Off the Record

by Sawyer Bennett

  I'm not stupid enough to even look at Linc as a potential love interest. My walls are still firmly in place and I don't expect I'll be letting them down again. Twice burned, and all that. But the young and sexually curious part of me is looking at Linc differently.

  Yes, it bugs the crap out of me. And frustrates me. And confuses me.

  Last night, after we ate dinner, Linc informed me that he had to go out for a bit. He didn't invite me to go with him and I didn't ask where he went. The fact that he didn't invite me, particularly when he seems to want me with him at every other moment in the day, leads me to believe he was going out on a date. Which in my mind equates to sex.

  And yes, that bugs the crap out of me, too.

  I stand from my chair and Linc looks at me questioningly.

  "I'm going to go talk to Emily," I tell him and he just nods, turning his attention back to Congressman Burnham.

  Emily had walked out of the room a bit ago, followed by Nix. I assume she's still around as she didn't bother with telling anyone goodbye.

  It doesn't take me long to find her. She and Nix are standing in the lobby, their arms wrapped around each other in a hug. Her face is buried in the crook of his neck and his chin is resting on top of her head. They look utterly content with one another, an emotion I am not in the slightest bit jealous over.

  Nope! Committed relationships are for suckers and fools.

  As I walk up to them, I know I'm intruding on something personal, but I need to take this opportunity to tell Emily that I'm sorry for what I did.

  She sees me as I approach and pulls away from Nix. Her look is not welcoming but it is resigned to talking to me. Nix turns to see me and leans down to whisper something in her ear. He gives her a kiss on the temple, shoots me a wink and then leaves.

  Emily crosses her arms over her chest and says, "How could you do that, Ever?"

  "I know. It was awful. I'm awful. And I'm so sorry I did that."

  I'm taken aback when she practically hisses at me. "Sorry isn't good enough. I trusted you with my family and you abused that. You of all people know what it's like to have a friend abuse your trust."

  I don't know what to say to that. She's talking about my friend Kelli sleeping with Marc. It's apples and oranges...the two scenarios, but the abuse of trust is the same. I know exactly how she feels right now.

  "Lay off of her, Emily. She said she's sorry."

  I spin around and see Linc behind me. He's glaring at Emily and I'm shocked into further silence. Linc is the last person that should be speaking up for me.

  "Fine," Emily huffs. "But if she screws you over a second time, don't come whining to me."

  Emily walks away without another word to me. I can feel tears prickling in my eyes and I blink several times to push them back. I never once considered how my actions would affect Emily and I'm kicking myself right now.

  Linc lays his hand on my shoulder. It's comforting and I have no right to be seeking that feeling from him. "Don't worry about Emily. She'll cool down."

  I look into his eyes and they are filled with kindness. Kindness that I don't really deserve and I am immediately suspicious. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

  Linc squeezes my shoulder and laughs. "I'm not really. I just don't want to give you any reason to write a bad article about me. It's not good for my image. Now come on...let's go get some lunch."

  Linc turns to walk toward the elevator but I grab his hand to stop him. He reflexively squeezes mine back. My skepticism has now morphed into utter confusion over this man. "Seriously. Why are you being nice to me? I don't deserve it."

  He tilts his head at me in sincere curiosity. "Why don't you think you deserve it?"

  "Because of what I did to you. I'm the last person in the world you should be nice to."

  He looks at me with patience...like I'm a child almost. "Did you apologize to me?"

  "Yes."

  "Were you truly sorry?"

  "Yes."

  "Are you putting forth an honest effort to get to know the real me?"

  "Yes...but--"

  "Well then...why shouldn't I be nice to you? I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, why don't you do the same for me?"

  I feel a little of the guilt that I've been harboring ease up in my chest. His words are so simple, yet they have a major impact on me. A smile overtakes my face, one that I am powerless to hold back.

  He answers me with a smile of his own, but it is different than mine. It actually looks predatory in nature, like the way I imagine a lion would smile when it realizes it's captured the gazelle. My insides squirm. Linc steps in close to me, so his next words are for my ears alone. "Your smile would bring a lesser man to his knees. But if you wore your glasses and smiled at me like that, it would topple me."

