A Whirlwind of Color (The Light to My Darkness Book 2)

by Ivy Smoak

  Besides, who gets engaged when they’re 19? Not me. Certainly not me. I had never even officially had a boyfriend. Austin and his stupid lack of labels. He was an idiot and surely even he wouldn’t propose to someone when he was 19. But James was older than me. That was obvious. There was no way he had been 19 when he proposed in this twisted fairytale he was spewing.

  I stared at him staring at me. “How old are you?”

  “Thirty four.”

  Thirty four? “You’re fifteen years old than me!”

  The corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly. “Penny, you’re not 19. You’re 26. And you’ll be 27 in a few months. You’ve always been pretty adamant about the fact that I’m only seven years older than you.”

  “That doesn’t change the fact that you fake proposed to a 19 year old when you were what...27?”

  “Yes, but you were 20, not 19. It was after your birthday. And none of this is made up.”

  “That doesn’t make it better.”

  The small smile had vanished from his face.

  “How did we even meet, huh? I’m 19 right now and I’m seeing someone. How could I be engaged to you after my next birthday? And how would we have even met when you’re so much older than me? I’m busy studying all the time. None of what you’re saying could possibly be true. This whole thing is ridiculous.”

  “You’re not 19.”

  “Yes I am!” Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. “I am.” I looked back down at my knotted hands on my lap. I blinked fast, forcing the tears to stay at bay. “You didn’t answer my question.”

  “We got engaged because we were in love. That guy that you think you’re dating right now? Austin? He’s a prick. He never treated you right. You deserved the world and all he gave you were excuses and lies. You’re one in a million, Penny. Not one of a million. Is it so hard to believe that you were strong enough to realize you deserved better?”

  Yes. Because I still stayed up late at night waiting for Austin’s calls. Waiting for some validation that I was good enough. One in a million. Not one of a million. That was sweet. James thought I deserved the world. He clearly loved me. The word love seemed to roll my stomach. I felt like I was going to be sick. No, he didn’t love me. He was just a good actor. “I meant the other question,” I said, trying to distract myself. “How did we supposedly meet?”

  He didn’t respond, so I looked up at him. There was heat in his gaze. It was like he was willing me to remember. But there was nothing there. No recognition of his features. No feeling when he looked at me. Nothing.

  “It’s a long story,” he finally said.

  “I’m stuck in a hospital. I probably have time for it.”

  He shook his head. “You didn’t like our age difference. You’re not going to like this either.”

  “How bad could it be?” Maybe he just didn’t remember what he was supposed to say. Actors forgot their lines all the time.

  “I don’t think it’s bad. And neither do you.” He stared at me. “Neither did you, I mean.” But the expression on his face made it seem like it was really bad.

  “What, did I steal you from someone else?” I laughed because the idea was absolutely preposterous.

  He lowered both his eyebrows. “No.”

  But for some reason I didn’t believe him. Maybe it was the pause. Maybe it was the way he looked offended when I’d asked. Oh my God, did I steal him from someone else? I shook my head. Of course I hadn’t. I didn’t even know him. He was probably married to some Hollywood actress and obviously someone like me wouldn’t be able to steal him away even if I tried. Not that I wanted to. But still, I was curious about why he looked so upset. It didn’t look like he was acting.

  Before I could ask him any more questions the door flew open.

  A man I had never seen in my life ran over to my bed and threw his arms around me. His hair was wet like he had just taken a shower. The t-shirt that clung to his broad shoulders was as wet as his hair. Like he had thrown it on instead of drying off with a towel.

  “You scared me half to death, sis.” He kissed my cheek before pulling back. “You look okay. Do you feel okay?” He pulled me into another hug. “I’m so fucking happy you’re okay.”

  Sis? I wasn’t missing seven years of my life and there was no chance I had a sibling I didn’t know about. Especially one older than me who looked nothing like me.

  “Really, how are you feeling?” He put both his hands on my shoulders and stared at me intently.

  Who the hell is this person? The intensity in his eyes suddenly looked familiar. I studied his features and glanced at my pretend husband. They looked similar. Maybe this was James’ brother? Which meant I was this man’s fake sister-in-law? “Umm...I’m good. Trying to get out of here as soon as possible.” I laughed awkwardly.

  “Yeah, I know how you hate hospitals. But you’re awake and everything now so you’ll probably get out in a beat. I’m just so fucking glad you’re okay.” He pulled me into another hug. “I never would have been able to forgive myself.”

  “Robert Hunter!” A very pregnant woman stumbled into the room completely out of breath. “I was trying to talk to you.”

  “It can wait,” he said. He released me from his embrace but kept staring at me instead of the pregnant woman. “Scarlett’s doing okay. She’s in the waiting room and I know she wants to see you. And we’ve been looking in on Liam every day. He’s strong. I know he’s gonna make it. You’re all fighters.” He tapped the bottom of my chin.

  “Who are Scarlett and Liam?”

  His lips parted like he was about to tell me something. But then he started laughing. “Good one, sis.” The pregnant woman walked up behind him and pulled him away from me with surprising strength.

  She started whispering something to him, moving her arms around in agitation.

