embarrassment, I could handle. I’d done stupid things and made an idiot of myself countless times. I’d watched as kids laughed about made up rumors over my scar. I’d listened to stories they told about me.
But nothing cut quite like knowing Cassian had orchestrated this. My Cassian.
I sucked in a shaky breath, then glanced around the lake. Trying to swim to any other patch of shore would be suicide. The nearest place to get out of the water and back to warmth was at least four times as far a swim as it’d be to just swim back to the party.
Toward that blinding light that was going to reveal every bump and imperfection on my nearly naked, wet body when I got out of the water. I knew there were little speckles of raised flesh on my thighs, stomach, and neck to match my forehead. I mentally braced myself for the moment when I’d feel all their eyes digging into every little secret horror my body held.
I plunged back in, swimming now with a completely different kind of conviction.
I was still going to win.
I was still going to prove myself to him.
I nearly stumbled when I got out of the water back on Cassian’s property. My legs didn’t feel like they were working quite right, and my body was shaking so violently I might have actually welcomed the cruel lick of flames on my skin again.
But when Zoe held out my clothes to me with a look of heartbreak on her face, I walked past her with as much dignity as I could.
I ignored the way the light glared from his house, casting the people at the top of the small hill into cruel, black smears.
I found him standing a little ways in front of the crowd and walked close enough that I was dripping on his shoes.
My voice was cut by shivers, but I didn’t care. “I didn’t want to believe what people said about you. So I came to see for myself.”
“Yeah?” Cassian sounded almost bored. If he was worried about how cold I was, he showed no sign of it, either. His eyes lingered on my forehead for a few beats too long, but I was too angry to care about his attention. “You thought you could come back here, and I’d suddenly want you to suck my cock? Is that it? Or that I’d throw a fucking parade?”
I glared. I wanted to say so much, but with how bad I was shivering, I knew I had to choose my words wisely. “What do you want with me?”
“To break you.” He said it so simply that it left no doubt he was serious.
“I’ve been through much worse than you. Try me.” I spit on his shoes, then. Unfortunately, I was so cold that it might not have been obvious I was trying to spit. I was already making a bunch of weird noises and shaking as it was.
&n
bsp; A few nearby guys from the football team cupped their fists over their mouths and let out a low, “Ooh” sound. Cassian just watched after me with a look I couldn’t quite place on his face, almost as if he was a kid who just discovered an insect he’d never seen before. Almost as if he was deciding whether to squish it or capture it and take it back to his room as a prize.
As much as I wanted to grab my clothes from Zoe, I didn’t want him to have the satisfaction of seeing me show any weakness. So I walked past him, heading straight for a packed section of onlookers. I made no sign of planning to slow down, and they all parted for me.
I tried not to think about everyone probably being able to see my nipples through my wet bra or what they’d think of my ass while I walked away. Worse, I tried not to think of the mingling sympathy and disgust they probably felt to see the puckered, white burn scars speckling my skin.
It was humiliating.
It did make me want to curl up and cry.
But I’d learned something a long time ago. We can’t control the shitiness life throws at us. But we can control how we react.
The thought helped me keep my back straight and my head held high until I was around the corner of the house and by myself. Zoe caught up with me then.
“Charli!” She said, wrapping her arms around me. Just the touch of her skin felt like lava, and I found myself wanting to melt into it. “I’m so, so sorry. I just went to the bathroom for like two minutes. He really does do the swimming thing with people who come to his party for the first time, but they usually have towels waiting and the heat turned on inside. And the lights…” she shook her head. “I’m such an idiot for going inside when I did. I’m—”
I shook my head against her. “It’s o-okay.”
She grinned a little. “You know, I had no idea you were such a badass. Try me,” she mimicked, laughing. “That was—”
“Hold on.” I turned away from her, then bent to throw up in the bushes. When I was done, I wiped my mouth, feeling a little better.
We both laughed then, even though I wasn’t sure I’d ever be warm again.
Savage Love Page 3