  Linc is teasing me, I know it. But I can't help the heat that floods through my body at those words. That same heat has flooded my face and I'm sure he's taken stock of my reaction. The downside to being so pale is that it is painfully obvious when I'm embarrassed.

  Before I can even think of what to say, we are interrupted.

  "Linc? Is that you?"

  We turn to see a young, pretty nurse in pink scrubs walking toward us. Linc steps back from me slightly but doesn't release my hand. "Hey, Monica."

  She offers me a smile and turns to Linc. "Are you here to see Kyle? He's having a bad day and you will certainly brighten it."

  "Actually, I was here to see someone else but I'll stop by his room and check on him. Thanks."

  "Sure thing," she says and then walks off, glancing back at him once and smiling flirtatiously.

  I look to Linc questioningly.

  "Do you mind if we make a quick stop before we leave?" he asks.

  I shake my head and Linc leads me to the elevators, still holding my hand. My head tells me to pull it away but I'm enjoying the warmth and feel of it. I also couldn't help but notice the way the perky, nurse Monica looked at Linc, and it made me feel nice that Linc was not acknowledging that look.

  And just as soon as I have that thought, I mentally chastise myself. That's exactly the type of thinking that led me to fall for Marc. Feelings of security and self-worth parceled out to me by a man pretending to love me. I quickly pull my hand out of Linc's grip and he doesn't say a word about it.

  Linc takes us to the fourth floor and when we get off, it looks like we stepped into Disney World. The walls are painted bright colors and adorned with cartoon characters. Even the floors are painted with bright flowers, butterflies and birds. All of the nurses walking by are wearing colorful scrubs, many covered with the same cartoon characters that grace the walls. I even see one nurse walking by wearing a red clown nose.

  Obviously, we are on the children's ward.

  Most of the nurses and even some doctors that we pass say hello to Linc. He's definitely not a stranger here and that has got my reporter's curiosity raging. I watch as he walks up to the nurse's station and reaches over the counter to grab something. He acts as if he owns the place. His hand pulls back and he's holding two red balls.

  He hands me one with a grin and takes the other, putting it on his nose. I can't help but laugh at him.

  "Red and bulbous is not really my style. Do you have something else?" I ask.

  He takes the red ball from me and reaches back behind the counter, pulling out a pair of black rimmed glasses with a large nose and mustache attached.

  I take them and put them on. "There. That's more my style."

  "You know how I like it when you wear glasses." And once again my insides are warmed by his words.

  Idiot!

  Linc leads me down a hall. No one looks funny at us for the props we are wearing. He enters a room and I follow, a little curious and a little nervous as to what I will see.

  Inside is a little boy, maybe ten years old. He is pale and thin...his body frail with sickness. His bald head has a few thin wisps of hair still sticking out. His eyes are looking at the TV but they are dull and lifeless.
But then the boy sees Linc and a sparkle immediately appears.

  "Linc!" the boy shouts as he struggles to sit up in the bed. "What are you doing here? You were just here last night."

  Last night? That's where Linc went? I can't help but wonder why he didn't tell me, or even invite me along.

  Linc crosses to the bed and helps the boy sit up. "Hey buddy! I had to come to the hospital to see a friend of mine and thought I'd pop over to say hi. Monica said you're having a rough day?"

  The little boy nods. "Yeah. I'm not feeling so hot."

  Linc looks over to me. "Kyle...this is my friend, Ever."

  "Hey, Kyle," I say as I walk to the edge of the bed. I recognize the ravages of cancer and focus in on the green tinge to his face. "I'm pleased to meet you. Feeling a little nauseous today?"

  He nods.

  "How about I go get you some ginger ale? Sound good?"

  He nods again, staring at me. I turn around to the sink and grab a washcloth. I run it under cool water and wring it out. Placing it gently across his forehead, I say, "That should help a little. My mom was sick for a while and she seemed to like that."