  “No.” He laughed. “You’re shitting me. Penny tell them what’s up. Tell them you know who I am.”

  Who is this person? “Someone called you Robert Hunter? I’m guessing you two are related somehow.” I gestured back and forth between him and James.

  He laughed again but it sounded forced. “Very funny. If you’re getting me back for all the times I’ve messed with you…”

  “This isn’t a joke, Rob,” the woman hissed. “She doesn’t remember us. She doesn’t even remember James.”

  Rob looked at James and shook his head. “That can’t be true. She’s just…that’s not true. Tell them, Penny.”

  I didn’t know what to say, so I just shrugged my shoulders.

  “This isn’t funny,” he said. “My jokes are at least funny. Cut it out.”

  “We’re just going to take a minute.” The woman pulled Rob toward the door. “We’ll be back.” They disappeared into the hall.

  I looked over at James. “Are you related to him?”

  “He’s my little brother.”

  “He’s…loud.”

  James smiled. “He is.”

  “Are him and I supposed to be close? He seemed pretty upset.”

  “The two of you are really good friends.” James left his perch against the wall and walked over to me. “My family and friends became yours.”

  My heart started racing. What was he about to do?

  He eyed the machine that was monitoring my heart rate and smiled. “Everyone you’ve seen today loves you. But no one on this earth loves you as much as I do.” He slowly reached out his hand and brushed his fingers against my cheek.

  I flinched and he immediately pulled away.

  The look of hurt on his face was palpable. I hadn’t flinched when his brother had repeatedly hugged me. Why had I flinched from his touch? I needed to change the subject. I needed to wipe away that look of pain.

  “Who are Scarlett and Liam?” I asked.

  The hurt seemed to grow tenfold. His Adam’s apple rose and fell as he stared at me.

  “Two people I should know I guess?” I said.

  Tear
s formed in the corners of his eyes. If I hadn’t been staring at him, I would have missed it, because he immediately blinked them away.

  He cleared his throat. “If you’ll excuse me for one second. I just…I need a minute.” He hurried away from me, like he couldn’t stand being next to me for another second.

  I was left alone in the hospital room. I breathed a sigh of relief. I rather liked being alone.

  Chapter 4

  Tuesday

  Visiting hours were over. Thank goodness. I wanted to fall asleep, but I couldn’t make myself close my eyes. It felt like I was in a horror movie, and as soon as I let my guard down I’d be taken.

  Instead, I stared at the closed blinds. All day long as random people visited me, my eyes had been drawn to the closed blinds. Light had streamed through and I so badly wanted to be outside instead of locked in here. I had never liked running, but for some reason I felt like I had years of pent-up energy. I wanted to run around campus with the wind in my hair. It was an unfamiliar sensation and it made me start to wonder if everyone was telling the truth. Because I certainly hated running. But what if time had morphed into this alternate reality where I loved jogging? I shook away the thought. It couldn’t be true. I couldn’t be missing seven years of my life. I just couldn’t.

  I continued to stare at the blinds. I knew it was nighttime, but there still seemed to be light streaming through them. How was that possible? And I knew I was in a hospital, but the night didn’t sound right. Like the blanket of sleep hadn’t reached anyone outside yet. It sounded like there were cars still honking. Like I was on Main Street during rush hour. What hospital was I in? Christiana, probably. That was the closest one to campus.

  I slowly stood up. A nurse had unhooked me from everything earlier and said I was free to roam around the room. That it would be good for me to start moving again. That was probably why I felt the need to run. No one had told me how long I had been in here, but it must have been awhile because my legs felt weak as I walked over to the window.

  The sounds of a busy street were even louder as I drew closer. I pushed aside the blinds to either side and stared down. And down. And down. To a city street far below. Yellow taxi cabs sped by, cutting off other cars, leaving so many horns blaring in their wake. New York City. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind about my current location. What the fuck was I doing in NYC? I took a step back, letting the blinds fall into place.

  It’s just a bad dream. None of this is real. But when I reached out and opened up the blinds again, the same scene stretched out as far as I could see.

  I hated New York. I hated the rude people and the lack of grass and fresh air. Even if everyone was telling the truth and I was 26 and married to an old man, I knew this couldn’t be. I would never in a million years move to New York City. I hated it here. I’d never do this.

  I put my hand on my forehead. I was losing my mind. None of this was real. None of it. I took a deep breath and walked back toward my bed. I needed to go to sleep. And then I’d wake up from this nightmare. Everything would go back to normal. I’d ace my sociology exam. I’d stand up to Austin. And I’d be happy, albeit alone. I’d much rather be alone for eternity than doomed to a life in NYC with a strange man and stranger friends. I was used to being on my own.

  Before I reached the bed, my feet stopped. I looked over at the bathroom door. Looking in a mirror would help me confirm that no time had been lost. That I was still the 19 year old girl I knew that I was.

  I felt my hands tremble as I pushed open the door and flipped on the light. I warily stepped in front of the sink and stared into the mirror. I barely recognized my reflection. Not that I looked that different. Just small things that made me not recognize the person staring back at me. My face looked thinner than I remembered, but that was probably just from my hospital stay. My hair looked shinier and fuller than usual. Which was odd because I had been lying in a hospital bed for God knows how long. How did it look so good still? It was also a little shorter. Maybe the hospital staff had cut it. That was something they probably did for patients, right?