  "That feels good. Thanks."

  "Sure thing, buddy. I'll just go get that ginger ale for you."

  I glance at Linc and he's looking at me funny. But I don't have time to puzzle out what he could be thinking. I'm on a mission to find ginger ale.

  When I return to the room, Linc is in the bed next to Kyle, still wearing that ridiculous red nose. He's raised the top portion of the bed up so they are both sitting, playing a video game together. I smile because Linc is too big to fit in the bed so he's got one leg on the floor, holding himself up.

  Yes, Linc Caldwell is about as hot as they come. But I don't think I've ever seen him look more attractive than he does right now, sitting in a hospital bed with a sick little boy.

  I don't want to intrude. I put Kyle's ginger ale on the bedside table and tell Linc to take his time, that I'll be waiting in the lobby for him. He just nods and waves me away.

  As I sit here and wait for Linc, I take stock of my feelings about him.

  Less than a week ago, I was beyond infuriated with this man, believing him to be the lowest form of scum on this earth.

  Now?

  I see someone different.

  I not only misjudged his character, but I've learned very quickly that it runs deeper than I would have imagined.

  So sure...he has the hotness factor down pat. But I find myself being attracted to him now on a completely different level. And that makes me uneasy. Because it's easy to ignore physical perfection. Well...that's not true. It's hard to ignore his physical perfection, but it's easy to control my impulse around it.

  However, factor in the fact that Linc seems to be a much nicer guy than I could have imagined, and it's not so easy to ignore the attraction that seems to be building.

  I'm so screwed.

  I have the vaguest memories of my mother. More like sharp flashes that I remember. I was still such a little boy when she died.

  Sometimes, something will happen and it will bring forth a memory that I had forgotten about. It happened today when I was at the hospital with Kyle. It was when Ever placed a wet washcloth on his forehead, a move that I found to be ridiculously endearing. I was looking at her in marvel when a memory of my mother slammed into me. It was when I was sick...the flu I think. And I remembered her doing the same thing...placing a cold washcloth on my forehead and I remember it made me feel better. The memory was so strong, I swear I could smell her perfume.

  When I had finally left Kyle, over an hour after Ever had left us, my first inclination when I saw her was to hug her. Then I imagined her soft body pressed to mine and I envisioned that hug turning into a kiss. And next thing I knew, I was obsessing about kissing that sweet mouth.

  I take her out to lunch, and every time she takes a bite of food, I just stare at her lips and the way they move as she chews. I stare so hard at one point she asks me if she has something on her mouth.

  I wish! Then I could lick it off.

  I have to fight off the groan that almost pops out of my own mouth at the thought.

  Ever breaks into said wicked thoughts. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to the hospital to see Kyle that first night?"

  "I didn't want you to think I was just doing something to look good for your article."

  "But I wouldn't have thought that."

  "Wouldn't you? You're a distrustful person, Ever. Especially toward men. Tell me you wouldn't have questioned my motives."

  Ever lowers her gaze to her salad and I can tell I've embarrassed her. And even though I was only speaking my mind, with no intent to hurt her feelings, I feel bad that I may have done just that.

  "I'm sorry," she says quietly. "You're right. You had no reason to trust me."

  I set my fork down and wipe my mouth. "Maybe we can start over. I'm Linc Caldwell. It's nice to meet you." I thrust my hand across the table to her.

  She takes it and gives me a firm shake as her face lights up. "I'm Ever Montgomery. It's nice to meet you, too."

  We both go back to eating and I try hard not to look at those luscious lips.

  "So, how long have you been friends with Kyle?"

  "Probably about two months now. I come to the cancer ward a lot. Several of my teammates come, too. But I met Kyle a few months ago, and he's...special. We hit it off and I've tried to visit him at least once a week."

  "Is he going to get better?"

  My heart turns heavy. "His parents say his outlook isn't good. But I'm holding out hope."

  Ever reaches across the table and takes my hand. It's as soft as silk, and reassuring as it lightly grips mine. "I'll add him to my nightly prayers. I'll add you, too, so that you have continued strength."

  I swallow hard. I've never had anyone say something like that to me and it warms me to the bone. It makes Ever so much more fascinating to me and the final dredges of anger I had been holding onto sort of melt away.

  There is no telling why I have this sudden and deep interest with Ever. My feelings toward her have gone from an instant attraction, to anger, to vengeance, to amusement, to attraction and now fascination. In any other circumstance, if I was this attracted to a woman, I would be putting some moves on her.

  But that's not something I can do with Ever.

  I'm not about to give her fodder for her article. Plus, she's too distrustful. There's no way she'd be receptive to me.

  "Do you want some popcorn?"

  I look behind me and Ever is standing there. She and I are getting ready to watch a movie in my living room. She has on a pair of sweatpants and a Duke t-shirt. She fucking looks amazing and I want to slap myself silly for even thinking that.

  "I'm good," I tell her. She heads back into the kitchen and I settle back into the couch cushions. I hope I don't get sidetracked with every piece of popcorn she places between those full lips.

  When she returns and gets settled on the other end of the couch, I flip through the movie channels. I suggest Terminator 3 but she says no. She suggests one of the Harry Potter movies and I resoundingly say no. We finally agree on Monster's Ball, mainly because she loves Halle Berry and said she heard she got an Oscar for this movie, and I think Billy Bob Thornton is a genius. But Halle Berry is hot, too.

  The movie is intense. I glance across the couch at Ever at one point, and she has her hand clasped over her mouth when Billy Bob's son kills himself. She gasps out loud, causing me to glance over at her again, when Halle's son gets killed. I have a feeling that by the end of the movie, she might be in tears. That, at least, has my lustful thoughts toward Ever on hold.

  What I wasn't prepared for was an emotionally raw and bordering on pornographic sex scene between Billy Bob and Halle. Holy shit, but I'm uncomfortable with all of the slapping of skin and moans coming from the TV, and fuck if my imagination doesn't run right toward Ever. Wondering what she would feel like beneath me and I feel my dick starting to get hard. />
  Son of a bitch.

  I glance over at her and her face is flame red. She swallows hard once but doesn't take her eyes off the screen. I wonder what she's thinking right now, and if it's anywhere near as dirty as what I'm thinking.

  The scene goes on for what seems like forever, and then it's finally over. I look again at Ever and she sneaks a glance at me.

  "That was...intense," she says.

  "I get why Halle won an Oscar."

  The corners of her mouth lift up in a grin, and then we both bust out laughing. It eases the tension and we both return to watching the movie.

  By the time we get to the scene where Billy Bob goes down on Halle, I don't even bat an eye and I even laugh when Ever says, "Now that was brilliant acting", referencing Halle's orgasm.

  I'll have to admit, the movie was excellent but I'll make sure we refrain from watching any other movies that have sex scenes in them. That almost bordered on painful.

  "Want to watch something else?" I ask her.

  "Harry Potter?" she asks playfully.

  "I'm not watching Harry Potter with you. I'm not about to have you put that in print. How about The Walking Dead?"

  "Sounds scary."

  "It's a bit intense. Are you up for it?"

  "Sure. But let me go to the bathroom first."

  I take the opportunity to get me some water and then I pull out my DVD set of The Walking Dead. I put in the first disc and then turn the lights off. If we are going to watch scary, then it's gotta be fully scary.

  When Ever returns, she doesn't say anything about the lights but takes her seat back on the opposite end of the couch from me.

  "Prepare to be scared," I say ominously as I hit the Play button.

  "If I have nightmares tonight, I'm so going to kick your ass."

  "You can always come crawl into bed with me." The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them and I'm afraid she'll take them the wrong way.

  She just arches a perfectly shaped eyebrow at me and says, "In your dreams."

  Good. She knows I was just joking and not trying to come on to her.

  Ten minutes into the first episode, and I hear, "Oh my God."

  I look over and Ever has her hand over her eyes and is peeking between her fingers at the TV. She looks at me and says, "How do you watch this stuff? I'm terrified."