  I touched the side of my left eye. The small creases that cut through the skin by the corners of my eyes couldn’t be as easily explained. I was probably just in desperate need of moisturizer. But really, my complexion looked great. I’d take the creases next to my eyes over the blackheads on my nose any day. I leaned closer to the mirror. My pores had never looked so clear.

  Things like that didn’t just change overnight. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. I’m imagining this. It isn’t real. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, expecting my 19 year old self to be staring back at me once again.

  But it wasn’t. I wasn’t the same. How was I not the same? I reached out and touched the mirror, like I was about to touch someone else’s face. But all I felt was the cold glass. I stared at the tan line on my ring finger and removed my hand from my reflection. My fingers left smudges on the clean surface.

  The tan line on my ring finger could be explained. I was terrible with self-tanner. It always left streaks everywhere on my pale skin. This was just one of those instances. A classic Penny self-tanning faux pas. Nothing a little scrubbing wouldn’t remove.

  I looked down at my hands, arms, legs, and feet. Everything else looked familiar enough. Normal enough. I was still me.

  I touched my stomach through my hospital gown and froze. My stomach felt bloated. Very bloated. It didn’t feel like my stomach at all. I pulled up my hospital gown and stared in horror at the sight of myself.

  I had a small beer belly. That was the only way to describe it. There was a horizontal line with stitches beneath the protrusion. And there were two other smaller lines with sutures on either side of my stomach.

  What the hell had I been in here for? I put my hand on my stomach. For a second I thought maybe I looked this way because I was pregnant. But that couldn’t be it. I’d feel different. I’d feel a baby inside of me. It was something I’d always wanted, way way in the future. And this was certainly not that time. Even thinking about carrying Austin’s baby made me nauseous. No, it wasn’t possible. Absolutely not. My parents would kill me.

  Just the thought of disappointment on their faces made me know how impossible being pregnant was. I’d never get pregnant out of wedlock. I wouldn’t be able to handle upsetting them. That was why I always followed the rules. And got good grades. And did everything I was supposed to do. It was also why I was on birth control and made Austin use a condom. No mistakes. I lowered my hospital gown back down over my stomach.

  I must have had something wrong with my intestines or liver or something. Liver. It definitely had to be my liver. I’d drunk alcohol before I was 21 and this was my punishment. When was the last time I had something to drink? When was the last party Melissa dragged me to? I doubted I had more than one beer either way. Could that have made my liver fail? Or maybe it had been two beers. I couldn’t remember. Either way, that was probably what did it. And my stomach was swollen because of whatever the doctors did to fix my failing liver. I was fine now. No one said I was dying so they probably didn’t have to remove it. They had just opened me up and poked around a bit. Everything would go back to normal soon. How important could a liver be?

  Or maybe all of this was a bad dream. A horrid dream and I’d wake up in the morning in my dorm room and everything would be okay. I was just stressed out over finals. Knowing me, I had probably fallen asleep in the library with my head in a book and was just dreaming away.

  I stared at my reflection. The reflection I didn’t believe. It’s all in your head. I switched off the lights. It’s all in your head. I climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. It’s all in your head. But I couldn’t erase the image of the city street below. Or ignore the sounds of the cars. Or the fact that a woman had stared back at me in the mirror. Not the girl that I knew.

  Chapter 5

  Wednesday

  I had never felt so safe and secure in my entire life. Like I was wrapped up
in a cocoon of warmth. I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t want to face today. The nightmare from last night was so vivid. And I was glad it was just that. A nightmare.

  Today was a new day. And I needed to get up before I was late for my exam. But I loved having Austin’s arms around me. It was the one time when his feelings about me were obvious. When he was sleeping, he clung to me. He held me close. I didn’t know why he couldn’t do that during the day. Why he couldn’t see us as more.

  These were the moments I held close to my heart. They were the reason I stayed. The reason why I was patient with him. Melissa said I was a pushover. And maybe that was true, but it didn’t take away from the fact that I liked him. I truly did. I was just waiting for him to realize that we were on the same page.

  I took a deep breath. He smelled different, like he'd started to wear cologne or something. But I knew for a fact that he didn’t wear cologne. For a second I wondered if it was another woman’s scent on his skin. The thought quickly faded. This scent was all man. Deliciously male. Maybe it was a new body wash. Whatever the change, I liked it. He smelled like a million bucks. It made me feel slightly dizzy like I was intoxicated by him. I turned in the bed to nestle into his chest.

  His arms wrapped tighter around me. “Penny.”

  That was not Austin’s voice.

  My eyes flew open at the same time my heart stopped beating. A man’s chest I didn’t recognize was pressed against my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs.

  “Penny, it’s just me.” The man pulled away, releasing me from his warm embrace.

  I screamed again even though I recognized him now. James. The man that claimed to be my husband. The man from my nightmares. The man that couldn’t possibly be real.

  “It’s me.” He grabbed both sides of my face and tried to force me to look at him.